avengers assemble! @liesforaliving - Tumblr Blog

Maybe she should update her lab to be a bit more comfortable. Not that it would be helpful, but then she could have company. It wasn't very comfortable now. It was a lab after all. Her quarters were the closest thing to comfortable she had here, and she was trying to routinely make it back to her apartment to decompress. However if she was too tired, she didn't trust herself to drive, and thus, crashing at the base.

Chuckling, Bobbi nodded. She too stole coffee from him sometimes, but she usually brought her own mug with her. That sounded familiar. "I feel like he tuned me out a lot when we were married..." Which made a lot of sense, now that she thought about it. Things would get hard, Bobbi would try to talk about it, Clint would likely tune her out, and it never got better. "I understand what that's like."

"Well, consider it a open invitation. Coffee is terrible, but I can carry on decent conversation.... Well, shit, in 2013, I was mostly undercover. I don't do much of that these days..."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm married to him." Sterling admitted, rolling his eyes and smirking. "Don't ever tell anyone I said that. I cannot let the Hawkling shippers win."

He understood her meaning though. It couldn't have been easy being married to Barton. He was as stubborn as they came and strong enough to back it up. The fact that Barton was still alive often astounded and relieved him. He didn't know what he would do if Clint were to be killed in action. Yes, they were SHIELD agents. Yes, it happened more often than they would like to think, but Clint was... different.

"Worry not, you're excellent company. Enough to, by far, make up for lousy coffee. I'm glad you don't do much undercover though. Bit of a selfish thought but so many of my friends are still in the dangerous side of work. I like knowing you're safer, even if labs come with their own level of danger. In 2013 I was..." Heavily medicated, getting mandatory psyche evals, fucking up a really good relationship, dying of ebola... Hmm. That was a pretty busy year. "Still a desk jockey." He laughed softly to himself. "Some things never change."

A snort escaped her as she turned her head to glance at him. "At least he sometimes listens to you. Better than I ever got. Your secret is safe with me though. I'm sure there's still some folks that want Clint and I to get back together, even though it's been years." Like a lot of years. She still had days where she thought about trying again with him, but then she'd be in the same room with him for a while and remember how stupid that would be.

There also had been another marriage since then. Hunter. She learned a lot about herself in their marriage too, but a lot of their marriage had been built on mistrust and lies. Bobbi had been undercover when they met, and that was always lorded over her head.

I like knowing you're safer.

That was not what she'd been expecting from him. Finally sitting up on the couch, she turned to face him, trying to understand the look on his face. As slight as it was, she saw something flash across his face and it made her wonder what he thought of.

"You were never just a desk jockey, Sterling. We both know that. I miss being in the field sometimes though. I'm good at it."

“Why are you still here?! Why won’t you just leave?! Why won’t you just leave me like everyone else?!” - from Bobbi @liesforaliving

Fuck, this was familiar. Clint had never outright said the words to him but Sterling always felt this emotion behind each of his outbursts. He'd asked himself that question a few times. Why did he stay by Barton's side all this time. Even when everything seemed against them or when everything tried to pull them apart.

But Sterling could always ask Clint the same question right back.

Despite the weight of the situation Sterling felt almost comfortable being screamed at like this. He knew this emotion came from the broken and he knew it was always toward people they cared about. To Sterling, this was a compliment. These words meant he was doing everything right. His voice was low and calm as he spoke back to her, not backing down in stance or eye contact.

"Because I don't know how to give up on my friends. Maybe that makes me an idiot but... I'm not going anywhere, Bobbi." It was the first time Sterling had called her by her first name. "You're worth it."

#agentsterling #ahhhhh my heart. deshi this huuuuurts #but I think it makes their friendship stronger.

Broken always understood broken. Maybe that's why he wasn't leaving. He was broken too. Bobbi was so overwhelmed today, nothing was going right, and her PTSD was hitting harder than usual. She didn't like to admit it but it was true. What she thought was a classic case of anxiety actually ran far deeper and was much more intrusive in her life. It was hard admitting she felt broken.

So hard, in fact, she wasn't even sure if Clint or Hunter really knew all the details. She sure as hell knew no shrink on base knew any details. She kept all of that very tight lipped. Until she was by herself. Today, frustration took over and she lost it.

Today she was feeling abandoned, and lonely. Today she was feeling incomprehensible. She felt like she was drowning. Bobbi felt hollow.

And she didn't like it.

Hollow led to awful places that she never wanted to get to again. It meant that she was a shell of herself, and it meant that she wasn't healing emotionally. Bobbi knew she had bad days physically, the weather played havoc on that, it seemed. But emotionally she thought she'd been getting better.

Obviously not.

How Sterling had been the one to find her like this, she wasn't sure, but a small part of her was grateful it had been him, and not someone else. Between the shaky crying, and the frustration she felt, Bobbi knew she was far from okay.

Sterling's words, as comforting and calm as they were supposed to be, hit her like a ton of bricks, and it felt crushing, pulling the air from her chest. Bobbi locked eyes with him, a deep fear set in her gaze. How could he be so kind when she was being horrible?

