A Personal Blog

This is very much a personal blog for me, my feelings and my life. WoooooooOOooOoOOOOoOOO ~

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March 2018 Update!

Hello Friendos

So having not updated this blog for literally over a year, but reading through my last update from October 2016, it’s really heartening to see that I’ve ticked off pretty much all of my goals for the year. 

>>Melbourne - Chris and I went to Melbourne for three days in January 2017 and I loved it. I was also able to arrange a 6 week internship in Melbourne South Bank in Jan-Feb 2018 which was also amazing. I’d like to end up living in Melbourne for a period of time, it’s honestly one of the friendliest cities I’ve been to with a great vibe and efficient public transport.

>>Possibly a little overseas trip to Japan or Indonesia - Amazingly enough, Chris and I went to Japan together over the holidays and had a ridiculously good time! Immediately after, we started planning future travel opportunities.

>>Robogals Sponsorship job done well - It’s one of my proudest achievements this year. I was able to get a fair bit of money for the club giving the club the ability to function and maximise it’s events for the coming year without worrying about money constraints. Setting up over 5 sponsorships. 

>>Start a 2017 photo album - Unfortunately not really a thing, my photos are still pretty random and badly organised.

>>Get laptop fixed - OMG YES IT HAPPENED. So glad I did it and kicking myself for not doing it sooner!

>>Apply for internships/make list of internships to apply for later in the year - YES. So I ended up applying for 4 jobs and getting offers for 2 of them (PwC and Deloitte) and having to reject one for the other due to lack of time in my holidays :’( So I’d count that as a success :)

>>Update resume to be competitive for internships - I assume I’ve achieved this!

>>Buy the wardrobe for the next year (cos you ain’t gonna have time to go shopping during the year) - roflmao, I think I ended up just looking like a peasant for the entire year (and this year onwards too lmao)

>>Create Up-to-date and professional LinkedIn Profile - Sorta yes! It’s nothing fancy but it does the job?

>>Gym regularly! At least 2 times a week! - Probably somewhat about that much, but not really, I’m still not consistent enough. 

>> Make $7,000! Save up for that house deposit! (aim for $25k overall by the end of the year) - I’m very proud to report that I’ve smashed this and I’m on $35k currently! But the sad news is that I need roughly $100k for a house deposit :( so imma cri and continue working towards that. Seriously considering shares rn. 

2018 Goals

Okies so currently Wk 2 S1 of final year of uni. My current worries are:

A. Passing my subjects. B. Doing my Thesis. C. Applying for jobs. D. Looking for part time engineering work. E. 

So in line with feeling good about the last year of achievements, here are my goals for 2018! (I hadn’t thought of these properly but here we go!)

GRADUATE! - I can’t stress how much of a struggle it is to do so. Am gonna have to overload 2nd Semester to make it happen, along with finishing my thesis with an unrealistic supervisor who expects too much.

Grad Jobs - Aim for 2 or 3 Engineering grad offers! Currently on 1 grad offer from Deloitte that is a backup plan.

Lose Weight - Lose 5-10kg!

Disciplined - Hard to measure, but study harder and be more okay with saying no to things and people for myself.

If I get these simple things done in the next year, I’ll be very very happy! :)

Other challenges this year will be my relationship with Chris. Being at RMC and being in the army is having it’s strain on how much time we can spend with each other. Ie. I got back to cbr for 5 days and he leaves for Puckapunyal for 1 month which is shitty but he’s still such a sweety. Funny, Alison today said that she thought that Chris is the loveliest and nicest guy, which means a lot to me especially coming from a close friend who’s seen me through all my past relationships and someone who is usually very critical of partners. Also the sweetie got me flowers when he left :3 

Well it’s now 2am and I have a class at 9am, it’s time for me to toodles! Apologies for the late update! You can probably tell I had a hectic last year but I’m proud of myself and my achievements. :)

Ciaooooo~ <3

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October Update - End of Semester, Exams, Holiday Plans, Relationship Status

Hello again tumblr (diary)~ Here is another irregular update of the year. 

