/sorry guys. uni is kicking my ass and my health problems are rly playing up atm so I havenât been online very much, I havenât forgotten about you tho
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@let-old-things-die
/sorry guys. uni is kicking my ass and my health problems are rly playing up atm so I havenât been online very much, I havenât forgotten about you tho
Reblog if youâre okay with having multiple threads with the same RP partner!
Post-TROS starter for first-order-general
let-old-things-dieâ:
It felt strange to hear that name on Huxâs lips. Not wrong, just⊠different. Ben was sure this was going to be a long, heavy period of adjustment for the both of them, though particularly Hux. Ben had Rey as a friend, and was starting to accept his real identity. How was that going to work for Hux? The First Order had pretty much been Huxâs entire identity.Â
Well, the nod was a small comfort; at least the other man hadnât outright rejected Ben. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the long silences almost unbearable, and he wondered how much Hux might be blaming him for this outcome. But then again, Ben still didnât know how the other had made it here in the first place.Â
âMm.â He tried not to cringe at the name Emperor Palpatine, and then shook his head. âWasnât me. Rey.â Having avoided eye contact for the last few minutes, Ben reluctantly met Huxâs gaze once more, and he got a vague sense what was going through his mind. It hurt, but Ben couldnât blame him.
âHowâd you get here?â
The scavenger had killed the Emperor. What an unlikely turn of events.
He only met Kyloâsâ Benâs gaze for a moment. He wasnât just hurting. He felt like he was dying. And not from his injuries, but from all of this. It was overwhelming, it was agony. His entire life was gone, everything heâd worked for. Everything he was.Â
His shoulders sagged, and he gave only a kind of miserable shrug in response to the question. âI got lucky. BB9Eâ hailed the Falcon. Helped me get to an escape pod, get off the ship. And then they,â a nod towards where Poe had been, last he saw them. His eyes prickled, and it made him furious. He didnât want to be grateful, he didnât want to be here at all. Sometimes he still wished heâd had the courage to stay on that ship, to die with honor.Â
âUh, they intercepted the pod.â Heâd lost a lot of blood, and heâd probably keep the limp for the rest of his life. A reminder of what heâd done.
Ben felt an overwhelming amount of guilt as he listened, his large form slouching further in his seat. He couldnât help but feel responsible for the pain Hux was feeling; he had been an abysmal excuse for a Supreme Leader, and Ben knew it. If he had been a better leader, then maybe...
No. Then he would still be Kylo, trapped in the shadows and constantly trying to claw his way back to the light, only to drown and wallow in the darkness once more. This was where he was supposed to be; he was supposed to be Ben, once and for all.Â
Ben wondered why Hux had defected, why he had been the one to leak information to the Resistance... but he decided not to push him any further right now. Hux seemed broken, and Ben did not want to contribute to his pain any more than he already had. Heâd already said sorry, although it felt inadequate, but other than that he really didnât know what else to say.
âI... donât know what to say,â Ben admitted, embarrassed by the fact that his eyes were beginning to sting again and by the waver in his voice. He had never shed tears in front of Hux, and he didnât want to start now, but the lump in his throat was growing more intense.Â
Drawing the Short Straw
let-old-things-dieâ:
Kylo opened his eyes to look at Fane in surprise, but it was far from an unpleasant surprise. He watched her face in curiosity, leaning further into the touch when her gentle fingers came into contact with his jaw.
As her hand continued to carefully wander down, Kylo kept his eyes locked on Fane, a contented, thoughtful expression on his face. Everything about him was becoming more relaxed; his jaw was no longer clenched, his body less tense.
How had Fane managed to do this to him? Well, however she had done it, Kylo felt he was in too deep to go back to shutting her out.
âAre you alright?â He could sense something in her, but was reluctant to look inside her mind for himself. That would cross a line.
Fane met his eyes. They were dark and beautiful, the eyelashes framing them like ferns edging a deep pool. She smiled softly at his question.