Wait.

First name? He actually called her Bobbi, she just realized it, and she felt the immediate tightness in her chest, partnered with the fact that she lost her breath, made her head swim even more. She didn't even realize it, but she felt the tears streaming down her cheeks, and she couldn't pull the back in to shut it down. She couldn't contain it. Bobbi coiled herself tighter, her face dropping against her knees.

Bobbi knew that it couldn't have been too easy for Clint to compromise, but since he and Erikson were so close, she could see how it was easy to do so. She chuckled at the blanket, rolling her eyes. "Of course." That was more fitting of Clint's apartment. She never did understand the obsession with the obnoxious shades of purple he chose, even when they'd been married.

If there was one thing she was grateful for, in all the turmoil that had been her recovery, it had been the kindness of those around her. The poor lab assistants never understood, so she eventually just asked them to stop using her lab, if possible. She'd scared a handful of them, a couple too many times, and she didn't feel like it was fair to them. She was grateful for folks like Clint, Hunter, Hill, Simmons, and now Erikson too. It wasn't hard for her to be grateful for their kindness and their patience. (Not that Clint had much patience with her, but he sure tried when she couldn't form sentences without getting angry about it.) "Maybe you're right there."

Bobbi smiled a little as she finished the cookie, and shrugged. "I think you would have been okay in finance, perhaps, but definitely not in the labs with formulas and the like. You should come visit and see what it's like one day." Not that she'd make him do any of the math.

The only reason Sterling had even allowed Clint to help him pick out the couch in the office had been because he was one of the main people who convinced him he needed one. He assumed that was mostly because he himself wanted to take naps in Sterling's office but also because he kept catching Sterling falling asleep at his desk when he worked late hours. Sterling no longer liked to stay overnight at his office, he liked to get home to hopefully see his daughter before she went to sleep, but the job didn't always allow that. Some cases required all nighters. Facetime visits with Chen at 5:00 on nights where he knew he would be working late was their compromise.

"He also has a mug here for when he steals my coffee. Basically about 20% of this office is his for when he is avoiding work. I hate to be his sanctuary in those situations but at least if he's here I can lecture him into getting SOME work done. Even if he takes out his hearing aids I can still lecture him as long as his eyes are still open." He chuckled softly to himself.

Visit the labs though? That sounded interesting. He had never really been one for science but he had a much better track record with science than magic.

He wondered what Agent Murphy was doing now.

"I don't visit the labs all that much. Used to practically live in IT on my breaks back in... 2012? 13? Fuck, has it been that long?"

Maybe she should update her lab to be a bit more comfortable. Not that it would be helpful, but then she could have company. It wasn't very comfortable now. It was a lab after all. Her quarters were the closest thing to comfortable she had here, and she was trying to routinely make it back to her apartment to decompress. However if she was too tired, she didn't trust herself to drive, and thus, crashing at the base.

Chuckling, Bobbi nodded. She too stole coffee from him sometimes, but she usually brought her own mug with her. That sounded familiar. "I feel like he tuned me out a lot when we were married..." Which made a lot of sense, now that she thought about it. Things would get hard, Bobbi would try to talk about it, Clint would likely tune her out, and it never got better. "I understand what that's like."

"Well, consider it a open invitation. Coffee is terrible, but I can carry on decent conversation.... Well, shit, in 2013, I was mostly undercover. I don't do much of that these days..."

"Ah, see. I wouldn't let him pick a purple couch so we compromised." Sterling got up and reached behind the couch, leaning on it with his knee, to retrieve a purple blanket. The words THE PERCH were printed on it. He draped the blanket over the couch, only long enough to comfortably sleep on should Sterling need to stay overnight, and gestured to it as if to say Tada!

"Ah, you can never be too kind." That wasn't true. He'd learned that a couple years ago. The idea he was too soft and he needed to harden himself, show less mercy, nearly consumed him. He'd kept afloat though. He came out of it cautious and paranoid, but still believed in kindness.

For now.

"I'm glad my line of work is more forms than math. I'm not sure I would have lasted this long if there was more math involved." He chuckled to himself.

Bobbi knew that it couldn't have been too easy for Clint to compromise, but since he and Erikson were so close, she could see how it was easy to do so. She chuckled at the blanket, rolling her eyes. "Of course." That was more fitting of Clint's apartment. She never did understand the obsession with the obnoxious shades of purple he chose, even when they'd been married.

If there was one thing she was grateful for, in all the turmoil that had been her recovery, it had been the kindness of those around her. The poor lab assistants never understood, so she eventually just asked them to stop using her lab, if possible. She'd scared a handful of them, a couple too many times, and she didn't feel like it was fair to them. She was grateful for folks like Clint, Hunter, Hill, Simmons, and now Erikson too. It wasn't hard for her to be grateful for their kindness and their patience. (Not that Clint had much patience with her, but he sure tried when she couldn't form sentences without getting angry about it.) "Maybe you're right there."

