231023 black summers ariel views of the smoke swirling roaring like Mudurup's weekend waves that would rock me awake drunk like I could die of thirst a memory I revisit now and to come in time weekday watching like I did on that highway to hell from eye to eye to skim the memory like all those terrains I've never touched - the rain's coming down with the midnight thoughts; a single bird in Asia each time I prayed for saviours for someone or thing a fleabag to tell me how to love and what to do I remember how they told us quickly (like we wouldn't remember) that the son of Nazareth was an atheist at least once - this time failing forward; I can feel you on the way down bright, loud wind-footed a bridge from eye to net I the middle him, the lower I pined for heavens swallowing a heaviness into my lungs each evening to blind me from my fears; the fables of the frenzied - pink lipped, nose; rosy cheeks I saw myself as they did; in the belly of a whale rather than lighting up the whole sky a not knowing I didn't truly believe and wondered why my mind lost the reach to touch the sky - a "would have" "could have been" of iris to mind I denied you in all of my searching I forgot the joy in all the looking turning outcomes into ashes - I have screamed and scorned myself into a woman I swore I would never become I swore toward seeing in shades of grey a lurid lie of lithography as though each memory wasn't screen-printed like a binary code "off" and "on" a Pleasantville of denial a hubris of hue - I pontificated an ultravioleta ontology in institutions as though that was enough Oshunmare O of the eye Ouroboros of the land on which I reside oath keepers deities of dharma I vow despite my heavy-lidded mind to keep witness