Just overall...do you

my take on overall doing you

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

I’M BACK!

Hey guys! Thats right! I’m back! Just go married this past weekend and ready to dive into the hectic mess that is wedding and food planning and all that. So stay tuned for a whole wedding segment. Inluding...... “An open letter to the person who ruined my wedding.”

STAY TUNED!!!

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Autism Speaks (the ugly truth)

OK. So I talk a lot about my future in-laws, my fiance, but not a lot about my family. So this is going to be a little just about me and my family, and experiences. But mainly, about Autism and Autism awareness.

My parents had me in Oct of 92, and their lives changed. They had their first child, me a perfect daughter ( :D ) But what they had no idea was in February of 97 their lives would forever never be normal. My life would never be normal. My amazing, thoughtful, and often crazy little brother was born. 

Right off the bat there were problems. I was young still so I don’t remember much. But I do remember my brother having seizures, and having to get injections and shots, and get poked and tests ran frequently. Him being on steroid injections to help control the seizures I’m pretty sure. And my mom would do all of this from home.

I just want to give my mom and dad the absolute biggest shout out! My mom especially she stopped working to be a full time mom to a special needs son, and a very active daughter. She gave my brother shots, took him to Dr.’s appointments, therapies, and everything growing up. While juggling all of my brothers set backs, she had to deal with all of mine. I was an active child, I did sports and piano/music lessons, but I also had my fair share of trips to Riley Children's Hospital for my what we thought then was a pediatric heart murmur (turned out to just be normal still have it) and my renal system wasn’t so good as a child. So I was also in and out of dr.’s offices and hospital visits and stays. So my parents are rock stars in my eyes. 

Anyway back to my little brother. Nicholas (Nic, bub) is my favorite person ever! I hate him sometimes I’m not even going to lie.

If my memory serves me right, Nic was diagnosed pretty early in life with Autism, and fortunately he is highly functioning. But him being high functioning was only thanks to endless Therapies as a child. We would spend our week, outside of school at therapies, OT, speech, pretty much anything you could think to help him function like a somewhat “normal” person. 

Our lives were never normal. I grew up quick. My brother needed my help and I’ve always just had the care giving personality. Anytime I had the opportunity to help with therapy I did. We had people coming into our house to help him, and we would go to the health center to get him his therapies. Thankfully at the time it was right across the street from Fairbanks park, so ya know park visits for me! Him stimming was the worst time for me. I was always so embarrassed, so not thankful at the time to have a special needs brother. He was just my brother, and I hated that he was embarrassing me. I was very self conscious growing up I mean who am I kidding I still am. But him flailing his arms, moaning, making just weird movements, to a child is embarrassing. So I only could imagine how bub feels when that happens to him. I never really knew normal. I had my normal.

I thankfully had friend, who accepted my brother like I never knew one of my friends would. And as we got closer in our friendship, and my parents basically accepted her as their child, she accepted my brother. (I’m crying writing this segment, because I can’t thank her enough for how much she means to Nic) But the best part, Nic accepted her! Which for an autistic child, it’s harder for them to make relationships, and friendships alone. It was hard to get that relationship with me, his biological sister. Yes, we’ve always had the sibling bond, but it’s different when you become friends as siblings. 

My best friend, mentioned in the above paragraph, lived next door and we hung out basically every day. She became a part of our family, and that moment changed my life. She was and still is the sister I always wanted, and well needed. 18 years ago we met thank god for that. I could never have asked for a better best friend, sister, and even more a bigger sister for my brother. And to be honest he likes her more than me. She’s the fun sister. Fine by me. I know he still loves me. But my lovely Catherine took in my brother, accepted him for everything that he is, and treated him normally. The first time, one of my friends wasn’t awkward around my brother, she just knew, and she let it go. And I could not be more thankful, and more appreciative of the sister she became for him. I knew I couldn’t do it alone, and some higher power whatever you believe in, gave me her. But she will get her own special shout out blog/vlog soon.