So this semester of university sucked. Simply said, the worst yet. I’ve contemplated quitting (and the serious possibility of being kicked out). Having finished my last day of teaching today, I can honestly say that I haven’t learnt much and have been trying to teach myself all 4 courses this semester and it clearly hasn’t been working well. As well as the fact that either the course has ridiculously hard assessment or ridiculously bad lecturers. 

Me, and every other classmate is over this semester. With only 9 days left before Exam week officially begins, it feels like there’s not nearly enough time left to teach myself the entire semester for the 4 courses (which is literally what I will have to do). After writing this diary entry, I will create my strict study schedule for the next 17 days until I finish my last exam. I cannot afford to lose motivation at this point as my future career is now at stake. 

Holidays

With an entire 2 and a half months left of holiday after CASG work experience is completed, I currently have no plans between the Christmas period and when uni begins in early March. So here is my rough on-the-spot brainstorming that I believe deserves to be in this diary.

Holiday list of shit to doooo~

Make the most of these holidays because you won’t get a break during the semester. You’re just gonna have to suck it up and work hard. (A load of these could go into general New Year Resolutions for 2017)

>>Melbourne - few days to a week

>>Possibly a little overseas trip to Japan or Indonesia. 

>>Get majority of Robogals sponsorship documents and deals initiated/negotiated

>>Start a 2017 photo album

>>Get laptop fixed

>>Apply for internships/make list of internships to apply for later in the year

>>Update resume to be competitive for internships

>>Buy the wardrobe for the next year (cos you ain’t gonna have time to go shopping during the year)

>>Create Up-to-date and professional LinkedIn Profile

>>Gym regularly! At least 2 times a week!

>> Make $7,000! Save up for that house deposit! (aim for $25k overall by the end of the year)

>>Beaaaaach! Must do a beach/coast trip sometime this holidays! This may be with Chris or another group of people

Relationship update!

Oh hey, totally forgot that I probably wasn’t in a relationship in the last diary entry haha. Well here’s the spill: Currently in a pretty happy relationship with Chrissy boy and exploring sex and ourselves at this point which is honestly really fun. I don’t see us ending together on the long run (because first relationships and there’s always the mentality of looking for other options after a while and that will be sad but inevitable). Honestly, he’s a really good person and I’m happy. 

Alright! This brings this update to a close and for my life to resume its busy course. Ciao friends~ 

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End of June Updates - Holidays, Tinder, Dating, Ruined Friendships, Jobs

It’s heading towards the end of the month of June. Although nothing all that exciting is happening right now, I thought I’d make an update on this not very regular diary of mine ;) So, to begin, semester holidays have just begun, 3 weeks of freedom before Thermofluids marks come out and my GPA takes a sweet little dive. I have finally been given enough free time to do all the matters that have started piling up early in the term. These things include but are not limited to fixing up my phone + laptop, laundry and cleaning my room (it is currently a shithole), fixing up my resume and socialising again.  Exam week: Binge eat, Juice, Coffee (iced or not), Studying in the Library, Lots of Hearn for Meals, Doing consistently bad per exam. I am 85% sure I’ve failed Thermofluids. Hopefully, with some luck, I will have at least passed Maths despite a terrible exam.

So another new thing in my life is Tinder and actually going on a proper date from Tinder. I wonder when I look back at this post, will I be reading about ‘Chris’ in like a ‘Ahahaha... Yeah Nah’ or in a more reminiscent way about the beginning of a relationship kinda feel. So I met this guy Chris, he’s nice, although the first date (lunch + lifeline bookfair) was rather awkward in that there was a lot of gaps that we had to fill with random questions. But having just come back from the second date (Questacon + Thai Dinner + Guild), it’s become a lot easier flowing and less forced, it almost got to the point of a kiss but I don’t want to be the girl who kisses on the 2nd date (as well as not being sure if I’m actually interested or not). At the same time, I don’t have too much certainty with him. I only know what he has shown me about him, I don’t want what happened with John to happen with this guy too. I find that our interests don’t really match up as much as I’d prefer but he is indeed intelligent enough to be attractive. Perhaps I should write a manual about the list of boxes to tick off and the steps to take each date and telltale signs to bail ship. 

