When you doubt yourself, please remember that to your baby, the sound of your voice, the beat of your heart, and the smell of your skin are home. Whenever “why me’s” reverberate through your brain, remember that the answer comes when you sit in the stillness with that question. It was you because you are strong enough to get through this. It was you because you fight. It was you who hobbled down that hospital hallway, weak and dizzy, having lost liters of blood, to see your tiny baby. It was you because you show up, and you will keep showing up, long after the NICU days, for the doctor’s appointments and therapies. It was you because it takes a special kind of mother to have a voice, heartbeat, and skin soft enough to calm a two-pound infant, and a soul strong enough to conquer universes.
*Wrote this for a submission in a NICU community but always want to be mindful of those who feel weary of the notion of something happening to them on purpose (which is a concept I grapple with often). Trauma is richly nuanced and complex and I figured I’d keep this one for my own healing writing for now 💕*