My First Journal Entry: 06/04/18
Woke up today to body pains thanks to all the drama of the previous day. I woke up on the 6th day of April, 2018 which is my birth date and supposed to be the first day of the rest of my life. The 5th saw me have a rethink of life decisions and behavioral patterns. Since my birthday was too dramatic, I couldn’t sit still to pen down this post.
A month earlier, I remember reading my friend’s public journal and thinking “I should try to write a journal too” to clear my mind daily, of all the shit that greet me each day. I told her about it and she encouraged me to pen something down.
This is the first day of the rest of my life. I turn 26 today and looking back I’m depressed by the life choices that have led me to this point. Last night I couldn’t sleep as I felt funny about getting older. The last one year has seen me hit the lowest point of my life since failing to graduate college at my allotted time. I had begun to have minor suicidal episodes. My drug use had increased and I had stopped going to church.
Today being a Friday, is my Community Development Service and monthly clearance for my NYSC. I woke early to prepare and still ended up running late. Woke from the short sleep feeling bland. I didn’t even tell anyone that it was my birthday but I was glad that a few people remembered and reached out to me with prayers and celebratory messages and calls. After my time at the CDS, I decided to take time to right a mistake I had made the week earlier. I rushed to the bus stop to get on a bus going to Obalende from where I’d commute further to Ikoyi to submit some documents.
I had received several calls from people (whose numbers I had lost with all my previous phones) that morning and so I wasn’t reluctant to pick this particular call.
Phone: It is Ire’s father. Where is Tyler (My brother). I give you guys till 04:00pm to return everything that was taken from my house. He thinks I didn’t see him. If I don’t get my things by that time, I’ll come with SARS to pick you and your friends. They have all your information. You know SARS isn’t Police. In fact, I’m pissed off right now. *line breaks*
Me: Alright sir. *confused*
So I’m just standing at the bus stop trying to piece what sort of call I had just received and so I call my brother. His number wasn’t going through and so I texted his friend who had gone to repair his laptop with him at Computer village. At this point, I’m seriously lost and trying to just keep my head properly screwed on. As usual, traffic was a mo’foka! On my way to my destination I just blanked my mind and even forgot to alight at my proper destination.
As I walked down Bourdilon road trying to get to Ojora Street, my mind was in a serious mess and my phone rings again.
Phone: Have you called your brother? I’m in front of your house now. You think I’m joking with you?
Me: Sir. My brother hasn’t even been around all day and he didn’t even come to your house so…
Phone: Don’t tell me that. You think I am joking with you people?
At this point I’ve lost it and I had begun to sweat profusely more out of confusion than the hot mid afternoon sun. I tried to still myself as I approached the office. Breezed in and out and I was back on the road again. I decided to call my brother again and his line still didn’t connect. I called his friend and he picked and said they were on their way to my dad’s office, hence I headed there too. On getting there I hear that He had come to embarrass my parents and had left. I listened as people recounted the stories that a friend, whom up until this moment I treated as a brother, had told to implicate my brother and at this point I had had it and became angry for the first time in my life.
I had allowed myself be played again by someone else’s personal drama and from that moment on, I swore never again. My parents have started the regular “African parents routine” blaming my brother and I for everything before even trying to know our side of things. I was in shock and so I just kept quiet and allowed them have their time. When they had calmed down, my brother and I had to go grab the battery for his laptop which he left at C.V in a rush to come quell the brewing situation.
At this point, I remembered again that today was my birthday and that I hadn’t eaten all day and I felt very weak and angry and vowed never to have friends again. Acquaintances would do for now *smiles*
Thanks to the ones who made my day with their texts and those who fucked it up with lies and threats, Karma awaits everyone! Yes, I have forgiven this act and NO! I shall never forget it and well I am friendless again.
Oh wait. There’s a girl. I like her. Ugh... I dunno… okay, maybe I’m just tripping… ok bye!
snowghoul
romaincrisis
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