âI am. This isâŠvery nice.âÂ
She brushed the backs of her fingers along his cheek.Â
âIâve just never had this happen before. Iâve always been the one made to submit. Iâve never taken care of someone. Soothed someone with my touch. I could do this all night.â
âMm... it is...â Kylo agreed, nodding slowly. So, he wasnât the only one who needed this, even though he had been the one whoâd had a nightmare. Faneâs smile only served to comfort him further, and he knew he was too far gone to turn back now.
He gladly let her trial her fingers across his pale cheek, and he leaned into the touch. After a moment or so, he moved so that he was sitting next to her, dark eyes still examining her face. Hesitating, Kylo let a slightly trembling hand reach out to lightly brush Faneâs cheek. It tugged at his heart to know that Fane wasnât used to this; neither was he.
âIs this alright?â
Drawing the Short Straw
let-old-things-dieâ:
Kylo noticed the change in Faneâs breathing, but it didnât deter him. If anything, it was comforting to know that she was affected in the same way he was, even if it hadnât been intentional on his part. When she spoke, Kylo couldnât resist a quiet chuckle.
âThank you,â he murmured in response, her fingers lulling him into a relaxed state he hadnât known in years. Even when she brushed his temple, Kylo did not stir, hand still resting on Faneâs knee. âFeels⊠nice.â
His quiet chuckle made goosebumps prickle across her arms. She swallowed. When did her mouth go so dry?
âThatâs good.â
After a few more moments, Fane gave into temptation. She stroked the shell of his ear. With soft fingertips, she brushed along his jaw. His neck wasnât accessible, so she ran fingers up his shoulder and over the swell of his bicep.
It struck her, then, that this mountain of a man was quiet and still with his head in her lap. That made her feel powerful in a way she didnât understand.
Kylo opened his eyes to look at Fane in surprise, but it was far from an unpleasant surprise. He watched her face in curiosity, leaning further into the touch when her gentle fingers came into contact with his jaw.
As her hand continued to carefully wander down, Kylo kept his eyes locked on Fane, a contented, thoughtful expression on his face. Everything about him was becoming more relaxed; his jaw was no longer clenched, his body less tense.
How had Fane managed to do this to him? Well, however she had done it, Kylo felt he was in too deep to go back to shutting her out.
âAre you alright?â He could sense something in her, but was reluctant to look inside her mind for himself. That would cross a line.
Drawing the Short Straw
let-old-things-dieâ:
Kylo let his eyes flutter shut once more, and this time he accidentally let out a soft, contented humming sound. He would normally be horrified at allowing himself to show such weakness, but right now⊠well, he wasnât. The Supreme Leader felt safe for the first time in a long, long time.Â
âMmhm,â he gave a small nod, absent-mindedly letting one hand move to rest on Faneâs knee.Â
When he laid his hand on her knee, Fane had to pause to catch her breath. His hand was large and warm, encompassing her knee. It made the moment feel even more intimate. She started running her hand through his hair again.
âYou have such lovely hair,â she whispered.
Her fingers came a little further forward to brush his cheek before sweeping back into his hair. Her next brush through brought her finger tips across his temple.
Kylo noticed the change in Faneâs breathing, but it didnât deter him. If anything, it was comforting to know that she was affected in the same way he was, even if it hadnât been intentional on his part. When she spoke, Kylo couldnât resist a quiet chuckle.
