Beck couldn’t stand when Lily got like this. Now, he understood that she would feel bad and that she might blame this on herself, but it was obvious that Lillian was taking all of the blame. Yes, Beck was upset. He had a daughter that he had only just found out about that he already loved dearly. “Lillian,” Beck said, “How could you assume I’d just know? Sure, I found it strange that she has my hair, my taste, and loves things that I know you hate. But all of that- all of what you just said that you did to show me that she was mine- I was never going to connect those dots. Only because I trusted that you would have told me sooner.” As Lillian rambled on, Beck grew less angry, but more irritated, “A slut? Honestly Lillian, is that what you think I’d call you? We were broken up. After you left, you were free to do whatever you want. If you wanted to have sex with some random guy just after we had split, I can’t blame you for that. I never made assumptions as to why you had her. I didn’t want to give myself that gift of thinking that Sophie could be mine. That wouldn’t have been right- I loved her because she was yours. That was enough for me to treat her like she’s my own,” Beck shook his head at her excuse of trying to find him. Sure, Beck may have been unreachable, but they had mutual friends. They had her brothers. There were ways, “Lillian,” Beck turned from her to look out a window, he wasn’t ready to forgive her yet, but he knew that he’d need to, “You’re asking for the easy way out of this right now, you realize that, yeah?” At Lillian’s offer for her to leave, he let out an annoyed chuckle, “If you knew who I really was, you’d know that I wouldn’t want to give any of this up. I-” his voice stumbled, suddenly getting caught in his throat like it used to all those years ago. “I wasn’t the one that ran the first time, Lillian. Like I’ve been saying for the last three weeks- my dream has been you for as long as I can remember. It’s been having a family with you and now-” he watched Lily light a cigarette, “now I have that opportunity. But fuck, this isn’t exactly what I wanted when I said that. Sophie had already blended into my life and now- now I have to go through and show her that I’m not just some guy that loves her mother, but I’m her father and that I didn’t leave because I was shit, I wasn’t around because I didn’t have the opportunity to be.”
Beck was having flashbacks to his own childhood. All of the times his father had walked out on him and his mother, only to return drunk and unstable- the punches and verbal abuse being so hard on his little mind that he vowed to never be like this to his own children. He had always promised that he’d give his children the world- even when he couldn’t afford it. Now, while he stood here next to his child’s mother, he wondered how many times Sophie had thought that Beck just didn’t love her because he was never around. His hand went to his heart as he pressed his back against the wall where Lillian was leaning out the window. He opted to not return the ‘I love you,’ and instead, let Lillian take a few drags of the cigarette before plucking it from her fingers and putting it out on the window sill. “I’m not going to leave you,” he muttered, “I’ve gone far too long wanting you back in my life to leave you for something like this. Yes, we couldn’t get in contact with each other, but I’m not going to let the possibility of raising my daughter with…” Beck’s voice trailed off, “with the love of my life pass me by again.” He kicked off the wall and wandered towards the other side of the room, his heart throbbing, “Being Beck to her was easy, Lillian,” he rubbed a nervous hand on the back of his neck, “I don’t know how to be her father. I’m gonna fuck this up, you know?” Beck let out a bitter laugh as he slid down the wall to sit, his knees pulled up to his chest and his head tucked safely between, “You know, all I ever wanted was a daughter? When we used to lay in bed or lay on the grass and watch the stars in the park- all I could ever dream about was the day that we got to have a family together. I always hoped it’d be a little girl- at least our first child,” Beck looked up at Lillian and held out a hand, “I think I dreamed more about the day we’d have a family than the day we’d get married,” he laughed and readjusted himself. As Lillian sat down next to him, Beck slipped one arm under her knees to pull her legs over his lap as the other wrapped around her waist to pull her close to him. Beck pressed his nose to her cheek, “I used to daydream about all of it when we were dating. How pretty you’d look pregnant, what you were craving, how irritated you’d be once you couldn’t dance anymore,” he smoothed a hand down the woman’s tearstained cheeks, “I’m just- I’m hurt that I had to miss all of this. Because of things that I… that we couldn’t control.”
