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the arrogant jerk in your life

Narcissists: are weak as they come…. Inside a narcissist where values there is a voting booth, where guts there is a fake person since they are too afraid for anyone to see their real self, where leadership is there is a follower to be safe, where definition of a “man” is, there is a cultural definition that his fake self matches, where respect for other’s boundaries are, there is a controlling person who is terrified someone might think of themselves as equal to them in any way, where gentleness should be, there is someone who criticizes harshly to keep the focus on you so they are safe and all their wisdom comes from the world and they put u down by saying these are common sense things. Look up Narcissism. It might just be if fits the jerk in your life. Remember one thing, these people LIE ABOUT YOU! These people are cowards and hide behind a look of strength….u should be laughing and pitying them. YOU are MUCH stronger, authentic, wise and have a life worth living, especially compared to your critic!

Handling a traumatic event

Remember, a way to address trauma is to use your imagination as a tool. The memory is only alive for you, and since its hurting you, its powerful to reframe events to feel in control, or explain in a way that helps u process it in a way that lets u feel about the event how u want to feel, avoiding revenge and weak feelings and moving from anger to empathy, forgiving and caring about them from a human existence, spiritual and God-perspective instead of doing what most people do, personalize their behavior, feeling they have to fix a power imbalance and make them feel what the victim felt! Spiritually advanced and wiser people realize this need they have is actually an unwise thing. The victim thinks or feels revenge will restore them above or equal, when actually then need to step outside themselves and see..nothing real was taken from you…what u feel might be how u view yourself from dysfunctional society and not how God views u…u are still the same as u were before. If u start problem solving outside yourself and expect to resolve ur issues through another person, u start from a position of fear, and in fear there is no truth.

FOR GUYS WHO WERE BULLIED

I had a couple of bullies back in school. I was quiet, short, polite and kind of a loner in a way despite being involved in activities.

When I was bothered by one bully, and got in a fight with another, I hated them and knew I didn’t do anything to them and wondered why they did stuff to me.

For years, I have thought about this shit. I CANNOT fathom how someone who experiences rape, severe injury at the hands of another or are a victim in a more real or severe sense ever stops dwelling on it!! I have these little things. Anyway, the thing I want to mention here that helps is remembering this: THERE ARE MANY REASONS A PERSON DOES SOMETHING.

This was not about ME! The reason they bullied me is I was an easy and safe target (I think), but that would make me an easy and safe target. That does NOT ADDRESS why they chose to act this way and bully me. THAT is a different issue.

I (or u if u r being bullied) now understand that there are reasons UNRELATED TO ME THAT THEY BULLIED ME! I happened to know these people’s families, to some extent. One was from a family where the father was a hard core, loud, aggressive and dominant dad. This asshole (still have feelings) kid did tell his dad about it or he seemed to know when it came out, and this kid’s parents all but rewarded this kid. The same thing happened with the other bully. His dad was a hard-driving alcoholic, loud, obnoxious and the bully also got his dad’s approval through “being tough.”

That is just one influencing factor. Others might be previous success bullying which kept them safe from kids who were potential bullies to my bullies. Perhaps other reasons to explain their actions were low esteem and trying to pump themselves up, be men based on dysfunctional society definitions or even maybe it was some form of bonding with their bully/dysfunctional friends.

I believe a few things. THE FACT U WERE SELECTED TO BE BULLIED MOST LIKELY SAYS GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU, UR SPIRIT, AND YOUR BASIC RESPECT OF OTHERS AS A PERSON.

YOUR INABILITY TO STAND UP TO A BULLY SUCCESSFULLY SAYS NOTHING ABOUT U AS A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REMEMBER THIS! YOUR FEELINGS WILL KEEP LYING TO YOU. Little immature boys in adult bodies define manhood by a definition they themselves can meet. If its the toughest, then the bigger, meaner, crueler, more deceptive fighter is the “man.” You want to be that guy to get jerkoffs away from you, I TOTALLY know the feeling!! The problem is that the price is too high. Being a real man is much easier than being a man based on the immature, emotionally undeveloped, alcoholic-like definition of a man..fighting, being dominant and so on... This is 100% bullshit. A guy with a gun can kill these mofos. I am not suggesting it obviously but they can be pushed off an elevation or down a flight of stairs, run over or given a cheap shot or a group of guys can get them. Both revenge and tough guy “be a man shit” is SATAN’s playground!! PLEASE use this wisdom and fight the urge to be “powerful.” When we die, God does not care what nonChristian men think of you!!