Bobbi smiled a little as she finished the cookie, and shrugged. "I think you would have been okay in finance, perhaps, but definitely not in the labs with formulas and the like. You should come visit and see what it's like one day." Not that she'd make him do any of the math.

hxrbingxr

"... In two minutes?" Eira asked, eyes widening for a moment. "Not even Tony had one that fast, what the fuck... Pym probably made it. One of the few things Tony could never really... match tech wise, was the speed at which his tech worked. Pym just had a knack for it somehow- but don't tell Pym I said that. The last thing I need to hear his him gloating over a singular minor compliment to his technology." The unspoken distaste... dislike... feud... war?? between Stark and Pym over technology had never been lost on her, and she was nothing if not loyal. "After HYDRA I don't blame you lot one bit, but nothing makes me happier than thwarting their plans, no matter how tiny the mechanism. I'll need you to go over the coding, though, before I finalize it. Biochem- anything is not my forte and you know I trust your smarts in that field more than I do anyone else."

"Nope, nothing fancy about it, it's made by a company called Bunn. Step down from industrial coffee makers, but basically the same premise. It's not fancy at all. I mean, Pym may have made some modifications, but minimal, at best." Bobbi wasn't one to pick sides, in these kinds of things, but she always had preferred Stark tech over Pym. Not that she would ever publicly announce the fact. It was nice to have friends who understood what she did, but also appreciated that they didn't know her field and would ask for help. "You know I will. I'm more than happy to help, any time." She was also thankful for Eira, because she didn't seem to care whether Bobbi was in the lab or the field, she still made her feel useful. "Also, I was thinking, maybe we could have a girl's night? grab dinner, or something? I need to get out of the lab a little."

#hxrbingxr

"He helped pick it out. He better like it." Sterling said over his cup of coffee before taking a sip and placing it on the shelf behind him, safely away from his paperwork that littered his desktop. There was no computer on his desk, just paperwork. It made the office, and himself, look that much more retro and outdated. He liked that atmosphere. A lot of the furniture was even salvaged from old SSR offices.

"There are certainly worse reputations it could have. But no, just... quiet, mindless paperwork. My life." He chuckled to himself, knowing most field agents found this sort of work so boring and tedious. Sterling preferred it most of the time. Especially now that he had a toddler at home. It didn't keep him out too late. It didn't tend to get him injured. Even small, non combat, routine field work found a way to trip him up it seemed. "Believe me, you're a welcomed guest. Make yourself at home."

Something kind of like a snicker came from Bobbi, as she enjoyed the peaceful few minutes she could spare. "He's a picky one, that's for sure. I'm surprised it's not purple." Especially if Clint picked it. Actually Bobbi was even more surprised that it wasn't giant like the one she remembered Barton having in his apartment.

"Sometimes I wish my lab was more forms, and less math. Alas, I can't win that one." Finally Bobbi decided to munch on the cookie, happy for the snack. "You're too kind to me, Erikson. Thank you." In other words, there were unwelcomed guests now and then..

hxrbingxr

"It's what I was raised on for field training with him and Nat. I needed it for survival... Pretty sure it stunted my growth though, I feel like I got shorter from all the times they absolutely whooped my ass on the mats." She sipped the coffee Bobbi had brought her and hummed in appreciation. "So you need me to replace an antique that should be donated to the Smithsonian? Easy peasy, but if Fury comes after me looking for it, I'm not responsible for any damages." She was teasing; she knew she could outrun Fury... if he ran out of bullets. "Backup weapon I can do; I can also build in special filters that can detect poisons, microbes, fungus... I'm very, very close to coming up with a filter that works for detecting brain eating amoeba, but those don't survive coffee water temperatures anyways." She was rambling, her brain seeming to be working on three different threads of thought at once. "Poisons are the important one, though."

#i even have a TLOU verse for bobbi if ya want #meme

“Oh you poor kid. That would do anyone in.” She, thankfully, went through regular SHIELD agent training at the academy, and even then, she didn't have to worry about training with the Avengers, because that wasn’t her main skillset to SHIELD. Now and then she sparred with Clint, sometimes Hunter, but it wasn't frequent enough that she felt like they kicked her ass. Though, she supposed now they likely would be able to. “I doubt he'll miss it, Hill found one that brews a whole pot in 2 minutes, and he loves that one.” Bobbi also didn't really care, and she was sure that she'd get away with it, for the time being, and could take the blame if he did go looking for it. “If it's on SHIELD property, it should always filter poisons, and neurotoxins. We never know if there’s moles.” It had happened more than once, and Bobbi still blamed herself for one of the instances.

“So, yes, please. All the types of filtering, an extra weapon, and preferably a tracker, in case someone tries to steal my coffee maker.”

#hxrbingxr

edenmemes

last of us (show) starters

ep1- 9.

