Let's Ask the Librarian

Weird shit I get asked working at an academic library reference desk.

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Proctoring a test. Part of my speech I give before hand mentions that each section of the exam starts with 3 practice questions that do not count towards your time or grade. They just give you an idea of how the test is going to work...

Student: OH MY GOD MA'AM!! Me: Yes... Student: The test is saying this weird thing... Me: Ok...What is it saying? Student: I don't know, I was just taking the test and after a few questions this new screen popped up! Me: **Walks over** Ok, so this graph is showing that you answered the 3 practice questions and gives you your practice score. Then here it says "Once you are ready to begin the exam click the NEXT button." So if you are ready to start the exam, hit next. Student: So what where those other questions I answered? Me: ......Um, the 3 practice questions I told you about.... Student: Oh ok.

O.o

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

That feeling you get when you are trying to explain to a patron (who asked for your help) that opening a Powerpoint and then copy/pasting the entire wikipedia article onto ever slide is 1) not ethical 2) not research and 3) not at all what your professor wanted....

‪#‎DontSayTheLibrarianHelpedYou‬

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Yup. I came in this morning to find that my supervisor printed out an email and put it on my desk for me to read....instead of just forwarding it to me....

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So I popped in an Altoids after lunch and then helped a student on one of the computers. Me: *Explaining something to students* Her: Wow! I really like your tic-tac breath! Me: ..............................

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No. I will not sit here and type your paper for you because I type faster than you. Sorry. That is not in my job description.

Also, while we are on things that are not in my job description... I will not loan you my cell phone to leave the building with. I will not buy you a bus pass with my own money, yes, even though I make more money than you. No I will not call your professor and cuss him out because you felt that he gave you the wrong grade. And no, I will not watch your kids for you here in the library while you go to your four hour class. Sorry. That's not what I do.

Oh, that was all the same student.  ‪#‎SorryNotSorry‬ ‪#‎NotMyJob‬‪#‎HideMePlease‬

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Stay Classy

A student came up to be to complain about something I have no control over. She was upset and didn't like my answer. So she turned and walked away....but not before she let out a MASSIVE fart....

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Moms don’t count though

Proctoring a test. Me: All cell phones must be off or on silent. If you answer your phone during the test you automatically fail and must come back to take the test again. Student: Yeah, my phone is off.

10 minutes goes by.

**Cell phone rings** Student: *Answers phone* Hey mom, what's up? Me: ....Well, you automatically fail the test and have to come back in 7 days if you want to try again. Student: What?! WHY?! Me:.... I wasn't kidding about the phone rule. Student: But, it was JUST my mom. Me: That's ok. It doesn't matter who it was, you can't have your phone on during the test. Sorry. You have to come back no sooner than 7 days. Student: This is bullshit! Me: Well, I did let you know before hand...

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Do NOT steal the Library Printer

Our IT guy comes in to tell me that in June he will be taking my only printer/copier from the Library to use for a Career Services event for a few hours.....

Me: No you are not. Him: Yes, I only need it for a few hours, like 5 or 6. Me: I hope you are kidding me because you can't have it. I am so serious right now. Him: ....what? Why? Me: I am fairly certain students would riot if we don't have the printer in here. Plus, you have SIX computer labs with printers in them. You can use one of those. You can not have mine. Him: But yours is already set up... Me: Not my problem. You can't have mine.

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Me: Hey IT Guy, this student has tried playing this DVD in this entire bank of computers and basically we need the drivers updated for Windows Media player. Can you do that please? Him: You don't need the updates. It works fine. Me ...Ok....so how come when I try to play this movie a screen pops up telling me that I need to update the drivers? Him: The DVD is bad. Me: No...this DVD worked just fine a few months back. This is one of the more popular ones. Him: No. You are wrong. Me:.... Can you please just update my drivers?

**20 minutes later**

Him: You are right. The DVD worked on my computer. So I will have to come update your drivers. Me: Huh. That's so weird.

