!BLOOD DRINKER!

!sanguinarian vampire support blog!

[lexsang]

I realized about a year ago that im a vampire. First it was a kin thing, an ,,Oh i really feel like i should be one, i wish i could, maybe someday i will be turned", then it became whatever it is now. Sometimes i call it a delusion because i know myself to be delusional about reality in general (not in the horrid buzzword way but the actually delusional way, just wanna clarify), but theres just too much that confirms me to be a vampire. As a baby i was legally dead and then just. Came back. Revived, apparently, my mother swears an angel revived me. I now think its because of immortality. I have a thirst for blood. For a long time i thought i couldnt truly be a vampire because i find blood disgusting- turns out im just very picky about it and only find jt appealing from very few peoole. But i do have a constant thirst that no water and no medicine ive tried fixes. Blood does, though ive only drank my own so far, and only very little of it. I remember being younger trying to get blood into a jar and being disappointed that it wouldnt work. I remember being even younger trying to catch a bird because i was insatiable. Ive been fascinated with vampires since my early teens. Sometimes the need to look and act and live more like one is almost unbearable. The CFS i have, i think, is related to it. I mean, of course- no blood ever before, amd nowadays only small quantities? I do think that around the time i first had a little bit of blood, it started getting better. Now, with a few drops every now and then from myself, i can actually work and live again. I dont have normal amounts of energy, but im not housebound anymore.

So, a i found the kin community, then a video on "real life vampires", then another video vaguely on sanguinarians and spooky encounters with vampires, and now this. Nowadays, saying im a vampire kin doesnt feel right anymore. Its been so watered down by the mainstream and it feels wrong to say that i wish i was one, or think i am one. Like, i wouldnt say ,,Oh i think i am/wish i was a guy." I am a guy, just as i am a vampire.

Still, the kin community was the first big step into it and i still love it dearly. Still wear gear (well... one red black bracelet that looks bloody, vampire-esque clothes, whatever that means). I am pretty pale and veiny, so thats very nice.

ANYWAYS, the main point of this ask is: how do i connect with other sanguinarians? I am from germany, a pretty small town, and ive never heard the word until a few days ago (and finally found something that matches for the first time). In the capital or such there might be meetups, but its hours away and those are likely roleplays. Now, i have heard that there are "secret sanguinarian meets in central europe" but either thats bullshit or theyre so secret that theres nothing to find about it. So yeah, help a vamp out please

If I'm being honest with myself, I still don't think I have any idea what otherkin are, especially in relation to vampirism... But I have quite a bit that could help you. While the U.S. vampire community experienced a schism that has left most of us without local communities to connect with (not to mention the size of the U.S.), Germany is home to a house that I used to be fairly well acquainted with. Sadly, life happened and I haven't been as active in online circles in a while, but they established a fantastic community that I enjoyed being a part of for a while. They may even be able to get you a mentor, which, if their people who do mentorship are better than the ones I have seen in my time in American courts, they should be able to set you up nicely with the information you need. I should also say that I don't know that they do mentorships, so I won't guarantee that is something you can expect. I'll give you a few links to look through below.

House Sauromatos: sauromatos.com - @sauromatos

Black Rose Society: @blackrosesociety-vampyres

I do think I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't mention that auto feeding (there are plenty of words for it, but I mean feeding off of your own blood) can be a slippery slope. Many vampires have done it, so it is a bit hypocritical to tell you not to, but it can become a dangerous practice over time, so I have to reccomend that it is limited if possible. If you have any particular questions, please feel free to message me or send another ask and I will answer what I can, but know that vampirism can be different for each of us, so my answers can only cover what I have experienced.

[lexsang]

How do i cope best with not outwardly being the way i know im supposed to be? I often feel bad about my general looks and teeth. Because in my eyes, vampires dont look the way i do- and i am one, so why cant i look that way? Is there any way to deal with that or is it just an ,,Eh gotta shoulder it" thing?

I have a few different answers for you, so feel free to take whatever feels like it will work and leave whatever doesn't. First of all, if you haven't already, I would look up general resources on managing body dysmorphia. It's almost guaranteed that you will find practices that are helpful, and the people who help others manage body dysmorphia are certified and actually know what they're talking about, unlike me :P

The first thing that I want to make sure that I say is that I have met a decent number of vamps at this point, and in my experience, there are no phenotypical cues (observable characteristics) that make it clear that someone is a vampire. Each and every vamp I have met has been wildly different, and the thing that has made it clear that they were all vampires came from a deeper place than their looks. What I'm trying to get at is that there is a vampire that looks exactly like you because you are that vampire.