The air hung still between them for what seemed like hours. Neither of them speaking, but Beck’s hand pressed underneath Lillian’s shirt, his fingers rubbing little designs into the woman’s soft skin. “I love you,” Beck finally replied, “I have loved you from the moment I first saw you in that club and I’ll love you until I die, probably even long after that.” He looked at Lillian, his eyes searching her blue ones for confirmation that this was alright, “Thank you for not telling her that Mason is her father- thank you for-” Beck cupped Lillian’s face, “for hoping- for thinking that someday I’d be back in Sophie’s life enough for the little girl to have her real father.” He paused, his eyes dancing down to Lillian’s lips. Beck was still overcome with so many emotions, that he could hardly process anything at all. He knew that he wouldn’t heal from this bit of secrecy for a while, but he loved Lillian and at some point, he’d need to move on, “I love you, even with all of our secrets. We’ve been through hell and back- I would never, ever give that up for this. For something that you couldn’t control.” Beck leaned forward and kissed Lillian tenderly. He pulled back and closed his eyes, “Can I- would it be alright if I showed you something before we go back to Sophie. I think I have- I think there’s going to be a lot of making up lost time to do with her and right now-” Beck rested his head on Lillian’s shoulder, tucked just below her chin, “I just want to be here. I’m so,” he clung to Lily, suddenly afraid that she’d push him away. She smelled of vanilla and cigarettes, “I love you so much, that’s all. I love you. From here to the ends of the stupid universe. Wherever you go.” Beck’s mind was still racing even after he allowed himself to untangle himself from Lillian’s arms, eventually standing and pulling the woman up with him. He helped the woman back downstairs and motioned for her to follow him to his bedroom, only after motioning to Derrick that they’d be a few more minutes. Sophie was knocked out on the couch, her head pillowed on her uncle’s leg and her arms wrapped around one of Beck’s shirts that she had somehow grown fond of. His stomach did a flip at the sight. She looks just like Lillian when she sleeps.
When they reach his room, Beck shut the door quietly behind them and lead Lillian to the bed, “Sit, please.” He turns to his closet and opens the doors, immediately dropping to his knees in search of something. “So,” Beck’s voice was muffled, “I wasn’t sure if- or when- I’d ever give this to you. I was thinking that maybe I’d give this to you when I was ready- when you were ready,” he found the little box tucked in a shoe with ease and crawled back out to where he could see Lillian. “I had this for eight months before you left,” Beck sat next to Lillian, his fingers fiddling with the black, velvet box, “A few days before you had left, I went to your brothers and god, I was so nervous,” he thought back to the memory, “You were interviewing for the traveling team and I was so worried you’d want to go without letting me make you mine. Fuck,” Beck mumbled, “I was so damn selfish. Anyways… it took some time and a few beers, but the three of them finally gave me their blessing. I came home and you- you were on the couch in the whole getup- your tutu was still on, your hair pulled in a tight bun. You looked like a character that had just danced through my dream and then you told me that they wanted you. And I-” Beck opened up the little box, “I couldn’t bring myself to ask you. I was hoping they’d wait before offering you the job. So I could at least ask you to marry me first- so we could do the distance thing but I’d know it wouldn’t matter because you’d be mine. But when you danced towards me and you were so excited- I couldn’t take that away from you.” Beck plucked the ring from where it sat, “Of course, I lost you anyways. I fought for the wrong reasons and well, you know the rest, but this is the ring- the ring that I was going to use to propose to you. I feel like it… it means more than just that though, and that it isn’t really what I’d like to use to symbolize any part of our love for our future,” He held out the ring to Lillian, “I want you to have it, though. It’s not- this isn’t my asking you to marry me, I’d like to find a new ring and a new way to do that, but I hope you’ll still wear it on another finger or give it to Sophie when she’s older. It meant- at the time- so much more than what it does today. I just wish I had gotten it to you sooner,” Beck slipped the ring down Lillian’s right ring finger, it fit like a glove. He sniffed and looked away from Lillian to rub his eyes, “I love you and I’m not- and will not- be letting you get away from me again, alright? No more talk about this you leaving me or me getting far away from you shit, you’re my life. My family. I’d like to have a fighting chance to fulfill that title, okay?” He looked back at the blonde once more, one of his hands cupping her neck, “And maybe- you know- get married, have a few more babies- live our lives the way they were meant to be and then these five years will have seemed like such a distant past thing that we can move on and forget it happened. Time heals all, right?”