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Admission Rep: (Drops student off for testing to me and leaves.) Me: I'll just need your ID. Student: Uh, why? Me: To verify your identity....I just have to check it and give it back. Student: It's in my car....Wait, how long is this test? Me: 12 minutes. Student: You know what, never mind. I'm not doing this stupid sh**. Forget it I'm out. (Walks out and slams door.)

Well, then. That was fun....

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

What is so hard about "Please turn your phone off otherwise you fail this test"????? Come on...you are trying to get into college....you checked your phone and told me it was off....and yet, it is ringing...

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

That moment when your coworker comes up to you and says "hey you misspelled this word. You should reprint these and remember to use spell check next time."

Me: What is spelled wrong? Him: Find it. Me:....yeah I'm not seeing any spelling errors....wanna help me out? Him: (Points to the word liaison) Me:....what's wrong with it? Him: It's spelled wrong. Me:.....um, no it's not. (Types liaison into google define) See. It's right. Him: **crickets** Him: Well, make sure you are using spell check. Me: Um, ok, will do....

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

OMG It’s the staff too...

Me: (I've sent an email to the IT guy that itemizes literally everything I need him to do in the Library. CCed both my big bosses) Him: So I got the email you sent. What do you need. Me: ...well, I have everything in the email. Just check the computers against that. Him: Right, but what do you need? Me: ...I need you to update my computers here....like I said in the email.... Him: What do you mean update the computers? Me: Um....Well...like the email said, some of the computers have the most recent updates for Internet Explorer or Chrome or any other number of programs....and some do not. Some are 2-3 versions back. This is keeping students from being able to use said software. Him: So what do you want me to do? Me: Are you pulling my leg? Him: ....no. (Looks really confused) Me: Would you like me to print the email for you? It lists the computer number and what each and every computer needs done to it....I spent a week inventorying each computer.....I just need you to look at that sheet and do what it asks. Him: Oh. Ok. Well, what time do you want to get together so we can do this? Me: We? What do you mean? I can't help you...I don't have the administrator password...If I had that I wouldn't have even bothered calling you! Him: Oh. Ok. I'll be back. Me: O.o

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

I legit just spent 3 minutes trying to figure out what this patron needed help with...

He didn't know how to make a question mark....

It took a full minute and a half to show him and have him remember how to do it....

I then had to show him how to use the enter button to make a new paragraph.

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Instructor: Hey can you come teach my class some research stuff? Me: Sure, let's see what I have available on my schedule. Instructor: (Looking confused) Are you really that busy? Me: ...ummm yeah.... Instructor: Oh. Me: What day? Instructor: Friday. I won't be in and I don't want to get a substitute so I just wanted you to come in to teach for me. Me: What time where you thinking? I am out Wednesday, Thursday, and a half day Friday for a Library conference. Him: Oh. Really? You guys have conferences? What exactly does one do at a library conference? What do you have to talk about?

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Instructor: Hey, can you show me how to do *thing*? Me: Was my email not clear? I screen capped and labeled the entire process for you.. Instructor: I didn't get the email. Me: Oh, I sent it last week. Weird. I'll have to look into that. *shows her how to do the thing which takes 30+ minutes*

Later I check my sent folder and see that the email was in fact sent last week.

Me: *Walks to her office to see why she didn't get the email* So, the email sent, want to check to see if you got it? Instructor: Sure. **Logs into computer and Outlook. 100+ emails populate** Me: ...How often do you login to your email? Instructor: Oh I don't know, I forget sometimes. Me: ...........

[letsaskthelibrarian-blog]

Call IT for a good time

I am fairly certain I just got punked by my coworkers....

I have a list of corporate phone numbers to call if needed. I've had it since day 1. I needed to call the corporate IT number. I dialed.

"Are you looking for more than a woman?"

Uhhhhhhhhh WTF! **HANG UP! HANG UP!**

Go to the Dean and tell him and he laughs and says "yeah, I thought we had fixed that a while ago. I'll get with **person who makes the list** to fix it."

Yeah. I was totally punked.