COFFEEBERRYLILI

[declinate]

[kaputte-weltd]

„Du kannst in der Umgebung, in der du krank geworden bist, nicht geheilt werden.“

[octoberbrunette]

[heavensno-deactivated20130302]

[lifegoeson-nothingchanges]

Ich bin gerade wieder müde. ich bin sehr müde vom Alltag und ich möchte die nächste Woche nicht kommen sehen. Ein bisschen Bier hier, ein wenig Gin Tonic da, hinterher noch ein Glas Wein, aber die Sorgen sind noch da.

[httpdailydeprishit]

Jemanden zu Lieben ist wie Anfangen zu rauchen. Du weißt das es dich umbringen kann , wirst aber trotzdem süchtig

Thoughts

[ibelongwith-you]

[nicolethedopefiendqueen]

I have a confession to make. Last week i walked into a liquor store and bought a nip of pineapple vodka. I had been thinking of drinking for a few days. Fantasizing about the numbness. I wanted to be drunk and not feel everything that i was. I wanted my mind to be quiet, i wanted relief. I walked into the liquor store with my heart and thoughts racing. I knew that i didn’t belong in there but I got a thrill of being so close to substance. I had a plan to drink and go out into NYC and find the real drugs. I figured the alcohol would quiet my sober thoughts. Make it easier to make the very painful decision to use. Relapse for me isn’t simple it causes me extreme emotional distress because i fucking want it so bad while wanting to never have it again at the same time. I walked out of the store and took it out of the bag. A tear came down my face as i opened it. I held it up to my mouth, paused and smelled the vodka. FUCK! I had a life altering decision to make in about 3 seconds. I don’t know how i found the strength but I threw it hard onto the cement so the bottle broke. I felt as broken as the pieces that I stared at on the ground. I walked away, holding back the hysterics because I was in public but I was fucking scared. I’m terrfied of my addict mind at times because I know addiction will kill me if i let it.

Excerpt from my journal 4-29-19

[certasluas]

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[anxietyproblem]

[fit-marc-deactivated20200705]

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“The best way to get things done is simply to begin.”

— Unknown

[powerless-over-alcohol-deactiva]

I feel like when we were growing up, we were told that addicts and alcoholics were these bad people with no real direction in life. We were taught to “Just say no to drugs!” And if you didn’t, you would end up looking like you were 68 instead of 28. They left out the part that worst thing about addiction isn’t losing everything you have but losing yourself.

They didn’t tell us that years later we would be on our hands and knees searching desperately for change so we would have enough money to buy alcohol at the store. They left out the part where being sober feels like the worst thing in the world because you can’t stand another minute without being numb to it all.

They didn’t tell us that addiction is a disease and those of us who suffer from it are sick.

I wasn’t ready for this.

[prikkeldraden-deactivated202207]

i hate it when drinking makes me sad like damn i destroy my liver and this what i get in return

[sorry-no-more-no-less]

Emily Blunt fills her water bottle with ‘vodka’ as she films a scene for The Girl on the Train. 

[80sretroelectro]

Another ad for Xnodo modulair stairs, 1989.

Scan