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@lettre-du-vide
"average wizard eats 3 magical artifacts a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average wizard eats 0 magical artifacts per year. Gale of Waterdeep, who lives in tav's camp & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
Sexting like “makes sense. sounds good to me.”
Be gentle... if you can.
gonna get him a cone collar if he keeps this up
he has that sadness in his eyes that you only see in eastern european gay porn
I had this idea rotating in my head for a couple days so
Astarion in Early Access: "Hahaha yes I'm very charming and deceptive and evil and sex is so much fun and I really don't care about anyone."
Astarion in the Full Game: "I haven't had bodily autonomy in 200 years and I've forgotten how to be intimate with someone beyond using it to lure people to their deaths and I have so much trauma regarding sex and I seduced you because it's what I've had to do to survive for literal centuries and I needed you to be on my side but I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you but you're so kind and amazing that I fell anyway and I'm terrified of real emotions but I want *us* to be real because you deserve it and I really care about you but I need you to help me because this is all so new and I'm so scared but I want this to work and I-"
Gale: by the way, I’m a living bomb. We did find a way to control it, though. At least I can control when it will go off and I die.
Karlach: no way!! Mine will just go off some day. We tried to fix it but at least I can touch people now.
Tav: okay sound off in the group who is NOT a living bomb.
Astarion: I’m not!
Tav: oh thank the gods-
Astarion: I’m part of a set of living bombs! We’re a sacrifice, you see. But there will very much be explosions involved.
what he says: ugh stop being nice to me it makes me want to do it back
what he means: i dont know how to react to someone treating me kindly and am scared that if i return it, it will have been an act to get me to lower my guard and be hurt. i can never allow myself to show weakness so i have to react to kindness by being snooty about it.
Astarion I txtposts
am so normal about him
bonus action: BITE!
im sooo normal about astarion I wanna talk about him a normal amount
The Astarion bite scene is infinitely funnier if you’re an elf
Motherfucker chose the one person in the group who doesn’t actually sleep to try and bite and thought it would go well
Halsin officially joined our dysfunctional family 🌿
I need him in ways so desperately concerning to feminism that I am banned from ever marching in a woman’s right movement again- FUCK.
nobody can interrupt me while I'm romancing my twink elf vampire boyfriend or my mommy berserker tiefling girlfriend or my evil drow assassin mistress
