is this what it means to be alive?

leonard arcenaux. 33 years old. mystic born and raised. bisexual. veteran, carpenter, dog owner.

[leonardarcenaux]

DEAN HOLDER‌:

       “I’d need to speak to the chief but I am definitely recommending a different route for them if it continues. Nobody wants someone performing surgery on them that just.. isn’t cut out for it. I mean, would you?” Dean was all about giving people chances, but not when they continually showed a lack of care. “Well, let’s just say a Holder family event is never without town gossip, that’s for sure. My dad was a total fake, my mom was overly happy I was there.. so was Bea but uh.. I had Maia there with me which was good. It got me through.” He didn’t know why he went, other than for his mom; but if anything, being there made him even more acutely aware how much he no longer belonged in that world. “Hey, they say no news is good news. So we’ll stick with that. —Really?” Dean’s eyes lit up at mention of Coco, a major dog lover himself. “I wish I had time for one. Dogs don’t do your head in as much as people do.” 

      “Oh, absolutely not. I want my doctors to know what they’re doing.” Leo had only survived because of surgeons who were good, and even they hadn’t managed to completely heal the tremor in his hand. It was an obstacle he could live with, but he didn’t want to picture how things would have turned out if he didn’t have good surgeons. “Sounds absolutely awful. I’m happy you made it out alive,” he agreed with a crooked smile, shaking his head a little. Leonard could hardly picture that sort of event, or that sort of family for the matter. His own upbringing had been different, and his relationship with his family as well. But every family was complicated, he could also tell a tale of that. “Really,” he laughed, unable to contain his own love for the dog. She made his life a little more bearable most days. “I mean, it’s true what they say: Dogs are much better than people. Better friends and roommates too. If you ever need a cuddle after work, you know where to find us.”

[leonardarcenaux]

DYLAN EVERLY‌:

       God, how embarrassing to be caught in such a state, especially by someone she knew of but didn’t know enough to break down like a maniac in front of. And his friendliness made her embarrassment that much worse, knowing he was just being polite. Exposing her feelings outside of pen to paper, or outside the art of writing a story using personal experiences felt like a foreign concept. She shouldn’t’ve walked past the Church; she should’ve taken another route. Why did she do this to herself? “I feel like such an idiot,” Dylan breathes out with an awkward chuckle, rubbing her face with her hands before heaving a sigh. “Yeah, definitely,” she replies, glancing his way with an awkward smile before amusement of some sort elicits a chuckle from her, giving her away. “Okay, admittedly, no. Where did we meet?” 

      Leo know a thing or two about losing a hold of your emotions. It happened to him more times than he could count, though he was usually alone at home when it happened. “There’s no reason to feel like an idiot,” he reassured her, and after another moment of hesitation, he stepped forward to take a seat next to her. Leaving some distance between them, he rested his hands on his thighs and shrugged his shoulders. “Ah, I’m actually happy you don’t remember. I had a bit of a --- let’s say mental breakdown at Rosie’s. It happened a while back. Totally spilled my drink all over myself, but you were nice enough to help me get rid of the stain. It wasn’t my best moment,” he admitted with a crooked smile, tilting his head to the side as he looked at her. “Like I said, we all have our moments.”

[leonardarcenaux]

LEYLA WALKER‌:

closed starter for @mysticstarter​

“No, I didn’t mean that. I just meant that that skirt would look better on someone else. I didn’t mean to say you looked bad in it. It’s just that it doesn’t particularly fit your person well. No offense or anything. You understand, right?” She was not the best at all at getting her point across, but she was sure the woman would understand. Right? Well, it seemed not as she had gotten up with a huff and walked away. “Don’t take it personally! We all have off days!” She yelled after the woman before shrugging and looking down at her phone while also keeping an eye on any other passerby’s that needed the fashion police.

       Leo watched the woman walk away with arched brows, unsure whether he was amused or surprised by the interaction he had maybe eavesdropped on. Clearing his throat, he stepped closer, even if he was well aware that he was hardly a fashionable person and could easily fall into the role of a next target. He preferred plain sweaters and jeans, but he just couldn’t help it. “What did the poor woman do to you to get the news that she looks awful in that skirt?”