A therapist once told me, dealing with a similar issue, to forget being a “man,” and be a person YOU personally value without considering what other people think of you or how u rate as a “man.” They say there is always a tougher and meaner guy out there. Its a losing game, and if u manage to play if till old age, u r not tough anymore when u have cancer or ur body can’t move the same way.

Dying with a clear conscious is more likely if u live by a value system that is not based on a culture that reveres things not revered in The Bible and by The Holy Spirit. Prisons and cemetaries r full of tough guys like your bully. I know its a really irritating macho/dominance thing with guys almost every day! Just ignore it all and focus on more important stuff. Let them “win,” so u don’t even do the stupid staredown or challenge them. If they win, you win, because u are on a different plane. Let them be big in the world; you focus on being the man God wants u to be, which HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE, BEING BIG IN THIS WORLD OR ENGAGING IN IMMATURE COMPENSATION GAMES FOR NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH, TOUGH ENOUGH OR “BIG” ENOUGH. This is a trap for true Christian men! Let the world do worldly foolish stuff while u just look away, walk on by and be the same guy who was bullied. Be streetwise, stand up for yourself, but keep the qualities you had before. Don’t allow a bully or this culture to pull u over to the other side and define manhood the wrong way. Talk to Christian men to find out what a man is. Other men will come on strong but going down their exciting world of power, violence and dominance is the opposite of what a Christian man does!! Be a tough guy God’s way and dismiss this garbage as tempting as it is.

#bully #manhood #tough guy

Mixed feelings about someone? Do u like or hate them?

Someone told me that we can like or even love someone and have mixed feelings about them. I think alot of people feel guilty when they like someone but hate or dislike something about them, as if its an all or nothing thing

In my case, I love my sister but I have had arguments about her inability or unwillingness to accept my right to privacy, to not tell her everything about myself. I don’t hate her though. You know people like this; you think they are great but they drink, or u like them but they are pushy, u like them but they are a know-it-all. Don’t feel guilty or disloyal. We are human and to like everything about someone is (I think) VERY unusual and usually not something that happens.

This also applies to people we think don’t like us. They might not like use cuz we are not like them, we don’t suck up, we don’t meet their needs, but they might still like something about us. I use to put people in the like/hate categories, then I learned about the neutral category, then the one where I like some stuff and not others about the same person. Don’t feel bad, your friend might be a jerk in one area but overall nice and good for u. I have had a guilty disloyal thing with this, thinking if I don’t like u 100%, I must not like u. That thinking was unrealistic and flawed because we don’t even like ourselves 100%.

#like #hate #neutral #feelings

Who R U?

You are who you CHOOSE to be!

Every night after a day, look at your list you will write that shows your values, then adjectives to describe people who exhibit those values. An example: you value people who feel how others are hurting. Unless u r a narcissist or have a personality or mental disorder, u could actually do this. So on your list, u write “EMPATHETIC.” This is a label (I know people say don’t lable yourself, but I disagree), that is on your list. At the end of the day, read your list and see if you met each of your values as u interacted with people, made choices or did tasks.

I consider myself honest. At work, I recently denied knowing something I actually do know how to do, to avoid being called to do it because is not my job and I rationalized that they would be pulling me away from what I am getting judged on to do another person’s job that they should be doing. I looked at my list and thought that if I think in black and white or Christian terms many people do,I lied and was the exact opposite of how I say I am. So I deal with this and don’t feel good about it or am okay (my jury is honestly out..lol).

I say I am polite. I was polite today. Since my list would be approved by the values of The Bible, as I know it, I look back at my list and think I was the person I choose to be that day according to my belief system. That feels better than feeling Iam aimlessly going to a routine job day after day.

