KIROKAZE
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Xuebing Du
Cosmic Funnies
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Today's Document
@theartofmadeline
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wallacepolsom
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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ellievsbear
tannertan36
titsay
Origami Around
Peter Solarz
Game of Thrones Daily
d e v o n
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@limerain
The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.
You disassemble John? You disassemble John for eating peanuts and also doing countless atrocities? Oh! Oh! Disintegration for Mercymorn! Disintegration for ten thousand years!
i think "turning into a pumpkin" is my new favorite way to articulate the state of things when I am at a function and very overstimulated and it feels like my brain is melting. it's like no i can't be a person anymore i have to leave i'm turning into the pumpkin. the time is up yeah i gotta go. yeah see u later. pumpkin time.
You know, Olympic napping isn’t all about being comfy cozy, there’s real competitive spirit there, these athletes are fully committed, think of the Stuffie Scandal two years ago, the fallout from that, people lost money, people lost face, they’re really trying to repair the reputation of the sport right now, so in a minute we’ll be asking our guest here, Fred, about his training regimen, how he prepares for a really clean game… You know a lot of Olympic nappers, they train with the lights on. They train with their window open. Dogs, cats, they have them in the bed. They’ll get a toddler, maybe a baby. So we’ll ask Fred about that soon, but first of all, Fred, we’re all wondering, we all want to know, when you’re out there on the field, representing your country, Fred—what do you dream about?
I had to draw a neuron for an assignment and my friend saw it and said "happy little tree" so happy little tree be upon ye.
Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.
The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there
Regular bears tell stories of angel bears sent by the Bear God, pure white and twice as strong as any normal bear could be, who rule the summit of the Earth and kill all who stand in their path.
And they are right, those bears exist and totally do that. Humans just have fake angels as a cope.
seraphim
OH. MY. GOD. i have just seen what i did
I MEANT NEPHILIM! NEPHILIM!
half angel half human, "born of god [sometimes interpreted as "angels"] and the daughters of men" -- nephilim
i did not mean seraphim the fuck-off unknowable towering wheels of wings and fire or whatever
Recently managed to activate the most amazing infodump trap card.
I was driving through Vermont with a friend, and we pulled over at a tiny shop offering Maple Items. We were on the state highway, not the interstate, so "pulling over" meant "squeezing my tiny car into a parking bay the size of a broad highway shoulder."
As we got out of the car, an older woman emerged from behind the building where she had been pruning her roses. She introduced herself as Tammy.
Her shop offered the promised variety of Maple, but also a number of small antiques and a plethora of dog figurines, plaques, and clearly-hand-stitched garden flags.
A huge purple ribbon hung on the wall behind the register, along with many pictures of small dogs. This was no county fair ribbon. It was the size of my torso. The material had the soft sheen of actual silk.
As I placed my purchases on the counter, I asked, "Do you... Breed dogs?"
Yes. She does. She has bred Yorkies for the last 40 years. Her mother bred Yorkies before her. The purple ribbon was from her national championship winning Yorkie.
You may be expecting that the infodump was going to be about Yorkies.
It was not.
It was about 40 years of drama in the Yorkie breeding community. Where – you must understand – the judging at shows is often about who you're in with, not about the dogs. This is especially true when Tammy's opponents win anything.
And Tammy's mother! Well. Phyllis has been on the Yorkie scene since Yorkies were invented. Because of this, many women of equally venerable age hold deep grudges against Phyllis. The sort of grudges that result in episodes of Midsommar Murders.
This led to deep injustices against Phyllis on the part of judges and prevented her dogs from winning so often she retired from the scene. Judging is all about who you're friends with, after all.
After 20 years in hiding, Phyllis – the One True Queen of Yorkie Breeding – hatched a plot. She may have been out of the show circuit, but she was still breeding dogs. She entered an absolutely perfect bitch in the national competition, but sent her with a handler rather than go in person.
None of the usurpers knew who this dog belonged to, and in dog-breeding circles this Does Not Happen. This could have resulted in further injustices, but Phyllis was crafty. She knew this tournament was being judged by a man from the UK, who knew naught of the drama in the US Yorkie Empire.
With these advantages – and being the best dog there – Phyllis's bitch won the highest honor at the show.
Incensed by this insult to their ill-gotten supremacy, the other owners descended on the handler after the show, demanding to know for whom he was working.
