(Trigger warning for some?)
You absolutely love it when you wake up with the sun gently peaking through the blinds. You sit up and your stomach growls so badly it hurts. You tell yourself the grumbling in your stomach is your fat screaming because it doesn’t want to die. So you force a smile and slide out of bed. You know you’ve lost weight. Right?
Your mouth feels so dry. You think about getting something to drink but then you remember you have to go get on the scale.
So You shuffle into the bathroom and glance between the scale and the toilet. There’s such painful cramping from the constipation… If you don’t get everything out you won’t get a perfectly accurate reading. You do your business and stand up. Too quickly. Your vision gets spotty. You sway and You place your cold hand on the wall and stare nervously at the scale for a moment.
You shiver and quickly strip down and step on. The anticipation makes you anxious, the hunger makes you nauseous, when you look down you want to cry, scream, die, see you’ve gained just a little. Probably bloating or liquid retention. Probably because you had 50 calories more than you should have yesterday. You disgusting, fat thing.
Just to double check you recalibrate the scale. On. Off. On. Off. Oh God… still fat. It doesn’t change and You think you might cry that’s okay. You quickly pull your clothes back on, glancing in the mirror. Resist the urge to pinch pull poke the fat You slowly go down the staircase and head for the kitchen.
What a headache. Taking a peak in the fridge, you glance over the food inside. The thought of an egg makes you physically drool. You grab creamer, shut the fridge, and turn to flip on the coffee maker. You don’t deserve food, you gained weight. You start your morning exercises as you wait for the coffee to brew. Your heart is pounding in your chest, it feels like you’re dying.
You finish shakily as the coffee is ready for you. As you pour your coffee, stir in low calorie creamer, you look out the window at the beautiful colors in the sky as the sun climbs up into the sky, you’re happy hungry. hurting. decaying. and you know that this will kill you eventually nothing will ever feel as good as getting and staying skinny will.
Thinspo and Imagines are incredibly decieving. Eating Disorders are never pretty. They are hard, painful, and ugly illnesses. If you are new to these tags, if you’ve been here for a while, if you’re “dieting”, if you’re “just looking”. Tell a friend, family member, doctor, anyone. Tell someone you’re struggling. Nothing will ever feel as good as recovery and living will feel.
snowghoul
titsay
jbbartram-illu
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
