lisepop

1989. Venezuelan in Spain.

[lisepop]

Feeling happy.

I’ve been experiencing what is perhaps the healthiest relationship I’ve had in a while.

It is possible.

[lisepop]

2022 has been slow but steady, so far.

I’ve been choosing myself over other people and it’s been the best decision.

2021 was overall good but I have a feeling this year will be better for me.

[lisepop]

Why does it have to be like this?

Why is it so difficult?

Why is it always me who ends up being hurt?

I’m not even sad, I’m just baffled.

[lisepop]

I’m not letting anybody else have power over me again.

I’m not putting too many expectations over anybody again.

At the end, you’ll only have yourself. Nobody should mess with your mental health or your wellbeing in general.

I’m just so done with this.

[lisepop]

I’m at peace with myself and my decisions.

Life feels ok and things seem to be going good and back on track.

[lisepop]

There’s no weirder/more awful feeling than the mourning of what never really was.

[lisepop]

Bloom/Rebirth 🌸🌻🌺💐

[lisepop]

It’s been a little over three months. I am mentally in a better place, but there’s still work to be done.

I decided to try dating again, just casually, to see where it goes. At first it gave me anxiety, now I’m handling it better.

I feel better in general and I’m becoming my old happy self again. Friends, therapy and boxing have been my rocks.

[lisepop]

Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling

Tell me, baby, where did I go wrong?

[lisepop]

I’m the type of person who doesn’t get her own happy ending.

I’ve already come to terms with the fact that no one’s ever going to ask me to marry them, that I’m most likely going to live on my own and with a cat.

I know that happiness should come from within, and I’m willing to work on that for me, but I guess I just want to be loved.

[lisepop]

What upsets and angers me the most is that they were involved in a 12 year toxic relationship, where they grew apart from friends thanks to the other half, where they felt that toxicity was the normal; yet our thing was super healthy, there was no jealousy, no checking the other’s phone, and they’re just not willing to fight for this.

It angers me they’re not willing to sort things out, because we both know it would be the best for ourselves.

[lisepop]

All those things we never had and won’t have

The places we didn’t travel

The things we still had to do

The cat we won’t adopt

The house we won’t rent together

That is what hurts the most.

[lisepop]

Quarantine diaries:

I’ve already baked, cooked, exercised, played ukulele, videocalled everyone.

I WANT IT TO END I NEED TO GET OUT NOT JUST FOR THE SUPERMARKET.

[lisepop]

Almost 3 months later things have changed a lot.

I have a job now. Maybe not exactly what I wanted but it’s something, and it made me have a lightbulb moment for the long-term future.

So hopefully this new goal I’ve set is what will drive me to become the person I’ve always wanted to be.

Life is not feeling so disappointing anymore. I just need to keep myself busy so the negative thoughts won’t eat me up.

[lisepop]

Sometimes I just want everything to end.

[lisepop]

I’ve been telling everyone that 30 is alright, that it’s not as bad as it seems.

But I am just disappointed.

Disappointed in myself, for not having my life together.

Disappointed in life, because everyone seems to be on the right track.

Disappointed because maybe I still haven’t figured out what I’m good at.

Disappointed that my relationship doesn’t seem as solid as I believed, even after a year and a half. (Or maybe it is and I’m just in a bad state of mind).

I just want to lay down and cry all day long.

[thefugitivesaint]

Frank Hazenplug (1874-1931), “The Chap-Book”, Vol. 5, #12, 1896 Source