[leonardarcenaux]

CARSON SCOTT‌:

open starter for @mysticstarter​

To say the least, Carson was worn out. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get through what was going on with his father. Some nights, he would wake up in a cold sweat, not knowing what he should do or how he would get out of bed. There were a ton of things barreling through his mind. His father. His daughter. The war. Everything always crawled to the front of his mind, threatening to take his sanity. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t realized there was someone near him. Whether they were talking to him or not was debatable. “I’m sorry, what happened?”

       Leo was a bad sleeper. Ever since he returned home, he couldn’t think of a single night he slept through. He usually worked until late at night, until exhaustion made him pass out, or woke up from nightmares, or tossed around until he went out for a run. His dog always got excited when he started putting on his running shoes to distract himself, and this time they had been running for forty-five minutes before she got too excited over some animal in a bush that she ran away. Leo liked to think he had trained Coco well enough, but she didn’t listen to his voice. A distant feeling of panic started to settle in the pit of his stomach, and after looking for her without any success, she approached the next person he could find. He didn’t care that he had to repeat his question, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. “Did you see a dog? Three legs, probably pretty excited, has a red leash?”

[leonardarcenaux]

GALE ARCENAUX‌:

“Why the hell not? I didn’t love him – I didn’t. Did I think I could? Yeah, maybe. But we – he never gave us that chance. I can’t blame him ‘cause he had a kid to think about.” Gale was always adamant that no one needed to hear him complain, and that no one needed to worry about how he was feeling. But he would always worry about his heroic brother. “You were upset. You’re still upset I bet. I just want you to be good, man.”

      “Okay fine. But I don’t want you keeping secrets from me because you think I can’t handle them.” His voice was stern, the words spoken adamantly. Leo had always been protective of his younger brother, and he wasn’t about to stop now. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed. “I’ll always be upset. I’m not going to lie about that. But I’m good. As good as I can be. I promise.”

[leonardarcenaux]

JULIAN VIRAY‌:

               “Oh, no—” Julian laughs. “I’m from the west coast, originally. I know that might sound strange, coming here from a place like California, but it’s for work.” He imagines how strange it might sound, moving to a small town. Of course, it was strange, given Julian’s true intentions. Still, he could be genuine about some things. “Was it for college or something? Though, I imagine we’re probably around the same age. My college years are way behind me.”

      “Work?”, Leo echoed, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “That is a bit unusual. What do you do?” He couldn’t imagine many people who would come to Mystic for work; it was a small town that didn’t have a lot to offer after all. “Ah, no. College really wasn’t my thing. I was in the Navy.” Sometimes Leo wondered what his life would have looked like had he gone to college, but his grades were a disaster, and even if the Navy had left him scarred, he didn’t regret his decision to join.

[leonardarcenaux]

GALE ARCENAUX‌:

Gale didn’t want to hear anymore about it, but what was he going to do? There was only two people in his life that managed to care for him – his brother and his best friend. “Yeah it does, Leo. You know how upset you were when you came home? It fucking killed me too, seein’ you like that. Last thing I need is piling my fucking feelings on top of yours.”

       “Of course I was fucking upset.” There had been no time to really prepare himself for the news that the man on the mission with him -- the man he happened to love -- had been killed by the explosion underwater. There was no goodbye, he’d simply been thrust back into a normal life. But the fact that his brother thought it meant he couldn’t talk to him about these things made him feel sick to his stomach. “But that was two years ago, Gale. Just because I lost someone I loved doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me about your love life for the rest of your life.”