Growing up explaining autism to anyone was difficult. I didn’t really know how to explain it’s just a developmental disorder. “ a developmental disorder of variable severity that is characterized by difficulty in social interaction and communication and by restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behavior.” The exact definition of Autism. I just said my brother has Autism, and he’s a little different. Try not to stare. 

The stares. They’re the hardest. When Nic would stim in public, we would get so many stares. You can just feel it, honestly. And that’s the worst. I didn’t want to go anywhere with my brother. Like anywhere that wasn’t the dr, which we still got stares there too, or therapies. I didn’t want to go to the park with him, he was embarrassing. The stares were embarrassing, And it makes you just want to go off on people. But I’m a quiet, and reserved kind of girl, well I was back then. As we got older especially when I started driving, I took my brother anywhere I could. He was older, he had endless hours of therapies, to make him the extremely high functioning person he is today. And I could not be more proud of him. He recently just started painting. and OMG! This young man is amazing!

Siblings don’t get the attention they normally need. I didn’t. Plain and simple. I ended up spending a lot of my time with my great-grandparents. I was my grandpa’s little girl. That’s where I got my attention. I knew mom and dad needed to give bub all the attention they could, even at a young age. They were helping him, I needed to be self sufficient and take responsibility for myself. Let me tell you all I did was go to my grandpa cry and get whatever I wanted. I was spoiled to a fucking t I was spoiled rotten. Grandpa made sure I had everything. The newest barbie, or whatever toy I wanted. The best piano lessons, voice lessons, athletics, anything I wanted. I got. I feel like it would have been different, the relationship with them, if my brother wasn’t special needs. So for that I’m thankful. People really don’t talk about the siblings of special needs. Growing up my mom started a parents of autism support group, and at the time I was old enough to be the supervising child for the kids on the spectrum and their siblings. (well really myself and the other older siblings just hung out) I met people there that were purely awesome. And I got to meet other siblings, share war stories, and just be there for each other. I strongly suggest siblings of special needs find their niche, find someone who understands. And this is another chance for a great shout out to the fiance, who also grew up with siblings who had problems, so he gets it. It makes life better. He is also the oldest so he understands the pressure of helping take care of them. 

Autism is one hell of a disability, but creates the most genuine people who surround the situation. So thank you to the friends of our family who have stuck around all these years. I love and appreciate every single one of you, who has accepted our crazy little family, and loved us anyway.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read our story, I needed to put this out in the world because it’s just kind of important for awareness and people understanding what daily typical life is like. 

I’m going to link a youtube vlog I watch daily. They show the autistic life as real as it can possibly be. Go check them out, and give them a follow.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZwd0qneWpqUqLnM5nwZpsA

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

PreHoliday Jitters

Hey Guys!! Right now I want to talk about the preholiday jitters when there are cookouts and what not. And tomorrow being the Fourth, it’s kind of a big one for cookouts, and food you shouldn’t eat. All of the no thank you’s, I’m sorry but I can’t, and making people feel better for forgetting.

It’s also a great time to introduce people to the foods, and overall general lifestyle.

Tomorrow I’ll mainly be at my future in laws celebrating with his family. Which I never expect them to go out of their way to provide food options for me, but my amazing future mother-in-law normally always does. One of my fiance’s brothers has a dietary restriction due to diabetes, so it’s easier for her to add in one more restriction. But her and I also have very similar personalities, and we are definitely providers. We are the type of people who make sure everyone has something they like, and no one goes away angry. It’s just kinda who we are.But this year I offered to make something. Mind you I’ve been going to their fourth celebration, well this is my 11th one, and this is my first year bringing something. It’s kind of nerve racking honestly.

I’m just making fruit salad. Why am I so nervous? I’m also one of those people who need validation. Yes I’m 26 almost 27 years old and I still need validation, because mental illness sucks guys. But I’m using my family’s recipe for fruit salad, which is kind of unconventional. I’ll post that and the recipe later after I run to the store.