If that is too flowery for you and ultimately unhelpful from your perspective, there are ways to make changes. Depending on your circumstances, you may have to save up for them, but there are always fangsmiths (like psykic fangs) that can make custom fangs for you. I even started learning how to make them myself a while ago, but haven't tried my hand at that hobby in a while. There are cheaper options for fang caps as well, or you could even try to learn how to make them if you're particularly crafty. Some people even use coloured contacts, but I don't know much about them.

I am currently dealing with a similar issue myself, not around vampirism, but still similar. Whenever I hit a particularly difficult crossroad like this, I think that the best place to start is acceptance. Not acceptance in the way that you just say 'this is how it is', but that 'this is where we are now, so this is where we start'. Recognizing your current experience as true, and validating your own feelings about it, while remaining neutral, allows you to take a look at the circumstance and see what you can do about it. It can help you start to get your footing. I've been having a hell of a time trying to push myself to eat healthy and get active, but I know that that is what I need to do to start feeling like myself again. Do I blow that goal out of the water every day? Nope. Do I even get myself to do even a little bit every day? Absolutely not. But when I take a step back and look at where I am honestly, I can start to make intentional choices to move rather than getting stuck. So know that you aren't alone in your effort to make progress towards feeling like yourself. I hope that some of this has been relevant and helpful.

[plushvampie]

I don’t struggle with vampirism, i’m actually very good at it thank you

[lexsang]

Apparently the link I tried to post earlier wasn't added to the post... So now that makes sense, instead of being a bunch of words not related to anything in particular.

[lexsang]

I thought this video was pretty well made and she references a few different resources that I hadn't heard of. And I always appreciate when people look at vamp history from multiple angles rather than just from one side of the divide.

(edit: I swear I added this link, but didn't see it when I looked back at the post. Idk, but it's there now.)

[lexsang]

hey, I saw a few of ur posts on finding irl real vamp communities - how do you do that? do you have tips? especially in areas that aren’t very known for vampyres (as opposed to like New Orleans)

The Black Books used to be the place to go. With that resource no longer available, you can always check the similar community connections map that The Vampire Coven has been putting together [https://thevampyrecoven.com/map/]. It isn't as full yet, but it has some features I like more. I have, however, had a difficult time putting my info into it, so I need to go back and try again.

Other than that, I have found most of my connections by searching everywhere I can, using as many search terms as I can. Facebook, as much as I don't like it, seems to hold a good bit of vamp community group pages and can be a good place to search for your area plus 'vampire house' or 'vampire coven'. Besides that, I have just asked around on forums and the various vamp based discords to see if there is anyone else in the area. It does tend to take quite a bit of patience, but eventually you are fairly likely to run into another vamp who has been looking for ages as well.

[lexsang]

im (sort of) new to the vampyre community, but i remember finding your blog multiple times in my journey over the years. i was deep in denial back then. now, im grateful for your steady presence in the community and all the resources you've collected. thank you!! ❤️‍🩹

I'm so glad I've been able to help! I hope life is going fantastically for you. And it's good to hear that my presence has felt steady, since it doesn't always feel that way from where I'm standing :P

[lexsang]

I have officially hit my yearly limit on seeing 'vampirism as a metaphor' posts. And not a single 'vampirism as a simile' amongst them.

[amputatedangel-deactivated20250]

there should be a place you can go to get your blood drawn & actually keep it

[lexsang]

The kitchen

[sewerrrraht]

Blood drip patterns on various surfaces

[lexsang]

I recently had the wonderful chance to spend an evening in the city with a couple of members of the community, and one of them had said that someone they mentioned their trip to told them that they recognized my name and that I had helped them a ton in the early days of their awakening. It absolutely made my day, and if you are reading this, I'm so glad that I was able to help. I hope life is treating you fantastically :) I am so appreciative to be able to make a positive mark in a community that deserves it, and having the ripples of that positive change make their way back to me reminds me why I make this space. Hopefully life slows down a little for me soon and I can find ways to get involved a little more regularly.

