Life Begins At Twenty-eight

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I can almost feel it—motherhood, parenting, being a family and such. I know it will be hard because hundreds of moms have been telling me that over and over again ever since I got pregnant 😅 Even my mom had continuously reminded me and my two siblings when we were young that raising us had been difficult. Since the beginning of time, our society has been scaring and promising us that if you ever become a parent there will be sleepless days/nights, non-stop diaper changing, difficult potty training while living with a crying newborn, terrible-TWO, THREEnager, FOURnado and so on.

So now, I am TERRIFIED. It’s funny that when I was younger, I thought didn’t want to be pregnant because I heard it will hurt a lot to give birth, but now I fear more of failing as a future parent. I can’t help it. My husband and I were used to being alone, then we got married and got used to being just the two of us and now soon we will be three. Oh no no no. I thought I could never love any other human being as much as myself and my husband because I’m selfish like that (yeah what a promising “future parent” quality).

Another thing—I am EXCITED. I never knew I would be. Few months after we got married it was like something inside me snapped and said “hey, maybe having a baby won’t be too bad”. So I started imagining my husband and I with a tiny human so innocently hugging and kissing us all the time. It felt so beautiful. For a while, my mind just focused on cute baby faces and forgot all of the reasons why I didn’t want to be a parent (before) in the first place. Then suddenly, “crazy me” told my husband that I thought I was now ready to get pregnant and have a baby. He, being as supportive as he has been since the day we met, agreed immediately. Well, he asked a bit if I am sure then he said “Okay, so you want to start trying for it tonight?” 😆

So after a month, we found out I was pregnant. To be honest I didn’t think it will be that fast. I thought we would keep on trying for months. I still feel guilty when I think of how I fet that day, but here it is. I sometimes read or watch videos about other people’s reaction of so much happiness when they see THE two red lines that they even tear up while hugging each other or jump with excitement. And then there I was staring into space and thinking to myself—“OH NO, WHAT HAVE WE DONE?”

My husband on the other hand was saying “Oh my God! I knew it! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” while holding the two positive pregnancy tests in his hands just staring at it then to me, then back to it again. I wasn’t really sure if he was happy or also thinking the same way as I am inside. But after saying “Oh my God” a thousand times, he finally calmed down and told me “Let’s tell everyone else!”

He started telling his brothers and sisters and then his parents. Everyone was really excited and happy for us. I was speechless but after some time I realized that I was also feeling the same way—a bit shocked and questioning myself if I really wanted it, but deep inside I was happy. I made this moment happen with the person that I love the most and God would not have allowed this if it is not good for us. He knows it’s time.

For months, my husband loved telling people that I’m already pregnant. I knew he has also tried to wrap his head around it for a while but he handled it well. I have a lot in common with him but one thing is different—he has this always “super chill” attitude while my mind is always a mess. I still struggled a lot for a few months to accept the fact that it happened too soon. I know we planned it but it feels different and overwhelming when you are already in the situation that is about to change your life forever. Sometimes I feel (and still do) that maybe we are not ready yet, but that is just me being me. I worry a lot about the future—an overthinker as they say.

During the end of my second trimester I began to fully accept that this will be our life now. I loved my pregnancy journey and I still do. Thank God I have minimal to no symptoms throughout the whole nine months. My husband has also been really supportive and I believe that this has made our bond even stronger than before. He has been more caring and loving and I feel really greatful. I couldn’t have done this without him. I really enjoyed and cherished every time I feel our baby move inside my belly. It’s amazing. If I am to explain it to my pre-pregnant self right now, she would not have understood it. I am really glad I have the chance to experience it. I never believed that a love for a mother and the unborn child can really exist, but it does. I already love him even if I haven’t seen or hold him yet. It took me a while to adjust, but here I am waiting and willing to share my selfish self to the baby boy who will soon change our lives forever for the better. This is God’s plan. I know that it will be difficult but I trust and pray that He will guide us every step of the way. ❤️

[lifebeginsattwentyeight]

We love ramen.

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Credit to owner. Don’t know who it is. Just saw this and had to post ‘cause I can totally relate 🤣 I love being pregnant, but it’s been too long... 😂

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Daily 💫Inspiration

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Me. Right. Now.

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Don’t compare yourself to others. We each have our own timeline and if you just focus on your own, you’ll see that everything works out just the way you need it to be. ❤️

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Comments and unsolicited advices from from non-pregnant friends and strangers are common during pregnancy.

We do appreciate it but sometimes it could be too much. We love to hear the tips, but not ALL of your complaints about motherhood. Refrain from telling stories about your failed experiences, regrets and hardships as parents ALL the time. I know it’s YOUR truth. But please, stop saying it everytime you see a pregnant woman as if you wanted her to regret her decision of being pregnant or wanting a child.

We are prone to depression right now and the last thing we need from others are more negativity. Instead, say something optimistic, hopeful and exciting about having a baby- something to look forward to.

Tell us how much a baby makes life so much better.

Tell us how amazing it is to see and hold a baby for the first time.

Tell us how lively a house transforms with all the giggles, laughters and storytelling with a child.

Tell us that it brings a new meaning to the life of husband and wife.

Tell us how exciting it is to hear his first word, see his first step and witness his first laugh.

Tell us how we will be a great mother.

Tell us how we could still be a great wife even after having a baby.

Tell us how we could still have time for ourselves and our husband eventually even if it would be less than before.

Tell us the wonderful time we will have as a family.

Tell us how lucky and blessed it will make us feel.

And tell us that we got this.

That we have every right to be scared and to make a mistake, but at the end of the day, everything will work out the way it’s meant to happen.

Yes, this is a big change, but it is for the better 🙂🙏🏻

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When you’re trying to sleep but baby decides it’s a good time to have a dance party.

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Thoughts

Last night, I felt emotional about having a child so soon, thinking of all the changes it could bring to our life negatively. I was worried that we are not yet prepared to have another person in our life right now. I was worried that it would affect our quiet times together as a couple. I thought of how it would change my husband. Would it be for the better or worse? I felt bad thinking about all of those things but I couldn’t help it.

In the next morning, it was still the same thoughts. I was already tired just thinking about it. But then, something happened, I was standing next to my husband in the kitchen while making his sandwich for work. He was saying something about the bills, we our having our usual talking. It was a quiet morning, just the two of us doing what normal husband and wife do. And suddenly, I imagined our baby in the same room beside him lying in a bassinet, maybe sleeping or smiling, listening to our conversation. I imagined what it would be like if our baby was with us and all of a sudden, my heart just melted. Deep inside, I smiled.

This happens all the time. My emotions are always fluctuating throughout my pregnancy. Sometimes I’m worried, other times I am happy and excited. And now that I am on the 8th month, it became apparent again. During my first trimester, I was always a bit sad. Everything was overwhelming. Everything happened so fast. Being pregnant was planned but I didn’t know it would happen so fast.

Don’t get me wrong. I love babies. It makes me smile when I see one and I even play with them. But growing up, I never imagined myself being a mother. I have read about other women saying that it was their dream ever since they were a child. So they were really happy when it finally came true. Does it mean that they didn’t feel the same way as me right now? Am i that bad? Because never in my life did I imagine myself being a mother.

And then I thought, I also did not imagine myself marrying someone someday, but I did and I am so happy about that. It was the happiest day of my life. So I am wondering if it would be the same as having a child.

I am selfish, I like my alone time, but I also love taking care of my husband. Serving him food everyday, washing his clothes and doing other things for him. So would I also enjoy taking care of our child?