Alia's World of Words

Trying to live up to the meaning of my name

[lisanalia]

Dealing with Sadness

Surah Aal-e-Imran, Verse 139:

وَلَا تَهِنُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَنتُمُ الْأَعْلَوْنَ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ

So do not become weak, nor be sad, and you will be superior if you are indeed true believers.

I came across this ayat when I was watching Bayyinah on YouTube. Through a video titled ‘Don’t Let Sadness Overwhelm You”, Nouman Ali Khan explains that through this ayat  Allah advises us against allowing failure and disappointment to wear us down, to not let this sadness overwhelm us and not to beat ourselves up because our faith in Allah has placed us in a supreme position. 

This ayat has a special place in my heart because of what happened during my return to Indonesia a few weeks ago. February 6th was one of the saddest days for me. I had to submit my final paper for the New Public Sphere module at that day, but I could not finish it. I already had the paper structured so well to the point that I only needed to do some rewording and connect each paragraph to make my whole paper coherent. I went to a cafe to focus on finishing up my paper, because it was one day after my sister’s wedding, so there are still family who came from Solo that stays in my house it would be hard to concentrate there.

I thought I knew what to write to finish my paper, but for some inexplicable reasons, after actually sitting in front of my laptop I just couldn’t figure how to write it. I spent hours and hours typing but nothing made sense so I kept erasing and rewriting and so on. It almost felt like a writer’s block, when no right, inspiring words would come out of my head. By the time of the deadline, I was far from finished. I instantly e-mailed my mentor about my situation right after missing the deadline and she told me immediately not to worry about it and submit it during the resit period, which relieved me but I still felt sad. In my mind, resit is for people who at least submitted a finished paper though with a failing grade. But I couldn’t even submit a finished paper. I felt like I was such a failed scholarship student, who couldn’t even finish her paper. I was beating myself up with my depressing thoughts.

Thoroughly disappointed with myself, sadness kicked in. Although I was in a café full of people, I couldn’t hold back my tears. I cried so hard, I was literally shaking with sadness. Good thing it happened in the evening, right around the time for Maghrib prayer so I calmed myself down a little bit through wudhu and prayer. My tears had receded by the time my parents came to pick me up.

Hearing me crying through the phone when I called them and seeing traces of tears in my face when they picked me up, my parents were worried. I told them my situation but they didn’t get mad at me because they believe that my mental health is more important than my grade. But they were still concerned about my mental state, so they asked me if I still want to be the speaker for a group LINE chat about studying abroad I said yes.

The story behind this group chat is quite complicated. Long story short, my sisters’ wedding was not handled by professional wedding organizer but by a group of people who are members of the Muslim students association at a college where my father lectures at. After the wedding ended, one of them contacted me, asking me to be the give a LINE Chat talk about studying abroad: my experiences, tips and tricks, etc. At that time I quickly agreed to it, but with the condition that the talk should be after my final paper deadline. Never did I think I wouldn’t be able to finish my paper. But the promise had been made, and I did not want to break it. Moreover, I was sad for thinking that I was not a good student, but I did not want my sadness to drag me down. I also did not want to let my Muslim brothers and sisters (to think of it, I don’t know which group was it, but I knew they were Muslims), who expected to learn from me, down as well. I wanted to help them, while helping myself in the process.

It turned out that doing the talk was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my whole life. By motivating them, I rediscovered my motivation for studying abroad, despite how tough it is.  Giving inspirational talk to my fellow Muslims, inspired the Islam in me, the Islam in my motivation and goals for studying abroad. Through their admiration and gratitude, I gained my confidence back, thinking that perhaps I’m not a completely terrible, stupidest student, but just caught up in writer’s block due to circumstances. To let me have the talk just two hours after I was feeling completely down made me think, “Allah’s plan is truly amazing”.

The good thing was the talk on that day was held online through LINE chat, so they couldn’t see my beaten up state ha ha. Anyways, after the LINE chat I was also offered to actually come to the college where my dad lectures at to talk about studying abroad in front of the Muslim students association. They were a great help to my sister’s wedding, and some of them were very nice to me in the LINE chat, so I instantly agreed to it. Beside the fact that it gave my mind a rest from my depressing thoughts, it actually was very heart-warming. They were very welcoming, although they did not know me at all, they treated me like I was a part of their family, like they were truly my sisters and brothers. And to me, they felt like my pious family, the ones that drives me to become a better Muslim. I can’t put it in words well, but by meeting them and feeling connected to them, I finally realized that there is a love that sparks because of Allah. It was not only that I overcame my sadness through my own prayer, but through other ways that Allah bless, which is through my newly found Muslim family.

Picture credit: KMI Itenas LINE account

[auntivietnanti]

Ibu para lelaki santun

Pemuda santun, jauh dari asap rokok, punya visi, hatinya senantiasa terpaut  pada masjid, serta berjiwa pemimpin….selalu mengagumi sosok yg seperti ini. Pasangan jiwa  dan  menantu idaman… wali yang insyaallah amanah. Tapi kekaguman yang lebih lagi jatuh kepada sosok yg berada dibaliknya hingga seperti ini…kagum pada kedua orangtuanya, terutama ibunya.

