i (21f) am scared to go down on my (21f) girlfriend
for context my girlfriend and i have been together for 3 years. this is not my first relationship with a woman i was with one at 18 however the times i was intimate with her she did not want me to do anything to her. after that i was with a man and i did go down on him and hated it. i’ve done just about everything else with my current partner and it’s not that i do not want to i’m just not sure what to do or really anything. my girlfriend has told me that it doesn’t bother her every time i bring it up but it bothers me. any advice or literally anything to get over this. i really like her and i definitely feel less queer because of this. especially since i used to be with a man. i really want advice from actual queer women.
A few replies that stood out:
Secretnewbeginning: hi! im the receiving partner (or pillow princess lol) and my gf and i tried having her eat me out a few times but she didn’t enjoy it bc she has like texture issues)? so we haven’t done that ever since and its the same situation as you, i’ve told her i don’t mind bc i wouldn’t want to force her to do anything she isnt comfy doing so if i were you, i’d communicate what you last said to your gf and im sure she’ll support and validate your feelings 🥰 everyone has preferences and thats totally okay!
Miss_White11: I mean like as far as, ~practical~ advice goes, take it slow, pay attention to how she reacts and what kinds of touches she likes, remember to breath, you are experimenting so try stuff out and pay attenton, generally focusing on the clit is a good idea, but don’t feel like you can’t explore. Alternate between licking and sucking and kissing etc. feel free to still use your hands either by penetrating or like grabbing her hips/butt/waist or up and her chest. Wear a hair tie if your hair is long. As far as like ~psychological advice. 1. You aren’t less queer cuz you haven’t done or don’t like a particular sex thing. You clearly love your girlfriend very much and that is very gay. It’s ok to try things and like or not like them. 2. Also annecdotally, dick is very different in overall feel in my experience so not liking one isn’t necessarily comparable. (There is some nuance here like hrt definitely muddies this line, but in general it’s like a eating popsicle vs. an ice cream sandwich) And it doesn’t have to be all or nothing either. Idk what your preferred current ways to get down are but like you can definitely like get a tease by like kissing all over her body or like trying it out for a bit before moving on to the “old reliable” method of getting each other off.
JROppenheimer_: Lick and suck things till she starts making happy noises and keep doing that.
RollingStoneFamily: When I was 21, I was too scared to be out so you and your gf have an advantage over me! I finally came out at age 29. I didn’t date or go to a bar to meet other lesbians for over a year. When I met my first girlfriend, she made me a pillow princess. I did not understand this and didn’t even want this but learned she was very butch. When Pride Month came along, she finally decided she was not so butch anymore and I had my share of fun with her! At first, I moaned and licked her but the braver I became, the more I tried, the more
Swxm: Well I don’t have any advice but rather experience to share. Both me and my wife are gold star lesbians and neither of us like going down on girls 😩😅 I’m always reminding people you don’t have to be an eater to be valid!! Lots of straight girls refuse to go down on guys and no one ever questions their sexuality bc of it. You can eat or not in the future but if you never get around to it, it really is not a big deal!
Originally shared by Froggy_witch555 on r/actuallesbians on July 6th, 2026 at 1:17 AM UTC.
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