But I feel there is alot of stress and anxiety around going to different places, different houses for holidays/dinners/meals/what have you. There’s always the worry that there’s going to be nothing to eat, and no way to politely excuse yourself. I’m always afraid of being rude, which sucks, but I just sit there and just eat the few things I can in small portions, and just say I’m on a diet or something.

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

It’s been a while

So I started this mid wedding planning, and right now we are 79 days out from that so my life has been pretty freaking crazy.

Between planning a full gluten free menu, even though only 3 guests in attendance need GF food. Our GF cake, which if you’re in the wabash valley and you haven’t tried Red Room Cakery hit that place up. Chef J is absolutely amazing, and his GF cake is beyond perfect, best ever! To just putting last minute stuff together, my life has been to busy to blog. But I finally found a free morning to do a little me time.

Normally I start my day off with a lttle carb loading because I walk to work and I’m consistently doing things, and sometimes don’t have time to take a lunch. But this morning since I have today and tomorrow off I decided to go a little all out. Oh and I did just buy brand new non stick pans, which have not been contaminated at all yet. Which is great considering my fiance doesn’t have to eat GF just does. Which another quick shout out to him, he doesn’t need to eat GF but does so I don’t feel alone. Also not to mention the food tastes good. But I just got good at flipping my eggs, since I make them every morning at work. So I decided to kinda spoil myself and make a double egg sandwich. So I pulled my Udi’s multigrain bread out of the fridge, I found it holds well in the fridge if you eat it within a week, grabbed the eggs, made my coffee and went.

I’ve been in a big Panic! at the Disco mood recently, lets be real it’s always ok to be obsessed with Brendan Urie, so I got my amazon music up and started cooking. There’s something about cooking eggs that just makes me feel artistic. The cracking of the shell, the breaking of the yolks, because yes I love over hard eggs,it’s just mesmerizing. But unfortunately my toast finished way before my eggs. So the warm buttery toast ratio was off but that happens :)

So I had a video of the flip, mainly cuz it was a total fail, and I wanted to laugh at myself, but it won’t let me post it.

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

My Endo Story

This blog is going to be slightly different.

I have a condition called Endometriosis. It’s a condition where the uterine lining grows outside the uterus, forming adhesion's and causing severe abdominal pain. Worst part, it’s not just during periods.

Typical Symptoms include

Pelvic Pain Pain during sex Severe bloating

Which yes is horrible. Yes it sucks. And yes its debilitating. I just really want to put my story out there.

I went years, before I could convince any doctor to believe me anything was wrong. I spent years, and multiple thousands of dollars in ER trips over the years, at about every 6 months. My credit is now shot just from hospital and doctors visits just to figure out my endo. Every single time I went in I got an I.V. drip of some sort of pain medicine, some sort of anti nausea, and some standard saline. I started to feel like a drug addict. It was like clock work. Thankfully my nurses were never the same, and always different doctors. And every single one said the same thing. “It’s just a painful period.” or “They happen to alot of women, that’s just how it’s supposed to be.” Mind you this when the pain went full blast I was in my late teens and early 20′s. Every single time no one believed me. I was scared to get a real OBGYN because I knew if I did it would be real. And maybe those ER doctors were right. It was just all in my head, I was crazy, over reacting, being a baby. Which I’m not. My pain tolerance is pretty high.

I lost jobs because of my undiagnosed Endometriosis. I missed so much work. I didn’t know what was happening. I was sick. I was terrified my appendix burst. Because I have Ovarian and Tubal cysts, that are reoccurring. So I would call in almost every period, or every other. Some times I thankfully had the day off. Day 1 and 2 are the absolute worst. So I prefer to stay home if possible. Well obviously suspiciously calling in gets you fired from any job. Endometriosis made me look untrustworthy, and unreliable. It wasn’t fair to me something I couldn’t control, had so much control on my life.