❝ your t-shirt’s inside out. ❞ ❝ you already know i’m bad at lying. ❞ ❝ you are the person i never wanted to be in debt to. but i owe you. ❞ ❝ after all we’ve been through…everything i’ve done…it can’t be for nothing. ❞ ❝ you know what i see when i look at you? me. you remind me of me. ❞ ❝ i need you to take a breath. ❞ ❝ there’s a leader in you. one day, it could be your turn. ❞ ❝ i never liked you, but still, it’s like we’re friends. almost. ❞ ❝ we’re gonna be brave, and we’re gonna get out of this. ❞ ❝ can’t tell you how exciting it was listening to that fucking conversation. ❞ ❝ there you are. i was getting worried. ❞ ❝ a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad. ❞ ❝ how about we just talk this through? ❞ ❝ this isn’t gonna end well. ❞ ❝ when we’re done, we’ll go wherever you want. ❞ ❝ you’re a dangerous person. you’ve certainly proved that. ❞ ❝ i started worrying you wouldn’t wake up. ❞ ❝ we can help each other. and get that gun out of my face. ❞ ❝ i think i’m gonna love you for a long, long time. ❞ ❝ there’s stuff up there you shouldn’t see. ❞ ❝ you ask a lot of goddamn questions. ❞ ❝ you know, i used to be scared of these people. ❞ ❝ i mean…our luck had to run out sooner or later. ❞ ❝ like to think, for once, we could finally win? ❞ ❝ i mean, it’s the long way or the ‘we’re fucking dead’ way. ❞ ❝ you mumble in your sleep. ❞ ❝ wait, who gave you the black eye? ❞ ❝ no. no questions. just do it. ❞ ❝ you can’t fight everything and everyone. you can pick and choose what’s important. ❞ ❝ nobody’s gonna be coming after you, right? ❞ ❝ you stay close and you follow my lead. ❞ ❝ there’s no halfway with this. we finish what we started. ❞ ❝ you’re a natural leader. you’re smart, loyal…violent. ❞ ❝ it’s a miracle you’re alive. ❞ ❝ okay, rocky start. could’ve been worse, though. ❞ ❝ you know what i’m in the mood for? shitty puns. ❞ ❝ it doesn’t matter. you have to trust me. ❞ ❝ you know, people like to tell stories. ❞ ❝ i’m not in the mood for this. i’m really not in the mood. ❞ ❝ you have a greater purpose than any of us could’ve ever imagined. ❞ ❝ how about we start with ‘thank you’? ❞ ❝ i’d like to go home and drink ‘til my face stops hurting. ❞ ❝ i want you to forget this ever happened. ❞ ❝ i believe everything happens for a reason. ❞ ❝ you can’t be stupid like this. ❞ ❝ you so hungry for vengeance? deliver it. ❞ ❝ i’m not going anywhere with you. ❞ ❝ if we come up against anything, you get behind me and you stay there, okay? ❞ ❝ i’m trying to keep you alive. ❞ ❝ did it make you feel better? did it make you feel safe? ❞ ❝ that’s not my fucking home. ❞ ❝ i don’t want your sorries. ❞ ❝ don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault. ❞ ❝ oh, finally, some fucking luck. ❞ ❝ you won’t survive for long out here. i can protect you. ❞ ❝ no more questions about me. ❞ ❝ you want your jacket back? ❞ ❝ fuck you, man. i didn’t ask for this. ❞ ❝ besides, it’s the thought that counts. ❞ ❝ wasn’t my fault this time. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry, but this has gone on too long. ❞ ❝ i’ve had…more good days with you than with anyone else. ❞ ❝ i need you to take a breath. ❞ ❝ can we start a fire? i’m freezing. ❞ ❝ the darkness is falling, the sky has turned gray. ❞ ❝ matter of fact, we can just keep our histories to ourselves. ❞ ❝ you stay here. you hear anything, yell. ❞ ❝ maybe there’s nothing bad out there, but so far there’s always been something bad out there. ❞ ❝ so…is it everything you hoped for? ❞ ❝ what do you want me to say? ❞ ❝ you okay? you just seem extra quiet today. ❞ ❝ are you okay? you’re not hurt? nothing? ❞ ❝ there’s no way anyone knows we’re here, right? ❞ ❝ you do what i say when i say it. we clear? ❞ ❝ where would you be without me, huh? ❞ ❝ i’ve been on both sides. ❞ ❝ let’s just handle what we have to handle. ❞ ❝ is it everything you hoped for? ❞ ❝ it doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope, it will always be stationary. ❞ ❝ you hungry? you can share some of mine. ❞ ❝ have i committed a crime? ❞ ❝ it’s got its ups and downs…but you can’t deny that view. ❞ ❝ those things i did…those things that you judge me for, i did those things to keep us alive. ❞ ❝ i swear, i’ve told you everything i know. ❞ ❝ i don’t wanna talk about it. ❞ ❝ just because life stopped