[lexsang]

Any advice for the newly awakened who are having a hell of a time with self flagellation and doubt???

Comparison is the killer of personal experience.

Early on in awakening, you will most likely want to search out every example of writing from other people who have a similar life experience as you and read as much as you can. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is a very important thing to get an understanding of what is happening in your life from others who have experienced similar things, but vampirism manifests differently in each and every person. Finding balance between learning and feeling into your own lived experience is deeply important. Inevitably, you will find inconsistencies between your experiences, even your beliefs, with other members of the community around you, and that's alright.

Though I often forget to keep records of my own experiences, there have been times when I have found journaling to be helpful. You can return to old journal entries and feel what you were feeling at the time you wrote it, which helps reduce the feeling that past experiences may have been fake in retrospect.

Beyond some small practices to keep yourself in touch with your own lived experiences, I also think it's helpful to know that there is a huge number of vamps that experience doubt periodically throughout their lives. I didn't know that a community of people with similar needs to mine existed until two or so years after my awakening began. During my awakening, I had no doubt at all because there was nothing I had to compare myself to. I sunk into the cravings as they washed over me, and didn't have community to understand what was happening to me. Over time I became more connected with the community and read more stories from others who were similar to me. And when I became lucky enough to feed fairly regularly, and my cravings mellowed out for the most part, I started to doubt if it was ever real. But vampirism will remind you it is there when you least expect it. I had many years of doubt, but my acceptance of vampirism has steadied out. Give yourself time and sit in your experiences when they come, and I'm sure you will also get to a point where you are steady in your understanding of yourself even when the signals of that reality are under the surface.

I hope that was all helpful, and please feel free to ask as many questions as you would like. I am not always online, but I will always (eventually) respond.

[lexsang]

hi! not sure if youre still active or not (hi if you are! hope youre doing well) but do you have any advice for those with hemophobia? unfortunately as much as id love to, i cant consume blood "raw". are you familiar or personally able to recommend any ways to maybe prepare it or consume in different ways? or maybe any advice for helping cope with hemophobia? i've seen some recipes you posted about 9 months ago and they look really awesome and id love to see more! i'm sure i can't be the only sang out there struggling with this x'D thank you!!

Hi! It depends on what you consider 'active'... I don't really use social media all that much anymore, but I still look out for asks so that I can keep being present with the tumblr community :)

Believe it or not, you're not alone. I don't know if they're still active, sadly I don't remember their username (it's been years), but I had a decent bit of correspondence with a vamp who was struggling with hemophobia. First off, I think you're on the right track, using it as an ingredient in cooking is a great way to work through hemophobia. Depending on how intense your reaction to blood is, you will, of course, have to work through a first step of seeing blood as an ingredient and getting comfortable cooking with it. I have pretty much always been a proponent of blood hot chocolate, and would definitely recommend a stovetop hot chocolate (something like this: https://www.livewellbakeoften.com/stove-top-hot-chocolate/) or an italian hot cocoa (https://www.insidetherustickitchen.com/italian-hot-chocolate-thick-decadent/). You can just add however much blood you need to the recipes, though I'd start small.

The Red Cellar also has a whole page of blood recipes:

Blood As Food : Recipes – THE RED CELLAR

Posts about Blood As Food : Recipes written by lamprey_kitchen

I haven't tried any of them yet, but I hope to when I get a chance. Richmond apparently has a reputable butcher that can sell blood, so I'll have to make my way up there sometime soon. Beyond all of these recipes, I personally just love to experiment in the kitchen, and I have used it in brea and scotch pie dough as well. Sadly, I'm not too organized when I experiment in the kitchen, so I don't have any written recipes. If you have any left over, it doesn't hurt to try adding it in to something you like making and see if it works out. I even remember a vamp on the VCMB talking about trying to make gummies with blood. The best advice I think I can give is to make the process of experimentation as fun as possible. There will most likely still be moments that you have to check in with yourself or push through first bites, but if you can get the blood you need and make it enjoyable, you will absolutely find a way to manage and improve your hemophobia. Good luck! And if you find or invent any new ideas to deal with it, please feel free to share :)

[lexsang]

Hey! So i swear there used to be a site where sangs could find donors and vice versa (the black books i believe) but it seems the site has sadly been deleted, are there any other places you know of that would be useful for either sides of the community to find each other?