I finally decided to find a good OBGYN. Dr. Hammons is serioulsy the best thing to happen to me. My first appointment ever, after examination we talked and he actually listened. And was willing to try surgery to see if it was Endometriosis and diagnose me. He was willing to take a risk that I was more than willing to do. At this point I was ready to just give in a get a full hysterectomy. My life was miserable, I was miserable, and talking about periods is taboo. I had already done my own research, since you know we live in an age of medical knowledge all over the internet. I had already kinda figured out that it was endo, just from my symptoms alone. It didn’t help that I have a cousin that has it also. So after discussing my options with the OBGYN, a couple months later we were scheduling surgery.

I had an elective exploratory abdominal laparotomy to diagnose Endometriosis Oct. 13, 2016. My fiance, he was just my boyfriend then, drove me to the surgery center across from the hospital. Where my mother met us, and oddly my great grandmother showed up, but oh well. This was the first time Brandon had ever taken me anywhere doctor related, I always just did it myself, or had my mom help me. It was honestly terrifying to me. I don’t know why, it was just awkward, I love him, and he’s the love of my life absolutely, but it was still weird to me. After the surgery Dr. Hammons was called away and I didn’t get to talk to him after, which I had a follow up appointment the next week anyway. He did however talk to Brandon and my mom. After they discharged me and they wheeled me out to our car, Brandon told me. That I was right! I was right all along. I wasn’t crazy. And that they cauterized all the adhesion's they could find. They even had to open me up at a second location to try and get all of them. Unfortunately there was one right next to my bladder and he risked nicking that and causing an even bigger problem, fine by me. I had answers I knew what was wrong. Finally I knew that I wasn’t crazy. During the surgery we also found out that not only did I have those reoccurring cysts on my ovaries, I have reoccurring cysts on my tubes as well. Which could be dangerous for myself.

I changed my eating styles and my life became better.

About a year almost, I went Gluten Free. It was the best decision all around. Between potential celiac, and galbladder issues. Gluten free is proven to help with Endo pain and symptoms. Thanks to being GF, I have lost weight, which has made endo significantly better. There arent as many fat cells as there were to have to potentially have problems with. It was just an all around better health situation, that was completely unexpected. I didn’t think I would lose this much weight this quick but I did.

Thanks to being GF I became healthier. I lost a total of 80 lbs! Which is crazy. I’ve gained a few and lost a few recently with the stress of wedding planning and life.

Once I made the connection of just trying to eat healthier. I made it happen. I made it work no matter what. I was desperate for help. Just a little relief. Between the constant feeling sick, from eating gluten in general, and the endo pain. I was miserable. I needed a break. Just a small, minuscule amount of time, where I felt normal. And it did. It happened. I felt normal. I didn’t feel sick. I didn’t feel just bleh any more. I wanted to do things.

For the first couple weeks I was kind of weak, and tired. Just from eating differently and not being used to it yet. Once my body finally realized I was helping by eating this way, I had energy. I wanted to do things. And when the endo pain did happen it didn’t feel unbearable. Gluten free has helped my life so much. It doesn’t just help digestion problems. I was so relieved. I’m now 2 years GF, and it’s helped so much.

(I know this isn’t typically what I normally do. But I needed to get my story out there. I try not to be political, or just get radically involved. But women need to speak up! We aren’t believed because we don’t speak up. We don’t tell our stories. And I wasn’t going to be another statistic.)

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Camping Nightmares?

So this past week my amazingly smart niece turned 10 and my sister and I took a couple of her friends camping in a cabin. 

Great experience overall, but the best things about camping is campfire food. Right? Exactly. And here we go thinking hot dogs, brats, hamburgers. All require bread. And lets not forget the best campfire food of all....S mores!! Which have two things that technically aren’t GF. Graham Crackers and the marshmallows. Easy problem to fix though. Just eat the hot dog or what have you with a fork. Not as campfire effective, but still effective.  Sadly the S mores. The marshmallows however contain a small trace of gelatin which technically isn't gluten free. But in small amounts is tolerable. So just buy GF graham crackers, which comes to the do they have the same consistency. Which normally they never do.

