i haven’t been active in over 18 months..
.. and so, i feel that this is some kind os ‘safe space’; i guess i’m reverting back to my 14 y/old self in finding comfort in this account. this was once a place i felt safe and found the freedom to not only to be myself, but release a sense of ‘bagage’ that i can’t quite reach on any other social networking site. whether that’s because Tumblr feels like a lost cause, or a dying tradition, i’m not quite sure.. .. however.. as Lil Peep said in track, AVOID ‘i knew love once, it’s hard to forget’, #RIP i’m at a complete and utter loss. not knowing whether i made the right choice, or whether i’ve completely fucked any chance of happiness. going through a break-up in your 20′a is quite possibly the most numbing process anyone could go ever through. there are not enough lyrics, posters or drugs (for that matter) to help with the numbing sensation that runs through your veins. i’m sitting here, after hours of trying to formulate my emotions into some kind of text, but every time i put my fingers to the key board i feel like it become more and more distant. letting go of someone who has been such an essential and vital part of life for over 5 years is fucking shit. i needed to be able to breathe, i need to be able to be someone’s fucking something, and i wanna be yours. i need to fix myself in order to be good for you - and i know that’s something you’ll never be able to understand. but i’m willing to take the hit of emotional blackmail in order to be yours, again. i never wanted to hurt you. i only wanted to encourage you. but the evil in me will always prevail, and i’ll never be enough - i’ll never be stable. you deserve the world and i can only ever offer a fragment of perfection and that, i am slowly, painfully learning to deal with, and for now i will remain the demon you try to bury. i’ll always love you.
