diary

[likeawritingdesk]

this is a swan song to all the boys who told me i’m too much of something:

too sad too cool too young too emotional.

i remember every word you said.

when i sleep flowers grow from my stretch marks i felt hollow in my chest last week but this morning the cool breeze wakes me gently and i smell the lilacs across the street

to all the boys who hurt me i say

thank you

for recognizing that you didn’t deserve to sleep beside me for making me think it was a bad thing to feel “too much” for leaving the light on when you left

i stand in the garden the cool grass kissing my bare feet starlings singing a mourning song to grieve who i was before i met you and i’m welcomed home to myself

[likeawritingdesk]

this is a swan song to all the boys who told me i’m too much of something:

too sad too cool too young too emotional.

i remember every word you said.

when i sleep flowers grow from my stretch marks i felt hollow in my chest last week but this morning the cool breeze wakes me gently and i smell the lilacs across the street

to all the boys who hurt me i say

thank you

for recognizing that you didn’t deserve to sleep beside me for making me think it was a bad thing to feel “too much” for leaving the light on when you left

i stand in the garden the cool grass kissing my bare feet starlings singing a mourning song to grieve who i was before i met you and i’m welcomed home to myself

[likeawritingdesk]

I love your poetry and i think it has made me fall in love with you

thank you

[likeawritingdesk]

i am alone and

my skin is cold i sit outside in the dark the cold air kissing my face your skin on mine

i am alone and i lay on my back like i did beside you

i am alone and you are across town. you tell me you think of me, miss me, you write to me

i am alone and i think of your tongue in my mouth, hands on my chest, between my thighs

i am alone and i think of your smile, the sweet smell of the ocean, laughing beside you and the flowers

beginning to bloom

[likeawritingdesk]

i am alone and

my skin is cold i sit outside in the dark the cold air kissing my face your skin on mine

i am alone and i lay on my back like i did beside you

i am alone and you are across town. you tell me you think of me, miss me, you write to me

i am alone and i think of your tongue in my mouth, hands on my chest, between my thighs

i am alone and i think of your smile, the sweet smell of the ocean, laughing beside you and the flowers

beginning to bloom

[likeawritingdesk]

i never miss you until i see you again

i forget to eat and barely sleep

you tell me i look good, kiss my neck and take off  my pants with one hand

i let you take up the whole bed, i don’t mind

i fall asleep after you and wake up before

you snore in my ear all night but i don’t mind

you always forget your socks

i think about the way your teeth felt on my tongue

you bit me and it hurt but i don’t mind

[likeawritingdesk]

i never miss you until i see you again

i forget to eat and barely sleep

you tell me i look good, kiss my neck and take off  my pants with one hand

i let you take up the whole bed, i don't mind

i fall asleep after you and wake up before

you snore in my ear all night but i don’t mind

you always forget your socks

i think about the way your teeth felt on my tongue

you bit me and it hurt but i don’t mind

[likeawritingdesk]

what it's like to lay beside you

you have a big back and i am very small next to you

you tell me i’m too cold before we fall asleep

i try to hide the sound of my bones creaking by kissing you

i try to be softer but you tell me i’m starting to disappear

in the morning you leave before the rest of my body wakes up but i never ask you to stay

later at work i think about your tongue in my mouth

i feel your body on top of mine in the bath

i sit and wilt. i am letting myself tarnish.

a few days later you put your hand on my leg in front of our friends. i don’t move it away.

my bed still smells like you

friday night you kiss a girl in front of me and then try to follow me home

you ask me if i would ever write about you

i wonder how long i will let myself rust

[likeawritingdesk]

i’ve been laying on the 

floor for a few days face 

down eyes shut

occasionally i drag myself 

to the ocean think of you 

when the waves come

all my plants are dying 

i drink too much coffee 

stain my fingers chain smoking 

i’m the oldest i’ve ever been 

but it still feels too young

[likeawritingdesk]

how should a person be

if i am honest i can plant my grief  like basil in the garden take some time for myself and cook with the growth

i keep secrets from myself keep bouquets from lovers who couldn’t remember my name swallow my spit before i speak i am so shy

my legs are bruised i don’t know how i got from there to here marks on my skin tell my family i love them

heart like a chest of drawers yelling ‘fill me’ i’ve been alone for too long

[likeawritingdesk]

Are you relentted aka Cassie?

no

[likeawritingdesk]

i missed you but i don’t anymore

i sleep deeper dream bigger without you

i thought you leaving was the final wave to take me under

i float along now fine without you

[likeawritingdesk]

he said i was pretty with a mean face

told me i expected too much of him but

moved in and packed up every morning

told me i smothered him but knocked on my

window at three am smelling of sadness 

he said i made up things about him

i remember every word he said

told me he didn’t like the way i portrayed 

him when he realized i was telling the truth

picked at my appearance but i still felt

weak in the knees when i saw his smile

gaslights on the walls while he slept

i am now alone and much kinder to myself

[likeawritingdesk]

he said i was pretty with a mean face

told me i expected too much of him but

moved in and packed up every morning

told me i smothered him but knocked on my

window at three am smelling of sadness 

he said i made up things about him

i remember every word he said

told me he didn’t like the way i portrayed 

him when he realized i was telling the truth

picked at my appearance but i still felt

weak in the knees when i saw his smile

gaslights on the walls while he slept

i am now alone and much kinder to myself

[leukocytes]

does anyone have any experience with getting tote bags printed? every website i look at has either a minimum of 100 or costs an outrageous amount plus a set up fee. ???

[likeawritingdesk]

hi! i'd love to purchase 21, but the link seems to be broken :(

hi sorry i meant to close my shop! it will be closed for a few weeks and i’ll make a post when it’s back up :)

sorry about that!

[likeawritingdesk]

he says i’m beautiful and

it keeps me up at night

i have a hickey on my neck

and bruises on my legs 

i walked home alone in the rain

this morning, let it kiss me awake

i wonder how long this feeling will stay