Juicy Babe @lilirisx3-blog - Tumblr Blog

“You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting– over and over announcing your place in the family of things.”

— Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”

catasters

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i’m afraid to go out again. i got so used to the comfort of my solitude that just the thought of having to look at someone in the eye, smile and pretend i’m not thinking about killing myself right at this instant… it’s too much. i can’t do this again. i can’t go back to pretend. i’m so tired.

parentless-suggestions

Today I was in our bathtub and cried. I cried a lot, since nobody could hear me (I was alone at home). While crying I said stuff like "it's not like I want to die, I just don't want to live like this anymore" or "I can't do this anymore." When I stopped crying, I realized how my mom's abuse fucked me up. Today she told me that I'm not so good at the only thing I always loved doing and thought I was good at. Then she said that I owe her a lot and many people have it worser. I just want to get away

trekkiehood

You know, depression/suicidal thoughts aren't always "Everybody hates me!" Yes that is out there and is valid but it is not the sole thought.

Sometimes it's "Why do people love me? What in me could possibly enable someone to tolerate me, much less, love me??"

Sometimes it's "I know people love me but I don't want to live. Not because of the way people treat me. Not because I have a bad life. I simply don't want to be here anymore."

Sometimes it's walking a little too slowly across the street.

Somtimes it's a fight between your head and heart because, people love you. People would be DEVASTATED if something happened to you. Your death would quite litteraly ruin someone's life. And yet you don't want to be here. And you know it's wrong.

Suicide and depression are not cookie cutter "everyone hates me!" They are personal things that people deal with differently.

We've gotten better at talking about mental health, but there's a side we still don't talk about. The side of those who are loved. The side of those who have mental stessors not caused by a bad environment.

Everyone deserves help, not just the ones that are "easy to fix" with self love. Sometimes it's deeper than that.