People might refer to you by terms you don’t agree with, think are mean or inaccurate or they might confuse you. I suggest considering the remarks as possibly putting light on a blind spot. However, the words, values or qualities you intend to display or prove u have by living upto them daily could make u feel good and even irraticate any negative comment u have received in the past.

People say “who are you/” or “I know myself” and things like that. I didn’t use to have words I aspire to (politeness, respect etc..) but now that I do, I feel better about myself as I try to live upto them and consider it a successful day when I do. I hope u try this and feel the same!

Look Back and Feel Great

Have you ever looked back on your life and thought you wasted time, failed, or basically screwed up stuff or were f’d over by everyone? I looked back and did something you could do that helps. You can change the way you look at stuff.

I am not saying to lie or twist the truth. Here is an example. I “failed” at or got fired from 2 sales jobs. Some people told me I failed. I now honestly REFRAMED this bad feeling to tell myself the TRUTH the way God might see it, or the way a spiritual person might see it. I learned about myself and that sales is not my thing. STOP!! It’s NOT BULLSHIT! I am surprised u r still here. Just give this a chance.

You got divorced or broke up with someone. Did your relationship “fail?” SO many people tell u that shit. screw them! That is a typical or normal way to think. YOU are not suppose to put credibility into the way the world thinks. We are SUPPOSE to be be and claim to be difference at Christians. Your relationship was 2 people meeting at a time where the puzzle pieces didn’t fit right. It was a time when u were at different developmental points, growing points, or u simply had needs that were not satisfied by the other person or maybe it was little stuff that u coldn’t put up with, or found out u had different values. I am shocked how much people feel ashamed of a relationship that didn’t work out. People r imperfect and the chances of a successful relationship, to me, seem so slim that u could say God has to approve before it will work. If u are not religious, I guess u could say you have to beat the odds.

Instead of beating yourself up over the past, please look back and say stuff like this. I was on the speech team in high school, the band, chess club and more. I never won anything or stood out. I now look at this as a success because despite negative input by my dad, criticism as dumb and all the rest, I stayed in those groups, got along with people when he told me I would never get along with anyone, and did things that were, I now think, not too bad or even really great for someone who was told he was a loser..in so many words, and often.

Find an angle to reframe your past. The reason to do this is that you can’t do anything about it. The past happened already. All u have r your thoughts about it. Do u want negative thoughts or positive thoughts about YOURSELF? They are BOTH true. I did fail at things by not winning, if we are thinking in black/white terms, but another part of THE TRUTH, and the parts God, who loves u UNCONDITIONALLY would emphasize are things with His value system and not the world’s. You grew from your experience. Find an angle from which to see that, and change your memory. Use this phrase as u look back at your experiences, “I feel great about myself now that I see...” Fill that in with your new appreciation of your courage to do something, your resistance when u fought temptation, the fact u made great choices, or whatever you did in a situation or group. The last example I will leave u with: I never rose high in a company but I feel REALLY great about myself that I was honest and never played politics or sucked up!! These are my values. I understand all this sounds like a rationalization for negative things, but what it really is, is you TAKING CHARGE OF HOW U VIEW THINGS you once felt negative about. It’s emphasizing YOUR VALUES, being true to YOURSELF and forgetting the nonsense people have been saying to you because their agenda is to put you down. Go wth God’s TRUTH EMPHASIS, not the words of someone who is stuck in their miserable and unrewarding “common sense” worldly nonsense!

#self-esteem #past #reframe #feel better

if u have an inferiority complex

Something I have never heard talked about in a real way, a dirty way, is feelings we sometimes have about other people. We feel they are perfect. we resent them, envy them, and look for their humanness. I know no one wants to admit they do this, but I think some of us do.

What we do, is associate smiles and perfection, smiles and good looks and success, popularity with being beyond human in some unknown way. I know some people think this is sick thinking, and maybe it is, but if u dare pay attention to that shame filled part of your self image, that dark corner u keep hidden and deny, u will feel it.

