Ranting While Foaming

Rabid ramblings from a cretin

[lilliangoatcabin]

Hot Tods

Hot Tods: When the bride to be gets sick before her bachelorette party, so you have hot toddies instead of shots, but you have them through dick straws

[lilliangoatcabin]

Sage Advice

After telling Yi about a co-worker who I am not interested in:

u know u should make ice cream then put some nuts into it and give it to the guy whom u were talking to then send him an e-mail telling him that the name of the ice cream is called “nut into you”

[lilliangoatcabin]

The Man vs. The Machine

I still maintain that autotune sounds like a machine going through puberty.

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People tell me my references are dated

Has anyone ever stabbed someone and cried out, "Kevorkian seppuku!" In the process?

[lilliangoatcabin]

So hipster.

Weren’t Jews just Christians before it was cool?

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You Never Know

I’m relieved to report that #allDreamsMatter is NOT trending today.

[lilliangoatcabin]

Don’t Stair--It’s Rude

One thing I never mentioned in my entry about Yi's defense was that at some point, while we were moving Yi's food into another conference room, Danvir had to carry this giant carafe full of coffee.  We had to go up four flights of stairs, so Danvir elected to wait for the elevator.  To make matters worse, this particular building's elevators are about 29834723 years old and therefore will take their sweet time getting to you.

After what seemed like an eternity, our advisor came and started to wait with us at the elevator.  Two more minutes passed before I decided that I was going to take the stairs anyway.  Not wanting to be left alone with our advisor for who knows how long, Danvir joined me.  The trek up the stairs was a non-stop stream of complaints about the injustice of having to take stairs when there is clearly a working elevator in the building.

This wouldn't have been so ridiculous if you didn't know that Danvir is a man who is always talking about his workout routines and such.  You could imagine my surprise when Danvir threw such a fuss over taking four flights of stairs.  Since that fateful day, I deliberately pick the route with stairs anytime we are going somewhere and naturally Danvir gets immensely fussy.

[lilliangoatcabin]

Science

Soon after Yi moved, he started making his own wine.  Due to ennui apparently.

Me: I didn't even know you liked wine so much Yi: I do not!  It's just something to do Me: Then how come you're making something you don't like? Yi: Well, it's a scientific experiment. Me: Oh?  Do elaborate. Yi: Yeah, man, there are chemical reactions as well as biological reactions in wine brewing.  Ahhh, forget it.  It's too complicated for women. Me: Really. Yi: Yeah.  I'm sorry I brought it up.

Two days later, his refrigerator broke (he noticed it after the inside of the refrigerator was warm) and he was asking me if he could still use the meat he had in the freezer.

Yi: Even cooking it at those high temperatures doesn't kill all the germs? Me: Yes, but it's not safe to eat still. Yi: Why not? Me: It's a lot of chemical and biological stuff.  Forget it, it's too complicated.  You wouldn't understand.

[lilliangoatcabin]

Worst Hazing Ritual Ever

As Manjula and I were walking outside, I happened to be explaining to her the differences between sororities and fraternities (namely the gender difference) when she sees the Corps of Cadets marching along.

Manjula: OO, are they from a sorority? Me: I will pay you so much money to ask them that.

[lilliangoatcabin]

Mommy Dearest

Manjula and her friend were in the lab talking when Zhong comes in and sits at his station.

Manjula: Zhong?  Did you say hello to Satya? Zhong: Uh, yes, I did. Manjula: No, you didn't. Satya: No, really, he said "hi" Manjula: Well, I didn't hear it. Me: Oh my God, Manjula, you sound exactly like my parents when they'd take me to their friends' homes as a kid. "Lillian, did you say hello to the grown-ups?" "Yes!" "Doubtful because I didn't hear it, so it must not have happened" Manjula: No, I didn't mean it like that... Me: Nope, it's too late.  You're Mommy Manjula now. Manjula: Oh come ON.

Two weeks later, we were all about to leave for some event and we met at Manjula's place before carpooling.  Right as we're about to leave...

Manjula: Lillian, do you need to use the restroom before we leave?

At this point, we all just stared at her because not once had I ever stopped a car ride because I desperately had to go to the bathroom.

Manjula: Oh no.  I see it now.

[lilliangoatcabin]

You had one job.

The parcel I ordered was the wrong one sent. To top it off, the delivery man actually broke into my home and ate the cookies I was saving. The worst part is that there is no way to get in contact with complaint center. Santa, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a one star review on Amazon.

[lilliangoatcabin]

Zhong’s Got it Covered

Zhong is trying to talk to a girl Danvir has a crush on.  Sadly, Danvir has forgotten the name of his new crush, so Zhong attempts to get her name by introducing himself to her.  Zhong begins to recall the incident:

Zhong: I am not sure if my English is poor.  I talk to girl and she told me name but I could not understand.  I ask 'How can I call you?' but she never told me her name.  She gave me number! Me: I think you meant to say "What can I call you?" Zhong: Yes, I think that is it. Danvir: She gave you her number? Zhong: Yes, I can call her tonight and ask how to pronounce her name. Danvir: What. Zhong: She was hard to understand.  She kept talking about restaurants.  It was very unusual since I was just asking her what her name was. Danvir: WHAT. Zhong: I should call her now to ask her the name. Danvir: WHAT.

[lilliangoatcabin]

Crucial Differences

Yi:  long wkend Me:  I guess your project is picking up? Yi:  no long wkend labor day wkend 3 days wkend Me:  Oh! Yi:  see u r in grad school long wkend means diff things between us

[lilliangoatcabin]

Goatcabin’s Guidance, Ep. 4

Welcome to another episode of Goatcabin’s Guidance, the question and answer segment that will leave you asking “Why...?”

Hello / Is it me you're looking for?

Sorry, wrong number.

What is love?

I don't know, but I keep getting it confused with really bad gas.

Mangoes are what you get when a man goes.

My grandmother couldn't agree with you more.

Need some help identifying that weird stain in the corner of your bedroom?  Ask away here: http://lilliangoatcabin.tumblr.com/ask

[lilliangoatcabin]

I’ve heard that this is a thing.

Do men who get circumcised later in life call their members “Lil’ Van Gogh”?

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The gift that combines efficiency and cruel animal deaths

Why do tea infusers shaped like lobsters not already exist?  You know, the kind that would turn red when the water is at the right steeping temperature.

[lilliangoatcabin]

Too much Enthusiasm

At a buffet:  

Manjula: I'm going to get the sushi! Me: You go for it!

Manjula seems a bit taken aback by my overenthusiastic response.  There is a slight pause before...

Manjula: No, I mean, where do I get it?