"Phyllis," said he.
The name of the overthrown queen evoked horror in the usurpers.
"PHYLLIS!? She's still ALIVE!???"
Yes, Phyllis yet lived, and this bitch – the dog, not the woman – went on to mother Tammy's current dogs. One of whom, Lucy-Fur, is the reincarnation of Tammy's sister (also Lucy). This is certain for two reasons.
Firstly, Sister Lucy absolutely went straight to Hell upon her death, and Lucy-Fur the dog is positively as evil as Sister Lucy was.
Secondly, Sister Lucy always said when she died she wanted to come back as one of Phyllis's dogs because "mom treated the dogs better than us."
have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.
they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.
their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.
longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years
toxic flesh
has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.
lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion
largest genome of any shark
eats everything including moose and polar bears
ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you
Imagine being the gays at a pride event in 2004 living their lives when someone grabs the microphone and announces to the room that Ronald Reagan was pronounced dead. Can you even imagine the hype, the celebration, the pure elation
This is the Pride Month that It will happen. I feel it in my gay bones
As someone who struggles with disordered eating thoughts a lot I will forever appreciate Dungeon Meshi for giving me the scene where Laios kicks Toshiro's ass before saying outloud that the reason he won is because he's been eating(and resting) and Toshiro hasn't.
In a world that is so fatphobic it absolutely demonizes needing to eat to the point we have whole entire adult humans who think being hungry is a sign you're addicted to food it means everything to me to have a show say "cooking and eating is not only fun, rewarding, and a way to bond and share/preserve our cultures, it is a necessary part of life that makes your body stronger, you cannot save yourself or others if you're starving, you gain nothing from denying yourself food" like...Dunmeshi is such a breath of fresh air. No fat jokes, no "oh tee hee I gotta watch my weight" comments, no fucking moralizing any type of food as bad or unhealthy, fatty meats and fried foods and carbs being shown as just as nutritious and valuable and necessary as vegetables and salads, the show even having a part talking about how eating isn't just about being full and you can still enjoy food even if you aren't doing it for nutrition or to sate hunger, and Laios literally proving that there is nothing noble in starvation and denial of our base needs....goddamn. I love this story so fucking much.
Also I really do appreciate the "eating AND resting" part because in stories and irl we always see like, driving yourself to the brink of exhaustion running on barely any sleep as almost...noble? Or aspirational, I guess? It's SO normalized to give everything all the time and never rest until your goals are achived, to run yourself ragged helping others, to put your needs dead last...but Dungeon Meshi just says "you need to put your oxygen mask on before you can help anyone else with theirs" and spends the majority of the narrative proving it true. Toshiro could not have saved Falin for a lot of reasons but the primary one was that he's the type to kill himself trying to save someone else. He isn't eating or sleeping, he's weak and exhausted and not thinking straight, he can't stand a chance against Laois in a fight, he's ignoring the people begging him to just take a break for a second, that is not sustainable and it makes him more of a liability than an asset.
And like I'm not Japanese but I do know about how bad Japanese Work Culture is and I don't think Toshiro was picked to be the one made an example of in this way by chance, Ryoko Kui's work does seem to be coming from a perspective that is very informed by her background and she's clearly not afraid of putting social commentary and critique into her stories. But even aside from that I know as an American we also get that "kill yourself for your job I'll sleep when I'm dead hustle culture" shit poured into our brains from day one, so legit having a story be like "hey bro actually you refusing to take care of yourself in the pursuit of this goal is kneecapping your ability to actually reach it and you need to take a nap and eat some bread" is also pretty fantastic.
Plus, in a lot of activist circles these days I see a lot of people convinced that you must always be on all the time regardless of how badly it's hurting you, which is so toxic because again, if you are traumatizing and exhausting yourself you CAN'T HELP PEOPLE. Exposing yourself to hell 24/7 so you're a good ally is making you a worse one. You cannot help people with their oxygen masks until you put on your own, you need to rest and take care of yourself so you can help others.
Also like, as a disabled person it's also nice to see rest being treated as necessary. Disabled people get so much flack for being "lazy" and it's very easy to internalize the idea that you must be productive to be worthy of life, but Dungeon Meshi is very pro "you can't do anything if you aren't giving yourself breaks and rest when you need it" and it's really validating!