[leonardarcenaux]

ERIN RIKARDS:

                  Contrary to popular belief, Erin Rikards hardly ever got drunk on her own, at least, in public. She was huge on social drinking and if she ever hit the bars, the girl hardly ever let herself get too wasted to not be able to call a lyft home. However, it was 2pm on a Thursday (the new Saturday, she’d call it), and definitely not the time to be harassing salespeople at the local swap meet. Drunk Erin, was not pleasant Erin. Then again, the brunette was hardly pleasant. “Oh, you’ve got to be fucking— Dude! You’re not even doing it right! Look,” she grabs the pepper spray can, whipping it around aggressively as the salesperson steps back, eyes wide. “You gotta sell the item, right? You have to make these chicks believe they need this thing! Like, what if the things stuck?!” she expresses, waving it, pretending to hit the button. “They can wack it, right?! Like— BAM! Right in the Adam’s apple!” @mysticstarter​

       Leo was great at ignoring problems until they went away. Or just ignoring them, even if they didn’t go away. A distinctly familiar voice trying to tell a salesperson how to sell pepper spray was certainly one of those things he would have happily ignored, but eventually no longer managed to look away. Clearing his throat, he stepped closer to the scene, giving the salesperson an apologetic smile. “Maybe they could tell that you definitely know how to use that thing and therefore didn’t give you a big show. How about you let them off the hook so they can show it off to other people?”

[leonardarcenaux]

ESTHER MCKENNA‌:

location: chet’s. 

Esther had just gotten off of work and she was exhausted. She had to stop at the grocery store because she was out of food and needed dinner. She got a cart and was circling around the store. She didn’t know what she wanted to eat. She stopped in the snack isle and was staring intently at the popcorn, her cart blocking the whole isle. She didn’t hear anyone walking down towards her, didn’t notice until they were right there and she needed to move out of the way. “Ohmygoodness I am so sorry.” Esther quickly moved her cart so they could get by. “I was just so lost in thought trying to figure out what I wanted for dinner. Except this isn’t even dinner food, but I always get distracted when I go grocery shopping by myself. I just want to buy a million snacks. Like I need to figure out a meal for dinner. Which I’m obviously not doing.” She stopped to take a breath. “I’m sorry now I’m rambling. First I was in the way and now I won’t shut up. This is probably not what you were hoping for when you came here.” She gave them an apologetic smile. “I’m just so stuck on what I should do about dinner. Any suggestions?” She was desperate for grovery help. @mysticstarter

       Grocery shopping was one of the things Leo had picked up as a means to distract himself. He had a long list of activities to go to when he wasn’t having a good day, and somehow stocking up his fridge, or cooking for himself, helped a lot. That was why he found himself wandering the isles of the grocery store, eyes scanning the shelves for something to catch his eye. He didn’t really have a plan, but was rather looking for a source of inspiration. Eventually, his path was blocked by a cart, but as the owner belonging to it started apologizing over and over again, he just smiled. “Don’t worry, it’s all good,” he reassured the other, still smiling as he pushed path. His own eyes moved to the popcorn on the shelves, and he was unable to contain a laugh. “Well, I can’t blame you. Snacks are great, especially late at night.” Head tilting to the side at her question, he considered it for a moment. Leo was too polite to be that person in the grocery store who egoistically pushed through and ignored everybody else. “I don’t know, that depends on what you like to eat. Personally, I’m a pasta guy, but plenty of people prefer other food.”

[leonardarcenaux]

STEPHANIE MAINARD‌:

( @mysticstarter )

WHEN: 01:13 AM. WHERE: The Hideout. WHO: Open!

𝐈t’d been another late night where Stevie couldn’t sleep. She was used to these types of evenings–and since moving to Mystic–usually went to Moonie’s to get a drink in hopes it’d make her tired enough to pass out, but tonight she preferred consciousness. Sitting at a desolate table cradling her third cup of warm coffee with one hand while her other played with her bottom lip, the brunette stared down mindlessly into her drink. Having been sitting in silence, she jumped when the sound of a door opening caught her ear and her eyes shot toward the person who’d just entered the late-night café. Hazel hues followed them as they approached the cash register and–for a moment–she just watched them. “…I think they went on a break,” she finally voiced, referring to the only two baristas on duty at the time. “But they said they’d be back in a bit if you’re willing to wait.”