To begin with, here are my list of ‘REQUIREMENTS’ previously listed to Hearn: Responsible, reasonably confident, cute smile, sense of style, a good person that treats people well, fairly intelligent 

DO NOT: Put out on the first date, Put yourself in unsafe situations (always lunch for first date), ignore messages - Respond ASAP, agree to a date before any talking.

In addition to this, I’m considering going out on dates with other tinder guys to get free food. I feel like I could gain skills and food from these experiences, but I guess I’ll only go through with that if the whole Chris thing doesn’t happen/isn’t happening.  On the topic of guys interested in me, I thought I’d make a list since it amuses me and why not keep track to keep my spirits lifted and confidence high. This list spans from primary school till June of 2nd year Uni. From 2003 - 2016: Oliver, Zac, Karl, James, Andy, Deane, Hearn, John, Ned, Jeffrey, Dalton, Chris.  Sadly, this list isn’t nearly as long as I’d like it to be. I must play more guys ;) Perhaps I should go on Conway’s so called ‘slut year’. At 19 or 20, it seems to be appropriate.  There’s been a lot of friendship drama and irritations over the last semester. Warman has really caused me to lose a lot of faith over friendships sadly. The whole drama with the Warman group, my previous post on the annoyances of Ned (which have gone away recently, I’m so temperamental), and CASG drama in general has me quite irritated yet amused. I will hopefully take the time to slowly reconnect with the rest of my friendships from other universities as this university has me all bored or annoyed.  Lots of resume action happening, I’m actually quite proud of my resume these days. The amount I have achieved in the last 6 months is actually quite commendable. Ooh! I also got a job offer at Officeworks which should be pretty exciting and hopefully that will be stable enough to throw away KFC from my job list. Looking at my current 3 jobs, I guess I’m quite happy with what I do right now as it has the right amount of retail, leadership and income. The only thing that could make it more perfect is if I could replace my Officeworks retail experience with more fashion based retail experience (such as Myer or David Jones, I want those discounts and prestige). Hoping to apply for CSIRO, Boeing, EY, PWC and more for internships or vacation placements. 

Starting to read again because of Chris. So far, half way through the first book, it’s been quite a decent and compelling read. ‘The Name of the Wind’ - Patrick Rothfuss. 

As I am attending at least 3 balls this year, I will need to up my game on dresses. I will likely be going to Sydney this weekend of a day or single night trip for shopping and 3rd wheeling. Hopefully, will buy enough dresses for the upcoming dress season and then maybe I can borrow the rest. 

Anywho’s, Treeza out and about for another day >A< Life is looking quite positive right now~

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May 2016 Updates - University, Lack of Motivation, Friendships, Tutoring and other Life things

Hello again,

Here is a life update at what is probably going to be my busiest week in university this year.

I’m currently going through 2nd year slump to the definition. The past year hasn’t been too pleasant itself but finishing the degree felt possible. Currently, in what probably won’t be the hardest semester at university, I’m finding myself lagging behind my other cohorts (of course much more than usual) and from what I’ve heard, it doesn’t get easier than this. Through the consideration of the thought of 3 more years of this hell, the job prospects and earnings at the end of this road, it really doesn’t look like a path I want to go through with. It just doesn’t seem worth it, pain to gain ratio. On the other hand, I could not imagine myself doing any other degree at this moment.

