this is a list of out of context things myself, a twenty two year old transmasc person, and my roommate, a twenty year old lesbian, have said in our first year of living together. enjoy — and we’ll see you in a year for season 2.
ADJUST AS NEEDED. REMEMBER TO SPECIFY MUSE TO MULTIS.
“Don’t box jump onto the stove!”
“She’s got the fucking zoomies and it’s pissing me off.”
“I got milk and $100 worth of pants.”
“She dumped rice everywhere!”
“Your meow sounds like R2-D2 screaming.”
“I had to barricade my bedroom so she’d stop being an asshole.”
“Did you lift the blinds in my room or is the ghost messing with us again?”
“When did we buy swiss rolls?”
“WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF WE WERE OLDER — ”
“Am I just eating thai food and ruining their night?”
“You cause sadness, you don’t get chips!”
“We went through a wormhole and I don’t enjoy it.”
“Common sense nationality.”
“Stop rubbing your lips on flannel.”
“No, I’m good, I’m a married man.”
“I don’t enjoy touching her nipples.”
“I got one patty and no cheese; ketchup, onion only! Bullshit!”
“That shit came out crispy and delicious.”
“I punched you in the face once; just the one time!”
“Oh my god, we live in the ‘hood.”
“Even Sweden can’t wash out the taste of betrayal.”
“We shouldn’t be allowed out before noon.”
“I’m eating soup at one in the morning.”
“I’m not nodding back at you, fuck you.”
“Save the turtles, put grilled cheese directly in pocket.”
“Why does the outback forsake me?”
“Tiddies out for the phoenix.”
“I hear you laughing, you goblin!”
“Get your fucking dairy out of my room!”
“It’s okay to misgender trespassers!”
“10,000 lakes — one for every witch!”
“Then make it not sweaty!”
“See, the difference is you were having a medical emergency. I was being a stupid bitch.”
“Fine! Keep your secrets, you sneaky cisgendered person!”
“Pave the roads! Pave the roads, Mr. Governor Man!”
“I apparently tried to deliriously order old 80s magazines last night.”
“I’ve never been killed by a hitman, but…”
“Is jelly an instrument of war?”
“I’m having fun being a crackhead.”
“You’re ruining the moment with your tiny penis!”
“Fifteen grams of protein?!”
“But Lake Michigan IS a thing!”
“Don’t ‘well, actually’ me about corn!”
“It’s Pride month! My iced coffee is leaking, that’s homophobic!”
“Don’t hold my hand and say the word ‘vagina.’”
“It’s not a secret, it’s on our website!”
“What is it with boomers and golden oreos?”
“I wouldn’t sign a lease with someone named Karen.”
“No one can play tuba that long! Well, except for maybe a tuba player!”
“That’s not correct, I’m just southern.”
“Garlic doesn’t grow in Ireland!”
“Tell me secrets at a 45 degree angle!”
“I’m blind now, I’m a blind man.”
“I’m 4’7” on the inside.”
“Splash Mountain 2: Tiana Boogaloo.”
“It’s spelled: ‘B-O-O-G-O-O…wait.”
“Let me be competent in my mistake!”
“You can’t left turn here, you dumb, fucking cunt!”
“Jesus is my front license plate.”
“Are you going to drop a sick freestyle? Drop some bars, Lin Manuel Miranda!”
“Fuck the baby! Fuck the weed! Fuck the police!”
“Oh, to be devoured by a beast in pre-medieval Ireland.”
“Um, do you mean Rachel McAdams?”
“Where the fuck is Plymouth Rock?!”
“Oh yeah — and then she stabbed him!”
“She thinks he’s twelve mice in a french coat.”
“I’m not crying, it’s man sweat.”
“So, we’ll call up Seinfeld …”
“Loose Blister Skin. It’s like Slipknot, but better!”
“I love you, I love your credit score!”
“Tell that to the Ides of March!”
“Aaron Burr did not kill Adam Sandler.”
“For legal reasons, this is a joke, don’t get up.”
“You’ve lost your ‘Tangled’ privileges tonight.”
“Wendy’s has rats, but a man needs his spicy nuggets!”
“I did not run away, I was fighting for my life on the streets!”
“I’d give up cocaine for that rack.”
“It is my constitutional right to go to Indiana!”
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