âThank you,â he murmured in response, her fingers lulling him into a relaxed state he hadnât known in years. Even when she brushed his temple, Kylo did not stir, hand still resting on Faneâs knee. âFeels... nice.â
( let-old-things-die )
âYES, TO EVERYONE. BEN, WHEN they realise you saved my life on exegol - that you helped me to defeat the emperor⊠theyâll forgive you.â she told him. they had to forgive him. if they didnât then⊠sheâd make them. shifting a little at her own thoughts she offered ben a smile, knowing he hadnât heard what was in her head. he had no idea what was going on.Â
âyou should sleep.â she told him, leaning over to rest a hand on his shoulder. âiâll still be here when you wake up, i donât think the medics are going to let me leave anytime soon, and you need the rest.â she said. he mustâve been in so much pain, and sleeping would surely help him heal faster. she could cope, alone with her thoughts. it would only be a few hoursâŠ
âOkay.â Ben wasnât sure he quite believed her - there was no way forgiveness would happen that quickly. It would be a slow process, and Ben was prepared for that. He wanted to do anything he could in order to make up for what he had done.Â
âMm...â He shrugged, although he knew Rey was right. Staying awake was more than he could manage at the moment. Settling back down, Ben let his eyes flutter shut, though he did not let go of Reyâs hand. With that, he fell asleep.Â
Drawing the Short Straw
let-old-things-dieâ:
Kylo slowly closed his eyes and gradually allowed himself to relax, letting out another soft sigh. Faneâs hand was gentle and warm, comforting him much more than he would have liked to admit. He was starting to relax so much that when he felt her thumb brush against his ear, this time he did not flinch at the touch.Â
Faneâs request surprised Kylo. He opened his eyes, glancing over at her with a briefly raised eyebrow. Why would she offer that? Then again⊠that did sound nice, and they were clearly familiar enough for it not to be awkward at this point.
Kylo nodded, still watching Fane in curiosity.
Fane was telling herself that she suggested this because it calmed him. Because he was so tall, keeping her arm up was going to be difficult after a while. But, really, she felt so safe with him that she found herself craving a closeness she hadnât had in a very long time.
She scooted down to the end of the couch so that he could lay comfortably. Once he was comfortable, she began softly running her fingers through his hair again.
âIs this okay?â
Kylo let his eyes flutter shut once more, and this time he accidentally let out a soft, contented humming sound. He would normally be horrified at allowing himself to show such weakness, but right now... well, he wasnât. The Supreme Leader felt safe for the first time in a long, long time.Â
âMmhm,â he gave a small nod, absent-mindedly letting one hand move to rest on Faneâs knee.Â
Drawing the Short Straw
let-old-things-dieâ:
Kyloâs eyes widened at the touch - nobody had touched his hair for years. For a moment he wasnât sure how to respond; should he move away? Reprimand Fane for presuming to touch him like this?
No, he didnât want to do that.
Instead, Kylo found himself leaning into Faneâs gentle hand, letting out a contented sigh. He had always found this comforting, something very few people knew about him.Â
Leaning into her hand was all the encouragement Fane needed. She delved her hand deeper into his hair, letting her fingers run through the soft tresses. Disturbing it released the scents of sweat, soap, and shampoo. It was a musky, male scent. A warm scent.Â
She leaned a little closer. As her hand came down, the pad of her thumb ran along the edge of his ear. She caressed it a moment longer before bringing her hand back up into his hair.
âWouldâŠâ Her voice was low. Intimate. âWould you like to put your head in my lap while I do this?â
Kylo slowly closed his eyes and gradually allowed himself to relax, letting out another soft sigh. Faneâs hand was gentle and warm, comforting him much more than he would have liked to admit. He was starting to relax so much that when he felt her thumb brush against his ear, this time he did not flinch at the touch.Â
Faneâs request surprised Kylo. He opened his eyes, glancing over at her with a briefly raised eyebrow. Why would she offer that? Then again... that did sound nice, and they were clearly familiar enough for it not to be awkward at this point.
Kylo nodded, still watching Fane in curiosity.
/yeah, donât think iâm gonna be online as much for a little while. not doing well at all.Â
ben solo but i need a hero is playing
I love how you play him as vulnerable and strong.
/ Oh !! Thank you so much anon
/Happy new year, you lovely people!
Anonymously send me your favorite detail about how I play my character.
I will publish and respond OOC.
My piggie babies. If Elros the black one would stay put that would be nice.
second image has the same energy
ben:
Ben sat in the corner of the tent, on the floor, huddled up as if hiding. Well, cowering would be a more accurate word, he thought to himself as he curled up tighter. He wasnât letting anybody in. The nearby beeping sounded distant to him; he couldnât bear to answer any of the messages that were piling up, the words flying past him. All from his mother, of course. About how she was always meaning to tell him, but could never find the right time.
