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@lightweightghost
.Ā·:*ĀØą¼ŗā”ą¼»ĀØ*:Ā·.
Hi there! Iām Ghost! Iām 23, use they/them pronouns and am sapphic! Iāve suffered from disordered eating since I was like 8.
š general tw for ed sheeran, sh, sad posting, etc.
ā ļø DNI; non-ed, anti-recovery, proa or prom, ācoachesā, racist, transphobic, ableist, etc.
Please block me if my blog bothers you!
.Ā·:*ĀØą¼ŗā”ą¼»ĀØ*:Ā·.
3.5.24 5:09 AM post-cross faded brain dump.
I know I donāt really post here anymore. I still struggle with disordered eating and it got increasingly worse the last two years. Honestly, it was the binging that made my weight skyrocket. This year Iām trying to do better, stop hermiting myself indoors and to actually get active, itās been progressing pretty well Iād say, I forgot to check my weight yesterday so Iāll do it after I wake up. I met someone and we hit it off, long distance of course because since moving I havenāt met a single person in my area to even be friends with lol. It seems to be going pretty well, and the timing is so funny to me. The weathers been getting better and my seasonal depression is finally fucking off. Iāve been more consistent and making more conscious decisions with my food. Though I canāt tell if Iām manic or itās just the NRE feelings flooding my brain, but Iāve been so happy and excited that the last likeā¦ weekish now Iāve been eating less. Is this what it feels like to be more emotionally regulated? Sure I was depressed as shit but I was at least cognizant and aware of my emotions and Iāve been working on processing them in better ways. Semi started journaling again which I did before popping ol reliable open bc I figured maybe someone here can relate. Anyways.. Iām not sure if it might also be a subconscious thing because Iām super insecure about myself and my body. After the horrid experiences of my last relationship and being taken advantage of, Iāve been on guard for so long, that the new person in my life feels like they literally crashed into my castle walls like a drunk driver in a lifted truck. Itās so weird being 24 now and having things finally click, like most of my ED behaviors stem not only from genetics (Ana mom that openly talks about her struggles + my autism) but also for a need to feel in control of something (namely my emotions). Usually relationships have me stressed the fuck out, BPD makes it tough, but I find that my symptoms are slowly phasing out. I think Iām finally healing. I still wish I had a therapist, but for now Iāll stick to my own version of self therapy. Idk, I wasnāt even really expecting a relationship at all this year, let alone one so early in but new year new beginnings I guess haha.
silly ed cars
Having an ED when you're in your late twenties sucks.
i fucking love unhinged pinterest mealspĆø. fym ābagelā???? shit like this is so fucking funny LMAO
anyways yāall
āBeing suicidal and living for others is the most drowning feeling everā
ā Why canāt I find a reason to live for myself?
Getting triggered bc your friend was fat shaming their ex, and another ex-friend of yours who are relatively close in weight to you. And they also told me that one of our mutuals broke up with someone else who ig was also bigger?? Itās so stupid to me. But here we are! I donāt ever really bring up my disordered bullshit to anyone anymore so they donāt know. I mean I donāt exactly make it a secret bc my defense mechanism has always been making fun of myself and calling myself fat lol. But yeah! Loving this for myself lol.
I mean this is just more motivation I needed ig bc Iāve been putting off starting a 75 soft/medium/hard challenge. I think Iām gonna go thru them in increasing difficulty. Idk I feel like since nothing in my life has gone how I want it to, this is the only thing I have left thatās purely in my control anymore lol. Everything sucks
Since when did The ForumTM change names š§interesting
Also yeah itās time to go back into the trenches because guess who recently learned they GAINED 20 FUCKING POINDS SINCE THE LAST TIME THEY WEIGHED THEMSELVES!!! š„²
New years couldnāt have come at the best time bc Iām actually fully motivated. I s2g if I donāt get myself together this year Iām just gonna kms bc I canāt keep struggling with this shit it truly is a now or never moment bc Iām too fucking old to be dealing with this like bitch I gotta get it together.
Anyways happy nye everyone š«¶š«¶ hopefully ā23 treats us all nicely!!
The grind NEVER starts. I am sleeping.
