PRODUCT OF SOCIETY

New writing blog: @sharkmistree Previously known as: @cottondoll1o1 @dentiloquen-t Honestly, I don't really write anymore.

[lionmistress]

I wonder who's still here after a decade. You can find me here: https://x.com/sophiasomatics

[lionmistress]

I was lifting weights yesterday when my partner comes up next to me in the mirror and I couldn't help but laugh.

It's difficult to stay focused on the determination and keep tension when laughing in the middle of lifting a weight.

Something something about releasing tension too early when creating a new pathway.

[lionmistress]

Years ago, when I was writing for this sweet little blog of mine. I could say there were ways in which I was more fearless. Uncaring, imaginitive, simply happy to do what I love. And I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. And accumulated 666 followers at my peak. I was 16. Started all this from scratch. Took a leap. 

Just a few days shy of graduating high school, a girl I admired told me that “the way I write sounded nothing like how I was in real life”. I took it as criticism. 

I took it to heart. I stopped writing as much as I did. I overthought it. I gave it up. I was penetrable. I felt hurt. Commence the writer’s block.. the exaggerated perfection. The standard that only I saw and listened for. 

Today. I look back to this memory. Look this girl in the eyes and say, “You’re absolutely right. I do not write the way that I sound and I love myself.”

“This is the most important thing to me in my life. This is the place of refudge that I take when all the grown ups are constantly screaming all around me. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t try to tear it apart.”

[lionmistress]

The most exciting thing about coming back to a context that you haven’t touched in years is realizing and recognizing all of the ways that you are now different. How you breath. How you feel. How you taste. What you see, what you’re drawn to, what’s important to you now. 

Everything is different. But let’s not exile the parts of us of the past. 

She is important. She and the memory are both here to be revered and loved. 

[lionmistress]

I know I have a lot of drive. But I really need to not be so hard on myself.

[anancientheart]

[lionmistress]

Some say there’s no point in trying. But I say, then there’s not really a point in not trying either, no?

[lionmistress]

The things I’ve learned:

It’s okay to take a break. I’ve had a habit of self-reprimanding myself for not being productive for long periods of times. However, this has been extremely counter-productive because it just makes me feel guilty for really resting or having time for myself. But I’ve finally how to be okay with not really doing anything that would typically be considered productive. I give myself passes for doing so even if it ends up being a sort of three day laziness marathon. In most cases, I realized that I actually needed all of that just to get back into full gear. It’s made me happier and less stressed out of a person. 

[lionmistress]

So now that making career steps is a priority, I think I may try to use this platform to write about my processes as much as possible. 

7 months until graduation.

[lionmistress]

So I’m going to switch gears from dance to something that I can actually see myself orient a career around.

[lionmistress]

I had an English teacher who told me to not ever stop working on my creative writing. Four years later, I saw her for the first time and told her my creative writing peaked in high school and I stopped after that. Heh.

[lionmistress]

.

[puckingfussy]

[sweetn0thing92-deactivated20251]

Lmao me

[lionmistress]

I think for the longest time, relationships have been extremely high on my priorities. And I realized that this is probably because when I have close relationships, I feel more secure. I feel like someone can take care of me and maybe take some responsibility off my shoulders. And that’s alright. However, I think it wasn’t super healthy to really lose sight of everything else for the sake of feeling good being with people. I understand now that these relationships were just sort of an escape from dealing with my own problems. Dealing with my problems is uncomfortable. Being with people feels safer. 

But I want to deal with my uncomfort. I want to become someone who can hold a whole house upon my shoulders. I want to instill trust in myself. 

[lionmistress]

I think after watching Terrace House on Netflix, my priorities started to change. I think watching all these people come into a home to take steps towards furthering their goals and achieve their dreams has really, finally, hit a cord in me. I care so much less about dance, which up until now has probably felt like my life’s passion. So much so, that I almost feel extremely pissed off at dance. Mostly because I feel like if I had expended the same amount of energy on furthering a practical life skill or towards a career goal, I’d probably be much more successful of a person. 

I’m extremely tired of being complacent in trying to figure out my career path. I’m tired of wandering around being lukewarm, not having substantive goals. I’m tired of not committing to something that will be worth my while. 

And I’m tired of being scared. Especially because I know that the only thing that is really in the way of my own success is my own lukewarm babyass self. 

[meloetta]

[lionmistress]

I’m extremely tired of being okay with not having my career dreams figured out. I feel a sort of lack of real direction. I just want to choose something, come up with an elaborate plan and commit to it until I find a reason not to or I find something better. Otherwise I feel like I’m wasting away.