So I made this because of the lack of lewd RWBY AUs that I have seen and because I am dirty and filth. Anyway most stuff will be welcome her, just no pedo stuff, rape or forced, scat, watersports or gore. Also because I don't like Pedo stuff and because I don't want to get into trouble every character that's in a lewd au will be 18+, obviously, No shota or Loli even if of age and no incest
Jaune: *pats her head gently* Tough to do when I'm sharing you with Weiss, right? Which I don't mean to point fingers but you said with tears in your eyes 'don't make me choose, please don't make me choose.'
Ruby: I mean... Okay. That's fair. Still you could be a little more domineering at me. I shouldn't have to ask for this... You should want to own me!
Jaune: *hand on her head shifts and grabs her short hair by the base*
Ruby: *gasps*
Jaune: Sweetheart? I do own you. Weiss only gets to do to you what I allow.
Ruby: *Whimpering with her eyes shut*
Jaune: Look at me. Let me see your eyes.
Ruby: *opens them*
Jaune: *releases her* Good girl.
Ruby: *waow, alright, okay. Breathe*
Weiss: Okay... Something needs to be done now about the situation in my panties. Because that whole interaction...
Ruby: Jaune, youāve been close with us for a while now, and you really mean a lot to both me and Weiss.
Weiss: And we wanted to do this for tax purposes anyway, soā¦
Ruby: Will you marry us?
Jaune: Yes! Absolutely!
Weiss: Oh my god, youāve made us so happy, Jaune.
Jaune: Whenās the wedding, I need to find a new suit for the occasion!
Ruby: Three months!!!!!
Three months laterā¦
Ruby: ā¦Jaune. Why are you wearing a priestās outfit?
Jaune: ā¦because Iām marrying you and Weiss together? I mean I have the certification for being a deacon right here but I figured Iād look the part too.
Ruby: Deacon? Why would the you need to be a deaconā¦oh no.
Weiss: Why āoh noā? Itās not like he thought he was justā¦theā¦officiantā¦oh my godā¦
Jaune: ā¦what?
Ruby: Jaune.
Ruby: When we said āWill you marry us?ā, we meant will you be our GROOM.
Jaune: Oh.
Jaune: OH.
Jaune: Wait is THAT why you had me plan the honeymoon??????
Weiss/Ruby: YES.
Jaune: I THOUGHT I WAS JUST BEING A THOROUGH AND SUPPORTIVE OFFICIANT.
Ruby: WHY DO YOU THINK WE BOUGHT SO MANY CONDOMS?????
Jaune: I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRACTICING SAFE SEX!!!!!
Ruby: WHY WOULD WE NEED CONDOMS IF WE WERE ONLY HAVING LESBIAN SEX?????
Weiss: Wait, you told Jaune to buy condoms? Why would we need that?
Ruby: WHY WOULD WE NOT NEED CONDOMS????????
Weiss: I thought the point of getting married was to legally be able to rawdog it?? And tax breaks???? Is that not the point of marriage????????????
Ruby: THE POINT OF MARRIAGE IS TO LOVE AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER TILL DEATH DOES US PART, NOT RAWDOGGING IT AND TAX BREAKS.
Weiss: Wait, really? Huh. Learn something new every day. Honestly that makes marriage seem a lot more stressful. Not sure I wouldāve agreed if I knew that.
Jaune: If it makes you feel better, Weiss, legally rawdogging it was the reason my parents said they got married, and they seem perfectly happy.
Weiss: Donāt you have 6 sisters?
Jaune: Seven.
Weiss: Damn. Okay, good to know the record to beat.
Ruby: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!?!???
Further into the pewsā¦
Yang: *sniffle*
Yang: Itās so beautifulā¦my baby sister is getting marriedā¦
Taiyang: *sniffle*
Taiyang: Itās just like when Raven, Summer, Qrow and I got married. Right down to the rawdogging.
Qrow: Donāt remind me of that shit, Tai. Iāve spent 20 fucking years trying to forget that particular conversation. Youāre lucky I havenāt divorced you.
Blake: Are none of you the least bit concerned that Ruby is basically the only sane person in this three way marriage? Are they going to call it off now?
Qrow: I assure you, Ruby is the least sane person onstage. The other two are dumb enough to not know what theyāre doing, Rubyās smart enough to know exactly what theyāre doing, and is doing it anyway.
Ruby: *distantly* SO DO YOU IDIOTS WANT TO GET MARRIED OR NOT?
Weiss/Jaune: *distant murmuring*
Ruby: *distantly* GOOD. NOW IS THERE ANY OTHER IDIOT IN THIS FUCKING ROOM WHO CAN OFFICIATE THIS WEDDING????
Qrow: And thatās my cue. *gets up and walks down the aisle*
Blake: ā¦you all deeply concern me.
Yang: Blakeeeeee, can we have a messy unorthodox wedding with Sunnnnn????????
