I wish i could drop out, this is my first year at collage but i am already hating it. Studying for the sake of my parents. Dumbest thing ever. Also its not like a great school, or a major that i want. I would prefer working as a server for 4 years instead of going uni tbh. Not that i am seeing being a server is something like low or anything. It makes money. It dosnt waste my time like these stupid classes, i am not even social so uni is not worth for me. But why cant i just drop? Idk i feel like a such an dissapointment at the moment. Getting shamed from family doesnt help. Iwould rather work and study on improving my art. I hate this, i hate wasting my time that i dont care, i hate that i have to satisfy my family, and caring so much about what people think. It just not for me. I can wait to get out of family house, but i also feel bad leaving them. Living in a third world country makes you feel like this. I wish i could live a life like my pears around the world. Ok i sound like i complain a lot but its true. Its deprressing living like this, especially when you see people on internet living their life, its hard to not compare.not being able to afford anything, even tho you work, you will make 10$ for a whole day. Yeeyy, working for 2 months just to afford and iphone 11. What about food? Rent? Going out? No, these are luxury for us. Thats why i gotta work hard. Leave this country. Hopeless youth. Thats what i am. This is so loser shit omfg but i cant hellppppp pls. I hate even writing these it sounds pethatic. What i am rrying to say is I HATE SCHOOL, THE SYTSEM, WHOLE THING ABOUT EDUATION SYSTHEM. WHY IT COMSUME SO MUCH TIME? GOD THINGS I WOULD DO TO WORK AS AN WAITER IN US. OR ANYTHING.I WANNA LEAVE THIS FUCKED UP PLACE BEHIND BUT I KNOOOW I KNOW, anyways,I wanted to go US for work and travel but ofc i couldnt, its so expensive. 5k$??! I mean who can pick out 5k from their ass its expensive for everybody but its impossible for me. But i am sick and tired of waiting for miracle to happen. No one gonna save you girl. Like kali uchi said “ if you need a herooo, JuSt loOk in tHe mirrOrrrr” this so cheese but it is what it is. Save yourself girl. I am not badass boss bitch actully. I wish i was. But i feel like one the more i age. I am not that insecure the way i was when i was in highschool.I shouldnt feel shame for feeling theese.i feel bad talking like this tho.i am complaining about my life but my parents didnt have anything either. Worked for their entire life, no vacation, no trip, no resting, all for living like this. This feeling is so heavy on my shoulders, i have to make eneough money so i can make them live. I have to take care of them. Seeing them getting old kills me. So i feel like i gotta hurry up and find something and make money. idk why i am writing this, i just need to talk but there isnt anybody that i can talk about this topic so i rant on my tumblr. Plss i need a friend so badd. will delete this but no one sees it anyways so itdoesnt matter. Getting into this depression hole is pretty easy and get caught up with it, i am not an optimist person, but i have to try atleast, fake it until make it. These are my thoughts, just wrote what came to my mind, jumped one topic to other
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