My solution to my problems was prepare a perfect grab and S more snack. And for the best part 99% GF. Definitely not enough to make me have a reaction, which was great! My dad used to make this for me as a child, so I changed up the recipe a little bit. The girls loved it so much, and of coarse I had to add an extra bit of flair. My niece is only going to turn 10 once. 

The Recipe

2 tablespoons of butter (to melt the marshmallows) 1 package of jet-puffed marshmallows 2 bags of any kind of chocolate chip (just not semi sweet) 1 box of Chex Cinnamon cereal (normally its honey grahams but not GF) I added extra Unicorn marshmallows to them for the girls. 1 9*13 pan

Put butter in a pan and melt. Add all your normal marshmallows to melt down Put your cereal in the pan Mix in the melted marshmallow Throw in chocolate chips (leave some out to decorate) Then decorate how you want

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Trying New Things Chapter 1

Trying new gluten free items is always scary and stressful for me. I know how the original gluten filled items taste. So tasting the GF items is like how is it even gonna compare, obviously it’s going to taste different but how different? And we will never know unless we try. So I suck it up and deal with the fact there’s probably going to be a good chance I may not like this. 

So today I tried a new thing. My cousin and I have been talking about how we miss ramen and just stuff ilke that in general.  So every time my fiance and I go to the store I’ve been looking for a gluten free ramen resembling product. Well yesterday I found a GF Pho bowl, and what do ya know I grabbed it right up and started freaking the fuck out. I absolutely had to try it. And honestly was pleasantly surprised.

It was so good. I messed up and didn’t put the beef base in at the right time. But it tasted like Spicy Ramen damn near. and the craving was relieved. I was starting to let the not ever finding it get to me but I stopped, and realized it’s not worth it. The minute I did that I found something damn near it. 

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Friends and Family Dinners

Family/Friends Dinners Suck!

Don’t get me wrong I love my family, and my future in-laws, and my friends. But dinners sucks when you have an allergy that’s easy for people to forget about. I hate going over to people’s houses because I either pack snacks for myself to eat (and feel rude) or I just don’t eat (which is also rude.) It’s hard to not think about is there going to be something that I can eat anywhere I can go. All I know is that every time I have to go anywhere I have to calm myself before even leaving because stressing about being rude or what gets to me every single time.

I consistently wish that I didn’t have this condition. That I was just as normal as everyone else. Sometimes I really wonder why I even care about “poisoning” myself. Why do I care if I get sick. I used to live like that and managed. I completely made it worth it, even though it sucked....a lot. 

Having to pretend to be a picky eater is seriously the worst. Picking around the dinner options as I’m picking food just feels wrong. Granted I did grow up a picky eater. But as I grew up I got different food service jobs and tried foods I never thought I would even like. Which looking back sucks, most of the food I started to like is damn near impossibly to recreate gluten free. I said damn near because some of the elements are difficult to make with a different binder to it, totally changes the flavor. Back to the original subject, unfortunately as we all know even if something looks gluten free, seasonings are a bitch. Most of the time I take a risk eating any sort of meat. 

“What kind of seasoning is this? Do you know the ingredients?”

Is a very intimidating thing to ask. So it’s like virtually impossible for me to do. I hate putting people on the spot.  So most of the time it’s hard to decide if something is safe or not. So walking through a kitchen trying to decide if anything is safe or not, seems very intimidating. Especially when it’s a family house. Walking away from the food area with half the amount of food on your plate as everyone else is a little stressful for me. It triggers my anxiety like no other. Like immediate smaller panic attacks. Which sucks. I shouldn’t feel that type of anxious while being in someone who is close to me’s house, or event.

