Going out on a limb... and it's fun!
So, basically I figured out that I was an artist not so long ago. I know that might be a surprise to some who know me as an actress, working in theater for the last 18 years... but yes, it's true... I JUST figured it out not so long ago. I guess when I wrote my solo show called "Poteet Girls" did I ever think of myself as someone who actually creates something because they have to. Even when I started writing my solo show, I was thinking more along the lines of "hey, this will be a great way for me to write something for myself and to be seen." Such an actress way of thinking! Well, “Poteet Girls” was my first passion project though, even if it started in a shallow way. What happened after I wrote and performed “Poteet Girls” was kind of cool. I realized that all these acting jobs I had done were fun because I got to meet cool people and I got to travel and work having a super awesome time on stage singing and dancing but those jobs, were just super awesome fun jobs. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the act of singing, acting and dancing and that was an expression of myself but I never had that feeling deep down that it was really inspirational. I guess I was performing someone else's inspiration. I was having fun with their inspiration, words, songs and dialogue but it wasn't mine. I had never created anything myself. I had never really produced anything that was uniquely my voice.
So, when I wrote my solo show... things changed. I was writing for myself and yes, I could possibly be seen by someone in the industry (by the way, very few people saw it, certainly very few ‘industry’) but still... it was a project that was all me. No matter how many people came, every night I performed it was an exploration of what worked and what didn’t work. I could just change it in the moment and that was an incredible feeling. This beast I created could be moved and changed and that was super exciting to me. I had written something for myself but the further I got into the process, the more this fire within me burned brighter and I loved the entire process, frustrating at times and fun at times but I loved it completely. I'll tell you, it was an exhausting process creating and producing a project for myself, and for no gain other than a few friends applauding at the end of it BUT it did something for me that changed my life. It proved to me that I was an artist. I was addicted to the feeling of creating something.
I started to do improv and things really changed for me. Yes, it was a collaborative performance but every time I stepped on that stage, I found a freedom in creating something every night that was uniquely me. Every character was (good and bad) mine and I had created it out of thin air (or as a ‘yes, and’ to a teammate’s awesome endowment). It was WAY more fun than singing 16 bars. I loved to sing but never found that ultimate fun when I sang or performed in shows. I guess I was learning something new but also learning a lot about myself and sadly, reminding myself that I spent too many years equating success with a Broadway contract or callbacks… like that was some sort of artist’s medal of honor that I needed to have to be considered a successful artist.
So blah, blah blah… I find myself in this creative phase of my life. I’m trying to, write a new solo show but really my biggest project is my Bedtime Stories project. If you have Facebook, then chances are you’ve seen me plugging about it. But, for me it is a new me creating something for someone else. I am directing and producing the project and to be honest, I haven’t really used my voice to play the parts and that’s just fine with me. I am having a blast finding an even more fun role as director and creator of this storytelling project for kids. Maybe I feel like I’m a big kid and I’m just chasing the youth dragon, as I turned 40 this year but, whatever the case… I’m having a blast!!! This project is my heart and soul. It all started as a way to honor my Dad and his storytelling, but it turned into a project that is… it’s hard to explain… but each podcast is delightful, silly and fun. Each one is a mish mosh of creative things all coming together under my direction. I guess it’s like conducting an orchestra of funky instruments. The instruments I don’t play though, but somehow I’m getting the pieces to all move together to the rhythm in my kooky brain. And I’m having a blast. It’s fun, goofy and silly. It’s like I’m playing with each one of these podcast stories that I put together. So, read up about it. Give money if you want to support it. I’ll probably go broke producing it all on my own, but hey… I won’t have any regrets because for the first time in my life I’m taking a HUGE risk. And hopefully it will make some people laugh and I will have learn a lot… and that will be all worth it.
janainaart
titsay
gummygunk
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