Pyrrha: Alright. Now that Iām back from my trip to Mistral, Iād like to formally re-initiate our relationship.
Jaune: Sure? Still not sure why you felt we needed to do that, itās only been a month, Pyrrha.
Pyrrha: So, debriefing time. Tell me who you were up to while I was gone. (Was it Ruby? I bet it was Ruby.)
Jaune: ā¦nobody? A month really isnāt that long of a time.
Pyrrha: Oh.
Pyrrha: ā¦aw.
Jaune: Pyrrha, are youā¦disappointed?
Pyrrha: Nooooooā¦
Pyrrha: Justā¦you knowā¦I was gone for a monthā¦you had a pass to do whoever and whatever you likedā¦I expected more...juicy details.
Jaune: Pyrrha, Iām still amazed you are dating me. I assume I made some deal with the devil before I was born so that the most unfuckable person in all of Remnant convinced a goddess of a woman that he was worth her time.
Pyrrha: You are not unfuckable! Iāll have you know I fuck that person quite a lot and enjoy every minute of it!
Jaune: Awww, I love you too, babe.
Jaune: But seriously, idk where you get this idea that Iām some ladies man from. I mean, I called myself that in my first year at Beacon, but I was very stupid at the time.
Pyrrha: ā¦
Pyrrha: Do you mind doing an experiment for me, Jaune?
Jaune: Sure?
Pyrrha: Call up Weiss and say these exact words.
Jaune: *dialing Weissās number* Okayā¦
Pyrrha: āHi Weiss, Pyrrha just got back and gave me something called a āhall passā? Not sure what that means, but she also suggested I hang out with you more. Do you want to have some sparring practice later today and then bring dinner back to the dorms for some Netflix and chill?ā
Jaune: Looks like itāll be going to voicemail.
Pyrrha: Just say it!
Jaune: Fine, fine, just donāt expect this to work, okay?
Weissās Voicemail: Hi, youāve reached Weiss Schnee. If youāre my father, fuck off. If youāre anyone else, please leave a message after the tone. *BEEP*
Jaune: Hi Weiss, Pyrrha just got back and gave me something called a āhall passā? Not sure what that means, but she also suggested I hang out with you more. Do you want to have some sparring practice later today and then bring dinner back to the dorms for some Netflix and chill? *Hangs up*
Jaune: Ughhhh, Iām going to need to apologize to her later for that. I havenāt propositioned her in yearsā¦
Pyrrha: Give it a minute-
*Jauneās scroll rings*
Jaune: Hello?
Weiss: Hi Jaune! *sound of gunfire behind her* Just got your voicemail, sorry for being slow to respond.
Jaune: Slow to respond? Actually, Weiss, I was going to apologize, Pyrrha-
Weiss: *Distant explosion in the background*
Jaune: You, uh, okay? I can call back later.
Weiss: Imdoinggreat!
Weiss: Sorry, minor Grimm incursion.
Weiss: But Iāll be back by 6 for sparring, and then we grab some sushi from that place down the street?
Jaune: Sure! Works for me.
Weiss: See you then!
Pyrrha: ā¦
Jaune: ā¦
Pyrrha: ā¦
Jaune: ā¦okay, listen, it could just be a platonic date!
Pyrrha: ā¦oh hey, Weiss texted you a followup.
Jaune: āLooked it up, turns out 50 Shades of Grey is on Netflix this week. I think thatās appropriate. Bring your armor for the sparring. Donāt bring protection for the dessert.ā
Jaune: ā¦okay thatās probably not platonic.
Pyrrha: Told youuuuuuuuā¦
Jaune: I feel bad leading her on like this, though. Youāre going to have to be the one who ends the date and tells her weāre not fucking.
Pyrrha: Who said anything about ending the date and not fucking?
Jaune: ā¦
Jaune: ā¦what?
Pyrrha: *Walks out of the dorm room*
Pyrrha: Enjoy your date, Jauneā¦
Jaune: Wait, Pyrrha, what the fuck does that mean-Pyrrha!
Jaune: Weiss, when she's clear headed, never lets me bruise the pale skin of her neck with my lips. But then I enter her at this angle from behind that I know she likes and I get a fistful of her hair with one hand and I reach over her pelvis, down to her clit with the other. I put my mouth right at her neck from behind. I work her over and she wants to push back into me at the same time she wants to grind down into my hand and after several rounds of stopping as she gets close and pinning her beneath me her head gets pretty fuzzy.
Jaune: And then I whisper in her ear that she only gets to finish if I get to mark her and I make her beg for me to do it.
Ruby: Donāt tell me you lost it. That has your leadership credentials on it, itās kind of important.
Jaune: Yeah, I know, thatās why Iām looking for it. Nora wants to get access to her Beacon account with my override and wonāt stop bugging me to find it.
Pyrrha: That is unfortunate.
Weiss: Maybe if you spent more time actually doing leadership duties, youād know where it is?
