welcome to my twisted mind..... XD ALSO WELCOME TO OBJECTUM FLIP/DUMB PHONE HELL (POSITIVE) ☆Here 2 party hellz ya ☆Maxx/Rebel (most likely alter to be posting at least) ☆he/it/they ☆scemo bitches stay winning ☆Your controversial but loved God! ☆Punk ☆Fat fuck of a Boygirl ☆Adult ☆Narcissists & antisocials do it better. Narcopath swag ☆I love zombies and mold and decomposition and cannibalism and disease and trees and old tech. smiles widely ☆ ☆Unironically believe in fatassery > skinnies. sowwy skinniez ☆I am very unwell and i post a lot of sonic. youre now warned before following me lol ✰★✰ I am always tagging my OCs in shit and putting them to memes etc. if that bothers u lmk, but if i say "(name)core" or "its (name)" on ur post thats why. im OCtagging. ✰★✰ header by ME!, icon by felinewasteland, BG by TiredLich, side image by illr0y
What does forgiveness and accountability entail? What does it mean to learn and grow, and how does integrating your past in to your future entail? Caldera tries to balance themes of self reflection in full spectrum, with no character truly embodying a defined Good Pure Hero and Evil Unredeemable Villain. This is not a story to find a villain to want punished or a hero to be victorious; it's a story to challenge such notions to begin with. To learn to pick up your pieces and take a different path at any time, both for worse or better, and the careful line between the two and how recovery often wavers. Everyone no matter where they were before can change who they are, and caldera very much pushes and tests these situations and people and notions.
A mixture of various historical periods, subculture movements, and time/magical travel, from 1800s england to ancient greece to mid 2000s emo, alongside various fantasy elements such as faeries, elves, zombies, magical forests, etc. There is no defining genre per say, at least that i know of. The story is mostly a sort of Man vs Self, symbolically portrayed as dual protagonists/mirrored selves/dissociation allegory.
Content warnings (major) would be abuse and the recovery from it (religious, physical, emotional, societal ie fatphobia or transphobia or ableism, sexual, domestic, generational, etc), toxic relationships/on and off couples, cults/RA/programming, death, violence, cannibalism, decomposition, n/ecro, cults, religious elements
Cw (minor) would be symbolism of ballerinas/music boxes, broken mirrors, curtains, checkerboards, dreams/magical interpretation, mold, disease, and characters reacting to situations in ways the average viewer might not (incase seeing characters behave that way would annoy you lol).
hehe CC also knows of xanthe's plurality, and its clear it was shared with safety trust and confidance. xanthe trusted cc to share it with her and cc honors said trust by saying things in a way that doesnt give it away to others but lets xanthe(s) subtly know theyre both included. they respect each other.
on that topic of the anon ask though if anyone actually has any solutions (that are informed enough on aspd and npd, especially from a perspective of not trying to Cure or Reduce those things as disability/neurodivergence is NOT something needing that, and yes those fall under both umbrellas) i would. like them. blease
i forgot to sleep and my sister is coming over in two hours FUCK my life. i woke up late cuz of my boduy always sleeping but tht doesnt matter im tired NOW. i guess i can set an alarm for an hour from now but i got a bad feeling about it. but an even worse one when i think of not sleeping at all.
i have a ridiculously high libido but i’m demisexual. which means i’m a massive slut in theory, but in practice only if you can pass my challenges three
I can’t tell you how much I love this artwork from ancient Egypt (the Middle Kingdom). People have been raising cattle and practicing animal husbandry for so long, that there is something almost inherently human about this scene.
Everyone in the field of veterinary medicine or agriculture knows the feeling of staying up late with a laboring animal trying to make sure both mom and baby are okay. Delivering a calf is often physically and emotionally exhausting work that takes enormous patience and learned skill. It requires a unique balance of physical strength and gentleness to do correctly. There is no feeling quite like getting that baby out and everyone is okay. I’m certain ancient people must have felt the same way, and I wonder if the artist knew this feeling firsthand. I wonder if those humans depicted were people the artist knew, if the cow and calf maybe were as well.
i am definitely cooked deep fried and saute'd in a way that is so terrifyingly stupidly regrettably and annoyingly ME and ONLY me. like they dont deep fry anyone liek the way Higher Powers did to me when sticking me in that thing like im french fries. they cooked up some new form of weird on the skillet that will never be recreated again and never has been before. and that just means nobody not even myself knows what the fuck can be done for me to have a life i enjoy that i find meaning and relief and freedom and empowerment in. which kindof sucks but like. theyve never deep fried anyone like me before im the first and they regret this dish and theyll never make another like it. i was the fucked up poffin made at a random pokemon DPP poffin mixing group and the players said Eugh..... dont use THOSE berry combos again. damn
I feel like xanthe came to say hi to me specifically recently! i was working as a cashier and got handed moldy packaged cheese for me to like put away but that was such a nice surprise :)) (it was still within the safe date to consume but covered in mold!!!)