for you…doesn’t mean it has to stop for me. ❞ ❝ i’m alone and forsaken by fate and by man. ❞ ❝ here. this make you all nostalgic? ❞ ❝ thanks for still giving a shit about me. ❞ ❝ i am the bad guy because i did a bad guy thing. ❞ ❝ you keep your eyes on me. and don’t look anywhere else. ❞ ❝ i know this hurts. you’re gonna be okay. ❞ ❝ you think i’ve never done shit like that? ❞ ❝ maybe we just call this one a success and say our fond farewells. ❞ ❝ it isn’t fair, your age…having to deal with all of this. ❞ ❝ i was never afraid before you showed up. ❞ ❝ swear to me. swear to me that everything you said is true. ❞ ❝ do i not look scared? ❞ ❝ just a reminder that if you’re dead, i’m fucked. ❞ ❝ what else am i supposed to say? ❞ ❝ it’s not too late. even now…even after what you’ve done. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. i have no other choice. ❞ ❝ if you just keep going…you find something new to fight for. ❞ ❝ we did what we needed to survive. ❞ ❝ is that what i am? am i one of the ‘wrong people’? ❞ ❝ i shouldn’t have said what i said. i don’t know your situation. ❞ ❝ i don’t wanna hurt you. i wanna help you. ❞ ❝ look, sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope. ❞ ❝ when do we tell the others? ❞ ❝ well, this is what happens when you fuck with fate. ❞ ❝ i saw what you did…the way you killed those men. ❞ ❝ but first, you have to do something for me. ❞ ❝ be careful who you put your faith in. the only people who can betray us…are the ones we trust. ❞ ❝ you see my face? do i look scared? ❞ ❝ stay awake with me. ❞ ❝ it’s dangerous, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. ❞ ❝ there’s a whole lot you’re not telling me. ❞ ❝ how about you shut the fuck up? ❞ ❝ i would very much like for you to hurt them. ❞ ❝ what i’m about to tell you cannot be repeated to anyone. ❞ ❝ they’re gonna catch us if we don’t run. ❞ ❝ everybody i have cared for has either died or left me. everybody, fսcking except for you. ❞ ❝ lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere. ❞ ❝ i’m not looking for any trouble. ❞ ❝ i think maybe we got a little off on the wrong foot. ❞ ❝ i came here to save you. ❞ ❝ they’re not following us. i think we’re safe. ❞ ❝ i just ran away for a bit, that’s all. ❞ ❝ i thought you were dead. ❞ ❝ you think i can still handle things, but…i’m not who i was. ❞ ❝ oh, maybe i shouldn’t have said anything. ❞ ❝ i should fucking stab you. ❞ ❝ seriously, though, how the fuck do you do that? ❞ ❝ well, i…i don’t know how to swim. ❞ ❝ what the fuck is wrong with you, sneaking up on me like that? ❞ ❝ holy shit, are you dying? ❞ ❝ i was just trying to imagine you wearing that. ❞ ❝ was that the first dead body you ever saw? ❞ ❝ i wasn’t gonna say i’m sorry. i was gonna say that i’ve been thinking about what happened. ❞ ❝ how about you just take the good news? ❞ ❝ why did you bring me here? ❞ ❝ we can just be all poetic and lose our minds together. ❞ ❝ god help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. ❞ ❝ you stay down, you stay low, you stay quiet. ❞ ❝ that easy to give everything up, huh? ❞ ❝ are you gonna kill me? this seems like a perfect place to do it. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t have had to. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ you know, you really shouldn’t be all out here on your own. ❞ ❝ turn around and walk away. just go. ❞ ❝ i’ll follow you anywhere you go. ❞ ❝ hold me close to my heart. ❞ ❝ it’s hard to trust strangers. i know. ❞ ❝ i need to know you’re with me. ❞ ❝ the longer i was away…the harder it was to come back. ❞ ❝ did you kill innocent people? ❞ ❝ as much as i love arguing with your stubborn ass…we’re on a mission here. ❞ ❝ don’t tell me that i’d be safer with somebody else because the truth is i would just be more scared. ❞ ❝ you have no idea what loss is. ❞ ❝ you’re the one thing i missed from that fucking place. ❞ ❝ when we were talking about hurting people…what did you mean it wasn’t your first time? ❞ ❝ i can’t fucking do this without you. ❞ ❝ it was a joke, okay? in my mind, you loved it. ❞ ❝ well then, give me your hand. ❞ ❝ they haven’t lost faith in you. they’re just scared. ❞ ❝ goddamn it, i wanna punch you so bad. ❞ ❝ looks different in the daylight, huh? ❞ ❝ i know you mean well. i know you wanna protect me. ❞

