welcome to my niche little nook on this hellsite (affectionate) the xavi worms are wiggling in happiness as they recieve you!!!
athe ā twenty one ā they/them
audhd writer ā¢ grad student ā¢ perpetual daydreamer ā¢ probably stuck at the border of consciousness ā¢ xavier lover and enthusiast (forever my one and only)
previously @xathiewrites and @hyllathea
ā¦ writing masterlist
ā¦ latest works: frisson ā¢ it was hollow anyway ā¢ in the eventide ā¢ legendary animals ā¢ 2:19 a.m.
please read the blog guidelines below :)
ā i write whatever i want, so please read the contents carefully before reading anything!!!
ā also, i donāt care who interacts with my writings. i have put enough warnings on every single work. so once again, if you come across something you do not like, or anything that makes you uncomfortable, please be a mature person and scroll away!!! instead of complaining and ranting to the authors. let people write whatever they want!!!
ā and obviously, do not spread hate on anything! i will haunt you (Š¤ĻŠ¤)
ā not accepting requests!
ā i try to answer asks in the order i receive them. rest assured, if you have ever sent one, i will surely get to it!!! i am also starting my masterās and itās inevitable for me to slow down sometimes. in the end, i just donāt want to rush myself. i hope you will understand that (ļ¼¾ļ¼¾)äŗŗ(ļ¼¾ļ¼¾)
ā also, you are always welcome to yap in my inbox! i love to yap and to hear others yap!
ā i also vanish on some days due to my studies. please forgive me if i respond way too late... š
ā if you are not okay with me spamming on MY BLOG, feel free to unfollow.
please do not upload elsewhere, translate, copy, feed into ai, or else i will haunt you forever.
if you are reading this, as of july 9th, i will be going inactive on this blog. a lot of things have happened these past few days, weeks. i have started my masters and internship, and i realized the workload is too much and i just canāt seem to bring myself to writing anymore. my main muse was always lads, and the recent drama has not only tainted my creative headspace but also affected my ability to even play the game anymore. i still love xavier and the other lads a lot ā that wonāt change at all! but now i simply canāt bring myself to engage with the media outside my mind.
so i will be saying goodbye here. i have met a lot of genuine people these past few months, whom i will miss a lot!! and iām so, so grateful to those who paused and stayed to indulge in my nonsensical musings and writings! you are so appreciated, always! thank you once again!
I think what upsets me the most is the time and effort I've put into this game
Only to have it thrown back at me and that trust just demolished. They've shown that they truly do NOT care for global players. If this situation isn't handled soon and well I'm worried that the two and a half years I've been with this game will be for nothing and I'll be forced to delete because of the utter lack of respect from Infold, not even today but for a while towards players all over the world.
My fear is that this is the last time I'll see him.
hi anon (* āļ½°ā )ļ¾ it's hell, it's actual hell and bullshit.
personally, i wasn't really interested in valko but he slowly grew on me as more and more trailers released. i was mainly neutral, waiting for july 9th to see how he actually is in-game. i never expected opening twitter and seeing this unfold before my eyes. initially i thought it was a joke or some like.... fake account?? i was dead wrong. i get people being critical of love interestsāhell, i don't like one either. but that doesn't mean i'll go out of my way to trash him publicly or demand he'd be deleted from the game. people have different tastes and we can co-exist. apparently i guess not lol
i feel so bad for the people behind valko, too. for people who have worked hard on him, the voice actors, official cosplayers, writers, designers, etc. all of that was wasted because people don't understand to simply not consume the media they don't personally enjoy. infold built up all this hype, all these advertisements for nothing. and yet, infold still undermines other issues that have been talked about countless of times. the pulls they offered are a nothingburger too... it's pointless. they could've simply released him later on, when they're done with the current missing content.
at the end of the day i'm just a xavier main so i'm relatively chill and in my own small corner. but i still feel bad for valko's fans, for my friends who were super excited for his release, for the people who came back to the game SPECIFICALLY for valko, for fellow blogs which have put out fics and created hype for him. honestly i don't really know what to do. i'm disappointed in infold. prob won't even get xavier's promise card either to be completely honest. i can't feed my money to this greed anymore, and i don't know if i still have the motivation to write for this game anymore. we'll see what happens. thank you for the ask && super sorry for ranting ;;
the thing i am not understanding is why cancel him altogether? they could have easily pushed his release a few months back. but no! they are taking the easy way. in fact, you are just so lazy that youād rather do this instead of making all the adjustments the player base has been demanding for 800 years...