Here are some helpful things to remember about those people and people in general:

People act so they will be liked, fit in, be admired. People are conditioned to be “socially aware,” so they have a public image they try to fit...FACT: They are acting and are not even as confident as they look. They might be in a comfort zone, but not confident, Things are not as the appear. Privately, they could be insecure, scared or wondering what YOU think of them. People are taught (by society) to act confident to not be taken advantage of as well. ACTING!!

None is happy all the time! That means don’t believe Katie Couric’s smile.

When people are in front of cameras they are suppose to smile.

Even that person u r thinking of started as a baby.

They go to doctors when they are sick, bathrooms cuz they are human, eat to stay alive, have no control over current or future events, and no control over others or their opinions. Not everyone is impressed with the same person, so they are in places where no one even notices or cares about them because they are no big deal in that environment. They have brains, but don’t know everything (Jeopardy), Anyone who is into their looks or fashion is obviously concerned what others think, and therefore in need of acceptance (not confident). People in the mainstream are very aware of the norm and try to fit it to look normal and be accepted. Many happy people are on antidepressants (brain chemistry). That person ur thinking about had imperfect parents, who didn’t give them everything they needed emotionally. Its the human condition that we r all raised by other humans and all humans are broken in some way..not perfect and not everything to their kids, so that person u r thinking about has unmet needs.

That person u feel inferior to only lives a short time because he or she is human. This world tries to make us different from eachother and we want that, to feel special, but no one is more special than anyone else. That person u r thinking about might have lost someone close to them; they didn’t have any super human powers to prevent that or to communicate with that person now.

That person has blood tests, and we know even actors and actresses get colds and can’t get any “high” as they want with alot of drugs (higher and higher) because there is a point at which even they die, Speaking of which, that person u feel inferior to is the same as u in that they die from the same diseases, accidents and anything u can think of because they are no different from u ..as they say, skin and bones.

Personally, I know 2 narcissists and have known a couple more. These people, maybe like the one u r thinking of, get and look for applause for being bright, funny or talented. I can tell u that those people cannot be happy deep down. Its an impossibility!! Not to mention they are devoid of empathy so they can only get so close in their relationships.

That person u r thinking of could get arrested, as some famous people have, might have a secret or embarrassing health condition, an irrational concern or obsession and they might even see themselves differently than u do. Maybe they are not arrogant or don’t believe what others say about them.

They deal with traffic, crowds and as mentioned, even have people who don’t like them or are not impressed. They can’t get to another planet, parts of their bodies smell, they have the same organs. NOTHING is making them more special or different than u r except something in YOUR head. Go with the facts and not ur emotion. Someone once said to picture them on a toilet. I suggest picture all their emotions, or remember they have genetics and are more like u than different.

The thing that makes u feel inferior is that u are looking at them how the world does, with ur worldly side. There is a myth that there is a perfect woman or man. Society and the movies perpetuate this idealism that is unhealthy and does not reflect Truth the way our other side knows it. That person u r thinking about is the same as u before God. He or she is not popular and God is not impressed! That person needs God the same as we do and until they get a relationship with God, they might try to fill that “God-shaped hole” by looking cool, going to great places, making other’s jealous, living to impress.

Perhaps things balance out somehow. In this case that person will (Christians believe, and I am one, so I too believe) by being big in this life, they focused on the wrong life, since we are only alive a brief time in eternity.

Now u have a dilemma. Your good side says maybe u could do something to help them focus on what counts while ur bad side says ..let them suffer through their ignorance and short term thinking, immediate gratification and brainwashing, since they think they are so wonderful and have more than I will ever have in this life. They probably wouldn’t listen to u now anyway because they think u r the one who needs help. You know better though. Since we don’t know what they are really like inside, u might be surprised (if u got to know them) that they really were ready to receive Christ but never met anyone who wasn’t fooled by them or could entertain the possibility things were not as they appeared.

The real issue could be...

I know this will appear u r looking down on other people who are not Christians, when I suggest a way of dealing with people..

When u have a problem with someone, if ur like me, its hard not to get personal and attack them verbally, if u r really mad. We are all human.

