some want flesh and some want bone @lembellique - Tumblr Blog

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lem ○ mid 20s ○ he/him

this is my main blog that i use mainly for aesthetic content with the occasional personal post. i reply to posts with this blog. my current fandoms are milgram and witch hat atelier - i don't rb fandom posts here so it's mostly spoiler free!

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dni if you're

racist, queerphobic, etc

transphobic or transmisogynistic/transandrophobic

incest or pedo/'lolisho' shipper

support gen ai

#lemmer.txt #decided i needed a pinned bc i recently had a lolisho gooner follow me #i love whump and dark topics but you “lolisho” people get blocked on sight

ocd keeping me awake so BITCHING about it + societal convention iunno

im sick of when people say shit like 'oh im so ocd!! haha teehee!!' or 'ohh noo my intrusive thoughts got the better of me lol!!' like, you do NOT know what you're talking about at all and im going to rip my hair out

why is it so funny-haha-quirky to say shit like that. why do you want to commodify ocd so bad. are you allergic to doing the bare minimum of research to know you're being ignorant or what

like wow i wish i lived in your world where all my intrusive thoughts were as 'bad' as yours! 'Oh i think about biting people!' 'my intrusive thoughts won lol i dyed my hair!!' SHUT UP did you know that words have meaning or no. i feel like this is a big reason why people like me just arent taken seriously

i used to do presentations for lectures about ocd n my experience w it. i used memes made by other ocd-ers to showcase Actual intrusive thoughts because i make a point to not share my own like 99% of the time. the looks on their faces when faced w the shit people like me go through. everyone thinks youre a quirky uwu neurospicy bean UNTIL they think youre a monster who shouldnt be allowed in society. then again, it's nice when people learn and know how it works. to affirm to others fhat im not a scary person. that, despite the violent thoughts, i'm not violent and actually at higher risk of being hurt by others because of it. that these thoughts by nature are ego-dystonic. i wish more people had open hearts and were ready to listen and admit they were wrong (which makes them all the more better for it, it is strong to admit that)

All of this to say that i cant sleep because of The Ocd. because the intrusive thoughts n ruminaton + compulsions rn specifically so so bad. all of this to say i am both 1) envious of people who say they're 'so ocd' but mean the Cute And Quirky Cleaning Disorder and 2) angry that im rarely taken seriously when it comes to this because of that

All of this to say i cant sleep so it's sleeping pills again even if they make me feel awful in the morning,, idk. i just wish people understood ig. it feels insulting when they're all teehee quirky when im laying here awake for multiple hours over it lol

#lemmer.txt #prob gonna delete in tbe morning but sometimes its good to BITCH ON MAIN BABY #new mutuals i promise this is a rare occurrence... sometimes writing down my feelings helps so lalala