It was nothing like the moment they’d first met. Ares’s voice was calm and controlled, instead of shouting his grievances and threats across the battlefield. There was no anger, no malice. All he wanted now, regarding Seliph, was Seliph’s health and happiness.
But Seliph locked their eyes, touched his cheek, spoke to him in the firm, confident voice that moved armies, and Ares realized very little had changed. He still pushed away, and Seliph still pulled him back, reiterating trust and friendship the same way Ares’d had to calm down his own horse. Now Seliph cradled his face, brows pressed together, and Ares closed his eyes.
Was he really going to be such a hypocrite? Promise that he would always care about Seliph, and then refuse to believe the same, when Seliph knew his heart far better than Ares might ever know his own? They were already best friends. They’d already been through so much together; seen so much of each other. Even if he had fears about discovering hidden dark sides, especially within himself, he at least owed Seliph the right to make his own decision. Ares sighed though his nose.
“I always think I have everything all figured out,” he muttered. “It all makes perfect sense. And then somehow you charge in and turn it all to dust, and leave me standing there a perfect fool.”
He pulled out of Seliph’s grasp, contrite, but the relief that surged through him was stronger. Even if he fought, Seliph wouldn’t let him go. Wouldn’t tell him to leave and never come back. Wouldn’t draw his sword. Ares wanted a future with him and now, suddenly, he had it. His lip trembled and he bit down until he tasted blood.
“Forgive me for making you say all this again. And–” He realized he’s put space between them again. “Oh. And for pulling away, just now. And for…”
All the emotion he was feeling, too much, building up behind his eyes. He wasn’t sure if it’s better to be honest, or better to blink the tears back so that Seliph won’t be troubled by them. The easy solution was to pull Seliph into his arms, resting his chin on his head.
“I’m frightened,” he whispers. He doesn’t think he’s strung those two words together since his first night in Manster, alone in the dark of his new bed, with Mother crying in the next room and Nurse trying to explain death to him. It was the first time he’d felt uncertainty about the future.
“But if this is really what you want, if the sacrifices are really worth it to you, then I want to try. More than anything. You brought meaning back into my life, and I want to be the one to make you happy. It just felt too selfish to ask.”
“It’s okay to be a little frightened,” Seliph assured him. “It’s scary letting yourself be so vulnerable, but I’m with you every step of the way. We have each other, and no one will ever take that from us.” His head was reeling from all of the raw emotions, both Ares’s and his own, but he knew it was all going to be okay now.
He let out a heavy sigh of relief as he wrapped his arms around Ares and pulled him close, fingers clenching at his jacket. He only loosened his hold so he could look at Ares, unable to ignore the glassiness to his eyes but not wanting to acknowledge it out loud. Instead he leaned up to press the softest kiss under his eye.
“This is what I want,” he said, unable to contain the smile on his face, “more than anything. I want to be the one to make you happy, as well. If I get to spend my life with you, it won’t feel like I’m sacrificing anything.”