The way I am trying to think is that we are in a physical world where we Christians profess to believe in a spiritual world. Consequently, we need to know the spiritual stuff is affecting the physical stuff and the behavior of other people. we can then see other people who we have a conflict with as being challenged by a spirit, trapped in pride maybe or in need of something they are missing psychologically. Some behavior might come from people’s low esteem.

Despite an abusive or less then ideal upbringing, we should accept our worth thru The Bible, and have esteem based only on God.

Anyway, people who don’t know about the spiritual world, if we are correct in believing this drives behavior, couldn’t know what is going on. Maybe we shouldn’t get as mad because they don’t even see the issue. If ur not going to use an opportunity to evangelize, educating them that there are spirits around us would get them to ask if u have been drinking or how long u had this problem.

I suspect the best thing to do is keep it to yourself and know they are not the real cause of your issue. Its spiritual, but also on your part because u are allowing it to bother u so much.

Just try it when things suck..

The more confused u r, the more angry u r, the more u want to cry, and the more frustrated you are.....the harder it is to be religious. If ur like me, u want to say..just fuck it, everything fukin sucks and everyone is an asshole, then go to sleep so u can wake up and try to ignore shit u come across, like consciousness.

BUT, and here is the predictable irritating part. Again, if ur like me, u might sit down and try to figure it all out. You write out stuff or plan how to deal with stuff. The result is u can’t remember everything u just planned and feel a little better for screwing around with it, but u still don’t get why nothing changes and ur still living with this crap in ur life. Then u read something on a Tumblr blog.

It says...when it hits the fan, try something EXTREMELY frustrating (besides trying not to kill someone). Try doing what I finally figured out; stop urself from analyzing it. It will seem like ur going to go insane if u don’t write stuff down to get some control over the stuff going on, stuff that could happen, and even other people’s reactions. Instead, be a schitzo (as the world would think) and talk to God. Don’t stop reading..it doesn’t get revolting..

Just say what u feel. Let ur feelings out. U r safe!! It seems like u r alone since u look around and obviously no one is there. Swear, cry, beg for help if u feel it but just let it all go thoroughly, honestly and from your feelings, not ur head.

Just remember something. U r being listened to by someone who loves u more than u have every loved a dog or baby. Yeah, God. People criticize this shit and say that people “create” God in their own image based on their own individual needs. I say God meets ur needs in a way no one else can because He doesn’t have an agenda or irritating habits or anything u get from people. Its a one of a kind relationship..lol. All the good and none of the bad. Talk with God more and more and u will find no only a comfort, but a reality u once thought was totally insane until u experienced it!

Can u Over-give?

When someone gives and gives and gives to another person because they are trying to be a good Christian, something could be wrong. The receiver could be taking advantage of the person’s need to give.

Anyone with self esteem would not allow the taker to take without giving back at least somewhat equally. We know the term “enabling.” This means u give to people who could get the same thing with effort on their own part. But since u r giving it to them, the person has no need or incentive or reason to try...do u blame them?

Saying no is not mean. Say no to abuse, which can even come from someone who is polite and smiling.

Failing to Fit their Role 4U

So y can we forgive some people but not others. I can forgive my dad, who inflicted emotional abuse, but have a harder time forgiving bullies.

Its ironic to me that my dad told me to be aggressive, loud and even cocky since I am on the short side. I didn’t do all that because I was more into being a nice and polite guy. I got shit on.

So, I figure I felt revengeful toward bullies because (inside my thinking) I didn’t measure upto my dad’s idea of a “man,” which was stereotypical. Maybe if we dropped the bullshit roles we are suppose to fill, we would know that falling short of a role given to us by a worldly thinking, no matter how successful his or her “stuff” or “act” or values are in this world, they are not our values.

We should fall short of other people’s values because only ours matters.

UR Worth vs. Disrespect

We all come across assholes. It is hard to dismiss them. I know a Christian who makes excuses for them. This works for her, not for me as much.

If we see these people regularly, like at a job, its really irritating. I am not politically correct, so I will just say that I suspect I am not alone in wanting to tell these people where to stick it. But then u make the whole thing worse.

