Lucy's Diary: I can be self-centered here. @letshopeitsbetterthanbefore - Tumblr Blog

Posts

After my last post, I just needed to share a bit of joy. This is Teddy, at bedtime, the night before last... what a giggle, he keeps us going even when things are really tough ❤

On the 1st March we said goodnight for the last time to our Queen, the ultimate Diva, Ophelia - the first cat I have ever had who truly chose me.

A beautiful feline who loved rain, and would shout at you until you let her go out in it, who had discovered a love of digging up gardens and lawns in the past year, who likes to scoop her wet food out of her bowl and dump it on the carpet, who had us all wrapped around her paw, who was the most communicative cat I've ever met, always had something to say, and who loved to lay on the sofa and be brushed for hours on end.

At not even 8 years old, it turned out that she had such a rapid growing and aggressive tumour that there was no other option for her but to kiss her goodnight and let her go. To show you the timeline, I booked her a vets appt on the 18th Feb, she was seen on the 25th Feb, returned for an ultrasound on the 28th Feb and was put to sleep on the 1st March, an impossible timeframe to comprehend to loss of a family member who you love so so much.

We are all distraught. Heartbroken... and in utter disbelief. Just one week before she was digging up the lawn, looking a little skinnier than usual with thinning furr (I thought it was a thyroid issue) but seeming ok otherwise, and now this.

I have no more words, only tears and this huge void she has left. We love you so so much Ophie.

(And nearly 3 weeks on, I still cannot sit on the sofa without her in the evenings, I sob every time Teddy is asleep and Charles isn't home because I miss her so much, and I hear her meow and chirps and see her tail all the time like she is still here... waiting for it to get easier without her, but it is so hard and so so wrong. Taking her to be put to sleep was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done, and I am a bloody nurse at a children's hospice. I hurts, every single thing about the whole situation really fucking hurts. Please, Ophie, come back...)

It has been a tough month for the little one. Usually well and healthy! Jan 15th the first cold started, then bronchiolitis, then thrush and the most raw nappy rash ever, then another cold, then eczema and currently I'm hoping this cold stays mild because his chest sounds pretty rough... eczema on his face and nappy rash almost gone 🤞🤞 he has also sprouted his 8th tooth in the last month. One thing on top of the other!

However, he has stayed our very own little ball of happy energy. He does strop, don't get me wrong but mostly he is highly entertaining and smiley. Hard to believe he will be 10 months old in a few days! Could not love our boy more.

Tumblr is struggling with my posts

If this posts, you'll get to see what my adorable naughty little nearly-10-month- old looked like today as he escaped into Granny's garden and caused havoc whilst I was at work.

My little munchkin is currently sick with Bronchiolitis. He was very poorly on Friday. Thursday evening had to phone 111 for advice then telephone and in person assessment by Out Of Hours GP, then another telephone appt and in person appt with a local GP on Friday, followed by the evening in Paediatric A&E after the GP called them and recommended we be seen. Teddy had a temp of 39C, high respiratory rate, some cyanosis of lips and hands mottled and purple, irritable and so exhausted he couldn't stay awake for 20 minutes, listless, making no effort to move or babble, refusing all solid food and struggling to feed from me, on top of his usual cold symptoms (he got a cold on the 15th, only worsened on Thursday 27th).

Happy to report he is much more himself! Temp gone, RR better, no cyanosis or mottling, still irritable at times but not all the time, back to refusing naps and barely sleeping. He now has an awful cough, a wheeze and a hoarse voice with, I think, a sore throat. He winces when eating, and only just started taking a little solid food again, in time it will refurn. When he cries, his voice is so hoarse and quiet you can barely hear him, and also when he is babbling bless him. He is on the move again though! Cruising furniture, crawling, standing, climbing over people. Back to being his cheeky self, stealing phones and food and chuckling at himself.

It was been a stressful weekend, but as our boy improves, it all gets better.

Photo dump

I am really terrible at updating my blog these days.

Teddy is now 8.5 months old. He is mischievous, going to be Teddy the Troublemaker I think. He pulls himself to stand wherever he wants, very quickly, and cruises the furniture, he crawls rapidly, he climbs and can even do stairs now. He is such a happy chappy with a huge appetite and a lot of energy and seemingly minimal requirement for sleep. He is pure joy. I could not love anything or anyone more.

I went back to work this week, the first time in 11 months and the first time since Teddy. It went smoothly, by day 2 I felt like I'd never left and Teddy had two great days, one with Charles and one with my Mum.

2021 was the best of my life thanks to having Teddy, Happy New Year!

Christmas 2021 was also the most magical of my life so far, so full of joy.

Will endeavour to properly update soon!

My health

After my last post @exitrowiron asked how my health has been, and it really has been quite some time since I have talked about it!

Happy to report my health, on the whole, has been great.

I think carrying Theodore so often has strengthen my shoulders and arms significantly, they no longer seem to slip out of socket with no cause, and rarely sublux now, except sometimes when feeding Teddy lay down I support myself at a bad angle and they pop out. Used to be a few times a day on most days, now infrequently!

