I'm not worried about doing something that would make me a slut for the same reason I'm not worried about doing something that would make me a mermaid

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@life-chats
I'm not worried about doing something that would make me a slut for the same reason I'm not worried about doing something that would make me a mermaid
The shock is wearing off a little bit, but I am not done mourning the profound injustice of it all. Somewhere in my mind there is a small child sobbing and wailing "it's not faaaaaaiiiirrrr!!" on the kitchen floor. I definitely underestimated how racist people are, or how many racist people there are, or how little racism is understood that so many people can make a mental distinction between "being racist" and "being completely unbothered by racism" as if they are different things. I didn't underestimate how sexist people are, or how many sexist people there are, but I did underestimate how many of them would be women. 53% of white women, to be exact. See above. I also deeply underestimated how much people HATE Hillary Clinton. I didn't fully appreciate the impact that 25+ years of the media and the GOP calling Hillary crazy, untrustworthy, cold, two-faced, incompetent, and any number of other overt and coded sexist attacks would have on our perception of her in the long term. I thought that was just some shit republicans tried to say in the 90s, but by now it's worked its way into common knowledge, conventional wisdom, for millions of people. There's a word for that in psychology--source amnesia? When you believe a thing but forget who told it to you. Among liberals in particular, I didn't realize how much voter turnout would be affected because of the idea that she is more cruel, more "bought," more colonialist than Obama, none of which would have had any traction if we hadn't already been carpet-bombed with sexist bullshit by the GOP for years. (Before you correct me, I do understand that there are legitimate policy reasons to dislike or not want to vote for her, and that 3rd party voters are not responsible for the election outcome, and that the VRA was gutted this year so no wonder turnout was low. That doesn't change the fact that we live in a white supremacist patriarchy, and it's much worse than I imagined, which is all I'm saying here.) Lots of people are saying that now is the time to organize, mobilize, get active, tackle the challenge. I'm proud of people who are ready to do that, but I'm not done grieving. And anyway, my brain is refusing to get off the kitchen floor.
can we all just agree that this was hella fucking racist and sexist
White people who think this had more to do with wanting an âoutsiderâ than overt racism make my stomach hurt. Men who think this had more to do with HRC literally being evil incarnate than people wanting to believe the worst of powerful women make my stomach hurt. White men who believe both probably voted for trump.
to do list
things i want to do: - write down everything I am experiencing instead of drowning in it - start an organization that allows progressives in urban/liberal areas to contribute meaningfully to under-resourced organizations in more conservative areas far away - go back in time and prevent this awful nightmare - protect everyone from all the shit coming our way in the next few years - feel better
things i am currently able to do: - get out of bed - do my job - save my total meltdowns for home & car rather than office - think in circles - have bad dreams - tell everyone i know that i love them - watch Jane the Virgin - feel exactly the same
Bread, batteries, birth control
In the days since Donald Trump won the election, all of our health centers have been reporting high numbers of requests for long-lasting forms of birth control while itâs still required to be free. Like a grocery store with empty shelves before a tornado, we are emptying our stores of IUDs and implants as women nationwide brace themselves for the storm.
Mouth breather
The other day a grown man leaned across the table and breathed full into my face. And laughed.
It actually wasn't as creepy as it sounds. I was signing him up for health insurance and he was trying to prove to me that he was telling the truth when he said he didn't use tobacco. He wasn't trying to intimidate me or get in my personal space; he was just a weird older white guy with a weird sense of humor and not much understanding of boundaries.
In my line of work I see a lot of those. And as always, in this particular odd moment I had about 2.3 seconds to figure out how to react and keep the appointment moving, because my job was to help this guy. If he had done something truly awful, like try to touch me or deliberately make me uncomfortable or (as happened to a coworker) send me a naked selfie, of course I would have kicked him out. But being weird and inappropriate is very much within the bounds of behavior I try to work around if I can, so I barely flinched when his open exhaling mouth rapidly closed the space between us and then just as suddenly pulled back. I didnât squeak, I didnât recoil, I didnât give him a dirty or reproachful look. Instead I laughed and turned back to the computer, saying cheerfully âOh, I believe you!â and clicking ânoâ in answer to the tobacco question so we could get on with his health insurance application.
I find that a tremendous amount of my job is finding ways to accommodate strange peopleâs strange behaviors. Not a bad thing I suppose, but I do wonder if theyâd be quite so strange to me if I wasnât a young woman. Would this guy have breathed in the face of an older white man like him?
Probably not. But either way he was a nice guy, and I was glad to help him. I usually am glad to help people--even the assholes.
Important things I learned from my therapist and/or my mom: -guilt feels like a cause of anxiety but it's actually a symptom -the logic of "it's okay to do/not do this thing as long as you feel guilty about it" is useless and circular -try giving yourself permission for things instead of setting yourself arbitrary conditions -some thoughts are not useful, and you can give yourself permission to ignore them if they're bothering you, even if the thoughts are true. For example, "that thing I just did was really embarrassing"--that might be true, but you can still tell that thought to fuck off if it's not helping you -some not-useful thoughts will only go away if you tell yourself that they are true and decide to keep going anyway. For example, let's take it as fact that you're just an embarrassing human... and ok, now what?? Now you go find a way to make your embarrassing life worthwhile and satisfying, which you were probably gonna do anyway, but now you do it with the satisfaction of knowing that you got to your fear before it got to you, HAH
protip: cry today
[We are here] not to build power for power's sake, but to build power so that we all can get the kind of respect and dignity that we deserve
Kelly Robinson
I am an angry person because I want the world to be better
JJ Straight
Solidarity, for me as a black trans woman, is not necessarily me sharing my story so you can empathize with me, but a commitment about what you are willing to DO so I don't have to share my story anymore
Elle Hearns, organizer for #BlackLivesMatter
Finding this nest means so much to me, I honestly feel like I got a picture of a celebrity up close
feeling good about your body even 50% of the time is kind of miraculous in our society. give yourself credit for the incomplete liberations too
i love all the reasons people come in for STI testing. with partners, alone, because of symptoms, because it's the routine... they're all such good reasons. there is no bad reason to get tested. getting tested is great. you should get tested. gettested. get. tested.
[image description: a tweet from Cher reading "Trump's so disgusting, no words describe him!! Maybe visuals!! Hair in soup, gum disease, kkk, maggots, seaworld, pus, fracking, vomit, child hunger"]