Hard Truths About This 'Kink' (& Life Updates)
So I've been gone a minute. I met someone on here (through the kink community) and it was reallyyyy nice sharing this together. Neither of us had been with partners before who "knew" we both liked this stuff- so it was really wonderful to explore that for the first time. :)
It was lovely and fun. It was so special to not have to hide this from someone. Especially someone I called my partner. Especially with someone who lived close! We had a lot of fun being two humans sharing an experience for almost a year.
Longer story short, they eventually opened up to me and admitted that they wanted to cool it on the kink stuff. They were worried it would be all consuming and wanted to take a break from it. (Which, in all honesty, I get. Some of the hottest parts of this fetish is that it CAN feel all consuming... sometimes that's kind of the point lol). But like, it's not all that's important to me, I've gone 30-something years this long without it, playing it slow wasn't a problem at all. I enjoy lots of multi-faceted parts of a relationship. No issue whatsoever.
However, we're at the part of the story now where I've been broken up with. I'm still not sure why to be honest. So many things are going through my head:
-Was it too real for them? -Was I gaining too fast? -Was I not gaining enough? -Did they become ashamed? -Was it obsessing all their thoughts and scaring them? -Were they worried I'd turn into a monster? -Did they decide to go back in the "closet"? -Were they feeling guilty? -Did some of the stuff we admitted to one another freak them out to have someone else witness? -Was it too expensive? (LOL- bc actually...) Maybe it had nothing to do with any of the above. None of these questions matter for me to think too hard on. It's not worth my mental energy to stay stuck on any of this. It's just not a part of the "romantic experience" I've personally ever had before. But I do think it's interesting as a whole to the community.
I think the truth is that when you're exploring something in real life that has been so private, so hidden, so 'shameful' for so long, i think there's a lot surrounding it that makes a "real life" situation more complicated than it may seem on the surface. I wish this person the best. This is not a post about thinking they are wrong for any of their experience. I'm more upset that we as people in this community have had to walk on internal eggshells about this (some of us our whole lives) and act like these thoughts we have of being attracted to this aren't real. Regardless if we decide to make it an actual reality for ourselves or not. It can make this extremely complex. And my heart goes out to each and every one of us that don't have a clear understanding of what the fuck this is lol. Because I know I most likely wouldn't have chosen this kink if given a choice up front- it's just something I have...
This is such a long post and I'm so sorry. Thank you for taking the time to read it if you got this far. I don't know what this means for me and my journey here right now. Tbh- I'm pretty confused. I'm not actively gaining, nor do I feel motivated to right now. But I do know that I really enjoyed the lil community of weirdos I was interacting with on here <3 and you might see me comment or repost some things here and there. I'm just exploring and wishing you all much love. Thanks for letting my heart talk.
