waiting patiently for the announcement where they’ll say they’re taking a two month hiatus but after that they’re bringing the game back and valko will be there so people can knot him 😀😀😀
i realized i never shared my own headcanons for our beloved xav xav, so here i am. this is just pure yapping. beware!
✦ this might come across as creepy, but xavier has several secret accounts on social media. no, he is not some dumbo who can’t figure out the latest technology. it might have been frustrating at first, trying to locate where certain features are, but the learning curve for these applications always proved to be small. the accounts are simply a way to keep tabs on backtrackers that somehow got pulled into the online web. his old members don’t have to know that the user with the most inconspicuous handle is their captain. he watches every single story, highlights, videos — whatever they post. in a way, this peculiar routine has almost become a sort of absolution for xavier...
for the minority that don’t have social media accounts, xavier himself tries to visit them in person. these visits, though, tend to teeter on the line of being stalking. after all, he can’t afford to ever tell any of them. at the end of the day, xavier is content if they are safe and sound. this is all in good faith, and that is all that matters to him. although he’s lost touch with some (friends who he never expected to turn on him) to the point of no return in his eyes, he still thinks about them on certain days and nights.
✦ xavier decided to start a journal sometime after he started settling on earth. the world had been recovering from the great wars, and with a newfound peace, however fragile it might seem. perhaps, that is why he, too, decided to find his own peace, whether it be one word, one sentence at a time.
the journal might not be for the reason most would think. it is but a mere binder and looks quite simple on the outside: a beige cover with a small sticker on the front that says “to you.” very bulky, there are probably thousands of pages stuck together in the binder. but inside them is a whole different world, most precious to him among others he also cherished.
all this time — being away from philos and what not — xavier had begun to hold onto things and feelings that he just couldn’t share or comprehend. you weren’t there with him, and he just didn’t know what to do in the slightest. his archive in the spaceship is still there — that used to be his go-to when he was still space-bound.
however, writing was different for xavier.
it felt more intimate. he felt more connected — to you, to himself. it was also better than just propping up a mic and speaking into it while holding a picture of you from his academy days — the infamous lightseeker’s uniform that still haunts him to this day, now drained of its color and life due to his time being in space.
(this isn’t to say he forgot about the picture. he has it secure in his wallet, and it keeps him company whenever he writes another entry.)
the first entry is dated sometime in the early ’90s. the paper has turned a rich yellow now, but his elegant handwriting remains as it was at first, thanks to the lamination xavier finally decided to do as technology advanced with time. over the years, his writing has become more casual, more comfortable. and now he doesn’t like emulating the cursive style the teachers of the royal court taught. on some pages, one can find smudges that didn’t quite belong there, while on others, some sentences never reach their end.
everything xavier has written in the journal is everything he wished and wanted to say to you. he is still learning, and he wishes he can do so forever. if a day ever comes when xavier feels ready to gift the binder to you, he would. if you somehow come to learn about it on your own, he would gift it anyway.
✦ xavier has been collecting little trinkets from different eras. some are to be considered mere souvenirs, while others bear a similar sentiment to his journal. they are of all kinds: vintage and antique jewelry, pilgrimage badges, miniature portraits, and more. xavier has some of them gift-wrapped already, with a similar but smaller “for you” stickers pasted on top. he’s patiently waiting for the day when he would gift you these one by one. for now, they can sit just as patiently in a secure corner of his cupboard.
(his favorite will forever remain a portrait of your eyes — just your eyes. he only had one reference to show to the street artist, and of course it’s that damned picture. however, the artist somehow managed to bring out everything he loved about your eyes. xavier tried to visit them again, though considering his ever-increasing workload, he hasn’t gotten the chance to do so since his last trip to paris... this portrait is just for him, and only for him. so unfortunately, you won’t be receiving this as a gift.)
✦ there used to be a stray dog that often roamed in his old apartment complex. its coat was black, like the darkest of nights. many passersby appeared quite scared of it, and rightfully so. the dog would simply retreat upon people’s yells and shoos. but one day, some naughty teens decided to take it a notch too far. he was returning from a late-night patrol (still on his evol police job) that he saw the complex’s security guard crouching near the entrance gates.