I don't have the nausea and reflux I often used to suffer with before or during pregnancy. I can eat large portions. I have more of an appetite than I did before Teddy

I am always tired, but it used to be from chronic fatigue and now it is sleep deprivation! We are working on sleep. He is the happiest baby ever, but he doesn't do sleep. Never has done in the day, but now nights are poor too. However is giggles are like an endless source of energy.

I am on significantly less medication.

The only thing that gives me a lot of grief is my left thumb and wrist, extremely painful. Has a lump on it too and has done for months. Dislocated all the time. Painful when doing anything, and I'm left handed.

But so much else has improved! I feel fitter and healthier than I have for years.

Our Teddy is 6 months old and absolutely perfect.

He has 4 teeth, and 2 more that have cut through.

He can sit independently.

He is so so so close to crawling.

And he is a complete joy.

He is exhausting, and does not do daytime napping, and these last two teeth that have cut through (the top front) have caused a lot of trouble this past week (unlike the other four).

But oh his smiles.

His giggles.

His cuddles.

His babbling.

His constant development.

I love him and us, and our wonderful family.

First adult book I have read since Teddy has been born!!

On Saturday 11th Charles and I finally got to have the wedding party we planned as the beginning of last year. The pressure was off, because we have already been legally married 11 months, but it felt incredible to be able to do it all again with almost all of our most loved ones. It was emotional, beautiful and so so much fun - and we had our beautiful Teddy there with us truly celebrating what a good relationship can bring. In Charles's parents idyllic garden, with a horse box bar and woodfired pizza and a band local to us in Oxford. The same celebrant as last year did it again for us, the photographer snapped happy pictures of us and family and lots of Teddy and the 12 dogs who were present with us. I drank too much, danced a lot and smiled more than I have in my life.

Words cannot describe how perfect it all was.

I cannot wait to see the professional photos!

We are currently on our way back to Scotland as we are doing the North Coast 500 for our honeymoon, just the three of us, our family car and roof box tent.

Life is bliss.

I have so many hundreds of photos to share with you! I can't, so here are just 10 of my favourites from the past two months.

4 months and 11 days of Teddy, I cannot imagine life without him 😘 so so lucky to have my incredible husband and local supportive family! He is doted on by many.

Tumblr really doesn't want me to update you on our married lives with our beautiful baby boy, who is now 4 months and 1 week old. I've tried to post a photo montage a few times, clearly he is just too cute to view!

Being a Mum to Teddy (Theodore) is a joy.

It is exhausting, some days I don't make much sense and I feel so tired I can't find my words. It is full-time. Not like having a job full time because that is actually only a few hours in the day. It is every minute of every day.

But oh my god is it worth it.

He is wonderful. 12 weeks old today and incredible, he giggles and babbles and has incredible head control. He loves his mummy and Daddy and his grandparents and Uncle Charlie. He has met many people. He is such a smiley boy! He is awake from 09:00-22:30 at least, the whole time with only infrequent 10 minute naps. He gets a bit stroppy at night when tired, I get it. He is utterly beautiful and so affectionate and I love being his Mum, and I love Charles (hubby) more for the Dad he is for Teddy.

Very happy.

Very busy.

Two whole months old (yesterday).

Where has that time gone?!

Theodore has become more and more fun to be around everyday, he smiles all the time, he chats to himself and inanimate objects, he likes to stand tall (obviously held) and has rolled over by himself a few times. He is bright as a button and always awake (does not sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time during the hours of 11am to midnight).

His personality is starting to shine through.

I am bloody loving being a mum, it is exhausting and repetitive and hard at times but oh my I love it, and it all feels very natural.

I cannot describe the love we have for him, only that I now finally know what my parents feel for me and I feel guilty about every time I was horrible or drunk or got into dangerous situations as a teenager, for every time i worried them.

My boy, our Teddy, is more than I ever could have wished for and I feel lucky every day.

He is 8 weeks old today

Where has that time gone?!

7 weeks and 1 day of loving you.

Our Teddy bear is now 10lbs 7oz! Gained 2lbs 1oz on Mummy's milk. He develops every day in some way, today he is making noises he has never made before! His head control is incredible. He is wide awake all day and doesn't want to miss a moment. He is more engaged with the world than ever!

I am suitable exhausted but totally loving it.

5 weeks and 4 days old and growing every day.

Teddy is full of cheeky smiles, and can already really lift his head up! He is so so strong now.

He has been having his first holiday, up at his grandparents house in Scotland, with us since Friday. The journey up took 8hrs instead of 4hrs because of traffic but he did incredibly well. Since he has been up here he has met his Great Granny, Great Uncle and Great Great Auntie (used the word Great so many times it looks wrong) as well as my best mate Sam who came over from Ediburgh to meet him.

It has been a stunning week and weekend, 22 degrees C most days which has been a blessing for me but has been challenging for Teddy (who has been in the shade 90% of the time but it is still hot for him - been freezing and torrential rain most of his life), and a tough but wonderful week as parents.

I love being here, it is so beautiful, so relaxing and everyone loves Teddy so much.

Now we know how well he travels, we can be sure to do it again as soon as possible!

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Lucy's Diary: I can be self-centered here.