Dessert tables are my WORST nightmare. Desserts are my number 1 enemy. Cakes. Pies. Cookies. Brownies. Everything that my bodies despises. Unfortunately for myself. I love them. So not even walking near the desserts is my best option. But if I get one look of them, instant depression. Instant spiral of immediately feeling bad about myself, and what I have to sacrifice. Luckily most of my friends and family are very sensitive about the gluten free life, and try to accommodate the best they can. But unfortunately sometimes people don’t accommodate that well, and I have to either refuse or just not do anything. 

Having to feel the responsibility to make everyone feel okay about forgetting to have GF options (basically just for me) is now my life.  It’s like in Grey’s Anatomy when the patient explains she didn’t want to have to make the doctors feel better if they couldn’t save her, that’s like this. I don’t like having to make people not feel bad about not having anything. Because in fact I’m hurting a little inside. The constant “No it’s alright. Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.” But my all time favorite “I’m used to it.” I’m not. I don’t want to be used to it. All the while I’m telling you it’s okay. I’m trying to tell myself it’s okay more than I’m trying to tell you. When I’m telling you I’m used to it, the sad reality is I have to say that out loud just to convince myself everything is okay and I am used to it. 

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Men Try Gluten-Free vs Gluten Taste Test

Today we go on a gluten food taste test to see if we can tell which is gluten-free or gluten-FULL! JOIN THE TRYBE, SUBSCRIBE! NEW VIDEOS EVERY SUNDAY! BECOME...

So my friend actually sent me this video.  It’s beyond amazing actually. It just goes to show that gluten free can actually taste better and win people over. I know I don’t automatically tell anyone anything I give them is gluten free. Most of the time they honestly forget. Which is ok. But I tell them and they act like the world just turned upside down. It’s not a shock people are confused when you say you have awesome food.

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Do. Or do not. There is no TRY..

For anyone who knows my fiance and I know that we absolutely love Star Wars. And honestly there are so many quotes from the entire franchise that absolutely help me get through my bad days.

I’ve only purposefully ate gluten about 3 or 4 times for the past year and a half. They were for cheese stick (which are my absolute weakness) 1 chicken nugget (my other weakness) and to try some new stuff at work (I know I shouldn't have.) But the simple Yoda quote in the title in the easiest one to remember and to keep pushing yourself everyday that you are doing this for your health. Obviously GF is helping you in some sort of way, and hopefully for the better, so there is no trying. You simply do or don’t. 

Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.” — Yoda

Sometimes I find myself actually feeling some sort of hateful feelings toward “normal” people. And once again Yoda is absolutely correct. Hate does lead to suffering. Every time I think about how jealous, no envious I am of people who can just eat whatever they want without worrying about the health repercussions I suffer. I suffer because I know it’s not their fault but yet here I am blaming them, for a lack of better terms, for the fact I have to have a special diet. Which is entirely not fair to them. The person that gets the blame the most is unfortunately my fiance. I love him with my entire life, but he does get the blunt end of my blame and hatred. I don’t mean to at all, and he understands that, but it’s just like how could he possibly understand? There’s nothing wrong with him? He doesn’t have to stand in the store and just stare because you wish you could be normal again? So then I start becoming envious of him. I become hateful. I don’t mean to but it can cause fights and tension. It’s silly that because of a dietary restriction I purposefully put strain on the relationship I value the most in my life. Once again we circle back to the hate and suffering.  But even after all the fights and arguments and me being sad about not being able to eat what I want he still gets upset looking at me in the store. There are so many times he basically pushes me out of a section in the store because it makes me too sad.  So when that happens he always apologizes. When in reality he is helping me realize its not always about the food I cant eat.

