buried alive inside my dreams @lf-archived - Tumblr Blog

Crested Pigeon (Ocyphaps lophotes)

i really don’t have the time to be the way i am

i’m going to be lonely and hopeless forever. everything only gets worse

#i know no matter how much i recover or how much better it gets #i’ll hit a low one day and stare into the face of the fact that i’ll never be free #and even if i end up happy and satisfied and make myself proud this part never ends #i’ll probably still [redacted] some day. no matter how long i go without thinking of it. it’ll always be there.

pinkiebabe

Yoshimasa Tsuchiya 🤍

god i wish the hug emoji actually did something lol. i’m scrounging up my continued existence. painting myself as something capable of more than seizing on the floor, i cant smile but i could be happy for you. i cant sleep but i can try to lie still. i can try to lie still.

#i’ll cry at the sun. this hollow life will be till it’s done.

farewell-to-lorien

Refraction - Whimsical, by Seamus Dao.

#like a rothko for the digital age

wordx

“My crime was feeling everything too deeply, my punishment was surviving it.”

— Fyodor Dostoevsky

pollen

Kim Addonizio, from "Onset"

gothredy

slipng

your dashboard is mothed ི༘ ࿔̥̊ཐི༏ཋྀ󠀮

singing-bowl

at this time of year you might be tempted to create new rules for yourself, if you do, make sure that they are designed to serve you, not to punish yourself for imperfection.

Renée French

By Theodora Allen

jennifer cantwell, 2011

seriial

“the recording is of a blackbird in my garden in the north of scotland. the idea of the piece is that it's a letter home from a migrated bird, telling the family of its new life and making the connection between the migrant and the homeland.” - jennifer cantwell

thecryptkeeper

HAPPY 36TH BIRTHDAY TO “ENJOY THE SILENCE” BY DEPECHE MODE

thecryptkeeper

HAPPY 46TH BIRTHDAY TO “BOYS DONT CRY” BY THE CURE TOO

being mixed and diaspora and estranged from both sides of the family and having a language barrier bc of racist generational trauma is fuuuucked up

#how can i call anything home #but i hate it when whites claim me and try to buddy up w me and hand me their racism jokes #no kathy i’m not going to joke about the wall with you my dad grew up in PR and was beat for speaking spanish and my cousins are mexican #try me again.#but it fucked me up at the family functions people thinking i’m not my abuela’s grandkid cuz i don’t look like my cousins. and i was raised #by my white mom.#i hear a lot of mixed ppl got some shit from white moms.#in a broken home hearing sides hearing her ‘benign’ racist shit #and my abuela that i couldn’t talk to would make us kraft mac n cheese bc i’d never seen arroz con gandules…#god i miss the smell of her cooking. i’m gonna cry lol #when she died and i saw my cousins every month for the rosaries. the only time i ever felt close to them.#i could keep up cuz of catholic school. we knew the prayers in italian in catholic school.#so i almost knew them in spanish.#my grandma. my abuela. the only thing i ever understood her say was god bless you. that was the only english she had for us.#i hate that i barely knew her. and i never knew my granddad outside of one photo of him under banana trees. he never left the island.#his hat covered his face.#i dont know his name.#but my abuela’s name feels beautiful in my mouth.#it’s like a rag on a fever. makes it a little better like i know a part of myself i don’t really know. was held away from.#still i feel guilty like i’m too white to touch my history. i’m not enough of anything.#ummmm anyway #i grew up alienated in a space between in every way and it’s… so cool didn’t affect me at all #being mixed and intersex and between broken homes and yeah. i never got to be one thing. not both: more like neither.#belonging nowhere.#idek why i’m talking about this it’s very difficult for me.

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buried alive inside my dreams