Terimakasih kepada para ibu yg telah melahirkan, membesarkan, mendidik mereka….semoga senantiasa mendapat curahan kemulianNya

[lisanalia]

역시 우리 Mamzu~ 말이 짧아도 임팩트가 있고 너무 달달하다 (As expected of Mamzu, such a short statement yet it has a strong impact and so sweet) 😍😍

[lisanalia]

Alia's Way of Learning Foreign Languages (part I)

Per my Instagram follower’s request, today I’m going to talk about how I learn foreign languages. I won’t talk about learning Arabic yet because I only learned it for a month before I fell ill and I haven’t continued learning it. I will also talk about what motivates me to learn foreign languages, but in the next post (or else this post will be extremely long haha)

The first foreign language I learned was English. I don’t remember exactly when and why I started learning it, but I know for sure that my parents really want their daughters to be good in English. My dad’s English is not that good and it’s hard for him to learn it since he doesn’t have much time as the backbone of our family. My mom only started learning English properly when she already had us and it was quite hard for her, so both my dad and mom want us to learn it from when we’re still young.

I remember vividly we had quite a lot of children books in English, learned children songs in English, watched educational CDs (Magic English were what they’re called) or movies at home with English subtitle, and played games using English commands (play station at that time).

Sure, they were quite passive activities. We didn’t talk or write in English a lot at that time. But the point is, English became such an inseparable part of my life and I got used to English. So, when I tried to talk or write on my own, I will instinctively follow how sentences are formed in books, films, or games, and notice when I make mistakes (I intuitively feel that the way I write is different from the way native authors would write it).

Another English learning method my mom used specifically for increasing our vocabulary was using flash cards. They are cards that have a picture of an object on one side (e.g. a picture of a cat) and the name of the object (the word “cat” on the other). We will flip these cards around so that when the picture side of the card is shown, we will guess what is the word for that picture in English. And when it is the text side that is shown, we will guess what does that word mean in Indonesian (cat=kucing). I don’t know if it’s because of the flash cards or not, but I remember vividly that when I was a child I once called a cat as “cat”, not its Indonesian word. I apply this method for learning Japanese, Korean, and Dutch as well. I also stick a label with an object’s name in Korean to things at home (e.g. I write 책장 on a label and stick it to bookshelves). Another method for learning new vocabs was making a "wall of words". Whenever i find a word I didn't know, I write the word on a piece of paper and its definition under it, then stick it on a wall to help me remember. I always use English-to-English dictionary to find the definition of an English word so that I learn how to express it using simpler English. For Korean, i always use endic.naver.com because they also give sample sentences so I can learn in which context I should use the word. For Japanese, i learn new vocabs from English translations of song lyrics hahaha

For enhancing my writing skills, I try my best to write in English for my blog, or even for my social media status. There was also a time when I set a day when me, mom, and my sisters would only text (there was no such thing as chatting aps that time) in English.

I took courses outside school as well, since I was in 7th grade (middle school) up until I was in 10th grade. That helped me a lot in understanding complex grammars and letting me practice writing essays and presenting in English, but it doesn’t mean that everyone has to take an extra course to master English. I know a lot of people who studied on their own but have better English skills than mine. Most of them reads news in English, watch movies or TV series without subtitle, and they often use English when they talk to their friends. So the key is…to practice. I know it sounds so cliché, but it is true. It doesn’t matter if you practice it in after school English courses or with your family or friends or with language exchange partners, what matters is to practice what you’ve learned.

The reason why my Korean skill level has not improved even after years of studying it through books, and listening to Korean songs and watching Korean dramas without subtitle is honestly because I never practice it enough. I do understand when people talk or write in Korean to me. However, I still can’t write a full blog post in Korean and it still take me a long time to write a status in Korean as well. I am still too shy to talk in Korean with my Korean friends, I am still afraid to make funny mistakes or speak with a funny accent. I should not be, and you should not be worried about making mistakes either. I know how mortifying it is to write in broken language and be made fun of because of it, so I suggest to start from writing to yourself. I learned from talktomeinkorean.com that one way to improve your writing is by keeping a daily journal in the language you’re learning because it is very personal and you can relate to it. It’s ok if there are words you don’t know yet so you mix your native language in the journal, but after you finish writing try to find those words in a dictionary. Find sample sentences using such words online. When you’re finally able to write a whole paragraph all in English, ask people close to you (who wouldn’t mock you for your attempt in learning) to proofread it. Ask them how should you improve it, perhaps grammatically.

To improve my speaking skill, i usually start off with improving my pronunciation. To do this, I take a book I like, or an academic journal I have to read, and read it out loud. As I’m reading it, I will find that I stumble upon words that I don’t know how to pronounce. I will look up the proper pronunciation of that word on internet and repeat myself over and over until I get it right. I used to record myself talking in English as well, to find out where my flaws are (in terms of pronunciation, intonation, accent, emphasis, etc).