The right time had never come about for twenty three yearsâŠ? Surely there must have been opportunities for her to tell Ben. All that time⊠then again, when was the right time to find out that Darth Vader was your grandfather? Still, Ben felt as if the rug had been swept from beneath his feet. She shouldâve told me herself, he thought. I shouldnât have found out like this.
Suddenly it all made sense. That persistent voice in his head, the quiet but steadily growing darkness inside him, always an outsider. This was why. This whole time, Ben had assumed it was a character defect of some kind. He thought it had been all his fault for not being the perfect son. The messages from his mother continued to pile up. He trembled, but didnât cry; after all, he wasnât sure what this feeling was. Fear? Anger? Betrayal? A combination?
It was only when a message with a different voice came through that Benâs weary eyes flickered up to the receiver. It was that voice that made his eyes start to sting. A shuddering sob threatened to escape him as he listened, especially when he heard the words âI love you, Ben.â
How could he possibly face Galya now that they both knew who he was related toâŠ? Shuffling over, at first he just sent a read notice. Then, after sitting there on the floor in silence for far too long, Ben realised he didnât want to be alone right now. With shaky hands, he decided to call her back, not ready to face his mother yet.
âGalyaâŠ?â His voice wavered pathetically, but Ben couldnât bring himself to care right now. âAre⊠are you there?â
A fitful sleep had befallen her despite best efforts to stay awake. She dreamt of him, as she often did, close to, but never quite, real enough. Often the dream was a memory, her mind recalling with longing a moment she needed so terribly to temporarily quell her aching and unyielding yearning for the one she loved most of all. Curled with him under several blankets (city-planet girl, so unused to actual climate as she was when she visited him), fingertips tracing patterns and random formulas that came into her head on the bare skin of his back in the semidarkness. Eventually heâd sigh and shift so he was facing her, long arms winding around her middle, nose pressed into the smooth plane of skin just above her collarbone. Galya would drape an arm over him, fingers threading in his hair as she pressed a kiss to the top of his head, and theyâd fall asleep like that. (When she was on Coruscant, just dreaming, sheâd wake up, alone, and so sadâŠ.)
The voice, small and heartbreaking but clear through her receiver, startled her awake with a gasp, and she clambered to the end of her bed, opening her line as quickly as her sleep-addled reflexes could manage. âYesâ! IâmâŠIâm here. One second,â her senses sharpened as her grogginess passed, and she adjusted the levels on her transmitter. Sheâd tear this damn galaxy apart herself if interference dared to mess up this holo right now.
Still rubbing her eyes, she exhaled, relieved when she saw him. The flickery blue holo was a poor substitute, but it was something. âHi, starshine.â A silly pet name sheâd conjured up a long time ago. Galya tried to smile but oh, she could see the anguish in his eyes. It killed her she wasnât there with him. She shouldnât have left. That was so stupid of her. âDid youâŠtalk to your mom?â She knew asking him if he was okay would be a moot point, becauseâŠ.he definitely wasnât.
The sight of Galya, groggy with sleep but still as beautiful as he remembered, was infinitely soothing. Ben couldnât make himself smile, but it was clear from his expression that he needed her right now. Stars, he had missed that nickname. Galya may have thought it was little more than a silly little nickname, but for Ben, it was so much more, especially now.Â
Seeing her now reminded Ben of those times she had come to visit. They would huddle together in the tent, Galya clinging to him in need of warmth, and Ben happy to oblige. She was much smaller than him, but the boy had always felt safe when she was near, ever since they were children. Since that first meeting, it felt as if Galya had been the one protecting Ben, but also helping to ease him out of his shell.Â
âHi,â he managed, voice rasping a little. He realised he must have looked a mess, but that didnât exactly matter. Galya wouldnât judge him for that, and especially not given the current situation. If only she was actually here with him...Â
Ben slowly shook his head, glancing away. âI... listened to her messages,â he said with a small shrug. They had told him all he needed to know, and he still couldnât face talking to his mother.Â
âAre you scared of me now?âÂ