Life of a Triggered Hoe.

Just a page for scattered thoughts.

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

You find yourself fading again.

As though the love I provide is not enough. Enough to keep you feeling. Enough to keep you here. Enough….I’m not good enough.

you find yourself fading again and i’m forced to feel you slip through my fingers.

Fade into me if you must disappear… fade into me.

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

And in that doubt, we find ourselves feeling.

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

12:31 AM

When the darkness of the night closes in

and the crisp air of the wind blows through the window

my mind races, remembering the sweet taste of gin

that laced across your lips as they muttered a quick “Hello”

I find my mind uncontrollable-

as your eyes glisten and your words seep through like honey

the inevitable thoughts bang against my skull

lighting a fire in me so bright it’s almost sunny

I doubt your mind runs like mine

infatuation and lust are all you can comprehend

Where the thought of you sends shivers down my spine,

you remain solely lecherous that you end up condemned

So, I let the darkness run, and thoughts of you progress

Because it seems to be the only thing to relieve this stress.

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

My soul exists in limbo. Within a timeless loop of potential possibilities of who I can be.

[resqectable]

“I take great care of myself by carefully shutting myself away.”

— Vincent van Gogh, Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh

[quotefeeling]

“You know you are on the right track when you become uninterested in looking back.”

— Unknown

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

I don’t know what to do anymore….

There’s not a moment that passes where you aren’t on my mind.

And I know you’ve moved on, way before our relationship ended.

I can’t keep missing you, so I’ll let go.

Maybe in another life you’ll actually love me.

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

I miss you…and that sucks.

[perfectquote]

“Succes is falling nine times and getting up ten.”

— Jon Bon Jovi

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

Stupid for ever believing you’d stay,

stupid for ever believing you’d be different,

Stupid for still caring,

Stupid for still hoping for closure.

[perfectfeelings]

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.”

— Carl Jung

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

I was ready for forever…

I can’t shake this pain,

I don’t know who I am anymore….

[thoughtkick]

“We lose ourselves in things we love. We find ourselves there, too.”

— Kristin Martz

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

You think you are in love with someone,

starting a life with them,

planning a family, a home everything.

They live with you and you support them blindly out of trust and love.

and then….you find out they have been having a double life relationship for two months. Doing to her all the things that made you fall in love. Making her the fun non stressful version of you.

That must be incredibly draining. At what point is enough, enough?

[surqrised]

“She understood that the hardest times in life to go through were when you were transitioning from one version of yourself to another.”

— Sarah Addison Allen

[perfectfeelings]

“Don’t hurt someone who cares about you like that. You’re not the only person in the world who’s ever been hurt. Don’t be cruel. Don’t go breaking someone else’s heart in the hope that you’ll feel better. Because you won’t.”

— Alison McGhee

[lifeofatriggeredhoe]

But you never loved me…

You loved the idea of me. You loved the passion and attraction. You loved how I loved you. And in the end, you repeated how we fell in love…

with her.

because you never loved anyone.

You just need us all to love you.