Last but not least, once you’ve learned a lot and improved, help others. Practice with your friends who still wants to improve, teach people surrounding you who want to start learning. Teaching makes you re-learn things you’ve learned and strengthen your foundation. So teach, and help others!

[lisanalia]

Mencintai Karena Allah (sebelum halal)

Sebagai seorang perempuan yang rasanya belum pernah benar benar jatuh cinta, selama ini pemahamanku tentang cinta kudapat dari novel, film, dan drama ber-genre romance yang gemar kukonsumsi. Selama ini kupikir bahwa cinta itu datang tiba-tiba dan untuk mencintai seseorang, tak perlu ada alasan di baliknya. Namun baru-baru ini kusadari bahwa bagi seorang Muslim ada satu alasan yang penting untuk jatuh cinta, yaitu karena Allah. Cinta kepada seseorang yang mencintai Allah, yang dengan mencintai orang tersebut mendorong kita untuk lebih mencintai Allah pula. Lebih taat pada perintah-Nya, lebih mendekatkan diri kepada-Nya, lebih berusaha menjauhi larangan-larangannya, lebih mencintai Rasulullah saw, lebih mencintai Qur'an, atau singkatnya jadi lebih shalih/shalihah ㅋㅋㅋ Cinta yang bukannya bikin kita berdandan cetar supaya terlihat cantik atau pake gaya rambut macem macem biar terlihat ganteng, melainkan berpenampilan apa adanya dengan harapan agar ia yang kau cintai juga mencintai fitur-fitur tubuh yang telah Allah berikan kepada kamu (dan telah kamu hargai dengan merawat/menjaga kebersihannya) Cinta yang bukannya bikin kita mencuri curi pandang dan berharap saat pandangan kalian bertemu kamu dapat melihat kehangatan terpancar dari matanya (istilah drama korea mah "you can see honey dripping from his/her eyes"), melainkan selalu berusaha menundukkan pandangan agar ia yang kau cintai tidak perlu berdosa karena memandang yang belum halal baginya Cinta yang bukannya bikin kita berpakaian yang menonjolkan bagian-bagian tubuh tertentu untuk menarik perhatian si dia, melainkan berusaha berpakaian yang menutupi aurat agar ia yang kau cintai terhindar dari dosa saat ia tak sengaja memandangmu Cinta yang bukannya bikin pengen mengukuhkan hubungan dengan dia yang kau cintai dengan masang gembok di Namsan Tower atau melempar koin ke air mancur di Roma, melainkan lewat ikatan pernikahan yang diridhai Allah swt. Karena itu, cinta karena Allah seharusnya bukan cinta yang membuat pikiranmu penuh oleh dia, membuatmu terus merindukannya sampai fokusmu teralihkan dari kewajiban belajar/bekerja atau bahkan kewajiban agama, melainkan berusaha mengerahkan seluruh perhatianmu untuk menyelesaikan semua kewajiban di tanganmu saat ini agar segera pantas menjadi pasangan yang halal bagi yang kamu cintai (pantes dipinang/meminang maksudnya) Tapi kalau misalnya yang kamu cintai karena Allah tidak kunjung membawamu ke pelaminan a.k.a menikahimu, seharusnya kamu tidak patah hati atau kecewa berlebihan karena kamu tahu bahwa apa yang terbaik menurutmu belum tentu yang terbaik bagi Allah. Siapa tahu Allah ingin mempertemukanmu dengan orang yang lebih mencintaimu karena Allah (dibanding yg saat itu kamu cintai) 😃😃😃

[lisanalia]

After the Rain

These past two years,there were instances when I felt like crying so hard due to the hardships I faced, or the heartbreaks I had. In fact, lately I feel like I am facing more and more difficulties in life, so I feel like crying more and more often.

And I do cry during those times. When I do, I would be thinking, “Why am I like this?  Why am I so weak that I cry so much?

I kept thinking of crying as a symbol of weakness. Of hopelessness. But then I remembered something.

When I was in Seoul for a year, I experienced the four seasons there are. Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter.

And the most interesting thing is, there is always a rain that comes in between those seasons.

In spring, Cherry Blossom blooms. Its beauty captivates the breath of everyone walking under its tree, or even just looking at them from afar. But a few week after it first bloom, there will be a day, or even days when rain falls heavily. As rain falls upon the cherry blossom trees, the flowers wither, and petals fall along with rain drops. After the rain, you can feel spring is not going to last long. Weather becomes hotter. Air feels heavier, filled with humidity. Less and less cool breeze blows. You can tell, summer is coming. 

By the end of Spring, another day or days of rain will come. After the rain falls upon the barren trees with no flower, the trees become green with grown leaves. Perhaps the rain is tired, the sun replaced it and then become a constant in the Summer Days. Summer flowers blooms, fruits grow. 

By the end of Summer, (again) there will be another day, or even days of heavily pouring rain. Perhaps the summer sun is tired, the rain that came told the wind to replace it. Soon, fall season comes and the wind becomes a constant there. As the rain pours on the trees, the trees’ leaves change their color. What seemed like everlasting green, turns yellow, orange, and red. The trees’ colorful beauty captivates the breath of everyone walking under, or even just looking at them from afar.