Sadly, the black books shut down a while ago. Luckily, it looks like TheVampireCoven.com is putting in some work to try to create a similar map. In some ways, it looks like an improvement to me. It will, however, take some time to repopulate. I'm going to add my info soon and hopefully it will start making connections a bit easier again, though it will need word of mouth to spread, so please share if you can! Here's the link: https://thevampyrecoven.com/map/

[lexsang]

this is weird but when you're really hungry, do you ever kinda bite yourself?? like your hands or wrists? lol

I don't much now, but I used to. I don't talk about it much anymore, but early in my awakening, my cravings took a hard turn towards more (I'm trying to think of how to say this tactfully) dense forms of sustainance that are outside of somthing I would consider sanguinarianism. During those mouth-watering explosions of craving, feeling flesh gently give between my teeth helped as an outlet for my more monstrous cravings. I hope any of that makes sense XD

[lexsang]

I don’t know where else to say this but ughh idk I need advice maybe?? Or just to vent? I first started to think I was likely a sang when I was like 15 and tried pigs blood which almost completely got rid of my chronic health issues. I was also just having intense cravings for blood and just feeling that thirst a lot of people talk about. I don’t know if I just need blood for physical reasons or psychical ones, but I am deeply spiritual also.

But I kinda just brushed it off later?? I don’t know I thought it was just a cringe thing I decided I was to look cool. But it never went away. I’m 19 now and if anything it’s gotten worse, so I decided to revisit it. I’m struggling to find anywhere selling blood since I need to have it shipped. Also I practice werewolf magic now so I keep thinking “no way I’m born that’s absurd” and it’s hard to take seriously. My boyfriend is super eager to do blood related things and would probably agree to be a donor, but he lives across the country from me. I’ve been having increasingly worsened chronic illness that doctors can’t solve or identify. Like it’s so bad I’m in bed almost 24/7 besides when I absolutely have to get up and I have to live in the dark because sunlight hurts. I crave blood so bad that I spend way too much time looking at pictures of it. I struggle with violent tendencies and this only makes it worse. I’m very sure that I was right about being a vampire but I don’t feel like I can even tell my close friends about it. I make jokes but that’s it. I’m just worried I’ll be judged even though I’ve told them stranger things than that and they accepted me.

Sorry for how long this was I’ve just got a ton on my mind. This shit sucks so bad and idk where else to talk about it

I'm super sorry that I wasn't able to respond to this sooner! Life has become about as busy as I think it can get, so I haven't been very active for a while now. That being said, I'm here now, and I'll try to keep a better eye on things.

Over the years, I've come to understand that almost all sanguinarian vampires, including myself, go through a period of intense self doubt. The main thing that helped me get through this is the realization that 'Vampire' is just a word we use because it is the closest thing we can relate the experience to. We can identify as vampires to help find community and create a mental filing cabinet to create order around all of the experiences we consider 'vampiric'. Ultimately, vampire is a word we picked up, and we have to remember that we aren't Draculas, Nosferatus, or Edward Cullens. Our experiences are real and complex and unique.

That being said, we still live in a world where the word 'Vampire' instantly brings forward ideas of pop culture and myth. When 'Vampire' brings to mind glittery teenagers in Oregonian forests before our visceral experiences, of course we feel rediculous referring to ourselves as vampires. There's something healing about being able to step back from that self doubt and say "well of course I feel rediculous, and it is by no fault of my own".

But where do we go from here? Knowing that others are going through the same thing is great and all, but actionable advice is better. First, it wouldn't hurt to start a journal. With the first few entries, really dig in to any of the previous feeding and hunger experiences you have had, and do one journal entry per experience. Ask yourself questions about the experience, and answer them honestly. There is no need to complicate this process, so write things directly and really sit down and do this and only this. Put on some music if you would like and mitigate distractions. If you find yourself skipping songs too often, it might be best to remove the music as well. The point of this process is to step back and see yourself and your experiences as distinct from a pop culture or mythological concept, so there is no need to try to embellish these entries with flowery language. After one entry, step away and do something else, you can wait until tomorrow to do another.

