TW: ed @lilyarbol - Tumblr Blog

pc98-rom

mr-orange505

dailydoseoflain

Day 2

imsayak

People aren't homes, they never will be. People are rivers, always changing, forever flowing. They will disappear with everything you put inside them.

~ Nikita Gill

weltenwellen

Snigdha Koirala, from "longing so flawed"

animatedtext

requested by unfashionably-late

somniapetals

faggotfungus

"The Anatomy of Melancholy" by Laura Makabresku

alcrego

Dither Cru

thereisnothinghereagain

Where are all my adult anas?

It's a different world stepping into Eds shoes again half way through life.

I don't have to worry about my parents getting mad at me

I don't have to worry about my school teachers getting mad at me

I don't have the typical teenage drama that spurred this mentality shift

I remember Ed being a call a shout for help just to be seen and cared for as a teenager. But now no one sees me, I have no watchful eyes on me. No one whispering under their breath, no parents staring at me across the dinner table as I play with a half eaten plate, no boy trouble or pubescent drama fueled by hormonal rage and indifference. I'm not doing this to impress the boy I like or try to fit in with the popular kids.

I am invisible

Except from myself.

I'm in a strange state of visible translucency. I tell people I'm fasting and they believe me, I tell people I'm too tired to come meet them for dinner they believe me.

Fuck, even my live out partner whose been here for the last 3 days who I have said the words 4norexi4 to and who has watched me consume nothing but tea for 3 days doesn't question my choices.

How different a world it is when you're seen but not seen. I am validated but I remain a shadow.