Hello, I'm here

This blog is just me talking to myself. Don't take me seriously.

[lifeawayfromlife]

I haven't been posting much lately and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. On one hand, I haven't had anything to say about my life which could be a good or bad thing depending on your perspective. On the other hand, not posting means I haven't been deconstructing my thoughts which is probably not a good thing.

Thing is, I haven't been that motivated to get on my computer much this week. Work's been awfully stressful with Tuesday being so bad I just got drunk and collapsed on my bed. I can't think straight when I'm overwhelmed. Hopefully this week will be better and I can actually get some work done. That is, if there aren't any major distractions.

[lifeawayfromlife]

This week has been pretty difficult. Lots of bullshit at work that I just have to muscle through and I've just been lazy. It's probably the stress that's making me more tired than normal. I'm so looking forward to my one week in July that I scheduled off to stay home and relax. I'm just going to sleep, read, and relax the whole week and it's going to be amazing.

[lifeawayfromlife]

This past week, I realized just how lazy I've become. First was my return to the gym where I broke out in sweats after ten minutes. Then I kept trying to get my script for a comic book written and I kept putting it back. It wasn't until today as I sit at my popup, did I finally manage to complete it. I feel so pathetic. When did simple things become so hard to do? I wish I was more like my old self who could get stuff done like it was nothing. I'm such a pathetic loser.

[lifeawayfromlife]

Today I went to the gym for the first time in over a year and it really drove home how out of shape I was. I only spent a half an hour there and I was winded. First, I went on the step machine and could only last ten minutes because my heartrate was going through the roof and I was getting super sweaty. Then I tried a few of the machines where I only got a few reps in on each. God, I had no idea I let myself go that hard. I have a long way to go. On the bright side, I do feel a bit more awake now than if I hadn't gone. Weird.

[trickr-treat]

[lifeawayfromlife]

It's never too early to get the Halloween vibes.

[lifeawayfromlife]

I have Monday off and I can't wait. It's been a while since I took a day off for the hell of it and I'm so ready to get some stuff done. I'm halfway through writing a script and about to start on a book I've been meaning to write for forever. I may also get some minis painted too, we'll see.

Anyways. Back to the grind.

[lifeawayfromlife]

It's been a while since I've made a post here. Most of that is because I've been busy with my actual writing work and popups but a chunk of it is because I haven't wanted to make a post.

To put it simply, I've come to the conclusion that I am depressed. It wasn't a sudden thing; it was more like a slow accumulation of afflictions that eventually culminated in depression. I'm naturally a more anxious person which hasn't been helped by our current economic situation and a few personal matters. On top of that, I've been more stressed out from work and my writing schedule which has resulted in me drinking more (I'm a stress drinker). And to round everything up, up until recently, I've been dealing with chronic pain that's been making my life miserable. I've also gained quite a bit of weight which has done a number on my self-esteem. Like I said, it was a slow accumulation, and I didn't realize I was depressed until a coworker pointed it out. I'm still working out a treatment plan, and I intend on being more productive in the future.

[lifeawayfromlife]

I did not get any writing done yesterday. I was kinda tired the whole day then I had to do my weekly meal prep. Something I don't like to do is get too personal on this blog but a majority of why I've been so tired for the last few days is my boyfriend. I love that man dearly, but his sleep schedule has gone completely out of wack and his snoring has gotten worse over the last few months.

You see, he left his job a few months ago thinking he'll get another one shortly after which has not unfolded the way he thought it would. We don't live together but he does stay over on the weekends and that's where my sleep schedule gets wrecked. It's gotten to the point where he stays up until 4 in the morning watching TV shows and movies while I stay in the bedroom. Then when he gets into bed, he snores up a storm. He snored before his unemployment period, but it was manageable. Now I'm kept up for hours and snoring which has taken a toll on me. I've talked to him about it, that this sleep is affecting me and our relationship, but he doesn't feel motivated to change. If anyone has any advice for this, I am open to suggestions.

[lifeawayfromlife]

Today is going to be a good day. I don't have work tomorrow, I'm about to try a new recipe that I've been wanting to do for a long time, and I have a lot of time to write. The only downside is that it's super humid and damp due to the rain but that's not too big of a problem for me. That just means I won't be going on as many walks as I was planning on. In fact, I don't plan on leaving the house at all today! This is going to be great.

[lifeawayfromlife]

I'm so glad we're finally in summer rain season. Rain is so satisfying to me, but spring or autumn rain gets too cold for me. One minute, we're getting a light drizzle then the next minute, we're freezing cold and wet. But with summer rain, we get the satisfaction of the rain without the hypothermia.

Anyways, it's raining during my pop-up which does mean I won't get very many customers but at least I'll have time to write.

[lifeawayfromlife]

This week I've been suffering the worst writer's block. I'm blaming it on the weather because for some reason my mood goes down the toilet when the weather gets wonky. I've also been really tired lately which is very annoying. I'm getting enough sleep so I shouldn't be this tired all the time. Perhaps I'm going through another hormonal change.

Anyways, I've got a few things going on today so I'm going to try to get some reading done because if I can't get any writing done, I can at least tackle my reading list.