XANTHE COMING TO SAY HELLO TO YOU AT YOUR WORK AND TAKING SOME CHEESE SNACK ALONG THE WAY <3 thats so so awesome thank you for sharing..... thats so cool. im thinking about this cheese and mold ill be thinking of it all day i think
genuinely curious what makes u specifically want to hurt and kill people/be violent?? im just genuinely curious. feel free to delete this if im sounding like a dick i dont mean to
its ok, if i talk about it maybe at least there can be more like. awareness about it and people can know that the ppl with the thoughts are like. not just some theoretical thing u hear about existing somewhere but like. yeah real fucken people are like this etc.
anyways its a mixture of a) literally the only time ive ever felt any sort of happiness brain feeling emotional rise in any meaningful way is watching harm or suffering and genuinely nothing else ive ever seen has truly gotten me to that level, so without it i'd live a much fucking sadder life when i know that level of happiness is possible just not allowed
b) im extremely bad at reading faces of people to a point of not even recognizing my family or friends etc, and emotional expressions physically tend to be something odd i have studied, and people who are afraid make the best faces that i like to see - especially paired with the noises that are made too vocally its like. its just like a sensory stim slime soap cutting wax crackling whatever kinda video but to its most like Prominent and Real for me. its just kinda funny too their faces contort in weird ways when scared and the noises sound like squeaking or something its just kinda funny cuz i cant understand it, its like. it just doesnt make sense to me. i wanna study it. its funny and i wanna look.
c) i kind of feel like im born to do it i feel like its something i was meant to do but not in a like. hmm. well its like in an NPD way wherein i feel uniquely entitled to it even if nobody else got to do it i feel like just by virtue of being me i deserve it and i shouldnt have to just Not have it... like wtf ? im perfect, so let me have it. (my perfection comes from simply having a pulse and being me, there is no greater reason - i am me, and me is perfect, therefore i am perfect, by reason of simply existing)
d) i really like decomposition and bodily progression post mortem. i want to see it happen. not in a time lapse. but real time. i love the different ways of what you do pre and post mortem that determine what happens with the body. theres so many nuances and even slightly doing something one way or other, slightly changing up certain variables, leads to vastly different results... i want to study it. i wanna look i wanna study it. i wanna watch.
e) really in to cannibalism. in a lot of ways except romantic. cuz im aromantic. but i like it in other ways like spiritually physically erotically logically etc. i like the idea of being very fat and my body fat is the transformed accumulation of all the meals of others' fat i had before it. like my body is home to many and home to me. we are two and we are one, xanthism type of thing.
i should note i dont like certain types of things, like killing based on morality plays ie mobs enacting prosocial "justice" via killing a "bad" person for a "good" person's sake. disgraceful. i hate that shit. stop being prosocial and stop defending prosocials and prosociality. i also dont like it when its done as a hate attack ie a majority wanting to do to minority because they are minority. to some degree we are all privileged over someone else some how usually due to intersections of traits etc. so i get that its hard to avoid that aspect but liek intentionally doing it for that reason sucks. i also dont like it when ppl use some stupid methods but i wont get in to it theres some ways i just think is a waste and im not impressed basically lol
ive lived my entire life having done no outward violence. i have never acted out on my ideations, not even in minor ways. i have had an extremely tight grip on it and don't even show anger in verbal arguements, let alone anything else either. i've had a level of restraint applied to myself that i have never seen a single person outside of me even come close to being able to achieve. i know how to handle it. this is not a brag because i find it bad i do this and i dont like it. it is slowly killing me and causing deep physical side effects that will absolutely take me out in a few years' time IF THAT due to the stress from restraint. but i am restraining. unfortunately, very deeply well. it will absolutely be the death of me but at least the stress will be over sooner. because nothing can lessen it i know that for sure lol
my reasonings also dont have any sort of "alternative" ie theres no channeling it in to anything that is allowed. cannibalism in all forms is just not allowed. watching decomposition of people is definitely not allowed unless you work at a science lab body farm whatever and im not going to school and getting a degree fuck that. theres no alternative to enjoying watching someone harmed or causing it because thats like, im gonna get stopped for it lmfao. its not based on anger, so like anger management or something wont work. its not based on emotional immaturity of like ppl who get mad theyre told no so they assault someone, either. its not something like dominance that could be enjoyed or employed somewhere "socially acceptable" or at 'least' "socially allowed." nope, i just got Guy Who Enjoys Looking Watching And Studying (Things Which Cannot Be Studied Easily). so. fuck my life i guess
you sound. new here? or at least not heard me talk about it before? if its unclear i am aspd and npd and like. Narcopath Hell moments. (myspace voice) welcome to my twistd mind xD except this is real and its just my life until i die which is annoying but whatever ig
BIG FAT FUCKING OBLIGATORY "I HAVE NO PLANS TO HARM MYSELF OR OTHERS, I HAVE STRATEGIES TO UTILIZE IF I NEEDED TO BE STABLIZED, I AM NOT CURRENTLY DESTABLIZED, I HAVE NO PLANS, I HAVE NO PLANS, TALKING ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH STRUGGLES DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE ACTIVE PLANS, HAVING THOUGHTS IS DIFFERENT THAN HAVING ACTIONS, I AM NOT TAKING ANY ACTIONS, RE/PORTS DO NOTHING I PROMISE U THEY DO NOTHING IT WONT HELP AT ALL TO GO TRY AND FETCH AUTHORITY LIKE SOME SNOTTY TEACHER'S PET, I DONT HAVE MUCH IN LIFE PLEASE DONT TAKE MY FUCKING BLOG FROM ME" etc