“those delinquents got it good.”
a tsk as the security guard motioned toward the poor dog. it lay on the concrete, with blood trickling down its head and chest heaving. something tugged on his limbs, and he finally decided to step in.
xavier simply sighed and picked up the trembling dog in his arms, before saying: “i got it.”
xavier brought it to his apartment. he knew the vets and clinics wouldn’t be opening until the morning, so he did what he could. he tried to clean whatever he could without worsening the injuries. he also tried to feed it something, but the poor dog only trembled and shrieked. as more and more hours went by, xavier began to lose hope. he dialed up many numbers, and yet no call went through. when sunrise finally hit linkon city, he had no choice but to let the dog go. its body soon went still as xavier held its head in his lap.
xavier doesn’t know if he somehow committed a sin by getting involved in this. what he does know is he wasn’t going to let the dog die on the side of a road. xavier hopes to this day that the dog at least died knowing that someone cared for him, even if it was for but a fraction of time.
✦ xavier often gets nightmares of his mother, specifically the moment she turned into a wanderer and her inevitable death that was delivered by his own blade. as with most things, time was a big help in healing from this trauma. however, on some nights, when the air is a bit too cold and the moon doesn’t shine the way it should, he can’t help but be reminded of that monstrous forest again and again. there’s no cure for this, xavier knows. nothing can bring back his mother; xavier also knows that. his memories of his time with his mother are rare. these remembrances are the only thing that guide him back to sleep. and for a moment, as his eyes close for the final time that night, he swears he can almost feel her gentle hand on his back.
Oh my goodness Xavier’s card has me in absolute shambles & I need to get all my thoughts out 🥹 I’ll try to make it coherent but it will probably be stream of consciousness with tangents. I only have good things to say though 🥹 spoiler warning obviously!
Love the role reversal of MC being the one who remembers & Xavier not knowing her.
The pining and longing was just 🤌🤌🤌🤌 MC missing him in the beginning, the tension where they’re in close proximity and you can tell MC wants to be more affectionate but she has to restrain herself. The part when he is untangling her hair 😩 inject that shit into my veins
(side note, I watched this card in EN & simplified CN and the acting was SO GOOD in both languages for that scene 😮💨 it was great overall too but that was one of the standout moments for me)
& speaking of that, I love how xavier is so gentle with her when it comes to interactions like that and it feels like he has this reverence for her. There was a similar moment in sunken glow. She really is his queen 😭
The reference to the laws of attraction 🥹 😭
It was interesting to me that the “condition” for getting back to Linkon was MC getting Xavier to run away with her and it made me think a lot about how to Xavier, MC represents freedom. In anecdote 3 it’s MC who pulls him out of his oppressive bubble & who sets him in this path of freeing himself from the constraints of royalty and freeing Philos from being what it is. & then again in KoD she frees him from being trapped in Sindersfell. He has that line in his birthday card where MC expresses concern that she’s holding him back and he says, “what makes you think he has to choose between being with you and being free?”
Also now that I’m writing this honesty is another big theme for them, esp in being honest with themselves about how they feel for each other, & i don’t think they would have been able to make it back to linkon if they were holding back at all.
MC being the one to say “I will find you” 😭😭😭😭😭
Mocap actors & animators………thank you 😭 I rewatched the 1990s Romeo + Juliet in preparation for this card & Leo & Clare totally did the head nuzzle thing while they were kissing in the pool. I wonder if it was intentional (probably not but maybe???)
This is the second time MC has pushed xavier up against the wall (that I can recall) & I think she should do this in every card.
The tears of romirro face………he made the tears of romirro face (when he was asking her for more time) 😭😭😭😭😭
“Two star-crossed souls that were torn apart now have the courage to rewrite their ending in eternity’s divine gaze” THIS LIIINNNNNEEEEEE this line fucked me up. I don’t think I need to explain.
This card also made me realize courage is a big theme for xavier’s MC in particular. The line at the end, “Courage that’s as strong as a fortress isn’t something you’re born with. It’s built and refined slowly through loving someone and being loved.” First of all, i had to put my phone down and feel my feels when i read this bc oh my god that is such a beautiful sentiment. But also listen. People love to hate Lightseeker MC but you have to look at her in context. In Shooting Stars she was not her best self—she was willful, she did what’s expected of her without questioning it too much, she sucked at communication, & I think she harbored a lot of fear and self-doubt. (Tbf xavier was not the best version of himself either). But look at her now!! Look at her in this card!! She is so fearless. She may not remember everything that has transpired in her lives but she is a much more mature & wise version of herself because she has loved and been loved. Idk I have such a soft spot for lightseeker MC bc I had similar tendencies in my early 20s and I just feel for her.
I think that’s all I can coherently put into words but yeah this card was great, it is for sure one of my fave cards of his. it really feels like xavMC coming full circle.
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