But a few week after the leaves change their color,  another day or days of rain will come. After the rain falls upon the trees,  the yellow, green, and red leaves wither, leaving the trees barren.  After the rain, you can feel that the Fall Season is not going to last long. Weather becomes colder, the air becomes drier. Chilly breeze blows often. You can tell, Winter is coming.

In the winter, there will be a day, or even days when rain comes. Then its drops turn into snow.  Snow’s beauty captivates the breath of everyone looking upon it falling, walking on it, or even just looking at them from afar. Snow comes, goes, and stays during winter. But by the end of winter, what seemed like everlasting white, everlasting cold, will be washed away by another day or days of heavy rain.

Remembering all that, I now realized. Rain signifies change. The change it signifies might not always be a good change, it might signify change into the worse (like how rain washes away the pretty cherry blossoms). But later there will come another rain that signifies a change into the better (like in the summer the rain let  pretty summer flowers grow). All and all, rain signifies a change into a new weather, a new color, a new flower, a new season, something new. The  fact that after the rain there will a change, there will be something new, is hope in itself. 

With that in mind, I now believe that every cry that pours, just like rain, signifies a change. After I face hardships, or heartbreaks that make me cry,  something new awaits me. Through every tear i drop, i am changing. Even if in one instance I turn into worse after crying, I believe there will be another instance that will let me turn into a better person with a better situation. At the very least, I know there will be a change after I cry, regardless of whether it’s a good or a a bad change. And in that I find hope. 

[lisanalia]

Kajian Media UI 2012 Mempersembahkan: LAYAR DISKURSIF "Hak Atas Tubuh dan Screening Film Sang Penari" Kamis, 18 Desember 2014 Pukul 10.00 WIB @Auditorium Gedung Komunikasi Menghadirkan: -Mariana Amiruddin (Direktur Eksekutif Yayasan Jurnal Perempuan) -Adrian Jonathan Pasaribu (Penulis filmindonesia.or.id dan Editor Cinema Poetica) Dilanjutkan dengan "Siasat Kekuasaan dan Screening Film "The Wave", Pukul 14.00 WIB @N2.101 Menghadirkan: -Pandji Putranda (Kontributor Cinema Poetica) -A.G. Eka Wenats Wuryanta (Akademisi Ilmu Komunikasi) (+) free entry + snack Narahubung: ‪[phone] (chika) Yuk datang tonton film-filmnya dan ramaikan diskusinya ^^ – View on Path.

[lisanalia]

Kind things (some) Depok/Jakarta People Did Today

Today was a happy day for me! Well, not so much at first because I was so fed up with my research assignment (MPK), but things turned out rather well later in the day. I and Nadhila (my friend) was going to attend 'Film Study' class but the lecturer didn't come so we ended up watching a Korean drama together! The title is Pinocchio, and it's about 방송 기자 (TV news reporter?) and all the dark truth behind their news broadcast, which is somehow relatable to my major, media studies~ But watching Korean drama is not the only thing that made me happy today. It's the warm kindness of Depok and Jakarta (Lenteng Agung to be exact) people I experienced today that makes me feel warm

In the evening, I went to Richeese in Depok for dinner with my friend Aini and Giga. I had no idea there is Richeese in Depok because I am not familiar with Depok whatsoever. I usually prefer to spend my weekends back in Bandung and on working days I usually just go straight back home after studying or attending organization meetings. Or I would just hang out in campus, or go to Margo City/Detos. I rarely explore Depok, I didn't even know there was such thing like 'Depok Lama'. In short, I am clueless about Depok, that's why when Aini told me to meet up with her in Richeese, I was confused for a while because I didn't know how to get there.  I asked Aini, and she told me Richeese is across D'mall. I know where D'mall is so I felt like I didn't need to ask her anymore. I stepped on an angkot that I believed will pass D'mall. In that angkot, there was this foreigner who got on from Margonda Residence. I assumed he's been in In Indonesia for a while because he was brave enough to take the angkot, and his pronunciation when he said 'Kiri' to stop the angkot was almost perfect. But unfortunately, he didn't say 'Kiri' loud enough so the driver couldn't hear him and kept going. That's when the most amazing thing happened. Everyone, literally everyone inside the angkot was saying 'Kiri' loudly at the same time to help the foreigner so he can get off at his destination well. Saying 'Kiri' was just a simple small act, but through it I could feel the kindness of the people saying it, and their sincere intention to help the foreign man warmed my heart.

