Live Life the Way You Want!

Just want to write what's going one in my head.

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Do ever just get so depressed that nothing feels right in life. Like you want to do better but don't know how. How to fix things or make them better. I've been fight my demons for years and ask myself all the time on why I keep trying and it's always the same answers. Because of your mom family friends. But I just get to a point and don't see a better way out..

Just get to the point on I want It over. I'm tired of fighting a battle I can't win. But I guess alot of people are. And just need to keep pushing. It's just so hard ig..

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Didn't get the Chance.

You know I wish I had that one person that I felt comfortable talking to. But I cant seem to open up to anyone. The one person I did open up to isn’t around anymore he left me like it was nothing. You know I wish I could just for get the day we meant all the times we had all the fun good days we had but I cant because that’s love and I wish love could die fast but it just takes time but time is what we don’t have. We say we have but we honestly don’t.  We could die or get cancer, or the world could come to an end or something. Why do we fall in love to the wrong people? I honestly wish he could have stayed mine. So I could have held him forever and kissed him or woke up next to him every morning but some of us just don’t get that chance I guess….

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Just gone.

I thought when I was a little girl that I would grow up and be the one who she had her life together. But to be honest I don't. Everyone looks at me sees that I'm going to have a future. Where I'm happy and I have a guy that's there for me and I'm happy. But honestly I don't see that happening. I want to be happy and have an amazing life but I'm struggling so hard in this life. I thought a few months ago that I would have the guy in my life and he would always be there for me and help get through this. But he left months ago and I’ve been just trying so hard to push him out of my life and move on that I’ve just been trying to fill the blank in my heart were he had that one special place there. Its like its a sacred place in my heart. I wish I could just close the whole were he was or fix it like he did but every time I see him or see something that reminds me of him I cant get him out of my mind and its really hard to move on or go and try something new or get a job. I just wish he was still around I mean he is but like we were still together and happy.. and when I see him it just gets worse I think of him more and want him more. I have no idea how I fell so in love with him but I did and its so hard to let go. he was my everything, my ride or die he held the key to my heart and opened something in my heart that no one else have ever had or would. He made me good and whole. And I wish I didn't mess up the way I did and I wish I could just get him back but that’ll never happen. He’s gone for good.

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Didn't get the Chance.

You know I wish I had that one person that I felt comfortable talking to. But I cant seem to open up to anyone. The one person I did open up to isn’t around anymore he left me like it was nothing. You know I wish I could just for get the day we meant all the times we had all the fun good days we had but I cant because that's love and I wish love could die fast but it just takes time but time is what we don't have. We say we have but we honestly don't.  We could die or get cancer, or the world could come to an end or something. Why do we fall in love to the wrong people? I honestly wish he could have stayed mine. So I could have held him forever and kissed him or woke up next to him every morning but some of us just don't get that chance I guess....

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Boyfriend

So my boyfriend and I were in the kitchen having a conversation bout the time period that we broke up and we were talking bout how he got drunk and slept with a lot of females. Well I guess one of the times he got drunk he let the girl give him hickys. And one of the things my boyfriend hates the most is hickys. Well then we got into it and not like fighting just talking bout it. And he told me that he ended up sleeping with a girl I really don't like. but he told me that he woke up and she was in his bed and he was drunk and couldn't resist. My point about this is, is ok to be kind of upset and bothered by it or not? Cause it bothers me when I see their names pop up on his phone or he sees them in public. I just don't wanna get to upset over nothing or if I should be just a little. I mean we were together for 11 months and then broke up for 4 months and went off and on but I love him and I think he’s my forever. I'm just confused.

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My mom once told me...

My mom said that the first time you fall in love it changes you forever and no matter how hard u try, that feeling never goes away.

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Life

What you learn in life is that you can only trust family and supper close friends. my parents always taught me to always trust your heart and never listen to your brain cause most of the time your heart is always right and ur brain is always wrong.  

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