Day Two - The last book I finished is Babel. Without a doubt, it’s the most important dark academia book to read if you are interested in this genre. The criticism, the setting, the characters and the whole book is just phenomenally done. While reading it I was just completely in awe that one singular person wrote this book. Like, in a YEAR. I’m manifesting a Victoire sequel or a Griffin prequel 🕯
i'm in a very good mood tonight so let me share this drabble i wrote the other day between midnight and 1am while watching New Girl and thinking damn this should not be Jess and Nick, this should be Seungmin and Hyunjin (they share NO similarities except my lizard brain picturing them everywhere)
tags: alcohol game / kissing / pining (lots) (is it a seungjin written by me without pining?)
sorry for the mistakes etc. etc.
oh and i also posted this on twitter
Hyunjin can hear all their friends cheering for them to kiss from the opposite side of the door, his whole body is combusting. Not only is it an extremely embarrassing situation but the worst is the fact that he has been dreaming of kissing Seungmin for months now but never had he thought that it would be in this situation.
He had imagined it after a cute date maybe, if he ever had the strength to ask out Seungmin for real. Or maybe it could have involved a bit of alcohol, for courage, but definitely not a drinking game on a night he was trying to actually have sex with someone else, and Seungmin is in a more or less committed relationship with another man.
“We don’t have to do that,” he says with a laugh that he hopes sounds casual.
Seungmin sighs and the voices outside the room chant even louder, “well…”
He chews on his lower lip, and gosh why can’t Hyunjin stop staring at it?
“I can kiss you on the cheek and say we kissed? Take a picture of it,” he offers. Even the thought of his lips on Seungmin’s lip is enough for him to drive him crazy but Seungmin really does not seem like he wants to be kissed by him.
And Hyunjin does not want to lose his first kiss with Seungmin through a stupid game. It was supposed to be a trick to kiss Changbin so Felix would stop trying to steal his one night stand. It unfortunately backfired in the worst way possible.
“That’s a good idea,” Seungmin smiles. He feels like he is about to melt onto a puddle of love because of how cute he looks. “Kiss on the cheek, it is.”
(He has admitted now weeks ago that this is not a normal way to feel about your roommate platonically)
He buries all these thoughts deep down and takes out his phone. Seungmin awkwardly gets closer to him and quickly Hyunjin can feel his warmth in his personal space, he internally screams.
“Why is it so weird?” Seungmin laughs, “we live together, we’ve seen each other through everything but kissing you on the cheek is suddenly so awkward.”
“Right,” he swallows with difficulty, trying to focus on unlocking his phone and opening the camera app. His ears are ringing so loudly that he barely hears the chant anymore. “You ready?”
“Should I…? Kiss you?”
Hyunjin really hopes he is not blushing too much or that alcohol has made Seungmin completely oblivious. Which is possible considering everyone and their mothers know about Hyunjin’s delirious crush on him, but Seungmin does not.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll take the picture.”
He waves his phone like a loser and Seungmin giggles at it. He takes another step closer, “ready?” it is a whisper now almost on his neck, and it really is torture at this point. He just nods and puts the phone up, he tries to focus on the phone and not on the fact that Seungmin has to get on his tippy toes for his mouth to reach Hyunjin’s cheek and then the feeling of his lips on his skin. His lips are so soft and warm, and Hyunjin needs all his focus to actually take the picture and not just let himself appreciate the moment. It only lasts a few seconds because those smartphones really are quick to take a picture and Seungmin immediately breaks the contact when it is done.
Hyunjin stares dumbfounded at the wall in front of him, not even controlling the smile on his lips and the overall excitement at the fact that it might have been the closest physically it has ever been to Seungmin.
“Is the picture okay?”
“Mh?”
He glances around to see Seungmin looking at him with amusement in his eyes, “they’ll lose their voices if they keep screaming like that, we should send them the picture now.”
“Oh! Yeah right.”
He quickly sends the picture to the group chat they have. For a second there is a silence on the other side of the door and he feels relief and a bit of regret, sure, at the idea of being freed from this situation.
“THIS IS NOT A KISS!!” Felix yells with his deep voice, and Hyunjin will make sure he is going to pay for that. The chanting comes back even stronger.
Seungmin sighs, “IT IS!”
“NO!”
Hyunjin stays still, paralyzed. Seungmin groans.
“Fuck,” he whispers and it feels like it is the first time he hears his roommate curse like that.
He shakes it off and bangs loudly at the door, “hey, guys,” he says loudly, “that’s enough, just let us out!”
Everyone boos at that, he exhales.
“You agreed to the game at first, you have to play!”
He turns to Seungmin apologetically, “I’m sorry.”
It is his fault after all, he wanted to kiss Changbin at first like that, he had not expected for Seungmin to be pulled, it was just him being horny for a guy he had just met that had brought all this on Seungmin.
“Let’s just do it.”
“What?”
“Let’s kiss, this is nothing right? We just lost a game.”
“But,” he mutters pathetically, anxiety piling inside him like legos, “uh.”
The way Seungmin looks at him, waiting for him to do or say something but Hyunjin does not know why.