Not long after I arrived across D'mall, and I realized that Richeese Factory isn't there so I had to walk a little bit more. I got to Richeese safely, talked to my friends quite a while, and then it was finally time for me to go home. I dreaded the moment to go home the most, simply because I hate Margonda's traffic. It's very scary, with cars and motorcycles going so fast without caring for the pedestrians. Moreover, it was already dark outside so I couldn't see really well if a car was coming quickly at me. I stood beside the road for some time, waiting for the cars and motorcycles to slow down a bit, but they never seemed to slow down! I was almost hopeless and started thinking negative things like “what if I couldn’t cross the road safely and ended up getting hit by a car?” until suddenly a man who was sitting in nearby ‘warung’ came up to me and helped me cross the road! He bravely stopped the cars, some motorcycles were still speeding and one almost hit me but he managed to make me step back before I got hit so I was safe. He didn’t know me and he wasn’t even the security guard or parking assistant who’s responsible for helping people cross, so I am very incredibly grateful to him for helping me XD

The kindness I experienced today didn’t end there. As I got off in Lenteng Agung Station’s T-section, I took an ojeg to go home. The ojeg driver was the driver I’m familiar with because I’ve been riding his ojeg a lot these past 2 semesters, but we never talked. Our relationship was simply functional, he takes me home, I pay the ojeg fee and then say thanks. But today was different, for the first time ever he started talking to me while I was riding the ojeg! He asked me what do I do, am I still studying or am I working somewhere. I answered him that I’m still studying in university, and I’m currently on my last year there. And then he prayed for me! He said he wishes me to study well and be able to finish my study quickly (with good grades), and after that get a job quickly too. I knew he would be a nice person by the way he smiles pretty much all the time, but I didn’t know he was so kind to the point that he prays for the people who ride his ojeg and don’t even attempt to start a conversation with him. Thank you for your kind prayers sir, I hope you and your family (if there’s any, I might ask him later) too will be successful and will live a fulfilling life :

[lisanalia]

Hijab may cover my head, but it does not cover my brain.

hijababroad.blogspot.com

[lisanalia]

Those who lose themselves in passion lose less than those who lose their passion

Alexandre Jardin, Le roman des Jardin - 2005

[lisanalia]

Rok, Jilbab, dan Pacaran

[PERHATIAN] Bahasa di tulisan ini akan campur-campur bahasa Indonesia Inggris soalnya masih belum lancar nulis bahasa Indonesia, maaf ya

Hari ini saya ingin cerita tentang rok. Kenapa? Because this is my third week of wearing long skirt! Yeaay! Dulu saya orangnya selalu pake jeans soalnya menurut saya, bentuk tubuh saya tidak cocok buat pake rok. "Pendek gini pake rok, tambah pendek ntar jadinya," pikir saya. Selain itu, saya dulu juga mikir, saya ga pantes pake rok karena saya belum shaleh-shaleh amat, biasanya kan yang pake rok panjang tuh yang akhwat-akhwat gimana gitu, kalo saya yang pake terus ternyata perilaku saya ga mencerminkan perilaku wanita shaleh kan malu-maluin ~(><)~ Terlebih lagi saya orangnya hiperaktif, pecicilan, ga bisa diem, whatever you name it. Kebayang dong pake rok gimana rempongnya, kalo pake jeans kan lebih bebas bergerak. 

Tapi lama-lama saya tergiur juga pake rok. Alesannya ga penting-penting amat awalnya. Gara-gara mamah, teteh, mba dzil, udah pada pake rok dan subhanallah keliatannya cantik. Adem. Anggun. Bikin seneng yang liatnya hehe. Lagian lama-lama capek juga dikomentarin jeansnya ketat banget sama mamah :p Kalo pake jeans longgar rasanya jadul banget, aneh, masangin sama atasannya juga bingung (Kalo jeans ketat kan bisa dikombinasiin sama atasan panjang atau dress-dress unyu yang sepaha jadi nutupin sebagian paha dan bagian pinggul yang biasanya paling menonjol kalo pake jeans ketat). Akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk sekalian aja pake rok yang gak menunjukkan bentuk kaki, tapi masih bisa modis asal bisa menemukan bentuk rok yang sesuai dengan bentuk tubuh.

So i decided to hunt for new skirts 3 weeks ago. Because my body shape is more like a pear, which is slimmer on the upper part but thicker on the lower part, I have to carefully choose my skirt shape so it won't emphasize the thickness of my hips and my legs. I can't wear straight/pencil skirt, it wold look hideous and shows my curves even if I don't intend to. Jadi saya memilih rok-rok yang lebih flowy, kayak rok chiffon atau A-skirt yang langsung ngembang dari atas, atau rok yang baru ngembang dari tengah ke bawah (tapi big no-no buat rok yang ngembang bawah tapi bagian atasnya nempel di pinggul/paha).

And...it turns out that those skirts fit me very well! Karena sekarang bisa pake atasan se-pinggul without having to worry about exposing my bottom and thigh, meski bentuk kaki ga keliatan, rok ternyata makes my legs look longer. And that illusion my dear, makes me look taller than I am! Awesome! Dan ternyata nih, make rok itu justru lebih bebas gerak! Kalo pake skinny jeans kok rasanya justru lebih ketahan gerakan kakinya, karena terlalu ketat kali ya...hahaha. And believe me or not, make rok itu bukan cuma bikin saya keliatan dewasa dan kalem-kalem adem, ternyata rok itu bikin adem beneran! Kalo pake skinny jeans kan pas cuacanya panas dan keringetan, the fabric feels like it sticks on your legs, so uncomfortable! Kalo pake rok, setiap kali gerak rasanya breezy~ Rasanya jadi nyesel kenapa gak dari dulu pake rok, i should've worn skirts during last year's summer ><