Your focus determines your reality."   Qui-Gon Jinn

Qui-Gon was one of my favorite characters from the prequels (I mean Liam Neesan!) But this quote, is the most absolute truth. If you don’t focus on becoming better and sticking to the plan then you’re reality will alter and who knows where it will go. Lets put that into perspective. The hardest time for me to focus is going out to eat, or honestly trying new food items at the place I work when I know I shouldn’t. And most of the times there is no focus for me to try and refrain myself. I always pull myself together and realize this isn’t the next 24 hours I want. I don’t like being physically sick and all my energy drained from my body. So I 99% of the time make the right decision. But I do have to throw out respect to my fiance for always being my rock and telling me I shouldn’t do it. Honestly if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be able to focus on keeping myself healthy and not eating what I shouldn’t. It is so hard to do alone. And if you can then great for you. But I can’t. I’ve never been the one to just focus and stick to diets. I always stopped them. I always stopped caring. Nothing ever worked for me anyway so what was the point? Turns out my body just has a completely different way of metabolizing foods. Once I figured out gluten was causing me to feel sick I knew I had to stick with it. I just have to keep telling myself if I keep myself healthy this way everything else will fall into line. It’s also extremely hard to focus when GF items are insanely up charged. Lets compare. My fiances bread for 1 loaf costs roughly about $1.50. My Udi’s sandwich bread (my preferred brand) costs between $4.00 to $6.00 depending on the store. And did I mention that’s half the product compared to my fiances. It’s exactly half like I've compared loaves. So that alone knocks down my focus and determination. And yes, I know there are other brands. But this exact bread tastes exactly like “real” bread. (I’ll get more into that subject in a later blog.) So it’s really easy to lose focus. But we need to keep our focus forward. And ultimately on the reality of the fact this is just how I have to live. And thats not exactly something I can get around.

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Cinnamon Raisin French Toast

Good Morning!

This morning I experimented for breakfast. I had some Udi’s Cinnamon Raisin Bread, so I decided to make some french toast. Now I love my french toast with lots of cinnamon sugar. Especially since Gluten free bread normally needs a little zest. It was so good guys. Not even gonna lie I got distracted and they were cooked a little longer than I would have liked but Damn still good. Also made a little egg roll up with the egg/milk mixture I used for the french toast.

It just goes to show you can always create awesome meals with what little you could have around you. 

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Ok so topic I always get approached about. “wow how did you lose so much weight?” Well it’s all gluten free life. Cutting out bread has caused me to lost a total of 75 lbs.

Top to bottom pictures my brother and I in 2014 when I was at my largest Middle Picture is my brother and I around 2017 when I started going gluten free. Bottom picture is December 2018 when I went out for a company Christmas party. 

It’s definitely a plus of being put in the area of not being able to eat my favorite foods. And going gluten free has actually helped my Endometriosis and that helped my weight loss as well. Going gluten free helps alot of different health problems. Just so happens it helps with my endo and my bipolar disorder which has allowed me to focus on myself and making myself better.

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Finding Your Diet Master

Hey again.  I can’t stress enough find your diet or allergen master. Someone you know that is either going through the same thing or knows what they are talking about. think of yourself as a young padawan. You’re struggling to find yourself and how you fit into the master plan of it all. You’re in training, still figuring it out. Big shout out to my cousin Rhiannon for being my GF master. Teaching me the ways of Aldi and cheap cooking. I strive to do that for anyone around me. I educate, educate, educate. I’m still learning myself and finding new and enjoyable things. but it’s always a lot easier to do when you have someone who has been through it or going through it to help you.  You could also think of it as a sponsor and you’re a recovering addict. Probably not a good comparison, but kinda true. You need that person that can answer your questions, and just talk to. Changing you’re entire life for a diet and/or allergen is hard and can take a toll on you mentally. I work in a kitchen at a pretty busy bar, and we actually have servers who come back and ask me questions because not alot of people understand Gluten allergies alone. Which it is very confusing.

The definition that pops up first when you google it, “a substance present in cereal grains, especially wheat, that is responsible for the elastic texture of dough. A mixture of two proteins, it causes illness in people with celiac disease.”

So its just a very large adjustment and somewhat hard to wrap you’re head around at first.