All we can do is..u thought I was going to say pray or take the high road? All we can do is feel the fear or irritation we have as they try to intimidate us and stand up for ourselves. Yes, I have been there and understand u might even be shaking when u do it, but u DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE! I did this with a couple of people I see regularly and I KNOW first hand it is not easy!!

God loves you and says you deserve equal respect, because u are NOT LESS THAN ANYONE!!! I don’t care how you FEEL!! U say you are religious or Christian, act like it! ACCEPT what God says about you. YOU R LOVABLE!! U DESERVE to have your rights respected, your dignity respected BY EVERYONE, including your spouse, parents and any bully!!!

Tell those people..”Don’t talk to me that way,” or “I am going to treat u like u treat me. How would you like that?” You can say “I am done taking your shit!” I suggest speaking to them in a language they will understand. For instance, use a phrase they use alot, or u might even repeat what they just said to u and say “THAT’S how ur going to talk to me?” If this is too hard, catch them talking to someone disrespectfully or abusively and tell the disrespectful person “I can’t believe they take the way you treat them; I would never let u treat me that way.”

One surprising thing I learned in doing all this, is you are kind of in control of how they treat u, to an extent. I took the rudest person who interrupted me and more, and told him..”u interrupted me.” (direct) Another time I said “I won’t respond to that kind of treatment.” Doing this is VERY VERY HARD!! But I am told by someone much more assertive than I, that its rare that a person can’t be retrained.

I still find it hard to do this stuff. But I recently thought about my value. I grew up in a dysfunctional home with a dad who was a narcissist + high functioning alcoholic, and a mother who enabled all this and never told me there was anything wrong with him. Consequently, I believed all these bad things about myself that were not true (had low self esteem). Well, you already have the Truth about your worth. God will help you if you ask Him for help standing upto these people.

You must do one thing first though. Start questioning your comfort zones. You are comfortable being mistreated because u never questioned how people treat u. Ask urself with each interaction. Is this person considering my feelings? Is this person trying to take my rights away from me? Did what he say just devalue me or make me feel lower than they are? Are they using their power against me in an inappropriate way (in a job situation). Refuse to be their victim and SAY SOMETHING and say it over and over EVEN IF IT KILLS U! I mean God didn’t create u to be abused !! This is NOT your calling!! You have an individual separate life and no one has the right to make u live for them or (like my dad) use u to prop up their low self esteem!!! God wants more than this for you!!

Handling Fear

Many of us have read bible versus on fear, and while they are “nice,” they really didn’t help. So u get mad at yourself; if only u were a stronger Christian, u could get something out of this stuff that must have helped so many other people, even throughout history.

They might help you more if you put them in plain English and personalized them. For example, we are to “trust God.” Great! U feel fantastic about that, but u tried that. Instead of writing that down, write this kind of thing.. “stop trying to think things through so much. There is no way of thinking I am going to come up with that CAN make me feel safe, relaxed, or confident!” You must believe this. You are human, and while there is a psychological component of course, viewing fear as a spiritual problem means WE can’t solve it. This means we STOP the endless cycle of obsession, trying to figure out the best way to think about it and do what we thought was impossible, and give it to God.

That really sucks though because that means its out of our control, and that is totally uncomfortable! Picture yourself in a prison solitary cell. There is no key to the door. The only way to get out is to trust God. The trust opens the door.

That would certainly be better than spending years trying to get out, which is what we do when we imprison ourselves in our fear because we refuse to trust God. We want control. We want to figure it out cause our ego lies to us and says we are capable. If you admit you can’t do it, and give yourself no other options, you might turn to God. He can give you what you need, and if your will is lined up with His, it will also be what you want. Just remember to look back, once u r no longer fearful, and take credit for turning to God, but kill your ego by also remembering u didn’t do it by your own thinking. You were way too smart to try that foolish maze like u use to. Watch other people ask u how u can be so calm.

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Your Religiously Liberal Christian Home

reading The Bible is a pain

While I talk like a normal person of the world (not like I am in church) on this blog, the blog is about Christianity, so with that in mind, I want to tell you something you might relate with.