i know heās just a fictional character, but in the end, he was also an idea. so many people must have worked on him... and so many of us were looking forward to his release. shame what has transpired. i am so sad. valko you deserved better :(
prefarmed everything (except the arle boss mats because this game hates me) 100% all regions in nod krai and managed to snag almost 65 pulls. i know we will be getting 5 more once july 1st hits, so 70 in total. also bought 5 welkins because i NEED that skin (and hopefully this will help in my snezhnaya pulling plans too...)
anddd put together a pulling team for her, as i do with every other character. i donāt know who else will fit in... ā¢į·ą”ā¢į·
also, i have tons of wishing spots in mind. my usual is the sacred sakura. it has always given me good luck (and is the reason why i managed to win three 50-50s in a row before nicole spat on my face (i am still upset with you, nicole)) i was also thinking the sacrificial altar underground or in general the tribal region of masters of night wind would do just fine. desperately need some luck right now because if i donāt then i am going to lose out on so many characters in snezhnaya...
anyway, citlali you are not escaping me ą«®āź¦ -į· ā¤ -į· āį
hello lads friends!! (I say very shyly)š i wanted to draw my mc and the boys as a little introduction:) i hope to be drawing more lads/fantasy art here soonāļø
i am hundred percent sure that some of you people are reading / playing the story in bad faith. you are literally taking a *cough-cough* time-travel, reincarnation, memory loss, and romance, a genre built on the tragedy of loving someone across lifetimes, and applying real world, modern day, completely out-of-context moral frameworks to it. it's not the same thing?!??! hello??
XAVIER IS NOT A GROOMER.
if you really, really want to be really technical about it
xavier met and loved mc as an adult on philos
he lost them
he found them again on earth
he recognized them and remembered everything
they didnāt
he never acted on it inappropriately
he waited. he always waited for them
thatās not grooming. thatās the most patient agonizing form of love there is. he had like everyyyy opportunity to manipulate mc, to push them, to tell them EVERYTHING and overwhelm them!!! guess what? he didnāt. he let them come to him in their own time!!! he let them fall in love with him naturally, without the weight of what they used to be!!! and some or you still call him a groomer for... what? looking at them with tenderness? saying ādonāt you remember?ā with pain in his voice? no actually i am so done. this is just sooo uncharitable and frankly you missed the ENTIRE emotional point of his character
i realized i never shared my own headcanons for our beloved xav xav, so here i am. this is just pure yapping. beware!
ā¦ this might come across as creepy, but xavier has several secret accounts on social media. no, he is not some dumbo who canāt figure out the latest technology. it might have been frustrating at first, trying to locate where certain features are, but the learning curve for these applications always proved to be small. the accounts are simply a way to keep tabs on backtrackers that somehow got pulled into the online web. his old members donāt have to know that the user with the most inconspicuous handle is their captain. he watches every single story, highlights, videos ā whatever they post. in a way, this peculiar routine has almost become a sort of absolution for xavier...
for the minority that donāt have social media accounts, xavier himself tries to visit them in person. these visits, though, tend to teeter on the line of being stalking. after all, he canāt afford to ever tell any of them. at the end of the day, xavier is content if they are safe and sound. this is all in good faith, and that is all that matters to him. although heās lost touch with some (friends who he never expected to turn on him) to the point of no return in his eyes, he still thinks about them on certain days and nights.