      It wasn’t unfamiliar to Leo that he couldn’t sleep. More often than not, his nights were spent restless and awake, or he only managed to fall asleep during the early morning hours. He either spent that time by working out, working on a new piece of furniture -- or sometimes going out to distract his mind. He decided that night that he was in dire need of coffee. Even if it wouldn’t help him go to sleep, he was already certain that wouldn’t happen tonight anyway. Pushing the door to the café open, he wasn’t really paying a lot of attention to his surroundings, and therefore winced slightly when a voice cut through the silence. “Oh,” was all he managed to get out at first, then a crooked smile appeared on his lips when he looked at the other. “I guess that’s just my luck, huh? Do you think they’ll be gone for long?”

[leonardarcenaux]

DEAN HOLDER‌:

        “Yeah, they are. And that’s exactly my point,” he mutters with raised brows at the mere thought, shaking his head. “Look, they’re here to learn, but some of them just aren’t cut out for the pressure, you know? Plus, nobody wants an idiot doing surgery on them.” Dean popped the collar of his coat in the hopes that it would protect his neck against the fierce wind that evening, the chill almost too much to bear. His face sure felt like it was freezing off at this point; and nothing sounded better than a nice glass of whiskey to warm him up. “Well it’s not like we have a lot of choice in this town,” he joked, amusement settling upon his features. “But, it is my favorite place to drink. Plus, it’s closeby, thankfully. —Yeah, things are alright. I somehow ended up at a Holder family event over the weekend.. not sure how I survived that. You? How are things going?” 

       “I get it.” Throughout his time in the Navy, Leo had witnessed the same thing. When he had been part of that life for plenty of years, he started noticing that some of the younger recruits just weren’t cut out for it either. “So what happens to them, are you throwing them out? Might do everyone a favor in the end.” The interns, as well as the patients and the other doctors. Chuckling softly, he shook his head. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s the best choice to make,” he agreed, pulling up his shoulders slightly against the wind. “Holder family event? How did that go?”, he asked, a curious tone in his voice, and a matching sparkle in his eyes as he glanced over at the other. “Ah, I don’t know, man. It’s the same old for me. Nothing’s really changing. Which is good for me, don’t get me wrong. But Coco learned how to roll over the other day, so that’s pretty much the highlight of my week.”

[leonardarcenaux]

JULIAN VIRAY‌:

               "—I figured,” Julian laughs, nodding as he takes the other’s hand. “Julian,” he greets in return. Well, he wouldn’t either, but the man was trying to create some sort of false reputation of being a super well-liked person in Mystic. Surely, he’d be going home later to cringe over his friendly antics later. “Well it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, don’t worry about it. You from around here?” he asks, stopping for a moment, realizing he sounded like some sort of local. God, what was this place doing to him? 

      Shaking the other’s hand, Leo was quick to push his hands into the pockets of his pants when he retreated it. The whole display around them, and crowds of people in general, often made him feel uneasy these days. “Yeah, actually. I grew up here. I was just gone for a long time.” Though he had visited Mystic, and had been back for two years, sometimes it still felt as if he had only returned home yesterday. Tilting his head to the side, he tried to recall whether he’d seen the other man before. “Are you from here? I don’t think we’ve met before.”

[leonardarcenaux]

GALE ARCENAUX‌:

“He didn’t pick me, okay? He picked his failing marriage. Just…that’s why, alright? If I had said somethin’, I would’ve gotten my hopes up more, and now I’m here. I’m fine.” Gale compartmentalized his feelings before acknowledging them, and this situation wasn’t going to be any different. He didn’t regret his words, he only gave his brother a firm look. “Because you lost the someone you cared about.”

       “I’m sorry.” Leo’s voice was soft when he spoke, lips pressing together as he tried to find more comforting words. But what could he really say to make his brother feel better? Being second choice sucked. “It’s his loss.” Though those words probably weren’t helpful either. Losing love always hurt, Leo knew that. It was the reason why his brother’s words stung -- like any reminder of what had happened to him always did. It took him a moment to find his voice, inhaling a deep breath to compose himself. “That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me about these things, Gale.”