Beck didn’t wait for an answer and instead, pushed forward so that he could kiss Lillian hard and fast, a smile forcing its way onto his lips as Lillian seemed to melt under him. Beck didn’t hesitate to pull her further onto the bed, only so that he could move on top of her and kiss her like he’d wanted to for the past month. Sure, her brother and their daughter was in the next room, but Lillian was free again and all Beck wanted to really do was kiss Lillian like he should’ve for the past five years. He pushed Lillian’s legs apart to lay between them, one of his hands moving the thin fabric of Lillian’s shirt upwards so he could press a line of kisses to her flat stomach, “I- don’t want to have to tell myself I cant have you any more,” he moved upwards, his lips attaching to Lillian’s neck and his hand running up Lillian’s thigh, “I know we cant,” Beck muttered against her neck, “because these walls are paper thin, but dammit-” he nipped at the smooth skin before finally attaching his lips to Lillian’s, and with everything he had, he’s put all of his emotion into the kiss. Everything he’s felt for the last five years and everything he’ll feel for the next infinity. Beck swiped his tongue across Lillian’s lower lip and as if they never said goodbye to any of this, she molded immediately into his kiss. It was slow and deep and passionate and Beck could tell from where he’s positioned above Lillian that the woman is getting restless and that she wants more. While Beck, too, wanted more (seriously, if he could just strip her down right now he would), he pulled back to give the woman a teasing chuckle and rolled to his side, pulling Lillian on top of him, “I love you, Lillian,” his hands push the woman’s shirt up, Beck’s fingers gently running across the stripes on her stomach. He loves them, Beck immediately decides, “We should go back out there-” Lillian’s lips are bright red, but so are his, and while he’s loving all of this, Beck’s jaw and eye are starting to ache from earlier. “Maybe we can finally get Sophie to sleep in her room tonight?” Beck waggled his eyebrows, “maybe give mom and dad some much needed alone time?” There’s more to do, Beck knows - he needs to send people to get Lillian’s things, they need to get bedding for Sophie’s room, make dinner, the list goes on- but Beck can only think about the weight of Lillian on his lap and how bright his future with her suddenly seems.
Lillian had seen Beck be upset before, but this was a new level. She let him talk, her eyes glancing at him every so often when he hit a nerve. He deserved to be pissed at her, she had hidden something monumental from him. She had no nice way to just say I wanted to make sure you were ready. If she had just come out an exclaimed that Beck was Sophie’s dad, that would have paralyzed him with anxiety. He had every right to be upset at her, but not for reasons that were out of her control. Lillian was a victim as well to Mason’s meddling, but she wasn’t about to make this about her. “You think I wanted anyone that wasn’t you?” Lily rolled her eyes, Beck was truly unbelievable. “I wanted only you, exclusively. I didn’t date for two years.” It was true, Mason had to court her for two years and shove lies upon lies down her throat to ensure she wouldn’t want to go back to Beck. “If you love her for being mine, you should love her even more that she’s ours.” In the few weeks, they had been in each other’s lives, Sophie had grown so attached to Beck. Lillian was beginning to think he was a better parent than she was, especially making sure to build her her own space within their flat. Sophie looked at him like he was a God among men, constantly asking when she was going to see him when they were separated. Beck was the one making excuses now about how he had to integrate fatherhood into his life. “Yes, Beck, because you aren’t already a father to her. That very opinionated little girl upstairs loves you more than me half the time.” He was being insecure about his fathering abilities, something she knew he would put on himself. I didn’t have the opportunity to be. “We don’t get to chose things like parenthood. But I know damn well that you know that out of everyone in the world you are already a better father than most.” Lily was frustrated with him, he wanted to be her father and now he was. And then the fear and insecurity started to make him feel like he wasn’t going to do a good job. “Plus whatever you lack, I pick up.” She took the turn to bring his chin down to her level to look him in the eyes. “That’s why we make the perfect team. Mason? He didn’t do anything for that little girl of ours. You’ve done more in three weeks to make her fall in love with you than he ever did in five years.” Beck was the best thing to happen to both Lily and Sophie.
Lily glanced out the window, watching her barely smoked cigarette on the pavement. Beck wasn’t going to leave her, but he was mad. She had a feeling that their love would probably overcome this over time if they just... Forgave each other. Specifically, if Beck forgave Lily. Which she knew she didn’t deserve now, but she couldn’t help but give him a small smile. He wasn’t going to run away from their lives, which she wouldn’t have really blamed him all that much for. But now he was pulling her close into his lap and she couldn’t help but pull herself as close to him as possible. She offered him a sweet smile as he talked about his dreams for their family. “You didn’t miss anything, I promise,” Lily said, resting her head on his shoulder. “I was so angry and irritated. Derrick would come take care of me and we’d get into throwdown fights. I would actually try to fist fight him.” Lillian let out a small laugh, remembering the times he’d deny her requests or called her fat. “He would come visit and call me Jabba the Hutt because I was making requests but couldn’t move anywhere. They started knowing him so well at the bakery because of me. They’d tell him he was coming to pick up the Lily Special. A chocolate croissant with chili flakes and a side of strawberry jam. And a tall glass of ice tea with raspberries.” She was so vicious when she was pregnant, she was glad she was able to take it out on Derrick and not Beck. “And then I would throw fits that you knocked me up and weren’t there. I would yell so much Derrick just started bringing noise-canceling headphones. We’d be sitting there watching TLC together and I would just lose it when Say Yes to the Dress was on. I was the most bitter pregnant woman there was.” Derrick was the oldest one, so he took responsibility for looking after his sister at their father’s estate in Spain. He’d joke that he’d force Beck into a shotgun wedding, but it seemed to only make his sister’s eyes more and more sad until he stopped bringing him up altogether. It wasn’t his place to get involved, but he wished his sister would allow him to hunt Beck down for her. “You wouldn’t be able to handle me, loverboy.” She teased, wanting to stay close to him and just... Be.
