Duke: Why is there a wiki page called "The Great Batburger Incident"?
Steph: OH MY GOD IT'S STILL UP?
Jason: Wait, somebody made a wiki page?
Duke: There are seventeen pages. It has citations.
Damian: As it should. It was a historical event.
Steph: Tim started a civil war.
Tim: That is a gross exaggeration.
Jason: No, that's pretty much exactly what happened.
Dick: It started because Tim was sleep-deprived.
Tim: That's not relevant.
Tim: Fine. I hadn't slept in three days.
Tim: Anyway, we were getting food after patrol—
Steph: Trademark infringement is still hilarious.
Tim: And while we were eating, I casually said—
Tim: I casually said that pickles are objectively the worst burger topping.
Jason: That's what he thinks started it.
Tim: That IS what started it.
Damian: Incorrect. The true catalyst was Grayson.
Damian: You gasped like someone had announced the death of a loved one.
Dick: Because pickles are amazing.
Dick: Everything is wet, Tim!
Steph: See? This is exactly how it started.
Duke: You're all arguing about it right now.
Steph: Dick got offended. Tim doubled down.
Tim: Because I was right.
Jason: Then I said pineapple was worse.
Duke: Why would you do that?
Jason: Because I enjoy chaos.
Steph: Then Damian said anyone who voluntarily eats pineapple on a burger should be exiled from society.
Damian: A reasonable position.
Cass: Jason had pineapple.
Damian: Your taste buds are defective.
Jason: You eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
Damian: Because they are shaped like dinosaurs.
Jason: That's not a defense.
Steph: Then Cass said she'd eat basically anything.
Steph: And suddenly everyone was yelling.
Tim: Fine. It was yelling.
Duke: Where does the "incident" part come in?
Duke: Why is everyone quiet?
Jason: Because this is where it gets stupid.
Dick: We decided to settle it democratically.
Duke: For burger toppings?
Tim: For burger toppings.
Jason: Damian made graphs.
Damian: My graphs were excellent.
Damian: Statistical analysis is important.
Duke: For burger toppings?
Damian: Especially for burger toppings.
Dick: It got really competitive.
Steph: Really competitive.
Duke: How did Bruce react?
Cass: Pickles versus bacon.
Duke: Of course there were.
Dick: The Batfam was divided.
Steph: Friendships were tested.
Jason: Allegiances shifted.
Damian: Weaknesses were exposed.
Tim: You're being dramatic.
Damian: Drake, you attempted voter fraud.
Tim: It was one extra vote.
Steph: Thirty-seven extra votes.
Dick: Then Bruce walked in.
Jason: Like a horror movie.
Tim: Bruce looked at the giant tournament bracket.
Dick: Then at the spreadsheets.
Steph: Then at Damian's pie charts.
Cass: Then at the burger ranking manifesto.
Tim: It was collaborative.
Duke: You wrote a thirty-two-page manifesto about burger toppings?
Damian: Thirty-four pages after revisions.
Duke: I don't know why I asked.
Dick: Bruce just stood there for a minute.
Steph: Looking disappointed.
Jason: Deeply disappointed.
Tim: Then he asked one question.
Everyone: "Why are there campaign posters?"
Steph: "A Vote For Bacon Is A Vote For The Future."
Jason: Mine was pretty good.
Jason: You're just mad because pickles lost.
Dick: THEY MADE IT TO THE FINALS.
Duke: So that's why there's a wiki page?
Jason: The wiki page exists because Alfred found the manifesto.
Jason: And he corrected the grammar.
Jason: Then he printed it.
Dick: To preserve history.
Damian: To educate future generations.
Duke: So somewhere in Wayne Manor there is a professionally edited document about burger toppings.
Bruce, walking into the room: Why is this conversation happening again?
Everyone: TIM STARTED IT.
Tim: HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?
Bruce: Because every conversation that ends with me finding campaign posters somehow traces back to you.
Tim: That's actually a fair point.
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