[lifeawayfromlife]

The last few days of work have been pretty good workwise. I think taking a few days off was a smart move because I had no idea that I was that burnt out. I suppose all I needed was a little time-out to recenter myself. I'm still a little tired but it's been too warm for me to get comfortable sleep so I'm chalking it up to that.

All that said, I may have to get a second job or some kind of gig work. My expenses aren't too exorbitant but inflation has gotten out of control. This past week I broke and bough the store-brand coffee because it's currently priced the exact same as the name brands did a few months ago. Two weeks ago, I filled up my tank for $55 and I drive a Toyota Camry. I thankfully live close to work but still, that's a lot of money. And my rent was raised again with required "insurance payments" to my landlords. This feels so unfair. I actually make a decent amount for my job which would have made life amazing for me only five years ago. But now, I'm making ends meet. How can one decently paying job not be enough to pay for rent anymore?!

I don't want to get another job because I'm still working on my writing stuff. It takes a lot of time to write but since I'm also creating a comic book series, which requires monetary investment, I may have to cave. I don't want to do food delivery (I did my time) and I don't even know how to market my writing skills to potential clients. I'm willing to write for people but how do I even express that without sounding pathetic. It's a struggle.

Anyways, I'm going to log out to search for something that'll help me out.

[lifeawayfromlife]

Apparently, I have been burning the candle at both ends recently because on Wednesday I went to work and felt so miserable. I asked my manager if I could take the next few days off and he okayed it. By the time I got home that day, I collapsed into bed and only peeled myself away to shower and eat. I felt like an exhausted sack of flesh.

Yesterday, I spent my time reformatting one of my earlier books before going to a market I signed up for (didn't make back my table fee but whatever). Today, I plan on reading through the book before updating it on Amazon then doing some house stuff. Gotta say, I do feel better after getting some rest. I'm not entirely sure what made me so exhausted, it was probably a combination of factors, but I need to start taking care of myself. Pretty sure the root cause of it is stress so I'll need to fix that first.

So yeah, that's what I've been up to.

[lifeawayfromlife]

Last night my boyfriend dragged me to this German restaurant he's been wanted to go to for a while. It was a very nice experience though if I knew it was a fancy restaurant, I would have dressed up a bit more. We had a wurst platter then shared a cup of French onion soup and a schnitzel dish because when I went to the bathroom, I got a peek at the portion sizes and urged my boyfriend that we share. I know this man well and knew that if we both got our own entrées, both of us would be miserable. Luckily, everything was delicious and we had enough room in our stomachs for lemon cheesecake. It was the best cheesecake I've ever had; it cut like actual soft cheese. The only complaints I had were the table's varnish being a bit too sticky and my beer glass was too much for me (though that's not the restaurant's fault). We're definitely going back and we've even talked about bringing others with us.

Today is shaping up to be a relaxed day. I'm going to be doing some editing and writing then going on to do my usual meal prep for the week. Boyfriend is currently sleeping and will probably remain asleep until noon. Fine by me, I have shit to do.

[lifeawayfromlife]

Haven't been posting all week because I've been so exhausted. I believe I mentioned before that I work as an inventory specialist in a warehouse, but I didn't mention that I work in a warehouse for electrical parts. This means we sell metal bars for construction sites and reels of wire, which we sometimes custom cut for customers. The problem is that the people who work in those departments apparently have a problem with keeping track of their inventory, i.e. they don't give a fuck.

That means that for the last week, I have been climbing around the dusty wireroom racks trying to find product and correct the inventory in our system. This wouldn't be so bad if the damn workers would just label everything with the correct footage. I came so close to genociding the entire wireroom with how frustrated I was getting. The worst part is that they don't see it as their responsibility to keep track of where they put things and I'm the one who gets questioned when the inventory is off. Why the hell am I the one in trouble for something that they do?!

This job has not been helping my alcoholism.

Anyways, I have secured a few new dates for pop-ups and markets to sell my books. I need to knuckle down to write more books to sell in this economy. I intentionally keep the prices as low as I can to entice buyers while making a profit but it's still not enough. Other authors have fancy banners and tablecloths and free shit while I'm working with what I got. You know, with how hard it is to be a writer these days, I don't blame the ones who give up. It's a big investment on several levels which many people can't keep up with these days. It's not about giving up on your dreams, it's being responsible with your time and money.

God I sound like my dad. I hate getting older and I hate this damn economy. At least daydreaming is still free.

[lifeawayfromlife]

We're finally getting to the point where it rains but it doesn't immediately drop to 40 degrees afterwards. That makes me happy because I love summer rain.

In other news, I have been super tired the last few days because on Sunday night, I couldn't breathe very well and couldn't sleep. Pretty sure it was allergies because, despite my lungs feeling like they had molasses in them, I was smelling mucus in my nose which either means I had a bacterial nasal infection, nasal drip, or allergies and it wore off quick. To be sure, I took allergy pills last night and I had a much better sleep. Still trying to figure out what I'm allergic to, thinking it's my boyfriend's detergent, but I should be good.

Speaking of which, he should be here soon so I'll be closing out now.

[thecollectibles]

Artemis Leading the Hunt — MTG Style by Ivana Abbate