ā¦ xavier decided to start a journal sometime after he started settling on earth. the world had been recovering from the great wars, and with a newfound peace, however fragile it might seem. perhaps, that is why he, too, decided to find his own peace, whether it be one word, one sentence at a time.
the journal might not be for the reason most would think. it is but a mere binder and looks quite simple on the outside: a beige cover with a small sticker on the front that says āto you.ā very bulky, there are probably thousands of pages stuck together in the binder. but inside them is a whole different world, most precious to him among others he also cherished.
all this time ā being away from philos and what not ā xavier had begun to hold onto things and feelings that he just couldnāt share or comprehend. you werenāt there with him, and he just didnāt know what to do in the slightest. his archive in the spaceship is still there ā that used to be his go-to when he was still space-bound.
however, writing was different for xavier.
it felt more intimate. he felt more connected ā to you, to himself. it was also better than just propping up a mic and speaking into it while holding a picture of you from his academy days ā the infamous lightseekerās uniform that still haunts him to this day, now drained of its color and life due to his time being in space.
(this isnāt to say he forgot about the picture. he has it secure in his wallet, and it keeps him company whenever he writes another entry.)
the first entry is dated sometime in the early ā90s. the paper has turned a rich yellow now, but his elegant handwriting remains as it was at first, thanks to the lamination xavier finally decided to do as technology advanced with time. over the years, his writing has become more casual, more comfortable. and now he doesnāt like emulating the cursive style the teachers of the royal court taught. on some pages, one can find smudges that didnāt quite belong there, while on others, some sentences never reach their end.
everything xavier has written in the journal is everything he wished and wanted to say to you. he is still learning, and he wishes he can do so forever. if a day ever comes when xavier feels ready to gift the binder to you, he would. if you somehow come to learn about it on your own, he would gift it anyway.
ā¦ xavier has been collecting little trinkets from different eras. some are to be considered mere souvenirs, while others bear a similar sentiment to his journal. they are of all kinds: vintage and antique jewelry, pilgrimage badges, miniature portraits, and more. xavier has some of them gift-wrapped already, with a similar but smaller āfor youā stickers pasted on top. heās patiently waiting for the day when he would gift you these one by one. for now, they can sit just as patiently in a secure corner of his cupboard.
(his favorite will forever remain a portrait of your eyes ā just your eyes. he only had one reference to show to the street artist, and of course itās that damned picture. however, the artist somehow managed to bring out everything he loved about your eyes. xavier tried to visit them again, though considering his ever-increasing workload, he hasnāt gotten the chance to do so since his last trip to paris... this portrait is just for him, and only for him. so unfortunately, you wonāt be receiving this as a gift.)
ā¦ there used to be a stray dog that often roamed in his old apartment complex. its coat was black, like the darkest of nights. many passersby appeared quite scared of it, and rightfully so. the dog would simply retreat upon peopleās yells and shoos. but one day, some naughty teens decided to take it a notch too far. he was returning from a late-night patrol (still on his evol police job) that he saw the complexās security guard crouching near the entrance gates.
āthose delinquents got it good.ā
a tsk as the security guard motioned toward the poor dog. it lay on the concrete, with blood trickling down its head and chest heaving. something tugged on his limbs, and he finally decided to step in.
xavier simply sighed and picked up the trembling dog in his arms, before saying: āi got it.ā
xavier brought it to his apartment. he knew the vets and clinics wouldnāt be opening until the morning, so he did what he could. he tried to clean whatever he could without worsening the injuries. he also tried to feed it something, but the poor dog only trembled and shrieked. as more and more hours went by, xavier began to lose hope. he dialed up many numbers, and yet no call went through. when sunrise finally hit linkon city, he had no choice but to let the dog go. its body soon went still as xavier held its head in his lap.
xavier doesnāt know if he somehow committed a sin by getting involved in this. what he does know is he wasnāt going to let the dog die on the side of a road. xavier hopes to this day that the dog at least died knowing that someone cared for him, even if it was for but a fraction of time.
ā¦ xavier often gets nightmares of his mother, specifically the moment she turned into a wanderer and her inevitable death that was delivered by his own blade. as with most things, time was a big help in healing from this trauma. however, on some nights, when the air is a bit too cold and the moon doesnāt shine the way it should, he canāt help but be reminded of that monstrous forest again and again. thereās no cure for this, xavier knows. nothing can bring back his mother; xavier also knows that. his memories of his time with his mother are rare. these remembrances are the only thing that guide him back to sleep. and for a moment, as his eyes close for the final time that night, he swears he can almost feel her gentle hand on his back.