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes for a moment. The serum was one of the worst things to have ever happened to him. He remembered the way it burned when Zola injected it into his veins. He remembered screaming himself hoarse on that lab table, unable to even curl into a ball to try to hide from the pain inside his body. He had been at the point of pure delirium when Steve had found him- Steve, suddenly three times as big as when Bucky had left him back home. Steve, who was suddenly so strong he was taking on Panzer tanks alone. Steve, who had survived decades in ice while Bucky had suffered decades of being a puppet. "I want to know why he wants it," he said finally, moving to sit with her again. "I don't give a shit about if I have clearance or not to know- you and I are friends, Bobbi, right? You know the history of that serum... having super soldiers is like having nukes. Once it gets out that one side has them, everyone else is going to want them too. People have been assassinated because of their knowledge about the serum-" He stopped himself, realizing that not only was his voice getting heated, but his left hand was closing from the muscle memory of when he had been sent to kill Tony Stark's parents. He clenched it shut, tightly, and took a deep breath. "... If it gets out that you succeed at this... Bobbi, I don't want anything to happen to you."

#i was dumb and accidently deleted the reply i had like a dumbass when all i wanted to do was redraft it to edit.#therxdeemxr #but this one is way better anyways and more actually in bobbi's headspace so i feel better about it.

Bobbi heard the sigh and immediately knew that he was disappointed, and maybe not even in her, but maybe in the situation. However, she definitely took it personally. Her view of the project was likely skewed because she was so deeply engrossed with it, and it really was in line with all of her research from when she was in grad school. What she hoped when she was done, and it was stable, was that the serum would be... more like a flu shot. It would be a simple process, and there wouldn't be the same amount of agony that she read in the files that Fury gave her about Steve and Bucky's experience with their serum. Also the one that she got from Fury with his experience about the Infinity Formula. All three of them went through hell and survived with their respective formulas, and it was likely that he was right. It was like having nuclear bombs, however, she also knew that every country, every apparent 'power' there was out there had their own version of them. Bobbi knew that. It may not have been the same kind of 'nuclear bomb' like she was constructing, but there were others. Most of them had decided to side with SHIELD, up to this point. Black Panther, The Hulk, Stark Industries, Black Widow, Winter Soldier, Captain America, and she could go on. There were plenty of folks that could have easily gone nuclear and gone the other way, like some of the folks they'd fought over the years. Ward, Hydra, Zola... Bobbi hung her head, staring into her coffee cup and sighed. "I don't know why, but I know I'm the most qualified person to do it." She looked back up at him and tilted her head a little. "Right now the only ones that know about it are you, me, Hill and Fury, that I know of. They may have told others, but I doubt it. I actually don't even know if Steve knows about it." She picked at a chip in the cup, and nodded. "I know, I know. I think we're pretty on the downlow right now, and really, I plan to keep it that way until we can't? Besides, I think I'm pretty capable of defending myself."

hxrbingxr

"Oh thank god, I was worried you were bringing me more of Clint's," Eira said, taking the mug. "Tryin' to cut back on that shit. The older I get, the more it makes me feel like I can smell colors after four cups." She tested the temperature of the coffee before chugging about half of the mug down. "You want something that hold hot liquids safely in a lab? Shouldn't be too hard- but you're asking me. What do you really need?"

Bobbi laughed, shaking her head. "You're brave for drinking that concoction." Bobbi had one sip, once, and refused to trust Clint to make coffee for her ever again. She needed steady hands and after too much caffeine she didn't have steady hands anymore. "Well, we have like.... a 1980's maker down there that is probably Fury's original coffee maker when they built this place. I just need an upgrade. I mean, if it can house a backup weapon, I wouldn't complain. I'm asking you because then I know it'll be fast, and it'll be safe."

#hxrbingxr

@therxdeemxr sort of asked for a thing

"Bucky!" Bobbi called after him, jogging to catch up. "Hey, I heard you were back! Nice to see another familiar face."

"Too bad we don't know any friendly aliens that we could ask. Like, 'hey Voyager's finally out of our reach and we're worried, can you go check on her?'" Considering the last group of aliens he'd ever met, he had a feeling an innocent request like that would be met with laughter and violence. "Thor can't survive in open space, can he?" He had a feeling the man couldn't, no matter how insanely powerful and impressive that entire god's being was. "Technology for something that important would definitely help- but like, there's this sort of... majesty about digging with your own hands, I think. When I was like... fifteen? My school went on a trip to the coastline to look for ocean fossils. Even if what I found was only a few hundred years old- it's still a few hundred years, in your hand." He tried his coffee again, finding it was worse as it cooled. "Whoever made this must have sleep trouble, good god," he said, practically gagging. He got up to see if there was another kind to make in one of the cupboards. "Twenty years on the same project? Are you curing a disease?" he asked curiously.

"yeah, it's unfortunate. Maybe one day we'll find a friendly group. I wouldn't doubt it, sooner or later." Bobbi scrunched her face, and shook her head after trying her coffee a third time. Still awful. "Uh, I don't know. I've only really met him in passing? I wouldn't know what his capabilities were. You'd have to ask." There was something cool about getting one's hands dirty, and working with one's hands in general. Bobbi did enjoy it, even if she did rely on her tech for the most part. "That's cool. I grew up in San Diego, so I spent a lot of time on the beach." She dropped her head back with a dramatic sigh. and a roll of her eyes. "Well, I mean it's been off and on for twenty years, since I was also an active field agent. But I mean... kind of? Basically Fury has tasked me with stabilizing a compound kind of like your serum..." She really could only assume that his was similar to Steve's, which could prove helpful, but she would never ask.