I’ve also found that I simply don’t have the motivation to get myself working and studying for something that really has to be done. It is literally so hard to make myself sit down and do the work. I’m trying to be optimistic and say that the reason why I’m struggling at this moment and not wanting to finish the degree is because of lack of motivation, not because of a possible bad match with engineering. (and I am very much at risk of failing Thermofluids and possibly Maths)

I went through a slump a few weeks back where I had to seriously think about what I’d rather be doing instead of engineering and why I found life so boring and bland at this moment of time. I felt that there was nothing exciting happening. It had been over 6 months since my last relationship, no action anywhere in that section which kinda sucks. Work hasn’t changes for the last year, so that got pretty bland. I wasn’t doing anything outside of my comfort zone, partying and clubbing had gotten old and uninteresting as well. So what I was left with was really nothing to look forward to and the impending idea of exams and WM struggles. 

It has been slightly better in the last week. I have taken up a lot of Ann’s students in place of her whilst she’s in NZ for 6 months. So that’s interesting and new and pays really well. I don’t think Ann likes me very much.. the 6 students I’ve taken up from her is not actually 6 hours.. oh no no it isn’t. It is actually 8 hours and I’m honestly not sure if I’ll be able to handle it. Dealing with parents and making friends with kids is honestly hard.  On the topic of friendships, I’m having a lot of difficult dealing with Ned. His morals, the way he talks, his actions, his memes and him as a distraction and waste of time. Honestly, I need a massive break from him. I kinda just want him to shut up all the time and my glares are apparently not bringing the message across. Like, just stop dude. Lara is even done with your shit and she only has to deal with you once every 3 weeks, rather than the 48 hours I spend with you every week. Btw Lara is my best friend now. Everyone else disappears for exams and/or boyfriends. Nadia, Chante, Anika etc are all included in that statement. I really need to hit up Sophie Amos again.

In the last week, a fair bit as happened. Mathew confessed that he’s liked me for a year and a half from the first time he met me (and the other girls). Although he does insist that he never liked Nadia despite them having a thing and all the evidence pointing towards this. Inconsistencies in stories. I just wouldn’t go there with him, as endearing and as useful he is at time. Lara isn’t keen on the idea of him either. I also tried out yoga and hiking for the first time. Not too keen on yoga but hiking is something I’m keen to do on a regular basis. 

Met Matthew Ong at a party last night (as well as a few other guys who ‘apparently’ went to Bundah). Told me: ‘I remember you sent me a friend request on FB sometime in year 11 and I didn’t know who you were so I declined it. But y’know if you send me one now I would totally accept your request’. And I came up with some ‘oh really? That’s really strange, but k.’ *internally rolls eyes* AND THEN, he send me a friend request this afternoon lul. So amused.

Met some weird but attractive people at that party too (Ann’s Cocktail Early-Birthday & Leaving Party). Which, summing it up in short phrases was: Shut up Ned, Shit Maths exam at 8am Monday, Let’s get drunk with shots and the Four Horseman shot, Lara has Bi-polar, Makeout with Lara, Myles took a video of said making out, Weed with Ann & Dash, and 1:30am whole group failing to do weed, Getting lost, Ned tripped and fell hard, Uber driver laughed. 

That’s it for today. I must cram my heart out for this Maths and Thermo quiz. Treeza out~

[museinlove-deactivated20180930]

I really want to fall in love, have a boyfriend… but Korean men have changed my standards so bad that the only men I prefer are Kim Jaejoong, Ji Chang Wook, Yoo Seung Ho. I know there is no way out. I am gonna be forever alone.

(via museinlove)

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On another note.. Asia trip 2015!!

I'm pretty ridiculously excited about this trip! So, I'll be staying in Taipei, Seoul and Nanning for about 2 weeks each and I'm so happy that this is happening!! (As well as brief stops in kuala lumpur and shanghai) There's so much I want to eat and do and buy! And I want nothing more than to start planning this right away! Sadly I can't atm (due to school), but I'll definitely keep this blog posted when I do!

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A few weeks on...

