Broken Linc

[lincolntrudeau]

Couldn't we just be training passengers? Places to be, TTC. Places to be.

[lincolntrudeau]

My bus got to the stop 3 minutes early. Luckily, I left 5 minutes early. Better luck next time, God!

[lincolntrudeau]

Now I can pick up ANYTHING? Marvellous! Alaska, prepare to be relocated to the Caspian Sea; you're welcome.

[lincolntrudeau]

"What was his name again...Lincoln...Clinton...one o' them presidential fellas anywho."

[lincolntrudeau]

Old Navy sends me an email “Love Dresses? Well, They're ALL ON SALE!” My life continues to confuse me.

[lincolntrudeau]

Dear greeting card people: kindly change the name of your "funny cards" section. You have lied to me for the last time.

[lincolntrudeau]

Miranda Lambert's latest album is called "Platinum". Seems a bit presumptuous.

[lincolntrudeau]

Dear protestors for any cause: unless your signs have slogans with hashtags in front of them, you're too old school and need to go home for a nap. Sincerely, Every Protest Sign I've Seen This Year

[lincolntrudeau]

Do not touch or red-hatted nag birds will be deployed.

[lincolntrudeau]

What the hell is "gluten friendly"? Sounds like there would be MORE gluten welcome in this dessert.

[lincolntrudeau]

A typo? Or maybe the writer is lactose intolerant and that's what they call it.

[lincolntrudeau]

I think my brain just went into shock.

[lincolntrudeau]

Just once I'd like someone at the bus stop to say "Good morning!" without following it up with "Can I give you something to read?"

[lincolntrudeau]

"Includes everything but the girl"? So, how much extra for the "Suit, Shirt, Tie & Girl" package? Does it cost extra to get a girl who can smile in a picture? Also, it should be "this year's", not "this years"...maybe grammatical errors were in fashion when the guy's hair was.

[lincolntrudeau]

Guessing the "live" part happens before the "halves" part. Either that or science is up to something.

[lincolntrudeau]

Ah, so THIS is why the Leafs didn't make the playoffs. Maybe next year, less of the donuts and more of the not losing.

[lincolntrudeau]

"Why do the kids keep CRYING? Don't they LIKE the Easter Bunny? Sure, there's likely some twitchy meth head in there who's four hours late on his five o'clock shadow and is only doing the gig to hide from his parole officer. But when the little kids look up, all THEY see is a gargantuan furry glassy-eyed permasmiling abomination who would as soon give you chocolate eggs as decapitate you with his giant flat guillotine teeth...never mind; I get it now."