You'll eventually run out of experiences to go through, and by that point, you should have a much clearer view of yourself. By this point, I'm sure you will have worked up a bit of an appetite, and you also need more current experiences to analyze. If you have the opportunity to feed on your boyfriend, that would be a great start. You can use a diabetic lancet or a sterilized scalpel (I'm sure you've done your own research on whatever feeding methods you're most comfortable with). If that is still not an option, look up the nearest asian grocery stores, and research local butchers. You can oftentimes find frozen beef and pig blood in asian markets. Alternatively, you will have to work up the courage to call your local (or relatively local) butcher and ask if they can get blood. If it helps with your confidence, you can always say that you are interested in trying some international recipes that include blood as an ingredient. This may take some time, but with consistent effort, you should be able to find something.

Once you have the opportunity to feed. Open that journal back up and write the date, as well as how you feel mentally and physically before feeding, and then write how you feel after you have fed, as well as anything interesting about the experience. I know this sounds like a lot of work, so feel free to experiment. It might work fine just to give a rating out of 10 for mental and physical wellness, or you might find that writing more is more helpful for you. Do whatever you need to to make it feel like something good you're doing for yourself and not a chore.

Beyond all of that, if you need to manage hunger through this process or just in daily life, I highly suggest breathwork. Even learning something simple like box breathing can be a huge help.

I know that was a lot, so feel free to ask any questions. Sorry again for taking so long to respond, and sorry if it seems like I'm just trying to give you homework :P I promise that if you take the time to write your thoughts out with pen and paper, it will make a difference.

[lexsang]

so I’m starting to seriously suspect I’m a vampire but have very little clue where to start or what to do. I first found this community about five years and while a ton of people’s experiences matched what I was currently going through, I didn’t fully believe it. I do believe I likely awakened sometime around 14-15 and it was pretty intense, though later I chalked it up to me just wanting to be special.

I struggle with multiple chronic illnesses both mental and physical and back when I was certain I was a vampire I’d drink about 1-2 tablespoons of blood per week and felt almost totally normal. Mundane medicines have never helped me much and most made me sicker instead. I haven’t tried it again in years however. I plan on ordering some animals blood to see if that helps but I still feel like maybe I was just been a dumb kid looking to feel special.

On top of that I started doing werewolf magic a little over a year ago and I know it’s stupid but saying “oh yeah I’m a werewolf vampire magician who has visions and sees spirits” sounds too crazy to believe for me.

Idk I guess a lot of this was just complaining about this situation but I don’t know where I could go for this. My long distance partner immediately jumped to giving me his blood but we haven’t actually talked about it fully and he’s across the country. I’m not great with crowds and can’t travel but if you know of any good forums or communities I could start with that’d be great.

And thank you for hearing me ramble too, your blog is a huge help and I appreciate you ❤️

Of course :) honestly it's wonderful just getting to hear other vamps' experiences. I don't experience doubt as much anymore, but it still pops up every once in a while. Without giving too much detail, my partner has had a series of medical occurences recently (no worries, nothing too serious) that have kept me from feeding for a while, and the constant thirst hiding underneat the surface might be one of the things keeping me from feeling that doubt. To me, it sounds like you are on the right track. If it helped you in the past, there's no harm in giving it a try again and seeing if you end up with the same results.

As far as resources go, 'VCMB.org' was where I started, and was, by far, the most important factor in the transition in my awakening from insanity to being grounded in an understanding of what was going on and that I wasn't alone. It'ss an old forum, mostly unused at this point, but you can go through all of the old posts and see what people experienced in their own vampiric journeys. There is also always the fantastic 'theredcellar.com' (@theredcellar). They have a load of resources, and it never hurts to brush up on some blood drinking best practices while you are there. They also have a discord which, by the recommendation of another wonderful vamp on here, I'm trying to get back into from time to time. Other discords that I'm aware of include VCN (Vampire Community News), The Black Rose Society (@blackrosesociety-vampyres), and Project V (@projectvampyre).

I'm sure there are other resources swimming around in the back of my mind, but none are sticking out to me right now. Other than those though, I always feel that people themselves are some of the best resources. There seems to be a surprisingly large community of vamps here on Tumblr, and I find myself taking a look at #sanguinarian from time to time to see if any new faces have popped up. It never hurts to strike up a conversation with someone and see if they are open to sharing their experiences. feel free to ask any more questions that you might have, and I wish you well on your journey!