Do you feel like you “should” read The Bible, at least a little, but you are not in the mood..like ever? I sometimes think, I get the main ideas and I have read parts of that thing over and over like an idiot, so why should I bore myself some more with this (I believe in The Bible, but when I am in a bad mood, I say..) crap. This reflects my mood, not my thoughts on Christianity.

Then I remembered one of the main reasons I believe. Its that feeling of or sense of the Holy Spirit that I can’t convey to anyone who doesn’t already believe, and I wouldn’t risk the insults trying. I know it sounds odd, sensing a spiritual thing knowing that saying that u can tt God but if He talks back, you need to be medicated cuz ur crazy.

Related to why I end up reading The Bible, is this; someone once explained that God or the HS ttu (give you thoughts) about what you read that fit into whatever is happening in your life at THAT particular time, with each section or verse you read. so if you THINK while you read the words you would otherwise be bored with, you can get ideas that will help you when you apply them to your life.

SO how do you get yourself to read it to begin with? For me, I use it partly as an escape from my life, or a break, or maybe I should say a relief. Obviously the irony is that if you believe The Bible, you are seeking relief from your temporary life by getting into reality and seeing that most of the shit you are going through isn’t as bad as it feels cause it doesn’t mean as much as the stuff you are reading. Then you take notes about what you were thinking, decide to review the notes in the near future, and go to sleep...lol.

consider not helping someone

So you have a family member or friend who has a problem.

This person is abusive to you by not respecting your rights, devaluing what you say or think, putting their hands on you when you don’t want them to, or stepping over boundary lines everyone is entitled to, including respect.

You want to live upto being a Christian, so you try to help them but they don’t see their problem or don’t change their behavior. They apologize to you but nothing really changes. They might even seem to view you as a nag, pest or pain in the ass when you suggest they might need help.

Stop trying to help. You need to keep yourself safe, sane and healthy as a priority over people who you honestly know need to learn the hard way. Besides, if you could have made a difference, they would have listened to you by now and done something.

I know you feel mean, but you need to either get away from them while they self-destruct and hit their bottom, or get someone else to deal with them who they might listen to. It is not mean to protect yourself!!

How do I know? I have a narcissistic CHRISTIAN sister. She doesn’t see her issue or how she treats me. I tried to tt her a number of times and she insults me. For her to feel good about herself, she needs to insult my relative lack of success in any career, my lack of money compared to her and whatever she can think of. She manipulates, and I am not talking to her and haven’t for a while, except to tell her she should accept the fact Jesus/God loves her and that should be enough for anyone’s low esteem (at the core). I mean many people could benefit through counseling, as I did, but like with her, I speculate some problems can’t be fixed that way. I have read that narcissism is rarely helped through therapy.

Furthermore, I had a dad who, whether he was officially an alcoholic or not, created a dysfunctional psychological environment for our family. He couldn’t be helped by my mom’s good intentions. So its through seeing that and through my own experience that I suggest to you not to enable any abuser by giving them what they want, be it drugs, alcohol or your personal information so they can somehow hurt you or criticize you with it. I am also saying it is NOT mean to protect yourself by stopping your helping attempts!! I also got this idea through 2 psychologists. You might pray for them. My dad became a Christian at the end of his life, and (in front of me), told 2 drinking buddies that he had a new friend named Jesus, who is a real nice guy. I was shocked and they thought he lost his mind. So miracles do happen. Never give up on God. It sounds like a rationalization (I realize this) but if God doesn’t change the person, our belief is that He SOMEHOW knows more than us, what is somehow for the best. I don’t get it cause I don’t see the big picture, so its always a tough thing when our prayers are not answered, but if we are to be consistent with our belief, we are not privy to what God sees, or ANYWHERE near that! He sees eternal things, the huge picture and has reasons beyond our knowledge. Its frustrating and confusing but we must submit and not try to pretend we are God. Surrender to humanness might be the best way to go. Stop fighting the way things are and admit our helplessness and limits and keep trusting God loves us. Its not easy.

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