Things had started feeling... Right between them. Beck loved her, she loved him. Beck was always far more romantic than she was, leaving her speechless to his declaration. “I love you too.” She managed to get out softly, blush spreading across her cheeks. “I could never do that to her- to you either.” Mason wasn’t involved with Sophie like Beck chose to be. “She’s never lived a lie or wondered where you were. I told her that one day you would come back. Even if you couldn’t be in my life romantically, I hoped one day we would cross paths so you could meet your daughter.” And how happy she was that it was romantically. What were the odds of them finding each other prior to her and Mason’s wedding? While there wasn’t a set date or plans, she had long given up finding Beck before she settled. His kiss sent chills throughout her body, making her wonder how any other man could have ever made her happy outside of Beck. He had the magic touch that seemed to wipe all sense of confusion from her conscious. She followed him upstairs, sending Derrick a small smile as the two passed him and Sophie. He didn’t have a chance to say anything, understanding Beck’s motion towards him. Once they got in the bedroom, Lily watched him carefully as he dug through his old closet. She had never quite gone inside to look through his things, it had always been closed and ignored. “Beck.” She breathed, looking at him with wide eyes. It had only been mere minutes since she had become officially unengaged, now he was going to put another one on? As he began to unfold about the mystery behind the small box, Lily brought her hand up to her mouth to hide her shock. He had gone so far to get approval and plan everything out... And then she left. Their story was all about missed opportunities and ridiculous mistakes. It was a constant slippery slope of trying to keep together at times, but Lily loved that about them. “I don’t know what to say Beck.” Her voice cracked, glancing down at the ring presented to her. “I’m not going anywhere, Beck.” She threw her arms around him and felt her tears finally escape. “Fuck, I love you so much.” Lily sniffed, feeling everything come together finally. “I want everything and more with you. I don’t want to live another day without looking into your eyes.”
Suddenly she was below him, and her hips instinctively met his in passion. “You have all of me,” Lily whined, her hands grasping behind his neck. His touches left her breathless as he kissed up her stomach. Her eyes became reacquainted with the ceiling of their room before she closed them to focus on Beck’s touch and voice. “We can’t-” Lily gasped, finally brought back to the world around them and the fact that their daughter was outside with her brother. Her face was flushed red and they both look like they at least reached third base at this point. Beck had run his hands over the stretch marks that riddled her sides, making her frown at him and snatch her shirt down. That was a behavior she’d have to talk to him about. “Yes, we have a lot to do, my love.” She sighed, physically frustrated at his lack of fucking her. Honestly, for the last three weeks, she had to do his job in getting herself off to the thought of him. It was about time he took responsibility for what he did to her. Finally, Lily got up and opened the door to see Derrick with his ears covered with Sophie passed out. “Really, Derrick.” Lily rolled her eyes, not surprised by her brother’s actions. “I didn’t know if you two were reuniting in the physical sense. You guys sure look like you had some make up... baby making.” He was careful with his words, his eyes darting towards Sophie to make sure she was still asleep. “I was going to go get Lily’s things from the flat.” He offered, sitting up carefully to not wake his niece. Lily walked towards her purse and tossed her keys towards him. “Just make sure Sophie can’t hear any of that dirt stuff. All of us back home hated hearing you get more action than the three of us combined.” He mused, giving Beck a wink. “I’ll return soon.” With that, the newly formed family was alone for the first time. “If he’s tackling that... What should we do?” She whispered, eyeing her daughter who was out like a log. “I mean, some activities are just... too loud apparently.” Lily laughed quietly, lacing her hands with Becks. “Maybe go to the store? So we can have our first family dinner tonight. We can make your choice.” She was going to try harder for him to feel like he had the family he had always hoped for. There was no use in continued crying and fighting at this point.
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