"I kind of like that... giant tree guy that fought with us against that purple nutsack from space, but I don't think he'd be any help either." He searched the cupboards, and snatched down a box. Korean instant coffee- he loved the stuff in the past. Hopefully it was still good now. He put water into a kettle as she explained her project, and turned it on with an oddly slow snap. "... Fury's having you make a super soldier serum?" he asked, turning his head to look at her. "Bobbi... come on you know how dangerous the serum is." He wasn't angry, but there was disappointment in his voice. "The world does not need more of me."

#therxdeemxr #she's like DON'T HATE ME. what if we don't have you or Steve??? then what???

"Oh yeah, I heard about him. Has a raccoon as a best friend, or something??" She felt like she missed out on some cool stuff, but she also was just a plain old human with some good skills, she didn't know if she would have been helpful. "There's more to it than that. But that's the easiest way to explain it. I know - I know. Believe me, I understand the ramifications of it. There's another one called the Inifinity serum, which Fury has, and I'm basically trying to merge the two into a stable serum, so that should we ever need it, at least we'd have something safe. But it's been tricky. Which is why it's taking me so long. I'm so close I can taste it, but none of my hypothetical trials that I've run on my computer have proven fruitful." She stared down into the mug of shitty coffee and sighed. "I don't want anyone to go through the process like you and Steve did, and I would only want it to be their own choice to do it. I made that blatantly clear to the Director that it needed to be someone's personal choice, not a choice made for them." But in theory, when she did finalize it, it would simply be like getting a flu shot.

@therxdeemxr sort of asked for a thing

"Bucky!" Bobbi called after him, jogging to catch up. "Hey, I heard you were back! Nice to see another familiar face."

"Too bad we don't know any friendly aliens that we could ask. Like, 'hey Voyager's finally out of our reach and we're worried, can you go check on her?'" Considering the last group of aliens he'd ever met, he had a feeling an innocent request like that would be met with laughter and violence. "Thor can't survive in open space, can he?" He had a feeling the man couldn't, no matter how insanely powerful and impressive that entire god's being was. "Technology for something that important would definitely help- but like, there's this sort of... majesty about digging with your own hands, I think. When I was like... fifteen? My school went on a trip to the coastline to look for ocean fossils. Even if what I found was only a few hundred years old- it's still a few hundred years, in your hand." He tried his coffee again, finding it was worse as it cooled. "Whoever made this must have sleep trouble, good god," he said, practically gagging. He got up to see if there was another kind to make in one of the cupboards. "Twenty years on the same project? Are you curing a disease?" he asked curiously.

#therxdeemxr #she's like plz don't judge

"yeah, it's unfortunate. Maybe one day we'll find a friendly group. I wouldn't doubt it, sooner or later." Bobbi scrunched her face, and shook her head after trying her coffee a third time. Still awful. "Uh, I don't know. I've only really met him in passing? I wouldn't know what his capabilities were. You'd have to ask." There was something cool about getting one's hands dirty, and working with one's hands in general. Bobbi did enjoy it, even if she did rely on her tech for the most part. "That's cool. I grew up in San Diego, so I spent a lot of time on the beach." She dropped her head back with a dramatic sigh. and a roll of her eyes. "Well, I mean it's been off and on for twenty years, since I was also an active field agent. But I mean... kind of? Basically Fury has tasked me with stabilizing a compound kind of like your serum..." She really could only assume that his was similar to Steve's, which could prove helpful, but she would never ask.

@therxdeemxr sort of asked for a thing

"Bucky!" Bobbi called after him, jogging to catch up. "Hey, I heard you were back! Nice to see another familiar face."

"Friends being born aside, the seventies was freaking weird," he said. He sipped his own coffee, and for the first time in he knew not how long, he added sugar to it. "Man that is bitter, whew," he said. "Natasha is a Jedi, that's the only reason she knows everything. It freaks even me out sometimes." He was teasing- it was no secret to anyone that Natasha Romanov could just breathe, and Bucky would find her amazing. "Wouldn't hurt us to try to fool her, though, Consider it... training?"

"In scientific terms, yes. Yes they were. But also kind of cool. Like MRIs were invented, the first DNA sequencing of an organism... The Voyager space programs... The discovery of 'Lucy' who is thought to be an early human ancestor... So many cool things, I guess mixed with all the weird." She nodded. "Not sure who made it, but it's strong." Maybe it was Coulson. "She really is! How is she so stealthy all the time?" Bobbi tried, and she was certain she was only half as good as the red head. "Well.... maybe. Might be worth trying in a couple of months when I'm better at it."