And for those who are afraid of wearing skirt because you feel like you're not shaleh enough to wear skirt, you feel like you're not ready for it with your current state of iman, please, don't be. Setelah memutuskan pake rok, saya jadi tersadar untuk jadi shaleh itu ga bisa cuma nunggu hidayah dateng atau nunggu cukup iman, soalnya kalo kayak gitu gak akan maju-maju kondisi ke-shaleh-annya. You've gotta put a step forward and keep walking towards it. Dalam kasus rok, setelah saya memakai rok, saya jadi lebih aware/conscious of my every move. Dulu saya orangnya gak bisa tuh duduk manis, pasti duduknya kaki terbuka lebar-lebar. Sekarang karena udah pake rok, kalau duduknya gak sopan kan aneh ya, jadinya latihan duduk sopan deh! Terus karena sekarang udah pake rok, rasanya kok jadi aneh ya kalo kerudungnya pendek dililit-lilit dan me-reveal bentuk dada, padahal udah make rok yang bertujuan untuk menutupi bentuk kaki...akhirnya dengan pake rok jadi belajar make hijab yang panjang menutupi dada, alhamdulillah :D Masih belajar sih, kadang-kadang masih suka gak segitu panjangnya hiks bertahap aja kali ya.

Last but not least,  i feel like I really want to live up to the image of shalehah girl that I got by wearing skirts. Wearing skirts actually motivate me to be lebih dan lebih shaleh daripada sekarang. Dulu, saya masih diam-diam berharap ingin pacaran. Gimana nggak, ngeliat orang-orang di drama, di jalanan, di sosmed, pacaran kok so sweet amat ya pegangan tangan, sandaran di bahu pacar, dipandang dengan penuh cinta sama sang pacar, aduh unyu deh! Tapi sekarang kan udah pake rok, berjilbab aja sebenernya aneh kalo pacaran, apalagi kalo udah pake rok plus jilbab menutup dada. Well, ada sih yang berjilbab dan ber-rok terus pacaran dengan dalih ga akan bersentuhan, but let's be realistic, what kind of  love relationship is fun without touching each other? At some point you will love your partner too much to hold yourself from expressing your love through touch. So by choosing to wear skirt and longer hijab, it leads me into making a promise with myself and Allah that I'm not going to be in a relationship that involves touching (which practically means no relationship at all) until someone proposes me and we get married~

Dan yang mengagetkan adalah, dulu setiap kali saya ditanya udah punya pacar belum sama orang dan saya cuma bisa menjawab belum, saya selalu jadi merasa insecure. I felt like there's gotta be something wrong with me that no male is attracted to me. Apakah saya segitu jeleknya sampe cowok ga ada yang suka? Atau...justru cowok terlalu takut untuk deketin saya karena saya orangnya (terkesan) ambisius? Atau emang sayanya kurang gaul jadi gak banyak cowok yang kenal saya? Rasanya galau mulu abis ditanyain pertanyaan 'da bomb' tersebut. Sekarang, saat saya mengaku gak akan pacaran dan mau taaruf aja sebagai jawaban saat ada dosen yang nanya-nanya udah pacaran atau belum (dan seperti mau jodohin saya sama temen sekelas saya), saya merasa...nyaman. Seperti ada beban berat yang diangkat dari dada saya. It feels like it's the rightest answer along. Saat memberi jawaban itu, seketika juga muncul semacam perasaan bahwa memang sudah tergariskan dalam takdir saya untuk mengejar cinta yang halal, cinta karena Allah. Seakan-akan takdir saya belum pernah pacaran selama hidup saya memang beralasan, serasa memang Allah melindungi saya dari sakit hati yang mungkin timbul saat menjalani hubungan yang masih haram tersebut. Kegalauan yang selama ini saya miliki rasanya jadi kegalauan yang sia-sia. Subhanallah. 

Sekian pelajaran dari pengalaman saya memakai rok...Semoga ke depannya bisa lebih baik lagi. Amin...

[lisanalia]

(I Think) I'm Ugly

Have you ever thought yourself as ugly? Have you ever got jealous of someone else's beauty, and wondering why you' don't have such beauty? I have. I even used to love this song by 2NE1 which title is 'Ugly'. Here is a part of the song that made me love the song:

I think I’m ugly and nobody wants to love me Just like her, I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty I think I’m ugly and nobody wants to love me Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty Don’t lie to my face cause I know I’m ugly

Despite the negativity, I loved that song because it was so honest and for the me back then it was so true. It totally described the feelings I had about my look at that time. To be honest, I thought that I was an ugly girl. I was uglier than my sisters. I was uglier than most of my girl friends. Sometimes I even thought I was the ugliest compared to other girls. I still thought so until I was in my second year of university.