Jaune: I wouldnāt start being catty, Weiss. Last I saw it, I was with you in RWBYās dorm. So if anyone couldāve stolen it, it would be you.
Weiss: Jaune, stealing is for poor people. I donāt need your secondhand scroll.
Jaune: Says the girl who stole my hoodie literally last week.
Weiss: Itās not my fault my dress was ripped, I had to wear something to get back to my dorm.
Jaune: Yeah, but you never gave it back, Princess.
Weiss: Consider it compensation for ripping my dress in the first place.
Jaune: I was under the impression that I already ācompensatedā you for your dress.
Weiss: Please, youād need to give up a lot more to compensate for that dress, it was worth more than your family makes in a year.
Jaune: So you do admit you stole my scroll!
Weiss: *Smirking and leaning back* I didnāt admit to anything. Besides, how would you even prove I have your scroll? What are you going to do, strip-search me?
Jaune: *Starts looming over her and grabbing her wrist* Oh donāt tempt me, Princess-
Ruby: AHEM.
Jaune/Weiss: ā¦
Ruby: Really? In front of my salad?
Jaune: Sorryyyyā¦
Weiss: Apologies.
Ruby: If you want to hatefuck, do it in the privacy of a dorm, you degenerates.
Jaune: I meanā¦we would, but after the lastā¦rompā¦both of our beds are kinda broken.
Ruby: Seriously?
Weiss: Yes. We were moved to the end of the repair lists after we broke the 3rd frame. So weāre a bitā¦frustrated at the moment.
Ruby: Well you canāt do it in the cafeteria, either cool off, or find someone else willing to offer their bed.
Weiss/Jaune: ā¦
Ruby: ā¦
Pyrrha: ā¦
Pyrrha: *cough*
Weiss: *sigh* Fine. Standard rate.
Weiss: *holds up a 40 lien card*
Pyrrha: *grabs it* Pleasure doing business with you.
Jaune: *reaches under Weissās legs and bodily lifts her off of the chair and begins walking away* Alright, how about that strip searchā¦
Jaune/Weiss: *footsteps fade into the distance.*
Ruby: *eating quietly*
Pyrrha: *eating quietly*
-moments later-
Nora: *pops into the room*
Nora: Pyrrhaaaaaa, I really do need to get into my Beacon account, can I finally open it now?
Pyrrha: Of course, Nora, here.
Pyrrha: *Pulls out Jauneās scroll and unlocks her account before handing it to the girl*
Nora: Thanks Pyrrha! *skips away humming a tune*
Ruby: ā¦
Ruby: ā¦you are one hell of a businesswoman, you know that?
Pyrrha: Thank you?
Ruby: ā¦though, Iāve been meaning to ask, how do they not break your bed like theyāve done everyone elseās?
Pyrrha: Oh, I reinforced my bed months ago after they first broke all of your teamās beds.
Ruby: Really? Wouldnāt that be super expensive? Thereās no way 40 lien would cover the cleaning fees for the sheets, let alone the upgrade.
Pyrrha: Oh, I donāt clean the sheets after theyāre done with them.
Ruby: ā¦
Ruby: ā¦what?
Ruby: Are you justā¦sleeping in their soiled sheets????? What possible amount of money would be worth that????
Pyrrha: ā¦oh, wait, did you think I was doing this for money?
Ruby: ā¦are you not?????
Pyrrha: Oh, you poor sweet summer child.
Pyrrha: Do you want to know a secret?
Ruby: ā¦not really?
Pyrrha: *pulls out a lighter and activates it under the 40 lien card, melting it*
Pyrrha: It was never about the money, Ruby.
Pyrrha: The money is to make Weiss feel better. Greed is simple. She understands greed.
*the 40 lien cardās plastic begins dripping onto the table*
Pyrrha: But Iām not doing it for greed. Iām doing it for lust.
Pyrrha: Iām a cuck, Ruby. I get off by having my partner fuck other women. I get turned on when Iām degraded, ignored, looked over for someone else.
Pyrrha: I love it when Jaune and Weiss fuck in my bed because it means Iām the other woman. When I sleep in those soiled sheets Iām reminded that Iām the hag Jaune canāt stand getting off with, the second choice leftovers heās stuck with, that he just strings along while he sleeps with a younger, hotter girl.
Pyrrha: If it was up to me Iād have them screw in my bed every night and watch them the entire time, but the fact that Weiss is a prim and proper āgood girlā I need to almost trick into my degenerate game makes it that much more exciting for me.
Pyrrha: *stops melting the 40 lien card and tosses it onto the table and stretches*
Pyrrha: Now, if youāll excuse me, that little monologue has me soaked, and I want to shower so I can start out nice and clean to get the full sensory experience when I get to my soiled bed tonight.
Pyrrha: *Gets up to walk away.*
Ruby: ā¦has anyone ever told you that youāre a freak, Pyrrha?
Pyrrha: No, but god, I wish, getting degraded like that sounds so hot.
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