All around the focus put in rest and nourishment being necessary not just for life but for being a force of positive action in the world is something I think a lot of us could use to hear from media. I love a good "you're beaten and bloody and exhausted but you're gonna keep fighting even if it kills you" dramatic moment as much as the next person but there is still so much to explore in a story that tells you to calm the fuck down and eat something so you can actually do the work that needs doing. It's compassionate and reassuring but also a bit of a wake up call.
Dungeon Meshi wants you to help others by helping yourself, and that's honestly fantastic.
life is nothing without eroticism and whimsy
“Star Trek: The Next Gingeration”
In my mind Shane’s allergies are latex, peanuts, tree nuts, and mangoes. The mango allergy is pretty mild and he LOVES mangoes so he eats them anyway but Ilya hates that so when he’s away from Ilya for sponsorship-related trips he’ll go eat a bunch of mangoes alone in his hotel room and later when he FaceTimes Ilya he’s got a suspicious mouth rash. Ilya’s like what are you doing. That better not be a mango reaction, Shane. Tell me it’s anything else. Tell me the makeup artist didn’t wash the brushes right and now you have herpes but do NOT tell me you’ve been eating fucking mangoes behind my back AGAIN—
the idea of shane who denies himself SO MUCH and optimizes SO MUCH OF HIS LIFE and is SO focused and SO dedicated
but who cannot resist the siren call of Forbidden Mangoes
it ends up being his end of season treat
he did a whole season, he did a great job, he stayed focused and On It the whole year. other people celebrate with champagne. shane celebrates with an allergen.
shane who has one last photoshoot to knock out before he's free and is just oh no :) it conflicts with my husband's schedule :) guess that means ilya can't go with me :) so sad :)
why are you so happy
i'm not :)
then he does the photoshoot and has knocked out the last thing he has to do in front of a camera for a while.
now it is Mango Time.
he facetimes ilya with the lights down WAY low later and ilya just ?? shane??? i can barely see you, malysh. turn a light on.
uuuhh, no thanks. it's sexier like this.
what? i want to se-
...
shane is it the fucking mangoes
...no
SHANE
YOU GET TO SMOKE SOMETIMES. I GET TO EAT MANGOES.
ARE YOU FORGETTING PART WHERE ALLERGIES CAN GET WORSE WITH EXPOSURE?
THEN I SHOULD ENJOY THEM WHILE I CAN
WRONG
Ilya learning FOR SURE that shane let him win during every foreplay wrestling match the day he has to try (*TRY*) to get this contraband mango away from him
on the topic of #shallergies I am now enamored with the idea of Shane deciding that he wants to do tolerance training so now every weekend Ilya drives him to the allergist’s office and watches him eat exactly one-fifth of a peanut under medical supervision. it is a very stressful experience for him. he’s pacing and biting his nails while Shane ingests his crumb and plays on his phone for an hour waiting for something to happen. It takes a month to work up to eating one single whole peanut and Ilya’s halfway to premature grey hair by the end of it. he begins to resent the jar of Training Peanuts with the passion of a thousand suns
first of all "Training Peanuts" made me fucking CACKLE
second of all, SO funny to imagine shane deciding to use the summer to start doing this so it won't have an impact on his performance if it goes badly (*ilya voice* and what about impact on your husband? no concern for this?), which means ilya's stress levels are flipping WILDLY over the course of the summer.
yay cottage with husband FUCK these fucking peanuts yay cottage with husband FUCK these fucking peanuts yay cottage with hu-
the kicker being that it turns out shane doesn't even like peanuts
texture of peanut butter is Bad and the taste is meh
he tries a reese's at ilya's suggestion and is just "that's it??? the allergy ones you make me are way better"
Can I be honest with yall I don't want to hear SHIT against cishets at pride this year
"But it's not FOR them!!!" The biggest military power in the world belongs to a christofascist nation overseen by a felon found guilty of 34 federal crimes and has greenlit a gestapo with more direct funding than the entire military of Canada for the purpose of ethnic cleansing. Let Hetero Jessica throw some biodegradable glitter at a municipal parade
At this point if anyone is trying to exclude anyone benignly pro-queer from a pro-queer space I'm just going to assume you're a fed or something idk like something something destabilize the movement from within or whatever
Yearning for what you can never have is beginner level. Real yearners know the good shit is what you could freely have if you allowed yourself to, but never will.