[leonardarcenaux]

BILLIE UNDERWOOD‌:

“Well, you might have a little less pressure when it comes to the amount of people who think they have a say in your life. Sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes it’s not worth the fight. Sometimes being who they want gives you the advantage of them never really knowing you.” Billie knew it might not make sense, but when the media wanted her to be the upper east side spoiled bitch, she fed into it. She knew who she was. She didn’t need to prove it to them. A small chuckle escaped her lips. “Nice guys, man.” She shook her head. “Your loss truly.”

      He considered her words, trying to make sense of them. He could partly understand where she was coming from, though another part of him didn’t want to be a person who pretended, or hid away from reality. His therapist often told him that wasn’t healthy, too. “I guess that makes sense. But it’s not really what works for me. It’s... complicated.” Then again, wasn’t everything in life? Unsure whether those words were meant as an insult or not, he couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe. But I’m really not the kind of person who just jumps into bed with a stranger.”

[leonardarcenaux]

BILLIE UNDERWOOD:

“All I mean, is sometimes it’s better to know what people expect of you.” She could imagine that growing up in the spot light wasn’t that different than growing up in a small town. People loved to talk. It existed no matter where you were. “When you know what people expect, when you know what people want you to be - you can just pretend for them.” The blonde had been doing it since she knew her expectations. Billie didn’t care what people thought of her, sometimes life was just simpler this way. “Let’s go have sex. Anywhere.” She shrugged.

       When he listened to her words, a frown started to appear on Leo’s forehead. While he was good at pretending that he was fine, he’d never pretended to be someone else just because people expected it of him. “Why would I pretend for other people? What does it matter what they expect of me?” He lifted his glass up to his lips to take a sip, though he almost choked on the drink at her suggestion. “I’m sorry, I--” He shook his head, a crooked smile on his lips. “That’s not really my thing.”

[leonardarcenaux]

DYLAN EVERLY‌:

        Dylan had been so consumed in her own thoughts, it took her a beat to realise someone was addressing her, glancing up from where she sat. “—Hey,” she replies with a cracked voice, clearing it as she wipes her face quickly with her hands, hoping to wipe away all emotion entirely. That was hard considering she was caught in the act. “Sorry, uh.. I’m fine, really. I’m okay. Just caught me in a not so great moment but uh, I’m good, thank you. Just um.. saw something I most definitely wasn’t ready for and here I am all emotional about it like a baby.” Glancing up at the blond again, her chest lifted in a weighted sigh, offering something of a smile, as fragmented as it was. “Leo, right? You’re Beck’s friend?” 

        Leo turned his head away, looking at everything around at them as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. While he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been as unsettled in public as she was right now, he knew he’d want others to be polite enough not to stare. “I understand.” A soft smile appeared on his lips, and he shook his head in a gesture that was meant to be reassuring. “We all have our not so great moments in which we go back to behaving like babies,” he pointed out, for he knew he had them. Just usually at home, hugging his dog and hiding from the rest of the world. Once he was certain she had calmed down a bit more, he took a step closer. “Yes, that’s right.” He nodded his head, fingers brushing through his hair that was a little tousled from the wind. “We met at--... well, you probably know where we met.”

[leonardarcenaux]

GALE ARCENAUX‌:

“Leo, sometimes it’s better if I don’t drag you into my shit, okay?” Gale cleared his throat, trying to push Mittens off his lap so he could finally stand up. “Of course I asked him. I’m not naive. Or, hell, maybe I am.” He shrugged his shoulders, now feeling guilty. “Look – I know this whole fuckin’ subject is hard for you, okay?”

        “I’m your brother, Gale. I’m in your shit whether you want me to be or not. I’ve always been.” And Leo also never wanted that to change. It was his job as a big brother to be there for him, no matter because of what, when or where. “I don’t think you’re naive. You’ve never been,” he clarified, clearly taking Gale’s side in this. Though his brother’s next words caused him to frown in confusion, and he slowly straightened up in his sitting position. “What do you mean? Why should this be hard for me?”