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@lenivang-blog
Hmong Daughters
Why is it considered disrespectful to talk back to elders when the whole time they are talking down to you? Why is it wrong to protect yourself, to defend your beliefs, when they are hurting you and your beliefs? Why then, are we considered bad Hmong daughters when we talk back to defend our rights? We are cursed, hit, and degraded over a few hurtful words. - this world is unfair.
Facade
I think that many of us try really hard to be strong when usually we are weak. When I was little, I was known as the cry baby of the family and since then, I've sucked up my tears and put on my usual "Tough" image before I walk out the door every morning. And it worked just fine. Until now. Whether people rate it as drunk talk or not, it just seemed like the trust and loyalty I put into this person was triple what he had put into me though whenever we were together, it seemed even. And then come the day where everything opposite of the positives come raging out with the help of alcohol and I wonder to myself if those positives that became negatives with the assistance of alcohol was the truth or not. Even so, I'm back to ground zero with my barricade and wall of strength. It took me quite some time to build that confident wall and I'm actually surprised how easily it was taken down because yes, I could've prevented it. But the blow came so quickly that honestly, I didn't even realize the wall had been crumbling until it was almost to the bottom.
The thoughts of suicide and hurting oneself has passed through my mind numerous times as a high schooler and I never thought they would resurface. Depression and suicide are serious matters, and yes, if I'm feeling this way, I should get help. But I do promise myself that I still see the light at the end of the tunnel and today will be okay. I will not sacrifice my hard earned life over hurtful words that have pushed me back into almost my lowest place.
Push on. Push through.
And if I need to make new friends, will do.
Too amazing not to share!!!!! <3
LOVE this guy!! =))
Amazing! Have a listen!!!! <3
He is AMAZING! <3
Dear,
"I think my feelings for you have become something that even I cannot define. They confuse me and I don't want them. I don't want the bubbling of my heart when you walk through the door. I don't want to be aware of your physical body. I don't want the butterflies in my tummy when you speak. But yet, it's telling me I'm human. It's telling me that these feelings do still exist after all of these years. This is ridiculous. I don't understand what I'm feeling but I do know that I appreciate you. As a friend, as someone who listens and leans a shoulder when needed. But who am I? It's been almost two years that I've known you and now, this moment... I'm confused. And tired. Are you my merman?
If not, you must just be another fish in the sea."
I feel like God just punished me for all of the bad things Ive done, bad things Ive said, bad thoughts Ive had.
And it hurt like a mother f*cker.
A good friend suggested that I listen to this song a few days ago. It's pretty good. =)
Morals
Just because we grew up a certain way, learning certain things, people change, and their ideas grow. One topic that has bothered me lately is of marriage between the same last names. In the Hmong culture, if you are a Yang you cannot marry anyone else who is also a Yang. Why then, are we allowed to marry our first cousin from our mom's side of the family when they are more likely to be blood related to us rather than this other Yang? It's kind of mind baffling. I had this talk with some friends and they said things like "It's ok! Because now within the Hmong community and our laws, we are allowed to marry someone with the same last name as ourselves! It'll just take people a while to accept it!" And then I had this talk with my cousin and she said that it was unacceptable. She cringed and couldn't accept the idea of it. She even called my friends "liberals" for accepting such a taboo idea.
I'm not sure where I stand. I believe, that if my heart began to have feelings for someone who had the same last name as myself, I would allow it to go as far as what my brain would allow, where ever that may be. While some of us can easily let it go there are still many others who are staying strong to their morals and beliefs in the sense that they would never accept such a thing.
What if one day, this very same thing happened to them? What if one day, their heart chose to love someone who had no relation to them at all except for their last name?
-Leni
A serious one:
You see, the truth about college is, it's hard. Not only is it hard, but it's filled with professors who may or may not want their students to succeed in their endeavors. I am always intimidated by my professors. Every semester, my level of study becomes more intense and my professors, seem to become more intimidating. I never go to office hours because I'm SCARED. I once had a professor who was fed up with trying to explain how things worked to me within the first 5 minutes of talking with him, that I cried because I felt so lost and scared.
I feel like I've been scarred for life with that one incident.
During my first 4 years of being an undergrad, I never once went to office hours. I never asked the professor for help or asked them to empathize with me and my excuses. I just don't believe that excuses are legit enough to allow someone to pass a class.
I am, indeed, in the wrong by skipping classes and not doing readings. The readings aren't hard to read, but they are hard to understand. Sometimes I actually wish that this particular professor gave us more homework and worksheets to do. Then I would actually feel pressured to do them and if I felt pressured to do those work sheets, I would feel pressured to read. In the end, of course the fault is on me.
But I skipped out on a meeting with the prof. today because I was scared. Because I submitted my prospectus about 2 weeks late, not because I didn't want to do it, but because in all honesty, I just forgot about it. I just plain forgot. I kept up with the readings and checked the syllabus, but I just plain FORGOT. And because of this, I feel like my grade has just dropped ... extremely. I feel like I'm failing this class, but I don't have the nerve to go talk to my intimidating professor about it. T____T
And to think that this is my 6th year and I would have learned my lesson already. Go talk to your professors! If not to clarify something, then to just plain suck up so that you can pass. lol. I'm lying though, because professors are smart, (or so we'd like to assume) and most of them, most, can tell if you're there sincerely or there to suck up.
So the moral of this rant is: go to class, do your homework/readings, and go to office hours.
Hm, but then again, what to do about those intimidating professors?
Yet again, I'm stuck.
love this outfit =)
ah, so handsome =)
It's funny...
how there are so many reasons to be thin:
- health
- good looks
- cheaper clothes
oh media.
A girl I once knew told me she hated Korea and for me to never go there because I'm overweight. I told her to stop putting other's dreams and goals down just because she had bad experiences.
Funny, because now she's back in Korea. And loving it there.
How hypocritical people are. Tsk on you.
Balenciaga | c. 1963
Trudy Campbell realness hunty.
beautiful! i would love one of these
Just one of those days where you think to yourself ...
나도 사람이다.