I didn't hate my look with no reason. I had insecurities of being ugly because:

1. I wasn't white. I still am not white. My skin was more of a dark brown, and in Indonesia, one of the standards for beauty is having a white skin. The whiter/lighter your skin color is, the prettier you are. Or sometimes brown skin is considered beautiful too, but more likely only the 'exotic brown' kind, or in Indonesian it's called 'sawo matang'. But my skin was darker than that. Even now when my skin tone got lighter, it's still not exactly 'exotic'. It's more like...pale brown *sigh*

2. I don't have a high nose bridge. My nose is rather flat. I think it's genetic. Beautiful people in the TV or movies don't have nose like mine. That's why I thought I was ugly.

3. I don't have double eyelids. If you don't know what double eyelid is, it's the crease on the top of your eyes. I found the term double eyelids from Korean language. When I was young I just thought having no crease on top of my eyes make my eyes looked small and even if i put eye shadow on my eyelid it won't be visible as I open my eyes T_T

4. My teeth are...not like other normal people's teeth. When people grow up they usually have 28-32 teeth. But for me, I think there's something wrong with my growth hormone so I rather grow slower than others. At the age I should've been a grown-up, my physique is still like a child's. Including my teeth. I started loosing my front teeth when I was in 6th grade, when other people lost their front teeth from the very beginning they lose their teeth. And what's even weirder is I keep losing teeth even when I was in 2nd grade of middle school (age 14). As the result, as I entered high school, when other people already have their 'grown-up' set of teeth, i only had 20 teeth, the same as child's. Even until now. When people have 8 incisors, I only have 6, 2 on the top jaw, and 4 on the under jaw. I don't know what else is missing, but my lack of teeth despite my age creates a problem. From when I lost my 2 incisors, I have gapped teeth.  What I mean by gapped is, my body tries to fill up the space in my jaw with the teeth I have, but because the number of the teeth doesn't fit with the length of the jaw, there is a distance between one tooth and another. The gap is visible especially on my upper jaw.

My gapped teeth was my biggest concern about my look. I felt extremely insecure about it. It was definitely my look's biggest flaw. "My gapped teeth are so ugly," that's what I thought. That's the reason why I often consciously covered my laugh with my hands. That's the reason I always put on a strained smile whenever people were taking pictures of me or even when I took pictures of myself. I was afraid my ugly teeth will show if I smile widely. 

I wanted to change how my teeth looked, really. I wanted to put on a dental brace, but unfortunately it's so expensive to put on a dental brace, my parents couldn't afford it for me. I could got it, but I had to take turns with my older sisters, it'd cost way too much if three of us wear dental brace at the same time. After my sister got hers, I couldn't get mine because I have to enter university which costs quite a lot too, so I didn't dare to ask my parents for more money for my dental brace. Besides that, I was also afraid that even when I go to a dentist he/she wouldn't be able to do anything because my teeth are just way too messed up. So i gave up on that.

But one day, things that changed my whole perspective about my teeth happened. I was talking with my best friend, and I told her that I was considering getting dental braces. I thought she would be supporting me, but instead, she rejected my idea right away. She discouraged me to do that. When I asked why, she said it's because my face structure might change if I fixed my teeth. And it'd be a waste, because she thought I looked cute the way I was.

That was the first time I heard such a compliment it felt strange hearing it. I mean, not exactly first time because my parents often said it, but you know, parents will always be parents, their compliments are kinda biased so I can't trust them ha ha. But then after my friend said it, I started observing people who had their teeth braced, and it was true! Their face did change! I'm not a dentist that knows about how exactly the change happened but I can tell for sure something changed. Some people even look more mature after fixing their teeth.

And looking mature doesn't seem to fit me. I mean, I like looking young. Yesterday someone told me I look more mature because nowadays I'm wearing long skirt, but he also told me I still somehow look young, maybe because of my teeth. Just when I was starting feel ashamed about my teeth, his other friend told me that my teeth are fine, they're pretty (cantik kok al). 

Now I realized, I don't have to have perfectly neat teeth to be pretty. With the way I look now, I might not be AS pretty AS other girls, but I know for sure I'm pretty in my own way. Although now there aren't many people who think my gapped teeth are pretty, but there are some people who still think I'm pretty even with gapped teeth. Knowing for sure that there must be someone in this world who would think I'm pretty feels magical, it boosts my confidence A LOT. Not everyone would think I'm pretty, but hey, who is pretty in everyone's eyes anyway? NO ONE. Even white, slim, tall, has big eyes, high-bridged nose people who are considered beautiful by the media, might not be considered pretty in a society where the culture considers being fat and dark skin is more beautiful. I can't get everyone in this world to say I'm beautiful. That's just impossible. 

