Wake The Sun @letswakethesun-blog - Tumblr Blog

Wow. Hi, late night Tumblr. I haven't been on here properly in A LONG TIME. There's just no time to keep scrolling and scrolling. But I do miss y'all sometimes. Maybe I'll pop in from time to time. If you want more updates, I post on Instagram and Twitter pretty much every day <3

courtneycoles

through being cool. #1yearoftears #emonightla 📷: @gilphotography (at Echoplex)

nourrice

yes he is cute but will it matter when he makes you suffer? no

That moment you realize at least 2/4 of the guys you liked / had a *thing* with this year have girlfriends. Possibly even 3/4. Hell could be 4/4 for all I know. Then there's me. Still single. Hello, it's me. The almost-relationship gateway to your actual relationship.

Before I listened to 25 and cried while driving 💔 #Adele #adele25

#adele25 #adele

A sea of 3OH!3. Last night was wild ::: #KMGMT #3OH3 #USC (at USC Phi Sigma Kappa)

#3oh3 #usc #kmgmt

"We're going to book male strippers for 3OH!3's USC show" - my boss 😯🙃😏 (at USC Phi Sigma Kappa)

Finished season one of Master of None, and then season one of Girlfriend's Guide To Divorce this weekend. Solid shows.

#master of none #girlfriend's guide to divorce

cvstleofglass

studio killers // jenny

Sometimes I'm reminded of Austin Butler and I swoon completely.

I met Jay in a Target through my fave @mel_cakes. Turns out he designed the main characters of Bob’s Burgers. Check out his book / work : @punksgitcut (at Secret Headquarters)

#bob's burgers #animation #cartoons #art #Los Angeles

Getting a sugar high with the #KMGMT team + home girl Yolanda in Downtown #Disney before @asitisofficial hits the stage. (so close to Disneyland, yet so far 😭) Repost from @kmgmt (at House of Blues Anaheim)

#kmgmt #disney

anamorphosis-and-isolate

cantstopswiping

Ghosting

ghosting (noun.): the act of ignoring messages, avoiding phone calls, passively disappearing from someone else’s life.

I’m guilty of it. Some of my Tinder dates are guilty of it. It seems like no one in this current dating landscape is willing to be honest and upfront if they just aren’t interested. Rather than sending a quick text saying “Hey, I don’t think we have a romantic future together” or “Sorry, I’m not into you that way,” singles are more likely to ignore a suitor’s advances and leave said suitor spiraling into a pit of self-conscious questioning.

Aziz Ansari sums it up pretty well in his book Modern Romance: “The madness I was descending into wouldn’t have even existed twenty or even ten years ago. There I was, maniacally checking my phone every few minutes, going through this tornado of panic and hurt and anger all because this person hadn’t written me a short, stupid message on a dumb little phone.” (check out the whole book, it’s great!)

The Fear Of Confrontation

Personally, I have ghosted because I avoid confrontation like the plague. I am terrified of upsetting other people, and I naively hoped that ghosting would take the sting out of rejection.

But it doesn’t. I have since learned that ghosting just leaves everything open ended. There’s no closure to the situation, there’s always the [imagined] possibility that the ghoster will come to their senses and “unghost” (finally respond).

After a pretty terrible first date, one Tinder match sent me a few follow up texts, including this one:

No, I would not be interested in getting dinner sometime. I have absolutely no desire to go on a second date with him. But I couldn’t work up the courage to tell the truth and squash this doomed romantic interaction. Now, I might continue getting a few pathetic texts every month or so checking in to see if I still won’t respond. And I feel terrible for leaving him in that position.

The Lack of Rejection

Ghosting allows for a person to completely avoid telling someone they’re not interested. It is rejecting through the lack of overt rejection, an open ended alternative to the definitive “I’m not interested in you.”

When I was talking to one particular Tinder date, things started out promising. After seeing him twice, we were still texting consistently, trying to make plans. Then he started responding less frequently and with less enthusiasm. I’m not interested in texting back and forth for eternity, so I worked up the courage to ask him (almost) directly:

And you know what happened? I never heard from him again. There’s my hint, and it hurt. I think it even hurt more than if he had come out and said something. Because by ignoring my text, he’s basically saying “you’re not worth a response”

“You’re not worth the decency of an actual rejection”

I replayed our two dates over and over in my head. What did I do wrong? Why doesn’t he like me? What had changed? I wasn’t upset because of the specific guy, there really wasn’t a future there. The rejection (or lack thereof) is what hurt the most.

Takeaways:

Ghosting is the coward’s way out

Anyone who ghosts you isn’t worth the time.

letswakethesun-blog

PREACH. I have dealt with a couple ghost boys this year. One in particular came in and out of my life for over a year.

Note to self: never let that happen again. They are not worthy.