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Au milieu de nulle part Anxiety and Depression

[xxatinyminionxx]

💛 Sunoo Day Posts 2021 💛

About my Sunoo Day "Project"

The times are in KST

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[enhypenfanbase]

[TWITTER] SUNOO

ENGENEs!! Thank you so so much for today hehe although promotions have ended, we’ll come around a lot so please anticipate it!! Goodnight❤

[crazy-form]

[dance performance video] blessed-cursed — sunoo

[chwies-deactivated20240428]

he’s like a polaroid love

[lesbijoudegail]

cutie

[lesbijoudegail]

I’m super angry I can’t even put it into words

[bambihee]

enhypen in blessed-cursed: 3/7

#3: kim sunoo

[lesbijoudegail]

Why is it so hard to admit I’m depressed even though people already know my diagnosis. Like sometimes I feel okay but when I feel like my symptoms are worsening I cannot admit it. It’s so taboo.

[lesbijoudegail]

Without the dark there isn't light. Without pain there is no relief. And I remind myself that I'm lucky to be able to feel such great sorrow and also such great happiness.

[lesbijoudegail]

This Is Not Your Battle

Recently just plunged headfirst to whatever low point it is I go to. A very dear friend of mine recently visited me out of concern (she implied) but her visit sent me back to a hurl of negativity. I cried in front of her and I could tell she was uncomfortable.

This really affected me a lot because it showed that no matter how open I am to a person, they wouldn't understand me at all.

To be honest though, I think she could've been more empathic. Try to put her feet in my shoes and see for herself how she would feel if she was me (or any person for that matter). That's what I do always. I put myself in people's shoes before I give comments or advice.

[lesbijoudegail]

Read Unfuck Your Brain!

Started reading this book hours ago and I am just mind blown by how accurate, how informative it is. Like some researches I made before going to a Psychiatrist, is all discussed in this book. I think I can finish this today.

One of the biggest barriers of getting better is SHAME. Shame from ourselves and shame from other's that we aren't already better. And that we have an issue to begin with.

There is an expression: Amateurs practice until they get it right, experts practice until they can’t get it wrong.

[lesbijoudegail]

...

Having depression and anxiety is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failure without the urge to be more productive. It's wanting friends but hating socializing. It's wanting to be alone but not lonely. It's feeling everything at once and then feeling paralyzingly numb.

[lesbijoudegail]

thoughts

People would never understand so you do what it is you need to do. You recuperate alone. You will fall and you will rise alone. You will not wait for anyone else.

[lesbijoudegail]

I AM TIRED OF MEETING UP WITH PEOPLE, OF SOCIALIZING. PEOPLE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. I.AM.TIRED.

[lesbijoudegail]

Was scrolling through my blog and found my obsession last year in learning the Japanese Language. Like actually mastered the basic writing and introductions (I can somehow converse) I DID THAT FOR LIKE 2 MONTHS?! DANG. Then I plunged to this anxiety and depression yet again and basically all my compacted 2 month Japanese language learnings flushed out. Fcking stress makes it a lot easier to forget than remember. SUCKS. But I'll get back to it soon. I have to somehow learn, Japanese, Korean and French in this lifetime or I'll just die a friggin' loser.

[lesbijoudegail]

It's okay if you thought you were over it, but it hits you all over again.

Me every once in while,

2 situations while eating

a friggin' burger...

[lesbijoudegail]

</3 To have your heart broken by a friend is worse...

It's just sad that some friendships don't last long enough for each of you to open up to each other with past traumas you've experienced and how it affected your way and view of life. You did not reach the point where you're comfortable sharing different opinions about certain things because you'd feel judged one way or another.

That everyone somehow thought you were the perfect set of sisters by heart and not by blood because of how you post each other through social media, talked non stop in different kinds of social media accounts, have friends of friends add each other because you were certain your friendship would last forever.

[lesbijoudegail]

A month has passed by...

I suddenly deleted my social media accounts last month because of a sudden panic attack. I felt overwhelmed about everything. This time I wasn't able to tell anyone about it. I just cut everyone off. I honestly feel bad but anxiety and depression caught up with me again that I couldn't even tell my closest friends about it. I felt useless, insignificant and tired. I missed them so much but I couldn't bring myself to talk with them like I used to. (These are friends who knew my hardships etc.).

Nothing much has changed, I still haven't replied and downloaded other social media apps. It scares me that when I open it I would start overthinking again and be super overwhelmed that I'd back out instantly. I saw a post from ig about the struggles of having anxiety and depression and it really is fcked up. I just realized I've never fully gotten out of it. I want to comeback to my friends better if that's even possible within a few months. I don't even want to explain. Reason is, I feel like being too much of a burden because I can't be the same me as before YET. I can't just go back pretending I'm the me before all of these. I'll just end up plunging down HARD if I pretend to be. But that's the point though, everyone's been having these kinds of thoughts and I don't wanna bring my negativity to them. Though I know they'll be willing to share my burden as friends do. But I don't want them to like have a negative day just because I feel this negative... I don't know. But I really miss and love my friends.