"Ohh no, don't talk to me about Voyager, it's so sad," Bucky whined, moving to sit at one of the break tables. "I went off on a research tangent about it. First it's outliving it's battery life, now it's almost so far away there's limited contact... one day it's just gonna be all by itself in the void of space. It's like the droids on Mars; except maybe one day, we can bring them back." His Space Nerd was showing loud and proud. "I can't even wrap my head around Lucy, but it's so... freaking cool." He sipped his coffee again, and set the mug down so the bitterness could settle. "She's the best of the most deadly group of assassins... She can kick even my ass, but I'm sure you can kick Barton's ass just as easily too. Marksman have nothing against you ladies." He leaned back in his chair. "I think you'd be good at it; you're so smart with the stuff you always do in your lab. I've seen you sometimes, looking like you're becoming one with your research. Do you blink when you're in there?" he teased with a grin.

Bobbi smirked, following him to the table, and pulling out a chair. Finally someone who was excited about science like she was. Eira understood too, but this was much more her type of chat. "Well, we're on the topic now. I do hope we can bring Oppy and Spirit home specifically. Voyager is going to have such cool data readings if we can ever get back to her." Bobbi took a sip, hoping her coffee was cooler, and it was not. She set it on the table, and laughed. "Lucy is one of those things that they still have so much to learn about. I'm sure there's more like her if we dig far enough in the area she was found. I mean, it would be one hundred percent an archeological dig which takes time and precision, but with all of the technology we have now versus whay they had back then, I think we could learn so much more." Scoffing she stirred her coffee, and shrugged. "I'm passable these days. Clint could kick my ass right now." That was a topic for another day. "I've been working on this project for twenty some odd years, Bucky, I'm sure I could recite some of the chemical compounds in my sleep at this point." She didn't know if he actually knew whay she was working on.

#therxdeemxr

@therxdeemxr sort of asked for a thing

"Bucky!" Bobbi called after him, jogging to catch up. "Hey, I heard you were back! Nice to see another familiar face."

"Friends being born aside, the seventies was freaking weird," he said. He sipped his own coffee, and for the first time in he knew not how long, he added sugar to it. "Man that is bitter, whew," he said. "Natasha is a Jedi, that's the only reason she knows everything. It freaks even me out sometimes." He was teasing- it was no secret to anyone that Natasha Romanov could just breathe, and Bucky would find her amazing. "Wouldn't hurt us to try to fool her, though, Consider it... training?"

"In scientific terms, yes. Yes they were. But also kind of cool. Like MRIs were invented, the first DNA sequencing of an organism... The Voyager space programs... The discovery of 'Lucy' who is thought to be an early human ancestor... So many cool things, I guess mixed with all the weird." She nodded. "Not sure who made it, but it's strong." Maybe it was Coulson. "She really is! How is she so stealthy all the time?" Bobbi tried, and she was certain she was only half as good as the red head. "Well.... maybe. Might be worth trying in a couple of months when I'm better at it."

#therxdeemxr

@therxdeemxr sort of asked for a thing

"Bucky!" Bobbi called after him, jogging to catch up. "Hey, I heard you were back! Nice to see another familiar face."

"God, what a nerd," he teased, opening the break room door for her. He had no room to talk; rather than keeping up with the languages he knew, he was studying... everything else. Every science book he could get his hands on, he was reading. He had ninety years to catch up on, after all. "If you ever want to practice Italian or Russian, you know where to find me. But you're way over my list of languages. I don't think HYDRA thought I'd ever need to talk most of the time... Do you want sugar in yours?" he asked, grabbing two mugs by the coffee machine.

"What can I say? I like science, and languages." She smirked, shrugging a little. "Hey, I might take you up on that. I'm not strong on them." Should she cut back on sugar, probably, was she gonna? Hell no. "2 cream, 1 sugar." Though most of the time she did drink it black.

"I'll trade you then," he said, making her coffee as requested. "You help me catch up on ninety years of science, and I'll have you speaking those languages so well, not even Natasha will be able to tell it's you over the phone." He handed over her mug of coffee, and poured his out, black. "I think I've caught up through the seventies... And I'm glad I missed the seventies, good god..."

#therxdeemxr #let bobbi nerd out about science it'll be fun!

She took the mug in her hands, and sniffed it to see if the blend smelled decent. Better than the stuff she found in the labs. "I'm sure I can do that. I mean not everything in the seventies was bad. I was born then." She gave him a cheeky grin, finally sipping her coffee. "Okay, it's not awful coffee. Definitely had worse. Come on now, Natasha would know, she always knows."

@therxdeemxr sort of asked for a thing

"Bucky!" Bobbi called after him, jogging to catch up. "Hey, I heard you were back! Nice to see another familiar face."

"God, what a nerd," he teased, opening the break room door for her. He had no room to talk; rather than keeping up with the languages he knew, he was studying... everything else. Every science book he could get his hands on, he was reading. He had ninety years to catch up on, after all. "If you ever want to practice Italian or Russian, you know where to find me. But you're way over my list of languages. I don't think HYDRA thought I'd ever need to talk most of the time... Do you want sugar in yours?" he asked, grabbing two mugs by the coffee machine.