Schools almost over, but clearly not quite yet. (Having only 4 days left before my ‘mid-semester holiday’ and just around 5 pieces of assessment to be completed before the 1 week holiday seems to be a rather good indicator of that) Oh, the engineering life. Things have been better, feelings wise. Ive come to terms with my feelings and what's best for me and us. After making a sad pro's and con's list (which did nothing to helping me make things clearer), I've come to the conclusion that its best left this way, the pro's will stay pro's in memory, and the con's the same, only in memory. Looking back and trying to reignite a broken relationship does nothing for the future. I'm just going to look forward and anticipate what other great people I'll meet along the way, and be fortunate enough to consider my significant other. Not to be narcisstic, I'm pretty happy with how things are going right now. We're each getting along with our lives, no big hiccups, we're still on good terms and can chat freely. (Although, it'd be great if he didnt keep un/intentionally shooting down my attempts at a conversation, I miss your company, and I wish you could remain a best friend of mine.. although that's clearly not what you want and what you do). Oh well, one can wish. Its been 5 weeks, and I can comfortably say that I'm okay. I feel like I'm 80% confident that if you asked for me back, I'd decline. Ha, I'm pathetic. I can only make 80% confident statements. Well, the struggle is by no means over, but we'll get there, and look back in happiness and not in regret :) I dont understand why breaking up with someone is such a big deal to my friends, its inevitable and can be predicted ahead of time (although this one was unpredictable). I am not a broken lamb. Please treat me as you have been doing so in the past, I am thankful for your extra support, but I dont want you to examine my every emotion and facial expression to find how broken I am. That's something I dont want to show anyone. As nice as it seems to have supportive friends, I dont think it's my duty to let you know all that happens in my life, all the sad pathetic events that happen, I'm much more confident about how I deal with things when I think them through myself and dont jump straight into making someone console me. @mathew: And omg, please do not blame me for not coming to you for support, I do not have to tell you everything, and I will approach someone when I feel the need to. I will fix my own problems and myself, I can't rely on someone else to fix me, that would be both immoral and just wrong. That's called dependence. Wtf am I supposed to do? Huh? You'd rather have me let you know that I'm going through a hard time? Do I, the moment something bad happens, suddenly approach all my friends (inc. ones that I've been on and off with) and update them on what's been shitty? No. I don't, and neither would you in my position. You weren't even a relevant figure in my relationship with andy. I let you know I was single and that's really all you needed to know. Also, andy, I'm sorry, I dont know if I can hold up our agreement to give you your birthday gift. I realise that you wont ask me to do it and that this apology is probably way overdue, but I thought it was better this way, I want the next time we meet to be when we're both happy and over everything. It has bothered me for an unbelievably long time. I suppose the main reason why this has been out off for so long is 1. Because school has been busy and I'm not sure what would happen if we did meet up, and 2. Almost everyone I ask say I dont owe you anything and 3. I am a master procrastinator and have clearly worked my magic on this issue as well. So, there's that, I will ultimately regret not giving you a birthday that you deserve, and equally likely regret proposing and making plans to give it to you. So being the small and unsure person that I am, I wont do it.

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Feelings

Feelings. I never expected myself to get them so bad. I was always the measurely and level headed personality, how did I let it go so wrong?

It feels like my life is crumbling apart. Every aspect that I was proud of is now disintegrating and falling to pieces in front of me. I don’t know what to do, and I’m certainly not coping with this. I wish I had the ability to sleep all day, so that I wouldn’t get distracted with thoughts of you every 5 minutes. Everything seems to make me think of you, every subject, every song, every sight.

I’m on the verge of tears every time I think of you. This is not okay. This is not what I imagined myself to be at 18 years old. Not this sniveling mess of a human being with no independence, no ability to hold my emotions together and no success. I am not happy. And I don’t know how to change that.

You know that you’re a mess when you break down in front of your friends in a mess of tears and smudged makeup at school. And then your friends now have this idea that you are emotionally broken to the point that you can’t take a primary school joke involving crushes. That’s just fucking sad.