a pessimistic optimist guy.

i have a very cynical view of the world.

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

Dumb and Confused

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote something on my blog. I really couldn’t think of any ideas on what should I write on my next “issue” .

Actually, these past few days, I’ve been feeling a little bit better. I don’t know how but with the help of my friends.. my negativity has somehow faded a little bit .

A lot of my friends are always saying that I have changed a lot. After graduation, I didn’t have the feeling of being with them. Cause I am practicing myself being without them. So yah, di talaga ako nagpapakita sakanila. Well, some of them actually saw me already. But for the past 2 months I don’t have the guts to face them.

Due to my depression that I felt during the last few weeks, I don’t want to spend my time with people anymore. I always feel so tired of moving and thinking about stuff. Maybe I’ve had enough with all the crap the world has given to me.

I don’t know how should I feel anymore, to be honest. I feel like I don’t have the PAKE to think about others; even my own feelings..

But to be honest, I don't think I'm getting better. Feeling ko mas nagiging worse pa ko.

I really want to disappear.. like totally gone.. I want to know what would be the reactions of the people who know me.. will they miss me when I'm gone?

I'm so tired of living.. I'm so tired of facing the fact that no one loves me and no one ever cared for me. It's just so sad that they only love you if you're already gone and it's too late.

[musiccuresthepain]

[letyourselfliveagain]

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

Trust no one but yourself; because at the end of the day, the only person you can rely on is yourself.

lifelessgaydudeworld

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

Marunong ako makiramdam.

As in, alam ko talaga.

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

Hold on; we can get through this together.

From mind to heart.

[permeate]

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

i think you didn't.

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

BUT(S) and WHAT IF(S).

Lately, I was feeling a bit lonely; because we already graduate and we don’t have anything to do anymore.

I miss all my friends. And I really miss those days were we always stay together during our dark times.

BUT

this blog is not about my high school memories; I just remember them when I’m feeling lonely (MADRAMA LOLO NIYO.) and thinking that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone. Because during those times when we were all together, I never feel lonely. I always knew that they were always be by my side, ready to support me.

BUT I don’t think that would be possible anymore. We all have our own lives now; we need to learn to stand in our own feet.

I always say to my friends that I love being alone and it’s okay for me if I will be alone for the rest of my life..

BUT seriously speaking, I am going to be honest. I DON’T WANNA BE ALONE! Sinasabi ko lang sa sarili ko at sa mga tao na nakakasama ko yan kase.. I AM SCARED!

Pinipilit ko sa sarili ko na kailangan ko tanggapin na tatanda ako mag-isa at walang mag-aalaga saken. Siguro pag alam ko nang malapit mapudpod ang utak ko, magpapalagay nalang ako sa Home for the Aged.

Hindi ko kaya.. as in. Malakas ang loob ko pag sinasabi ko na di ko kailanganng kasama sa buhay! But to be honest, I am always.. ALWAYS pushing people away from me. Lalo na sa school na papasukan ko. To the highest level ang pagiging introvert ko. Kaya there’s a 99% na hindi ako magkakaroonng friends don. Hahahahaha!

BUT even though I want them, I genuinely think that they don’t want me anymore. WHAT IF pinipilit lang talaga nila sumama saken dahil kawawa ako. WHAT IF they’re having a secret plan without me? WHAT IF I am not good enough for them? WHAT IF I am not their first choice? Or even second?

What am I saying? Wala naman talaga ako sa choices eh. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

may madadagdag nanamang linya sa wrist ko for sure.. hahaha..

[cryingcuts]

I get it, I wouldn’t have chosen me neither..

(via cryingcuts)

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

See the world not as it is; but as it should be.

Glee🎼

[lovemakesyouwonder]

[deceptivelips]

(18+)

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

as always.

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

being part of something special does not make you special; something is special because you’re a part of it.

-Rachel Berry

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

i just can’t stop the feelings; look how adorable they are!!😆😆💟

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

i ship this more than klaine. they're just.. so adorable when they're together💜

[lovemakesyouwonder]

[deceptivelips]

(18+)

[lifelessgaydudeworld]

i would rather be alone than to spend my time to the people who don't appreciates me.

[lovemakesyouwonder]

[deceptivelips]

(18+)

[lovemakesyouwonder]

[deceptivelips]

(18+)