“Friends kiss all the time for fun,” Seungmin keeps explaining and it is logical and rational, exactly like Seungmin is, “it does not mean anything.”
Except nothing is logical and rational in Hyunjin, and surely not the fact that he wants to kiss Seungmin but not because it is a game, and not because it does not mean anything.
“I’m not sure…” he starts.
His roommate tilts his head, “why?”
“Because,” he stutters in his words, “I just…”
Seungmin stares at him with even more expectation and it makes him lose it completely, panic completely taking over his brain.
“I don’t want it to happen this way!” he almost screams out.
He immediately regrets it when he sees the way the other man's eyes change and confusion is readable on his face.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” Hyunjin chokes out. He turns around to the door and starts banging against, “hey, open the door, now, this isn’t funny anymore!”
Seungmin grabs his arm when he is about to hit the door again, forcing him to turn around. He had never thought the latter could have this much strength, “Hyunjin, answer me, what is this about? That you don’t want us to kiss that way?”
“Because it’s uncomfortable for both of us,” he tries to justify himself, “that’s… that’s what I meant! They should not force us to do anything we don’t want.”
“I don’t think this is what you meant.”
“Well, it is,” he retorts before going back to banging on the door, “Felix!”
It hurts his fist but at this point he would do anything that means he would be able to get out of this situation. His heart is racing in his chest and the alcohol is not helping with his panic attack, making it hard to breath, even harder to think. All his body just begs to get out.
“Hyunjin..” Seungmin whispers behind him but it is barely heard as the door finally opens.
Felix looks at them with a sheepish smile, “you’re both losers for that, you know?”
“I know,” Hyunjin just answers and then immediately rushes to the kitchen.
At some point Hyunjin loses track of the night even more than before the kiss incident. He knows Seungmin’s boyfriend but not-really-boyfriend arrives and they leave to his room, and it only makes Hyunjin drink more. Felix side eyes him all the time but he rejects every tentative that he tries to talk to him. Of course, Felix ends up making out with Changbin and Hyunjin is not even jealous about that because all he can think about is Seungmin. He wants to disappear. Eventually everyone leaves.
“So,” Felix sits down next to him at their kitchen table, “what happened exactly?”
Hyunjin groans. The alcohol makes him dizzy.
“I thought all you wanted to do was kiss Seungmin.”
“I hate you so much right now.”
Felix puts away all the glasses that are still filled with liquor away from Hyunjin’s grip.
“I want to, of course, but not like that!”
He immediately puts his hand in front of his mouth, glancing around the bedroom corridors but no one comes out.
“It’s Seungmin,” he goes on, this time whispering, “I don’t want to kiss him because of a stupid game, I want to kiss him because I like him and because he likes me!”
He moves his hand toward the corridor, “but he does not,” he whimpers, “and I panicked because he was saying stuff like let’s kiss and I told him that I didn’t want it to happen like that. I’m stupid.”
“You’re not,” Felix tells him empathically, “you’re a romantic.”
Hyunjin rolls his eyes, it makes his head hurt, “now he knows and it will change everything.”
“I’m really sorry,” his best friend says, “I didn’t think this would lead to that.”
“It’s not your fault, we were playing.”
“Still,” he pats his arm with affection, “for what it’s worth I think it’ll be okay.”
“Whatever, I’m going to sleep.”
He gets up, waves Felix goodnight and goes toward his bedroom. He is about to open the door of his own when Seungmin’s door opens. He closes it carefully behind him.
“Hey,” Seungmin whispers in a sleepy voice.
“Did I wake you up?” he asks, trying very hard not to look directly at him and his cute pajama set.
“No, actually I was…”
Hyunjin waits a moment for the end of that sentence but nothing comes.
“It’s nothing,” Seungmin ends up saying, “you should sleep.”
It is like his brain is not the one controlling his muscles because when Seungmin turns away, Hyunjin grabs his wrist and pulls him close. For a second neither of them move, he can feel Seungmin’s heart beating under his chest. He dares to move his fingers from his wrist to his hand and Seungmin lets him do it so he gets a bit bolder and tilts slightly his head forward.
He is not sure why he is doing that, maybe all the alcohol he has drunk all night finally reached its peak and this is the thing he will be mortified of tomorrow morning. But right now, he does not care because he feels even more intoxicated by how close Seungmin is to him, and the fact that he is not moving away.
“You can,” Seungmin whispers very quietly.
Hyunjin does not think any more and he grabs his chin with his other hand and crashes his lips against Seungmin’s. It is not exactly like the first kiss he had hoped for with him but it still feels like a fire is burning in his body, and the way Seungmin reacts makes him even more eager to deepen the kiss. During the time of the kiss the rest of the world suddenly disappears, nothing else is real except how Seungmin’s body feels near him, how his lips taste. Everything is warm, everything is exciting and soft.
When their kiss ends, they stare at each other again for a while, breathless, lips swollen. Seungmin pulls away.
“Goodnight, Hyunjin,” he says.
Hyunjin watches him go back to his room, feeling like the world has collapsed around him now that he can not hold onto Seungmin.
2087
kaledo-art
areudirty
ellievsbear