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Shopping Terrors

Have you ever went to the store and just stared at everything you used to always grab for snacks, dinners, and everything else? Have you ever felt like you’re life absolutely sucks because grocery shopping reminds you that you’re different, and no matter how much of a fad eating GF is there still aren’t enough options?

Trust me. I’m there every single time. My fiance doesn't necessarily eat GF so I buy his glutened food for him. And I’ve never pressured him to eat like me, mainly because he is underweight and needs to gain some weight. So walking the isles with him automatically triggers anxiety, which doesn't help when I do have a mental illness. I look at all these wonderful breads, pastas, fried chicken, everything that’s hard to eat when you live the GF life, and I think why me? Why do I have to be different, have to eat differently. Why me? I know I’m not the only one to have this battle, and probably not the only one in the store right now battling an allergy/intolerance.  I have all this anxiety and sadness about eating like this. I mean it’s only been a year and half since I started doing GF. So it’s not like I’ve had this condition my entire life so it’s nothing new to me. No I still have trouble with it. I hate shopping the stress of how much GF food is up charged like crazy. Its insane. The lack of options is crazy (I live in a college town, you think there would be more.) I could go to stores like Fresh Thyme and whole food stores like that, but that requires money. Walking into the grocery store knowing there are only limited sections you can shop in just sucks. It almost feels like discrimination because I’m different. Like people with my dietary needs don’t matter. I know the struggle is hard, and I try to help anyone who comes to me with these issues. I love helping my friends see the wonderful world of Gluten Free. Because no matter how much it sucks and can be stressful the health benefits are wild.  I had this encounter at Walmart this past weekend there was this mother and daughter standing in the gluten free section (which is so small its sad) looking confused. The mom saying oh these might be good. If my memory holds me correct they were talking about some coconut cookies I tried last month. So if you know me IRL you know that I’m actually quite shy and normally don’t talk to people I don’t know. So something I don’t know what compelled me tell her that those cookies were amazing.  Just being able to make someone else’s shopping experience a little better, made my day. 

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Guys. I cant stress enough about finding cheaper options for you. Not all the food I post says Gluten Free on it because as long as you check the ingredient list you can pull it off. There are plenty of things I thought I could never eat again, and certain stuff I was for  certain I had to give up. And over the past year I’ve realized there are so many different options out there! I recently found these at Walmart, and of coarse I just had to check the ingredient list. And what do ya know its actually ok for me to eat this. (and if you havent figured out I talk like I’m allergic to it, because I do have reactions when I eat things with gluten in it) That Orange chicken bowl was seriously amazing. Check it out!

[lifeaccordingtonixxie]

Welcome to Me!

So hello! My name is Nixxie and I’m here to help everyone and honestly even myself who are struggling with living gluten free, or trying to become gluten free who want recipes and to see how awesome living gluten free can be. Honestly I mean that! Living gluten free has changed my life drastically. I’m also going to throw in some Mental Illness blogs also considering I struggle with Bipolar Disorder.

Little back story on myself. I’ve been gluten free for a year and a half. I have family that has Celiac and I was becoming symptomatic and like most of the US I can barely afford to go to a dr., so I just tried out the diet. Every symptom I had, upset stomach, bloating, and just overall draining of energy, it was gone. Miraculously I felt like a normal person for the first time in a very long time. I didn’t feel like throwing up everytime I ate. Everyone in my life noticed a difference. Especially my now fiance. He noticed it first. My attitude improved immensely, which I guess could be from no longer feeling sick. 

So I changed my diet over night. Began buying healthier organic stuff, but then the expense definitely became an issue. Mind you this I’m 25 at the time, and struggling just to pay rent, let alone afford all this up charged foods. So I got with my cousin who has Celiac, and found some cheaper ways to get foods I needed. then I started experimenting with my own food. I started working at the single best bar in Terre Haute, and got them to start having gluten free bread/alcohol options. Which has been the worlds biggest blessing.

So jump into this journey with me. I’ll be posting recipes and stuff I try out. Hopefully with step by step instructions, products, and pictures every step of the way.