And what I mean by I'm pretty the way I am is, you know, sometimes I wonder "What if I had neat teeth? What if I had double eyelids? What if my nose bridge is higher?" But then I got to think. What might make someone else's face beautiful, it might not be as beautiful if it's on my face.Just like red lipstick. Some people might look gorgeous with red lipstick on, but when you put it on your own lips, the bright red color might not flatter your look at all. It might even make your face looks hideous because it doesn't match your skin tone . Some people look beautiful when they have big-big eyes with defined double eyelids, but with the small face I have, if my eyes were bigger than mine now, my eyes might look overly big, making my face looks not proportional. Then, because my face becomes out of proportion, I'd have to fix my other face features to balance things out, which results in me fixing my nose, and maybe lips, the fixing will be endless. I'd have to reconstruct my whole face, and that thought itself terrifies me. I can't imagine looking into the mirror and seeing someone that is me but doesn't look like me because of the facial reconstructions I got. If that ever happened, I might be beautiful, but I wouldn't be beautiful as my own self. My own self right now, although it's not exactly beautiful, at least it's my own beauty that's different from others, that makes me the way I am. Or if beauty is too much, you can call it, cuteness, uniqueness, quirk, whatever

Anyways, I'm not feeling ugly anymore! I might not be beautiful or pretty, but I'm happy with the way I look now! And I'm not ashamed of showing my teeth in pictures anymore~ I even think my gap-toothed smile can bring enough my happy and bright personality to the pictures! Just like the french coined the term les dents du bonheur for gapped teeth,meaning "lucky teeth", i think my teeth make me uniquely me :D

Now I'm no more afraid of saying SMILE! CHEESE~ KIMCHI~ :DD

[lisanalia]

Ijab qabul teh tazy dan kak fikri. Alhamdulillah sah! ^^ with Tazy, Dewi, and Nusaiba at Masjid Nur Shafa – View on Path.

[lisanalia]

Story about Dreams

I want to work in the jungles! I want to be best friends with lions and orangutans and tigers and turtles and elephants or maybe hyenas! I want to make sure they live well, and somehow believe not all humans are mean and dangerous

I want to be a storyteller. Story telling for kids, possibly in rural, isolated areas in Indonesia. I want to see them smile, laugh, and get excited hearing my stories

I want to work in Indonesia's ministry of tourism and make people want to visit our awesome (but not yet polished) Indonesia.  So when they return home they will be telling stories about how awesome their Indonesia trip was and then their friends become interested in visiting Indonesia

I want to work in an international setting, developing my intercultural communication skills. Working in the UN would be so great! 

I want to get married with a shaleh husband, then live peacefully with my one daughter and one son. My husband will work, and I will stay at home, writing inspiring blogs or maybe just romantic novels. And when I'm not, I will just watch Korean dramas hahahaha

I have so many dreams I don't know which one I should try to achieve :') Or maybe I can combine some of the dreams and live it as one? Or maybe I will be everything I want but living each dream for short periods~ I don't know~ One thing I know for sure is that if my dreams come true I'd be very happy and I'll have to work hard to achieve them.

[rainy-autumn]

Saya ga keberatan dampingi kamu dari bawah, dampingi kamu hidup susah. Seenggaknya dengan begitu saya lebih ada harganya di mata kamu. Kalau belum-belum kamu datang dengan segala kemapanan kamu, saya yang takut jadi dipandang sebelah mata sama kamu.

Mbak temen, 23. Dalam rangka menjawab kekhawatiran pasangannya.. (via rainy-autumn)

Mbak Temen. yang besok mau wisuda.. finally, one step closer yaahh cyint :*

(via rainy-autumn)

Very well phrased. I would love to struggle together with my (future) husband, benar2 bersama di kala susah maupun senang. Awesome!

[kurniawangunadi]

[lisanalia]

Bila masalah hidupmu masih seputar permasalahan patah hati, banyak tugas, dibenci orang, susah mudik, makanan tidak enak, sakit perut, kehabisan uang bulanan, tidak bisa ganti HP terbaru, tidak bisa jalan-jalan keluar kota, dan sejenisnya. Maka bersyukurlah, karena masalahmu adalah masalah...

Hiks :"

[lisanalia]

22.

In my life, people often tell me that I look young. Always younger than my actual age. For example, when I was in high school, if I weren't wearing my uniform people always thought that i was a middle schooler. When I'm in college and I'm out playing during the day, some people would ask "Why aren't you at school? Are you skipping class?" when actually it's normal for college students not to have class during the day. When I was in Korea, some ahjussi in the subway suddenly asked to me in simple Korean, "열다섯살?" which means "Are you 15 years old?" and he was ultimately shocked when I told him I was 22 y.o (Korean age)

There was also a time an ahjumma in subway looked and smiled at me so dearly and suddenly touched my hands. When I asked why she did that she said it's because my small features, especially my small fingers reminded her of her grand daughter (?)

All these times of being thought as younger than my actual age sometimes makes me feel like I am younger than I am. So I sometimes would make use of my childish look to act cute to get what I want or just simply get people to think I'm adorable haha. I also forget my actual age often :D

But seeing this picture of me looking more mature than usual reminds me that I'm not that young anymore. I'm turning 22 this year and graduating next year.  I'm also constantly reminded that I'm not the same-young-me anymore as conversations between me and my friend have gradually leveled up from gossiping about cute guys to serious talks about our future job, our future study plan, our marriage/partnership plan, even when we talk about guys I realize that we've started to see beyond guys' looks, we also talk about whether their personalities would match with ours if we were in a serious relationship.

Now I'm feeling like 22

:)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine. It is lethal.

 Paulo Coelho (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

Routine kills your soul, kills your passion